Whether Cameron Diaz’s new movie, “Bad Teacher,” is any good is irrelevant since at 38 years old, she displays legs most women at any age wished they had and also most men wished they had access to. Scientists have been explaining many things that have mystified us over the years such as why people get fat when they eat too much delicious chocolate cake from Linda’s Bakery but are yet to figure out why tall women wearing tight-fitting, rolled-up-a-bit-too-much-but-not-enough denim shorts and displaying legs shaped by frequent and intense workouts at the gym cause men to not only be happy in the right way but also to want to be happier. Some women will argue that it’s not how a woman looks but what she has up there but I, as a man, will argue that it’s what she has down there that attracts men in a very decisive way. But attracting men decisively is not the aim of many women and that was just the real man in me talking again. Unfortunately, I can’t review the movie since it hasn’t been released but I can say I will buy the poster featuring Cameron doing her bit for world happiness.
p.s. – the tag-line for the movie, “Bad Teacher” – She doesn’t give an “F”
A good ad agency knows what will offend the pretentious so it is not surprising that this Serena Williams ad for the video game Top Spin was considered “too risqué for television.” That television would be American TV and obviously not Trinidad and Tobago TV which is accustomed to showing all forms of gyrations without even breaking a sweat or receiving a complaint except that the video was too short, or the skirt too long.
The Top Spin ad, I suppose,stressed too much on the behind the scenes attractions of tennis instead of the boring part of the game which is as bland as dry toast in prison. I admire the ad agency not only for a well made video that holds the attention as much as anything on Playboy TV but in also understanding that to offend is sometimes necessary to succeed in a world where commercial success is usually driven by sex.
The movie, Black Swan starring Natalie Portman gave me a better admiration for ballerinas because the movie shows how competitive and obsessive a sport ballet is. Black Swan is rated 16+ in Trinidad and Tobago which gives the impression The Board of Film Censors showed it to some 15-year old children and realized they were almost ready for the lesbian sex scene. Progressive.
Black Swan is not for everyone, and some may find it a disturbing movie because of the blood and sensuous lesbian sex. The lesbian scenes may be the selling point of this movie for straight men as men normally take to ballet like a man takes to housework. These scenes were convincing or at least they convinced me that this might be how it is for competing ballerinas after a night of partying and a little drugs. I think The King’s Speech will take Best Picture for all the typical reasons but there is something haunting about Black Swan which says it deserves more than a simple Best Picture Oscar.
All my friends told me since I have nothing better to do I should write you, a man with a big blog, for advice on something that has been troubling me for some time. I read that PM Kamie say they want to crack down on White Collar Crime so they want to set up an Anti-Corruption Commission. PM Kamie say “If it is that a man works for $1,000 but he is driving a million-dollar BMW, then where did that money come from?” Well aka, I think I have a little whistle to blow. There is a girl who works in my office as a clerk for about $5,000 a month but drives a brand new 3-Series BMW and lives in a $4,000 a month apartment. This girl seems addicted to the gym and a diet. She is always dressed in the finest tight pants, short skirts and popping tops. I think she gets her money through corruption but my friends say she is probably a very good worker as the Boss was seen on more than a few occasions going to her apartment late at night to give her work. Do you think I should blow a whistle and take out a bigger life insurance?
Sugar Daddy love
Dear Preserved Cherry,
I can see the Anti-Corruption Commission having the power to dig deep in the lives of many people who are either corrupt or just having a good time. In the case you described, I think the Boss is the clerk’s Sugar Daddy. This may not be a White Collar crime but more like a good White Collar wine. On the other hand, the Boss may be involved in some corrupt activity to raise some extra funds to support his lovely, high-maintenance habit. I am sure the Anti-Corruption Commission will have a good time investigating the reasons so many people are having too much fun in this country. Not only will the Anti-Corruption Commission cause the sale of BMWs and Audis to plunge, further stagnating the economy, but it will encourage both Sugar Daddies and those they Sugar Daddy to become more creative. Boldfaceness will be a thing of the past. I think you should blow your little whistle since you never know the truth until the Government legally spies. Also, the Government is going to pass a law to protect whistle blowers, a rapidly dying breed. In Trinidad and Tobago, this protection will have to include the issuing of hand guns and bullet proof vests by the State to the whistler as hits are now the weapon of choice in solving all problems.
