Whether Cameron Diaz’s new movie, “Bad Teacher,” is any good is irrelevant since at 38 years old, she displays legs most women at any age wished they had and also most men wished they had access to. Scientists have been explaining many things that have mystified us over the years such as why people get fat when they eat too much delicious chocolate cake from Linda’s Bakery but are yet to figure out why tall women wearing tight-fitting, rolled-up-a-bit-too-much-but-not-enough denim shorts and displaying legs shaped by frequent and intense workouts at the gym cause men to not only be happy in the right way but also to want to be happier. Some women will argue that it’s not how a woman looks but what she has up there but I, as a man, will argue that it’s what she has down there that attracts men in a very decisive way. But attracting men decisively is not the aim of many women and that was just the real man in me talking again. Unfortunately, I can’t review the movie since it hasn’t been released but I can say I will buy the poster featuring Cameron doing her bit for world happiness.
p.s. – the tag-line for the movie, “Bad Teacher” – She doesn’t give an “F”
A good ad agency knows what will offend the pretentious so it is not surprising that this Serena Williams ad for the video game Top Spin was considered “too risqué for television.” That television would be American TV and obviously not Trinidad and Tobago TV which is accustomed to showing all forms of gyrations without even breaking a sweat or receiving a complaint except that the video was too short, or the skirt too long.
The Top Spin ad, I suppose,stressed too much on the behind the scenes attractions of tennis instead of the boring part of the game which is as bland as dry toast in prison. I admire the ad agency not only for a well made video that holds the attention as much as anything on Playboy TV but in also understanding that to offend is sometimes necessary to succeed in a world where commercial success is usually driven by sex.
The movie, Black Swan starring Natalie Portman gave me a better admiration for ballerinas because the movie shows how competitive and obsessive a sport ballet is. Black Swan is rated 16+ in Trinidad and Tobago which gives the impression The Board of Film Censors showed it to some 15-year old children and realized they were almost ready for the lesbian sex scene. Progressive.
Black Swan is not for everyone, and some may find it a disturbing movie because of the blood and sensuous lesbian sex. The lesbian scenes may be the selling point of this movie for straight men as men normally take to ballet like a man takes to housework. These scenes were convincing or at least they convinced me that this might be how it is for competing ballerinas after a night of partying and a little drugs. I think The King’s Speech will take Best Picture for all the typical reasons but there is something haunting about Black Swan which says it deserves more than a simple Best Picture Oscar.
All my friends told me since I have nothing better to do I should write you, a man with a big blog, for advice on something that has been troubling me for some time. I read that PM Kamie say they want to crack down on White Collar Crime so they want to set up an Anti-Corruption Commission. PM Kamie say “If it is that a man works for $1,000 but he is driving a million-dollar BMW, then where did that money come from?” Well aka, I think I have a little whistle to blow. There is a girl who works in my office as a clerk for about $5,000 a month but drives a brand new 3-Series BMW and lives in a $4,000 a month apartment. This girl seems addicted to the gym and a diet. She is always dressed in the finest tight pants, short skirts and popping tops. I think she gets her money through corruption but my friends say she is probably a very good worker as the Boss was seen on more than a few occasions going to her apartment late at night to give her work. Do you think I should blow a whistle and take out a bigger life insurance?
Sugar Daddy love
Dear Preserved Cherry,
I can see the Anti-Corruption Commission having the power to dig deep in the lives of many people who are either corrupt or just having a good time. In the case you described, I think the Boss is the clerk’s Sugar Daddy. This may not be a White Collar crime but more like a good White Collar wine. On the other hand, the Boss may be involved in some corrupt activity to raise some extra funds to support his lovely, high-maintenance habit. I am sure the Anti-Corruption Commission will have a good time investigating the reasons so many people are having too much fun in this country. Not only will the Anti-Corruption Commission cause the sale of BMWs and Audis to plunge, further stagnating the economy, but it will encourage both Sugar Daddies and those they Sugar Daddy to become more creative. Boldfaceness will be a thing of the past. I think you should blow your little whistle since you never know the truth until the Government legally spies. Also, the Government is going to pass a law to protect whistle blowers, a rapidly dying breed. In Trinidad and Tobago, this protection will have to include the issuing of hand guns and bullet proof vests by the State to the whistler as hits are now the weapon of choice in solving all problems.
Angelina Jolie wants to world to know via tattoo Quod me netrit me destruit or What nourishes me, also destroys me
A well placed tattoo on an average or good looking woman can amplify her sexiness in the eyes of a beer-drinking man in more ways than a micro-bikini alone can. I like tattoos on women but find the ones that are too large or take the form of a short story or GPS coordinates take away from the woman’s sexiness. From my observations, a sexy woman should have no more than three or four small tattoos, of which one should be above the ankle, one on the bikini line and the other two should only be visible to that special someone or gynaecologist.
