Jack vs Kamla – Random Pre-Fight Thoughts


Random Thought 1

A vote for Jack is really a vote against Kamla.

Random Thought 2

If Jack were to win the Chaguanas West by-election the newspaper headlines would read something like – Jack the Giant Slayer – Chaguanas West Goes Green – Jack Makes Kamla Turn Green With Envy.

Random thought 3

If Kamla were to win the headlines might read – Jack Falls Down So Kamla Holds On To Crown

Random Thought 4

For the many Green supporters in Trinidad and Tobago Jack, despite his reputed international affairs with money, is seen as more honest than the Kamla cabal. Before the Peoples Partnership got into power Jack was the moral and financial backbone of the party. Now that many contracts have been awarded and many of the select contractors paid, Jack’s money is now frowned upon by those who once were in love with it and slept with it nightly.  Jack is no longer needed to fund the UNC’s twelve full-page, full-color, please-please-please-vote-for-me ads in the Newsday on Sunday 28th July. To the majority of supporters of the PP, Kamla and company, after the unexpected big election victory, gave the spoils of the land to a small handful of financiers, completely forgetting why the country voted against the Manning regime. Despite the outcome of the Chaguanas West by-election Kamla and Company must understand that a large section of their supporters are extremely dissatisfied with their performance and they are seen as vindictive, greedy, dishonest, and self-serving. The Kamla-led UNC cabal is seen as no different to Manning and his madness and probably are even worse.

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Mark My Word…


mark-my-word

An interview with Mr. Warner which never happened:

Reporter: Mr. Warner, will you now be resigning from Cabinet?

Mr. Warner: Resign! Resign? Based on what? Some foolish report that ain’t even worth the paper it was written on. Resign! Yuh mad or what. Any Tom, Dick and David could produce a report and all yuh tripping all over alluh self with it. I tell you, I never hear so much foolishness in all my life. All yuh gullible  yes. Anybody see me thief any money? All yuh have it on CCTV? No, but all yuh saying Jack thief this and Jack thief dat. Mark my word, one day the truth will come out and it wouldn’t be nice. Mark my Word! Everybody after Jack. What it is I do all yuh so. Anybody see me thief ah property? Dey have it on YouTube? Nobody see me tief ah dam thing but all yuh saying I is a smart man. Not one single solitary soul see me thief but dey saying I must resign. Dey go have to goe before me. Mark my word. I never hear anything so foolish in any country before. If is mih back all yuh want to see ah goe take off mih shirt yuh knoe. Look, I have nothing more to say only to say one day the truth will come out and it wouldn’t be nice, Mark my word.  Ah gone, ah have to take care of the crime in de country. Laterz!

UPDATE: Jack Warner has finally resigned from cabinet. I wonder if any other resignations by JW are in store?

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Bad Food Country


Clever Packaging of Fast Food

Clever Packaging of Fast Food

Trinidad and Tobago is a frustrating country to live in not only because the police service can be selectively incompetent so as to intentionally start unrest but the population gets constant mixed signals from the authorities. On one hand foreign fast food franchises are government-encouraged and causing traffic all over the place while on the other the Minister of Health accuses citizens of being too fat and unhealthy from fast foods thus becoming a drain on the treasury. Not a big drain as kickbacks paid over the years to politicians and their friends but a drain on the public purse by the public is always looked upon with the highest disgust by holders of high office.

Hot cross bun

Hot cross bun

Yes, we as a country need food and jobs but it seems we are doing this at the expense of our health and foreign exchange. We are a bad food society and the lines of people buying fried food and chips at locations nationwide will always vastly outnumber the amount of people lining up to greet any former political hero on his or her way to buy something down town. I can sympathize with the Minister of Health’s frustration  as citizens always complain about the level of health care available while lounging on a couch, enjoying KFC and a massive Pepsi backed up with a current roll without raisins.

Beer

Beer

Despite high taxes on cigarettes and alcohol, these companies are immensely profitable due to the addictive nature of their products and the foolish people who buy them. It is no different with fried food with salt. High taxes are never a deterrent with addictions and taxing bad food to pay for dialysis seems as foolish as giving crooks access to the treasury and depending on integrity laws to keep them honest.

We need to take our lives in our own hands and fight the attraction of these toxic substances being sold  for high profit and packed in cleverly designed fast food boxes and brown paper bags.  Saying no to bad food will benefit the economy and the happiness index of the country. The turning of our collective backs on bad foods will start a good food revolution and also force doctors into more productive and humanitarian professions such as farming and engineering.  It will be a win win situation. 