Angelina Jolie wants to world to know via tattoo Quod me netrit me destruit or What nourishes me, also destroys me
A well placed tattoo on an average or good looking woman can amplify her sexiness in the eyes of a beer-drinking man in more ways than a micro-bikini alone can. I like tattoos on women but find the ones that are too large or take the form of a short story or GPS coordinates take away from the woman’s sexiness. From my observations, a sexy woman should have no more than three or four small tattoos, of which one should be above the ankle, one on the bikini line and the other two should only be visible to that special someone or gynaecologist.
Megan Fox likes people to read her back and side
Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox are two sexy and heavily tattooed celebrities who may not be as popular as they are today if their skin was virgin. Gone are the days when a sexy female celebrity can maintain media attention with talent alone. The modern day female celebrity must come up with ways to defend and maintain her sexiness using modern tools such as leaked sex tapes or other forms of nudity. However, the commonness of leaked tapes has caused celebrities to rely more on ancient tools such as bikini-line tattoos and body piercings. To constantly remain in the news, celebrities, via unnamed but well placed accomplices, leak information to the media and bloggers about hidden body piercings that were done at the dead of night by a famous piercing artist known as “Lobes.”
Angelina Jolie GPS tattoo says something very specific plus or minus 20 feet
Angelina Jolie, apart from going high-tech with tattoos of the GPS coordinates for the birth places of her children, has a bikini-line tattoo which says “Quod me netrit me destruit.” Maybe she was targeting priests and Romans with that one. Megan Fox has a tattoo just below the bikini line which says “Brian” but being a man, I thought it said “Brain” as a man’s brain usually resides below the bikini line. Why would the sexy and in-demand Megan Fox want to condemn herself to only one man is a mystery to me. On the bright side, the world is full of Brians and I am sure Megan Fox knows this.
In keeping with the competitive nature of celebrity sexiness I am giving the reader the opportunity to vote for the Best Tattooed Female Celibrity:
Megan Fox appeals to Brian and all men's brains
Megan Fox's ankle tattoo says so much with very little
G-String or Thong as seen in Wikipedia - Tingly sensations will follow
Every man knows a sexy woman when he sees one but may not know why he finds her hot, thinking it’s just breasts again or that dental floss g-string. Those feelings which a man gets that tells him a woman is desirable are biological and beyond his desire to control. It’s not a g-string clothed butt in isolation which triggers a man’s excitement but a part of the man’s brain which is used for, of all things, CXC maths exams to work out ratios.
Sexy at Maracas Bay - Trinidad
When a man sees a woman with an exposed navel the ratio-lobe in his brain subconsciously and accurately does the following math: – ground to navel distance (including stilettos) divided by the navel to top of head distance (including hair piece and/or tiara). If that ratio works out to be approximately 1.6180339887 the woman is classified as sexy and the man’s brain quickly sends those tingly, sexy sensations to the appropriate male areas of the body. The male brain, being sex driven and little else, becomes happy and records in the back of his mind the image of that sexy woman for later use. A woman with the right ratios alone doesn’t make sexy and when she turns around so that the man’s eyes can finally see the woman’s face, a similar computation is done using the distance between the woman’s eyes and the length of the nose, length of smile, twist of the teeth and pimple placement. This facial calculation determines beauty, a part of sexiness. This concept of total mathematical sexiness gave rise to the popular saying “She looked good until I did the math.”
Trinidad and Tobago Sexy - thanks mayarobeach.com
Fortunately, most men do not find a perfect female body to be the only form of sexiness and there are as many variations as there are short skirts and low-cut tops. To describe all these variations is beyond the scope of this blog post and author’s intelligence. However, there is one form of sexiness that hasn’t been analyzed mathematically and only empirically and that is the roll of the hips by a woman when walking towards or away from a man on either a normal work day or Carnival days. That hip roll, sway, gyration or wine can easily fill a man’s head with stimulating thoughts for days. Because most people realize how important the female hip roll is to world population growth, belly dancers and our local winer guls are held in high esteem in all countries. The term belly dancer is really a misnomer and to be a good belly dancer a woman should not have much of a belly but be a slave to the gym, low-calorie diets and waxing warm.
Maxim is a magazine for men containing women but not just any women but women who are role models for other women. Maxim models are famous for knowing many things, especially how to bend for the camera. This feat of bending while starving to stay slim has earned them more money in a day than the average male spends on beer in a lifetime. The women who have been lucky enough to have made it to Maxim are a combination of celebrities and those girls in the gym next door.
