It may be green but it is not for novices
Most men find Christmas gift giving for women to be a pain in the butt cheeks since it has become nearly impossible for men to know what women really want irregardless of what women say they want or how much men spend on them. I have thought long and hard about this problem and realize that spending too much creates bad habits and sends the wrong signals to the bank thus the solution is not in the amount of money but in the cleverness of the thoughts behind the gifts. In an attempt to unravel the mystery of women gift-giving on the cheap without looking so, I make the following win-win suggestions hoping it will help the confused man score big on a budget this Christmas.
a.) If you want the woman in your life to make you happy I recommend the stable Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book, 15th Edition together with the exciting Naughty Net Micro G-String. The cost of the two items together will not break even a pauper’s piggy bank but will bring mammoth joy to the world of the better women and all men. The gift combo is known as the shake and bake solution.
Bedtime reading for the woman in your life
b.) For men who are a bit less selfish, the woman in your life who enjoys a good book will appreciate Sexy Hot Tales: Selected Erotic Stories by Anonymous Authors and Barbara Hot. It may give her some creative ideas on how best to use the man in her life for things other than simple plumbing jobs. If she is into photography The Mammoth Book of New Erotic Photography by Maxim Jakubowski is not funny but may help tickle her pink if you are a failure at it.
c.) If the woman in your life is struggling with losing a few extra pounds and needs some motivation I highly recommend you ditch those fad diet books and instead buy a copy of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Portfolio: The Explorers Edition.
Illustrated for men but useful to women
To use as a weight-loss guide you, the smart man in her life, should constantly look through the book and circle here and there as if you intend to order something. For obvious reasons, make sure she sees you circling and drooling but use a bib. This method has been known to cause women to do what ever it takes to lose those extra unwanted pounds that separate them from looking like a Sports Illustrated pinup girl with sunken eyes and breast. She may seem annoyed at first and the method on the surface may appear unkind but she will thank you later if you survive the ordeal.