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Corruption Continues to Flourish in Trinidad and Tobago with the Help of Government


skeletonDear Kamla and Anand,

I am now more than a bit concerned that corruption from the Manning era is flourishing under your watch. Despite all your ranting about setting up an Anti-corruption Commission, I have heard nothing about this essential service.   I don’t know if such a Commission exist since a Google search shows that it was last mentioned early in 2011. I blogged about such a measure in January 2011, full of hope that finally a Government in power will do something about the corruption infestation that is still plaguing our land.

What has happened since this People’s Partnership was elected is that senior government ministers are now partying with the obviously-corrupt public officials and some suspected big drug men and money launders are courting and liming with the opposition. By now, despite rants form politicians on both sides, the population knows that Section 34 was no accident and it was one of the few things that the Government, Opposition and other higher powers agreed on for the good of the “better people” of our land. Our marketed-as-fearless Prime Minister said back in January 2011  “If it is that a man works for $1,000 but he is driving a million-dollar BMW, then where did that money come from?” What I want to add is “Where did some of the directors of various Ministries get money to build their $10,000,000 dollar second homes in Trinidad, and buy new Prados and BMWs.” These homes are places where some self-righteous Government Ministers party with dubious characters (public servants) who might well be sponsoring the Government.

Much of the population is feeling betrayed by the Government and Opposition as people are realizing the depth of corruption and money laundering in this country. Both political parties seem to have a hand in allowing these activities to flourish as these political parties and party officials benefit immensely from dirty money. These parties are unpatriotic and their main goal is to ride the backs of voters so that they can protect the Mr. Bigs of our country. What lies beneath our political parties stinks even more than what we see on the surface and what we see on the surface is rotten beyond belief.

A Betrayed Voter

akalol

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Trinidad and Tobago Budget-Minded Criminals


The only reason Citizens show a keen interest in the National Budget every year is that, besides Movietowne and Parliament, there isn’t much quality entertainment available to citizens of Trinidad and Tobago. Movietowne provides a nice environment for movies, dining and liming whereas Parliament supplies quality bacchanal due to an over-abundance of Parliamentarians and Senators with  the lowest morals, integrity and intelligence. The National Budget was always about the allocation of funds available for plundering by the elected and selected few and if the Budget provided relief and hope to the average Citizen it was purely coincidental. This year, the Prime Minister in her glee, pelted a few grains of budgetary delights at her chickens in an attempt to prevent them from noticing they were being slaughtered daily.

The National Budget was, and still is, about putting the elected and selected thieves on alert in order to get their act together so the Country’s money won’t be wasted of the common good but on the good of the chosen.  This Government is so similar to the last one I am beginning to realize the People’s Partnership was envious of the Manning regime, so they decided to copy Manning’s style from day one. The National Budget is not a statement of the way forward for the country but a newsletter for white-collar criminals of Trinidad and Tobago. It is an important document used for planning by this elite bunch as this is a country where white-collar criminals are protected by the law and their lawyers on the inside.

From Manning to Persad-Bissessar – not a damn thing has changed except for the changing of the incompetents and big time thieves.

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Why I should not be fired by AG Ram


Despite previous public perception, I am the Attorney General who knows nutting about criminal law. Now under this maladministration we had a Minister of Justice who knew quite a bit about criminals so that is why the PM fire he ass. I see no reason to resign because I was so ignorant about criminal law it ain’t funny. I couldn’t even tell the difference between a purse snatcher and a white collar criminal. In fact, when Section 34 went before cabinet I fly away fast, fast because whether I was there or in Alaska, it wouldn’t ah make ah damn difference and I think the PM was fully cognisant of this. However it should be noted that only last night I ordered two books from Amazon Bargain Books section, Criminal Law for Dummies and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Criminal Law. With this new found knowledge I will now be able to advise Cabinet properly and at a level they can understand. I am surprised people are calling for my head and I only assume it is because I have fat cheeks. And, no, stupidity is never a reason to be dismissed from cabinet because if that was the case the cabinet of this country will be nearly empty all the time.

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Dear Kamla – There is no Silver Lining on this Dark Cloud


Dear Kamla,

After your speech last night, I can say you are now in the same league as Patrick Manning – incompetent beyond words. It is either incompetent or part of the conspiracy plot but believe me, incompetent is the better choice.

It seems you were the last person in Trinidad and Tobago to realize that Mr. Hubert could not be trusted around the laws of the country. What does that say for your other choices of members of your cabinet? Is Mr. Hubert the only one who can not be trusted? Your judgment apparently leaves a lot to be desired and I now truly believe that we will have many more disgraceful and unpatriotic lies and schemes which you and your cabinet are planning to “unintentionally” unleash onto the public.