There is something about being adored by millions of men every month, which attracts attractive women to want to pose for Maxim. Maxim is not like Playboy so it doesn’t encourage magazine nudity in most countries. Maxim magazine is now published in the US, UK, Argentina, Chile, Brazil, India, Germany, Bulgaria, Greece, Italy, Korea, Mexico, Indonesia, Israel, Belgium, Romania, the Czech Republic, France, Netherlands, Poland, Russia, Serbia, the Philippines, Singapore, Spain, Thailand, Ukraine, and Portugal. The women’s equivalent to Maxim is probably Better Homes and Gardens.
Men all over the world are the same and are attracted to the shape of shapely women. Maxim provides men with all the information they can understand about women in pictures. Maxim speaks the universal male language known as sexy in most countries and hotness in others. Some women consider the male obsession with looking and drooling over nearly nude, sexy women to be disgusting but most men are quite happy with this.
I doubt there will be a Maxim Trinidad and Tobago because local men don’t spend money on women on paper. We prefer the real women though that can also cost paper.
It would seem that every West Indian batsman wants to be a hero and end up on the back page of Caribbean daily newspapers for their heroic batting deeds the day before. They do this because in the Caribbean, if you are perceived as a good West Indian cricketer, especially a batsman, you will get plenty woman. Some West Indian men get women with charm and a check book while others get women by appointing them as Government Ministers. But West Indian cricketers feel in order to get the best shaped women with firm bodies and looks that would kill even after these women have just woken up from a night of partying and group sex, batsmen have to score sixes and fours at the international level, regardless of the pitch and bowling. If you are a bowler, you have to take scores of wickets but batsmen are considered sexier than bowlers because a man swinging a good size piece of willow is sexier than a man throwing a ball at stumps.
This egoistic sexual urge by the West Indies batsmen has been the downfall of West Indies cricket over the years. The average West Indian batsman makes easy things hard because they let their urge for sex override the common sense lobe of their brain and therefore they get out quickly and by their own hand. It is known as an unforced error. Some say it is the lack of discipline by West Indian cricketers and I suppose discipline can be considered the ability to dampen ones sexual urges while batting.
Some say the West Indies have the talent to beat any team but I disagree. To me talent is having skilful brains and a desire to win. So far, and for a number of years, most West Indies cricketers have displayed almost none of the attributes of talent so how can we beat any team. Maybe we in the West Indies just don’t have cricket talent anymore but the public have failed to admit this. For West Indies cricketers with and without talent, cricket is a job not a passion. Talent and passion for the game of cricket beats ego and sexual desires any day.
This year more and more people will be getting naked for Valentine’s Day as the celebration evolves into its true nature. Those who have accepted Valentine’s Day as a meaningful occasion have over the years realized that the original Valentine was not a saint but a simple man needing sex. If love was really the reason for celebrating Valentine’s Day I am sure nearly all men would not have the motivation to buy even a single plastic rose from a street vendor for the one they claim to “love.” A wise man once said the answer was hopefully yes and the question was always sex.
Only recently actress Julia Roberts urged women to strip for Valentine’s Day. This made Julia a hero among men who eagerly passed on a modified version the news article to as many women as they could find. Julia Roberts is no fool and her experience as a woman has now evolved into vital wisdom. I think she did mention something about making dinner reservations and having a glass of wine as well but I can’t remember.
Some would argue that Valentine’s Day should be romantic and I agree as I am a pseudo-romantic. To me, and most men, romance is really foreplay and foreplay is only foreplay when it leads to hot and steamy after play. Notice the sequence is romance followed by sex; there is no room for love. Love is a tricky thing and it can exist alone without the romance or the sex but in that form it lacks the excitement to live a long and meaningful life. So for love to last there must be kinky romantic sex at a secluded beach resort either in Antigua or Barbados. This concept of love gave rise to the saying “A man falls in love through his penis and a woman through his credit card.”
Karina Smirnoff Nude for PETA
Some Famous Love Quotes
“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen
“You’d be surprised how much it cost to look this cheap.” – Dolly Parton
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” – unknown
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” – Unknown
“If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years.” – Jay Leno
“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” -Erich Segal
“When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.” – Unknown
It would be wrong for me not to write a blog post before the end of the year without the words bikini, sex, sex tape, nudity, naked, or Tiger Woods. These are the things that people are most interested in, not world peace, world hunger, climate change or Patrick Manning’s kidneys.
