Ah Coming



My Fellow Citizens

I come to you today under very trying circumstances and via a car without a number plate. I come to you today to let you know that we the Government didn’t burst the financial bubble but it was busted in another country by somebody else. I come to you today not to explain Torouba, the Hyatt, my arrogance, my pink tie, why the Summits still on, why we didn’t clean the drains or even why The Pompeck still so irritable. I come to you today to let you know the Government will be cutting back without cutting back the kick backs. I also come to you today to let you know I will be setting an example and cutting back on the BS. I come to you today to let you know, my fellow citizens, that only today my dear wife used one less egg in the macaroni pie and half the amount of cheese, which you may already know, is not good for my heart. I come to you today to let you know the pie was ok. I come to you today to inform you, the gullible public, if the Government cuts back on expenditure too much the economy will crash but if you, my fellow citizens, cut back on that chicken you had your eye on since last Christmas, the economy will do well. I come to you today because world leaders seem to be taking this financial thing seriously I must also appear to be doing the same, especially since we will be hosting two very extravagant summits next year and you know how dem world leaders does like to run dey mouth. That was the main reason I came to you today.

So Thank You and Ah Gone

Mud and Car – Gone Too Far

Girl looks on in horror as car and mud bonds in public

Girl looks on in horror as car and mud easily bond in public

I believe in keeping mud and car separate. Though mud and car appear to coexist peacefully and though they appear to like each other and bond to one another regardless of weather condition or resurfacing efforts, I believe each would do better on its own.

Mud and Car - So Peaceful Together

Mud and Car - So Peaceful Together

Mud and car do not present the same problem as the chicken and the egg once did since it is well accepted there was mud long before there was even Toyota. In fact, some scientist would have us believe that we are all made from some type of common mud or fish. I don’t intend to debate in this blog whether man is a product of mud, fish, or sex, or a combination of all three. What I intend to do is make a plea to that unknown force, which makes mud and car stick together, to please take the appropriate action so I can spend quality time with my car instead of sharing my precious time with that thing called mud.

Just Enough Religion To Make Us Hate

Hotel Under Fire

Under Fire

Terrorism will never go away once terrorists believe their most valuable contribution to humanity, and their God comes from killing others. While the world struggles to move forward and try to overcome catastrophes such as starvation and diseases there are groups that believe their best efforts must come from shedding the blood of the innocent. These regressive groups believe that showing kindness and compassion to others is not as valuable as shooting them with an AK-47.

  • We have just enough religion to make us hate but not enough to make us love one another.  Jonathan Swift
  • The pleasure of hating, like a poisonous mineral, eats into the heart of religion, and turns it to rankling spleen and bigotry; it makes patriotism an excuse for carrying fire, pestilence, and famine into other lands: it leaves to virtue nothing but the spirit of censoriousness, and a narrow, jealous, inquisitorial watchfulness over the actions and motives of others. What have the different sects, creeds, doctrines in religion been but so many pretexts set up for men to wrangle, to quarrel, to tear one another in pieces about, like a target as a mark to shoot at? William Hazlit – On the Pleasure of Hating

Psychic Predictions For 2009 and Beyond

Interpretation is Everything

Interpretation is Everything

Predictions for 2009 and beyond for Trinidad and Tobago

  • Revenues from advertisements in the newspapers will drop as the economy slows to a crawl. This will eventually cause the price of newspapers to rise to $1.25. This price increase will make the budget minded buy daily newspapers every other day resulting in more congestion on the roads as drivers struggle to find change and as newspapers vendors struggle to embrace change from moving vehicles.
  • Foreign exchange will evaporate faster than water from a WASA dam and this will cause the TT$ to depreciate. However, citizens who cannot take it any more will be urged to rest comfortably at any of the nearby Tsunami shelters or aluminum smelters.
  • Because of popular demand the Ministry of Education will be forced to introduce banditry as an official subject in secondary schools. It is rumored that the Ministry has already commissioned the books “From Bully to Bandit – Making School Life Profitable” and “BAM! – Knocking Your Fellow Student Unconscious with One Easy Blow – Book 1”
  • The PM will insists people are better off than seven years ago but he will claim we are too preoccupied with avoiding stray bullets, recoiling from food prices and wondering how to remove mud from carpets and blood from shirts to notice.
  • Suitably qualified locals will be given preferential employment during the construction of the aluminum smelter. The locals must however be born in China to Chinese parents.
  • Gas projects will continue causing all parliamentarians to be fed more beans.
  • A great flood will once again plague Port of Spain in November 2009, during the Commonwealth Heads of Government (HOG) meeting. The PM will boast to his fellow HOG that the roads of Port of Spain were designed to take both road traffic and boat traffic. The PM will also claim the city is merely in the transition from roadway to waterway and the project code name is Venice.  The Minister of Agriculture will insist the mud deposited on the city streets will be reallocated to the agricultural sector when he finds out what agricultural sector means.
  • Barack Obama will turn down attending the Summit of the Americas in 2009 citing the precarious state of the US economy and “Who is Pathos Anyway.”
  • The price of oil will stabilize at around US$30 per barrel, just a shade below the cost of a barrel of water from WASA, a hand of fig from Grenada, or three bundles of chive from the market.