If there really was a new level of accountability from the Government when the People’s Partnership replaced the PNM you would have also fired Mr. Anand and throw in Jack for good measure simply because they were telling the population “move on, nothing to see here.” Really, nothing to see here!  Maybe you should have also resigned in order to show the population what good governance really looks like.  Your speech last night does not signal the end but the beginning of the end for your party. It’s so sad it had to come to this.

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Neck and Balls and Section 34


I never trust people’s assertions, I always judge of them by their actions ~ Ann Radcliffe

Despite countless wishes and prayers from Anand, Hubert and Jack the population will not be moving on from Section 34 simply because this trio are the ones who should be moving on. What these politicians don’t realize or what they fear is that Section 34 is like a ham bone, the more you boil it the better the soup taste.

The Section 34 Scandal has made it easy for a disillusioned population to come up with a plot for an international spy thriller where Mr. and Mr. Big paid a politician or group of politicians to ensure they (Mr. and Mr. Big) get away with the country’s money and possibly many other assorted criminal offenses in the future. What is now a thick plot in public’s mind is that this Government never intended to move the country forward but to help criminals get a better grip around the people’s necks and balls. And speaking of balls, if the Prime Minister doesn’t act with Partap haste on this matter then the population will understand why criminals are held in such high esteem by the Government and why we must be very afraid of every action by this ruling force.

I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Is the Trinidad and Tobago Parliament unfairly favouring Apple?


Within a month or so my fellow citizens of Trinidad and Tobago will learn what economic austerity measures will be in store for them. Measures which may include things such as increases in the price of fuel,  VAT, import duties, along with higher taxes on alcohol, cigarettes, iPads and incomes. All these measures will be unleashed onto the public coupled with retrenchment in the public service.  Also, within the same time-frame, Parliamentarians will receive, at taxpayers’ expense, the iconic and expensive iPad tablets which can be used for storing Parliamentary documents and playing Angry Birds.

According to the Speaker of the House, The Honorable Wade Mark, he decided to issue the iPads to strengthen the 50-year-old nation’s democracy which has an unlimited supply of taxpayers dollars.  I understand that  Mr. Mark said the process of acquiring iPads will be as transparent, thus corruption free, as possible.  But to start with, Mr. Mark said iPads and not tablets. Does technology-savvy Speaker of The House of Representative even know there are many excellent tablets out there that will serve the 71 Parliamentarians just as well as iPads but are cheaper? Mr. Mark was backed up by the President of the Senate, Mr. Timothy Hamel-Smith, who said that laptops hide the faces of members of Parliament but I fail to see how that is a bad thing. When Parliamentarians were provide with laptops did the powers that be say what brand of laptops they needed? The Speaker needs to come out and tell the public why he has this bias towards Apple Inc. It could well be Mr. Mark used the word iPad to mean a tablet with a Retina display and dual-core A5X  processor just as some use the word Colgate to mean toothpaste, Nescafe to mean coffee and Durex to mean condom.

The world has gone global, competition is stiff and Samsung is great. I suggest if this Government and Speaker want to appear to be the pillar of honesty they must go out for an open public tender for tablets with suitable functional specifications and not simply go out to tender for the prestigious iPad. Failing to do so will introduce the smell of bias and favoritism on the doors of Parliament and our Democracy proving once again to citizens that this Government is not as honest as previously advertised.

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Why Prados Now Suck


I want to advise Toyota to immediately stop selling Prados to the Government and their agencies and change the name of the vehicle to anything else. It is amazing how two consecutive administrations has, at taxpayers expense, almost destroyed the reputation in Trinidad and Tobago of a quality, high-end company and SUV. The Audi people must be thanking their good fortune that politicians and their stooges prefer Toyota. There is now a stigma attached to the Prado where the sight of one causes the average voter and taxpayer to go into a fit of rage despite not being able to see who is inside due to illegal, and heavy tints on the glass. The average voter thought they voted against this chaufferism last election but apparently those we voted in think otherwise. It will be wise to reveal to the public the written justification for buying, leasing or even using such a high end vehicle by politicians and their minions especially when the man on the street has to reduce their consumption of doubles from two to one not to lose weight, but to make ends meet. Is there such a written justification?

If this Government really care about the people  - as opposed to pretending to care by mouthing politically correct catch phrases and waving a flag on stage to the sounds of “One Love”-  they would set the example of going green by prohibiting all elected and selected Government officials from buying, using, or even dreaming of using gas guzzlers at the expense of taxpayers.  The People’s Partnership will do well to remember that they were voted in such an overwhelming fashion not because we thought they were sooooo good and competent but because the PNM was sooooo good at corruption and incompetence. It now seems that the population, by the voting in of the current bunch of egoist and non-performers, have moved from the frying pan into the fires of hell.  From all indications by experts, the economy is now depressed and so too is the population so stop the gallerying and get to work.