Megan Fox likes people to read her back and side
Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox are two sexy and heavily tattooed celebrities who may not be as popular as they are today if their skin was virgin. Gone are the days when a sexy female celebrity can maintain media attention with talent alone. The modern day female celebrity must come up with ways to defend and maintain her sexiness using modern tools such as leaked sex tapes or other forms of nudity. However, the commonness of leaked tapes has caused celebrities to rely more on ancient tools such as bikini-line tattoos and body piercings. To constantly remain in the news, celebrities, via unnamed but well placed accomplices, leak information to the media and bloggers about hidden body piercings that were done at the dead of night by a famous piercing artist known as “Lobes.”
Angelina Jolie GPS tattoo says something very specific plus or minus 20 feet
Angelina Jolie, apart from going high-tech with tattoos of the GPS coordinates for the birth places of her children, has a bikini-line tattoo which says “Quod me netrit me destruit.” Maybe she was targeting priests and Romans with that one. Megan Fox has a tattoo just below the bikini line which says “Brian” but being a man, I thought it said “Brain” as a man’s brain usually resides below the bikini line. Why would the sexy and in-demand Megan Fox want to condemn herself to only one man is a mystery to me. On the bright side, the world is full of Brians and I am sure Megan Fox knows this.
In keeping with the competitive nature of celebrity sexiness I am giving the reader the opportunity to vote for the Best Tattooed Female Celibrity:
Megan Fox appeals to Brian and all men's brains
Megan Fox's ankle tattoo says so much with very little
G-String or Thong as seen in Wikipedia - Tingly sensations will follow
Every man knows a sexy woman when he sees one but may not know why he finds her hot, thinking it’s just breasts again or that dental floss g-string. Those feelings which a man gets that tells him a woman is desirable are biological and beyond his desire to control. It’s not a g-string clothed butt in isolation which triggers a man’s excitement but a part of the man’s brain which is used for, of all things, CXC maths exams to work out ratios.
Sexy at Maracas Bay - Trinidad
When a man sees a woman with an exposed navel the ratio-lobe in his brain subconsciously and accurately does the following math: – ground to navel distance (including stilettos) divided by the navel to top of head distance (including hair piece and/or tiara). If that ratio works out to be approximately 1.6180339887 the woman is classified as sexy and the man’s brain quickly sends those tingly, sexy sensations to the appropriate male areas of the body. The male brain, being sex driven and little else, becomes happy and records in the back of his mind the image of that sexy woman for later use. A woman with the right ratios alone doesn’t make sexy and when she turns around so that the man’s eyes can finally see the woman’s face, a similar computation is done using the distance between the woman’s eyes and the length of the nose, length of smile, twist of the teeth and pimple placement. This facial calculation determines beauty, a part of sexiness. This concept of total mathematical sexiness gave rise to the popular saying “She looked good until I did the math.”
Trinidad and Tobago Sexy - thanks mayarobeach.com
Fortunately, most men do not find a perfect female body to be the only form of sexiness and there are as many variations as there are short skirts and low-cut tops. To describe all these variations is beyond the scope of this blog post and author’s intelligence. However, there is one form of sexiness that hasn’t been analyzed mathematically and only empirically and that is the roll of the hips by a woman when walking towards or away from a man on either a normal work day or Carnival days. That hip roll, sway, gyration or wine can easily fill a man’s head with stimulating thoughts for days. Because most people realize how important the female hip roll is to world population growth, belly dancers and our local winer guls are held in high esteem in all countries. The term belly dancer is really a misnomer and to be a good belly dancer a woman should not have much of a belly but be a slave to the gym, low-calorie diets and waxing warm.
Maxim is a magazine for men containing women but not just any women but women who are role models for other women. Maxim models are famous for knowing many things, especially how to bend for the camera. This feat of bending while starving to stay slim has earned them more money in a day than the average male spends on beer in a lifetime. The women who have been lucky enough to have made it to Maxim are a combination of celebrities and those girls in the gym next door.
There is something about being adored by millions of men every month, which attracts attractive women to want to pose for Maxim. Maxim is not like Playboy so it doesn’t encourage magazine nudity in most countries. Maxim magazine is now published in the US, UK, Argentina, Chile, Brazil, India, Germany, Bulgaria, Greece, Italy, Korea, Mexico, Indonesia, Israel, Belgium, Romania, the Czech Republic, France, Netherlands, Poland, Russia, Serbia, the Philippines, Singapore, Spain, Thailand, Ukraine, and Portugal. The women’s equivalent to Maxim is probably Better Homes and Gardens.
Men all over the world are the same and are attracted to the shape of shapely women. Maxim provides men with all the information they can understand about women in pictures. Maxim speaks the universal male language known as sexy in most countries and hotness in others. Some women consider the male obsession with looking and drooling over nearly nude, sexy women to be disgusting but most men are quite happy with this.
I doubt there will be a Maxim Trinidad and Tobago because local men don’t spend money on women on paper. We prefer the real women though that can also cost paper.