I am writing these thoughts as a man who, through observation and experimentation, realized that the world is driven by sex and nudity more than, say, oat meal or reforestation. The world is more driven by 16-inch alloy rims which, incidentally, are designed to be used by car drivers as an extension or substitute for sex appeal but not money or dimples, than The Queen’s Christmas Message. So blog post with nude or almost nude females have proven to be popular but so too are blog post about celebrities such as Zoe Saldana, Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson, Jessica Alba, Kate Winslet, Beyonceand Anya Ayoung-Chee. I have observed that women who know when to get naked have more power over men, and some women, than an old, discarded politician holding on to power like it was his last erection or Chinese bedroom curtain.
Instead of people burning tires to fix roads, or clashing with police to try to change those perpetually dull minds in Parliament, people should stay home and have sex or at least, get naked. Have a sexfest not a protest. But if you want thousands of people to march to Woodford Square to protest the New Property Tax, enlist women who would strip for the cause, thus creating the right attraction. We are too conservative in our approach to getting our point across and PETA realized this many years ago. To make a point you don’t have to be logical since logic is often dull and never as inspirational as emotion, and the emotion of sex is the most compelling emotion yet.
After hearing the language of golf, it is not surprising that Tiger Woods probably felt a little horny after a day on the field. Golf to the uninitiated may look like a dead man’s sport but it is anything but. It is a game for gentlemen and women who have moved up the social ladder so can no longer get turned on using crude and direct sexual statements in public. The upper and better people are still human and need sex as much as the lower ones and sometimes in kinkier ways because they can afford it. Golf is really a game of sex and just by looking at the positions the female adopts during the game makes me feel it should be removed from public TV along with women’s beach volleyball and bikini mud wresteling. Let’s keep TV clean.
Here is a joke circulating on the Internet which puts golf in its rightful place.
Why Golf is a Horny Game:
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.
3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I’ve got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
Before it was alleged that Tiger Woods had one or many affairs with women while he was married he was considered a stud and an amazing golfer. Sponsors flocked at his door, eager for a piece of the action and Tiger was also not adverse to action. He made millions from the likes of Nike, Gatorade and Tag Heuer. I remember seeing a Tag Heuer ad featuring Tiger Woods and being a Tiger Woods wannabe, rushed out to get one but ended up with something in my price range; a discounted Timex.
Women idolized Tiger Woods because he represented cool and rich, the two things women aspire in men more than common sense. But all good things eventually hit a tree and a fire hydrant in the early hours of the morning and Tiger was no exception. This tree-and-fire-hydrant-hitting incident by Tiger Woods caused people to speculate that it looked like serious woman trouble. Unable to breaks any longer, Tiger finally admitted he transgressed but did not give the details the press and other detractors were looking for. Now there are rumors that Tiger performed some of his transgressions for two and half years with a cocktail waitress which is not an uncommon dream amongst normal men. These rumors only created more admirers in the form of married and unmarried men as they too wanted to be like Tiger without getting the wood. The rumors also alleged that Mr. Woods had many other affairs which had girlfriends and wives taking a more self righteous look at the situation and they all wished Tiger dead.
This situation is unfortunate as nobody stopped to ask Tiger if he found women as exciting as hitting a hole-in-one. Nobody stopped to ask Tiger if he was a normal, unhappy man who found transgression a path to happiness and a necessary part of being found irresistibly sexy by sexy women. Nobody stopped to ask the priest if he liked children or the occasional nun either. I don’t know if Tiger Woods will lose sponsorship from the other self righteous set of people in the world, corporations, but I will not buy any products made by companies that drop Tiger Woods because there is always a deeper reason for transgressing than being a rich, famous, sexy man nicknamed Woods.
Until recently, Trinidad and Tobago was not a force in the porn production industry but with recent “accidental” successes, our GDP looks set to grow, or at least bulge, in the coming months.
I have been reading for sometime that Trinidad and Tobago is the #1 country for porn searches per capita and knowing Trinis, I am sure that is “free porn.” I don’t have any stats but how many people in this country would pay for online porn? On the other hand, South Korea is a country that is not as God fearing or cheap as Trinidad and Tobago with each South Korean (adult, I assume) spending $US526.76 each year on porn which means South Korea spends over $US25 billion annually to have a damn good time. It appears that South Korea is a country that puts its money where its mouth would like to be. Maybe Trinidad and Tobago secretly spends on porn and that is why there is a shortage of foreign exchange to buy CDAP drugs, hospital beds and private jets.