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Colour Me Bloody Orange


The Government’s newly launched Colour Me Orange crime and poverty reduction project has a good chance of turning into something called Colour Me Bloody Orange crime escalation and poverty reduction by forced population elimination scheme as there is now every indication this has the makings of a war – first the big stones in the car park then the guns in the streets. What might appear to be a simple weeding job to the casual observer may end up being a weeding out exercise, with the principle being dead men don’t work, though some do get paid. It is true the PP Government is trying to reduce the amount of gold chain snatching and muggings taking place for the season of good will and joy but Colour Me Orange seems like throwing gasoline in the fire where crime is concerned.

The Opposition’s greatest fear is the Project will buy the Government support while that is the Government’s greatest wish. I suppose Government’s policy is to manage gangs rather than eliminate the need for them. Maybe Government has seen the benefits of being in a gang and want to become the leader of the Orange gang, the most feared and ruthless gang since the last Government gang. But every cloud has a silver lining so I decided, in the interest of my economy, to become a community leader and will be accepting members into my gang. All members must be willing to fear me while looking menacing to the general public. Once we, the aka_lol Gang, are deemed to be both a threat to national security and a lost cause we too will qualify for some Orange. it is either that or we continue to perish in traffic and continue our careers as lowly, unappreciated, completely-ignored -until-we-miss-a-tax-payment taxpayers.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man ~ Mark Twain

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We Don’t Need Another Merry King


Merry King

A Very Merry King

Well look, I think it is wise for any Government to promptly get rid of any Minister who can’t even manage to carry out an everyday piece of corruption effectively as the mood of the nation will not tolerate such incompetence and another Merry King. If the country can’t depend on a Minister to do one effortless and culturally natural thing effectively how can we expect that Minister to perform more complicated and less culturally natural task well like going from a banana economy to a real economy? It is true that in all real and banana economies many people in public office thief but most thief quite effectively and so effectively they never get caught or even get selected for jail because the investigating authorities are their friends. Only a Banana Minister in a Banana Country will get caught so early in one’s career so I say good riddance.

In the Minister’s defence, I think she was only trying some new, innovative and daring corrupt practices to bring a whole new way of getting family members a new Audi or BMW as well as the much sought-after commodity called an apartment in Miami before the new set of greedy board members do. At least the minister was being transparent as everybody could see what she was doing.

Anti-Corruption Commission to Expose Sugar Daddies


 

Dressed for the occasion

Dear aka,

All my friends told me since I have nothing better to do I should write you, a man with a big blog, for advice on something that has been troubling me for some time. I read that PM Kamie say they want to crack down on White Collar Crime so they want to set up an Anti-Corruption Commission.  PM Kamie say “If it is that a man works for $1,000 but he is driving a million-dollar BMW, then where did that money come from?” Well aka, I think I have a little whistle to blow. There is a girl who works in my office as a clerk for about $5,000 a month but drives a brand new 3-Series BMW and lives in a $4,000 a month apartment. This girl seems addicted to the gym and a diet. She is always dressed in the finest tight pants, short skirts and popping tops. I think she gets her money through corruption but my friends say she is probably a very good worker as the Boss was seen on more than a few occasions going to her apartment late at night to give her work. Do you think I should blow a whistle and take out a bigger life insurance?

Cautiously,

Preserved Cherry

———————————————————–

 

Sugar Daddy love

Dear Preserved Cherry,

I can see the Anti-Corruption Commission having the power to dig deep in the lives of many people who are either corrupt or just having a good time. In the case you described, I think the Boss is the clerk’s Sugar Daddy. This may not be a White Collar crime but more like a good White Collar wine. On the other hand, the Boss may be involved in some corrupt activity to raise some extra funds to support his lovely, high-maintenance habit. I am sure the Anti-Corruption Commission will have a good time investigating the reasons so many people are having too much fun in this country. Not only will the Anti-Corruption Commission cause the sale of BMWs and Audis to plunge, further stagnating the economy, but it will encourage both Sugar Daddies and those they Sugar Daddy to become more creative. Boldfaceness will be a thing of the past. I think you should blow your little whistle since you never know the truth until the Government legally spies. Also, the Government is going to pass a law to protect whistle blowers, a rapidly dying breed. In Trinidad and Tobago, this protection will have to include the issuing of hand guns and bullet proof vests by the State to the whistler as hits are now the weapon of choice in solving all problems.