Gods of Trinidad and Tobago

Our Fellow Citizens,

We, The Government Ministers of this once blessed land, would like the public to know that we were in no way associated with the real God and his actions in Trinidad over the last few days, namely the ungodly rainfall and the associated soaked mattresses along with those floating fridges we see on TV and in our neighborhood drains everyday.  Though we, the Government Ministers, regularly portray ourselves as Gods in the form of our arrogance and the highhanded manner in which we behave when dealing with regular citizens and even special citizens aka: party supporters, we are only Gods of The Good Times. The bad and hard times fall squarely on the lap of the real God and the opposition.

The ungodly rainfall was caused by tall rain clouds refusing to move when told by both the Met Office and the PM to move down South. The water from those clouds had no choice but to quickly run off the treeless hills we approved for development, namely illegal, and/or immoral activities like quarrying and condominium building by the big boys, for the big boys, bringing with it mud, rocks and a few unfortunate people.

We would like to let every citizen, both dumb and smart, know we have both good and bad news for you. The good news is we sent the real God a special prayer for all those who are hugging rocks instead of pillows or other citizens tonight. The bad news is that we sent it via TTPOST. God help us!

We would also like to take this opportunity to inform the general public that God will be forcing us to tighten our belts in the coming weeks, months and years because we, your local pretend-Gods, squandered over $200 billion dollars over the last few years on nothing that would have benefited regular citizens. Clearly, this is another act of God like those stationary rain clouds and our low collective IQ.

Thank You and Goodnight!

Finding The Face of Photography

A modern camera display just before the shutter clicks in satisfaction

Face and Smile Detection is no Laughing Matter

Some digital cameras are now so smart they can recognize a face and give the photographer a message like “that looks like your cousin’s neighbor from South.”

Ok, that is not what face recognition means on the latest digital cameras but that is what I hoped it would have meant. For now, camera face recognition simply recognizes the faces in the photo, and adjusts the focus and exposure appropriately. To be honest, if a photographer doesn’t know he is focusing on a face he is in the wrong hobby or maybe that assumed-face should not be photographed. It would also be embarrassing for the subject if camera refuses to accept the subject’s mug is a real face – error, no face detected.

Face recognition is not the only development from those idle camera scientist and there is now blink recognition and smile recognition. What is the use of these super features if the photographer does not even know he is photographing a face? What photographers need is a camera that tells them if the subject deserves to be photographed since recognizing shades of ugly has been one of the biggest challenges for both photographers and scientist alike.  I am sure scientist are trying hard to not only develop the perfect ugly algorithm, but to also take the art out of photography. Soon enough a photographer would only have to put the camera on the lap of his robot and press “START” and the robot would not only take the photographs, but decide what is to be photographed, edit the good stuff, and laugh at the photos at night.

Freida Pinto – More Than a Very Pretty Face

Freida Pinto at the Directors Guild Awards - 2009

Freida Pinto at the Directors Guild Awards - 2009

Freida Pinto

Freida Pinto

British film, Slumdog Millionaire, might turn out to be the sleeper hit for 2008 and will be widely released on the 27th November 2008. I noticed Slumdog Millionaire when IMDB had a write up about movie two weeks ago but only paid attention this morning when Yahoo said Indian actress Freida Pinto, the co-star of “Slumdog Millionaire,” recently skyrocketed an astonishing 65,740% in one day. From the few photos I have seen it is not surprising Ms. Pinto is the new Buzz. Some critics are already claiming Freida Pinto is much more than a very pretty face and she is also a very good actress. I can’t say if Freida is a good actress or not until I see the movie but I can confirm she is indeed very pretty.

Freida Pinto

Freida Pinto

Freida Pinto

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