Is porn really that popular in Trinidad and Tobago and if so, why? I have no doubt that porn is popular all over Trinidad and Tobago but that popularity is part of being a young nation and the young is preoccupied with sex. Another reason porn might be popular in Trinidad and Tobago is due to our smallness (geographic) and now have a few dollars, we can afford more Internet connections, thus opening more eyes to a world of exciting possibilities on weekends. Maybe Health Minister Narace will tackle porn after he conquers sweetness and health. I suppose porn is used only to point in the right direction, but porn should never be the final destination or reason for cramps.
As the name suggests, the movie Zombieland is a profound, horror-comedy, love story gone right. Zombieland is filled with flesh-eating humor minus the nudity which is the best recipe for attracting young people to the cinema, a people who would rather be shocked into laughter than think. Zombieland reminds me of Drag Me To Hell, another excellent, comedy-horror flick that probably has a deep message hidden within the special effects. However, the message in Zombieland is upfront, and that message is this; take time conquer your fears so that you can enjoy the edible things in life like a fresh Twinkie or a bad girl. Though, Zombieland is not Jennifer’s Body, I prefer Megan Fox in a short skirt than Wichita in a tight jeans. Sexy is in the eyes of the blogger.
Kate Beckinsale is Esquire Magazine’s new Sexiest Woman Alive. I don’t disagree or agree since sexy is as subjective as the selection of Miss Universe or Cabinet Ministers. Kate Beckinsale is 36 years old and her age did not work against her selection. To be sexy at 21 is no big deal but to be sexy at 36 might require talent and plastic surgery. I suppose Kate Beckinsale was up against the girl Rolling Stone Magazine is calling America’s Sexiest Bad Girl, Megan Fox, who is reportedly prone to temper tantrums and tattoos, both sexy traits that men look for in future girlfriends and wives. Mrs Fox also reportedly said that she wasn’t born with a special vagina.
Megan Fox is Bad
No doubt, Kate Beckinsale was also up against the perennial Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie and Beyoncé Giselle Knowlesso her win is not a sham. But sexy is not only for the famous who show ample amounts of leg to the public, it is for the commoner. If you take a walk down the streets of any big city not suffering from inhibitions and fear you would see many sexy women who could compete with the best fame has to offer. But like tight jeans, short skirts and visible underwear, fame and hype amplifies sexiness. Sexiness means money and is used by the entertainment industry to give value to the lives of celebrities. It can be said that sexiness is what celebrities start with and a book deal is what they end up as.
I have been working now and then with expatriate (expat) engineers with many foreign accents in Trinidad and Tobago for several years and the one thing I can say about these mostly male engineers is that they experience Trini culture and women to the fullest. I am not sure how truthful these expats are but most say they are either divorced or single and I suppose that’s why they can safely work away from home with a local woman for so long.
Trinidad Barbecue Chicken
Locals think of expats as those foreigners who build something in Pt. Lisas while shacking up with bar girls in an apartment in Westmoorings. The public even feel expats leave their mark in more places than the Industrial Estates in the form of children who resemble but are forgotten by them. I can’t say for sure about expats leaving their mark in that way in modern Trinidad and Tobago as Trini women are not easy to fool or forget since our girls are educated and look at plenty cable TV. I get the impression expats see local women as one reason for enduring the constant threat of bullet or stab wounds in guarded condos in Westmoorings. Only a few years ago, when there were tonnes of Irish men in Trinidad and Tobago, our country lost some good women through love and migration to these Guinness-drinking, party maniacs. The Irish presence now seems to be down to a trickle.
Local Dasani Water
Expats are not always a bad influence as they are largely responsible for the steak and beer sections in Westmooring’s Hi-Lo and the Trojan and sex-toy section in Westmooring’s SuperPharm. Our local Expats love bottled water because they were taught in Expat School that the locals know as much as US citizens about clean running water. Because they speak with foreign accents, expats are considered by locals to be experts in their field but this typically turns out to be not so and most are just ordinary engineers cloaking their stupidity with foreign accents and local girls in short skirts.
It is a fact we need some foreign staff in Trinidad and Tobago to build aluminum, ammonia, urea, and methanol plants, but we would prefer competent expats rather than ones sent for cosmetic reasons, only sucking up local resources and women.