Blog,

aka_lol

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Pathos calls Harty aka Manning and Hart Reunite


Pathos: Hello? Harty please.

Harty: Who is deess? How you geh deess nuember an how u knooo mie name?

Pathos: Chill, Harty. Dis is Pathos an how yuh talking alike a Malaysian so.

Harty: Pathos? Yuh sounding different. Yuh sounding like yuh worried about jail.

Pathos: Oh gosh, Harty,  ah longing tu talk to ah friend yuh knoe how long. Boy, dey mash up mih spy ring an ah feeling real bad mind again

Harty: What? De spy ring? How dey go do daaattt? Well listen, you sound like yuh desperate and longing for the old time days where the treasury was like we own bank account. When every time you bray people say hee-haw, hee-haw. Those were the days, my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way
La la la la la la
La la la ….

Pathos: …cut de crap nah man. Deze people an dem go throw mih ash in jail yuh know. An if dat doe work ah goe hah tuh spend de rest ah mih lil pension and about 1/1000th of mih offshore savings in legal fees and settlements. Look, ah call yuh because I know yuh is also ah good construction man. Yuh get de picture Hazel sen yuh?

Harty: Yes boy, and she looking good.

Pathos: No, not that one! The one ah Tantie Kammie house in Phillipine?

Harty: Oh ho. Yes, ah geh it.

Pathos: Tell mih nah, how much you go build dat house for?

Harty: Well, fuh de State we does start nothing less than $150 million – TT dollars, naturally. Ah still ah patriot yuh knoe.

Pathos: Rightttt. Ah goe tell de people how Tantie Kammie house cost $150 million. De press and dem goe believe dat as it coming from me. Dey knoe me and how ah does never lie. Boy I under so much pressure dese days I have to attack, attack, attack to defend mih self. Mih physiatrist tell mih ah goe need years ah therapy again before ah could be considered normal.  By de way, way yuh day, Mr. Patriot?

Harty: Ah roaming boss, ah roaming wild with former state funds.

Pathos: Poor Tess gone with she funds too boy. She say dey out fuh she an she fraid police an ting so she buss it too. Hazel glad doe. Hazel never like Tess yuh knoe. Hazel used to tell mih dat Tess go suck mih dry buh dat was better dan no suck at all. So yuh see dey mash up de church too?

Harty: Yeah boy and like all de scaffolding and Chinee gone with it. Dat was some good scaffolding, yes.

Pathos: Dey looking fuh yuh too, yuh knoe. Like Dooks an dem want back de money tu pay off dem smart CL  men.

Harty: Well yuh know if dey fine me is like dey fine you. Yuh knoe yuh doe hah tuh worry, yuh local padners goe make sure we stay intact. So how de crime rate going?

Pathos: Wah yuh expeck.

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Ish and Steve – Their Greatest Fear


The sign which Ish and Steve will be wearing if they ever make it to US prison

The United States of America is not a country where convicted people are stoned but rumor has it that Ish and Steve are spending large sums of money on lawyers because they are afraid of getting stones pelted at their faces and butts in a US prison. Usually innocent people can’t wait for their day in court to prove their innocence, so I am puzzled as to why the dynamic duo called Ish and Steve are fighting so hard against this. Maybe they are true patriots and prefer our known, local judges to those foreign, unknown ones. I suppose the duo know more about the crime they are accused of than me, a taxpayer who is yet to figure out how to launder money without a washing machine.

Ish and Steve

The families of Ish and Steve should be aware the average citizen really don’t give a ship or yacht about the pair.  The average citizen is fed up of hearing about Ish and Steve and just wish them their due. I don’t know what they deserve, but I am thankful they are not my friends, acquaintances or relatives since I hate coming up with idiotic press releases that only anger non-corrupt citizens battered by two consecutive corrupt regimes. To be honest, based on how the media photographs and file video make these two look,  they should be serving time for looking like imitation mob bosses disguised as crooked businessmen  but I am only joking and not implying innocence.

Judging by the amount of big boys waiting for arrest then conviction for corruption in Trinidad and Tobago, a Faculty of Forensic Accounting and Public Plundering should be established at UWI and not UTT for obvious reasons. The average citizen is aware that if the country sinks to the point of little return despite years of oil wealth, it will be because of the extreme  greed of of some very evil men who deserve all the stones a prison can throw at their orifices.

I will say this again for those who are tempted to get into corruption because their day job doesn’t pay enough to afford a couple extra women, educate their 3-CXC brats “abroad” plus retire in luxury in Miami; before you start, know how yuh want yuh arse finished.

What men dream of in prison

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