Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy – the Movie, the cult, 42, and possibly everything

As with all great inspirations, Douglas Adams came up with the idea for HHG when he was 19 and lying senselessly drunk in a field in Austria. Unfortunately the makers of the latest version of the HHG movie weren’t similarly inspired. Their intentions were honorable but their intoxication was lacking, as was their ability to lie senseless in a field in Austria. Didn’t they know that the Law of the Universe takes a very dim view of tampering with perfection? Didn’t they also know that perfection can only be made more prefect by the addition of one towel? Didn’t they know that 42 may have been wrong since 19 seems to have more HHG significance? Didn’t they know that Trillian was much more attractive on old sheets of materials made from cellulose pulp than she was on new, shiny silver screens? Apparently they didn’t know many things.

The atmosphere created in the movie Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy was somewhat alien to the book – no pun intended but a nice try if it was. Douglas Adams was a talented writer and his claim to fame was that he was able to take the most serious things in the Universe and give them all the significance they deserve; none. I suspect the hysterical bouts of laughter from the audience at the movie theatre were from either my fellow HHG cult followers or teenagers talking to their parents on their cell phones. In my opinion, this movie was not meant to be an introduction to the HHG, but it was meant as a tool for briefly galvanizing fanatics, if only for one hour and fifty minutes in half empty theaters while munching popcorn and sipping caffeine infested super-sized colas, which is guaranteed keep them up all night wondering why Hollywood had failed again.

What Really Happened

What actually took place on that dreadful Wednesday morning at the bookstore was the stuff legends are not made of, and what follows is all I can remember.

In the humblest of tones I asked the sales girl for Dean Koontz. She looked surprised and told me the Dean was in fact Stephen. The marginally cheerful girl proceeded to tell me that Dean was my mistake, and all they ever had was Stephen Coonts. Being ignorant of Coonts I doubted such a thing existed. Triumphantly, she took the Coonts and placed it in my hands. I guess there isn’t even a subtle difference in the pronunciation between Coonts and Koontz. This tragic state of affairs might have occured because I was mispronouncing the name for months, much to the delight of some, and to the outrage of others. At any rate, I couldn’t help feel that I was holding an imitation Koontz in my hand but she assured me that it was the real thing. I flicked through the Coonts and it felt and looked real enough, but having been encouraged to go on this quest by a diabolical but quite attractive reader, I persisted. Surely, I asked, in a tone reserved for dealing with sales people in bookstores just north of the Caroni River, Koontz was even more popular than Coonts and she must have heard of Koontz. She shook her head in a way sales people like to shake their heads. That is the one-thing customers and sales people have in common, we all like to shake sales people’s heads.

I like making long stories short because the attention span of the average bloger is three lines and only when double-spaced and typed in very large fonts. To the sale girl’s credit she asked her boss who is much like Charlie in Charlie’s Angels, heard but never seen and for purely esthetic reasons. Charlie said that Coonts was all they ever had and even though several hundred customers were asking for Koontz they saw no reason to bring those in. A Koontz is a Coonts he said with all the charm a used toothpick can muster. I thanked Charlie for his lack of wisdom and for staying behind the door. I thanked the sales girl for offering the Coonts but I politely said I was in no mood for substitutes.

This part of the saga doesn’t have a happy ending since I am still without Koontz and now I must go deep in the Amazon and see if I find a Koontz or two. The quest continues and hope is all I have.

To be continued……

I am sorry for publishing this blog and I feel I must remove it…:))

I am sorry that this blog might offend but in reality this conversation almost happened, and in a book store of some repute. If there is an outcry from the general bloging public I will remove it, otherwise I will delete it. Please note the offence is probably all in the mind.

Excuse me Miss, do you have any books by Koontz?

What! Koontz?

Yes, Koontz.

Not so loud sir! And those would be in the adult section behind the cashier.

Adult section? Behind the cashier?

Yes, behind the cashier on the top shelf next to the ceiling tiles.

Why are the Koontz books in the adult section behind the cashier on the top shelf next to the ceiling tiles?

We can’t have the miners getting their hands on that kind of thing too easily.

Miners? You mean minors.

That’s what I just said, miners.

You do know that there are words which sound almost the same but mean completely different things.

If you say so sir.

It is so! Anyway what is wrong with miners seeing Koontz books?

Sir, Koontz is an adult type of thing.

I will take your word for it but I have never had one before.

What? Never before?

No, but I have read about Koontz many times and it sounds like my kind of thing. I can’t wait to get my hands on one, or even two. It’s a long weekend coming up.

Sir, I am not very comfortable with this conversation.

Well, we wouldn’t be having this conversation if the Koontz was more accessible.

Please sir, come this way and I will show you the Koontz.

Is it true that all Koontz are the same?

I wouldn’t know sir. There they are, enjoy!

Thanks for your help Miss and I intend to!

Passion or Hype?

I doubt anyone would want to know why I wasn’t sucked in by the recent Star Wars vortex, but I will tell him or her anyway because I lack any moral bloging fiber. First I must say that this is not a statement against, or for any Star Wars movie, but only my opinion on the state of movie making today.

I can’t say exactly which movie pushed me over the edge, but I have become Hollywood-hype-weary. Unashamedly, Hollywood is more concerned with creating the market for the movie than creating the passion for making the movie. It would appear that product placement, special effects, lots of perfect skin and overdone marketing on overdone TV channels is the key to any “successful” blockbuster movie. In my opinion, by doing so it makes the movie less worthy.

I am generous to myself so I would call my attitude old fashioned and purist. On the other hand, my friends would call me a fraud, because they do know I love great special effects. But, to my friends I say, not when these effects are used to replace content and the raw passion of filmmaking. I could never support blatant commercialism substituting for artistic passion. Hollywood is now creating tons of two-hour wonders rather than a few good lifetime memories. If I had to rate any movie I would give it a 5 if I can remember most of it by the time I get home. I would give it a 6 if I can remember it the next day, a 7 the day after that and so on and so on. And I only mean remember in a positive sense.

The dollar is now the only Force to recon with, and it is being used to manipulate our minds into accepting bland canned goods instead of wholesome fresh produce. I don’t only blame Hollywood for this present fiasco. I also blame our lazy minds, which has developed an addiction for instant and temporary excitement rather than making an effort in discovering the passion behind the movie.

Hollywood is devious and have fashioned these movies to work like popcorn – one is never enough. Then the hype further says you must also have these movies on DVD, and you must also talk incessantly about them, because hollow entertainment channels constantly bombard us with petty hype.

Hopefully, I don’t stand alone with this point of view. But sadly, I will allow my self to succumb to peer- pressure and follow the masses to see empty screens full of pictures. But all is not lost, since I will be doing this while eating popcorn, the one remaining virtue of the movie-going experience.

A Simple Theory

I agree in the possibility there exist a Supreme being that created all we hold sacred, and for a purpose we call divine. My question about all this is simple, why do we assume we are the coolest creation rather than just another chemistry experiment gone horribly wrong? Why, because it pains us to imagine otherwise. We argue, if life is just a hoax then why must we have this urge to go on? What is our purpose? I propose the following theory. “Penicillin was discovered from a fungal colony which had grown as a contaminant on an agar plate streaked with the bacterium Staphylococcus aureus.” Most would have overlooked the potential for this unsightly mold to become the lifesaver of millions. It is so to with mankind. We are still in the fungal stage and struggling to make an impact on The Universe. We are struggling to play a part in stabilizing this dynamic force.

In this system the only judge, juror or executioner is the law of The Universe. As a life form, we are begging to be important, but we are doing everything to achieve the opposite. We have our good points and many bad ones, but our strength lies in recognizing what is good and building on the good of previous generations. These actions would ensure our survival, and evolution into a stabilizing force of The Universe. Adversely, our weakness lies in our tremendously destructive and selfish tendencies.

In the Universe it is the survival of the fittest and if mankind continues on this current path of “every man for himself” then our collective negative actions will be to our destruction. Life as we know it won’t go on, but the Universe will. There will be no last minute divine intervention because The Universe makes no exceptions. Isn’t that what religions are trying to teach us? Don’t we mistake the metaphoric for the literal? Aren’t these some of the reasons we are evolving into an unstable force which is destined for extinction? The evidence suggest it is so.

Crimes and Misdemeanors

Here is another quote from a Woody Allen Movie – Crimes and Misdemeanors:

We’re all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand scale, most of these choices are on lesser points. But we define ourselves by the choices we have made. We are, in fact, the sum total of our choices. Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, Human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more.