The Pencil

I am sitting in an empty meeting room waiting for everyone to come late. There is a nice looking pencil on the table. The rubber looks unused. I am tempted to take the pencil, but I know my life may be changed forever if I do. I learnt that from TV. I grab the pencil and put it in my shirt pocket. I make my choice. I feel regret mixed with excitement. It feels good. I am sure no one would miss it and I doubt I would ever be a suspect. I am too good looking. It’s comforting to know the police have stopped searching for anything. They mainly run errands. I still need to have an alibi because I realize stealing isn’t only the act, it’s a process that never ends. I must have eternal vigilance. I will claim I took the pencil because I thought it was mine since, like the Nissan Almera, they all look alike. People are starting to come in the room and I am suddenly self-conscious. I think they are all staring at my pocket and my new pencil. I start to behave stranger than a work of fiction. I take the pencil and start to draw on my notepad instead of making vital notes. I draw a stick-figure policeman and a working police car. People are starting to make fun of my drawing. I am hoping they would understand my hidden message and my cry for affordable therapy. Some claim the working police car only exists in the fantasy world. They miss the point. I am starting to cold sweat like Crazy and I can’t think of anything but lead. I don’t like this misery and I want my less guilty life back. A voice in my head says I think too much and that’s why I suffer. The same voice says there is only one way to have a guilt free life and fans in whose eyes I can do no wrong. I decide to become a politician.

Now Hear This – Party

Now Hear This – Zune

Now Hear This – Vote

Now Hear This – Beer

On Looking Trendy – Zune

Microsoft is challenging Apple for a chunk of the looking trendy market with its second generation Zune do-everything-but-that media players. The new Zune is sleek and like a tall leggy model with a short skirt blowing in the wind; it can hold your attention with excitement. The Zune is aimed at making people feel good about themselves and in many cases it can give people a life worth living. The Zune isn’t cheap since having expensive things is paramount to creating a good false impression. Strangely, if you have a Zune and need to appear to be completely trendy you will have to sport the almost redundant iPhone with a Samsung Bluetooth headset. But the show isn’t over unless you pretend to be talking to someone every five minutes in a loud voice and authoritative tone so that everyone within earshot plus six feet will know your imaginary personal assistant has bungled again and your paper plane flight to Japan or Iraq was delayed by five whole minutes. Naturally, you would also need to have a laptop, preferably a silver Apple, failing which then simply an empty executive laptop bag containing the tuna sandwich your mom made. There are so many other things which will make a person look trendy besides expensive hi-tech devices and a stone cold face but I just can’t think of any more right now.

Beer Price Increase

The price of beer is going up on the local market and this has caused nausea and poor judgment among the loyal drinking community. One newspaper reported a bar fanatic almost fell off his stool on receiving the news, which was amazing since he normally falls off completely. Others were more than bitter and said they would now have to drink rum and scotch instead of beer and hangovers may never be the same. Some ugly drinkers threatened to stop buying condoms and reallocate funds from their sex life to their beer life. Being election time, one political party promised to subsidize beer instead of milk if it ever gets elected as the population would need huge amounts of alcohol and very little milk to cope with them in government. However, a spokesman for the beer company expects beer sales to climb because drinking is all anyone can do to cope with price increases.

Rain Again

Cloud buildup over St. Augustine. The time lapse is about five minutes and the rain did eventually fall, but only a little.

Pin The Tail On The Donkey

The principle behind democratically electing a Government is simply letting the citizens vote for the party they think will provide the best Government. That is the principle. What in fact happens is a vast segment of the population support the party they worship as a cult and indeed the party is. A democratically elected government gets there via cult worship and not because of their superior leadership and vision. The tools used by political parties, especially the old entrenched ones, are creating fear, and hate of the other parties. This fear and hate is nurtured by parents, leaders, and politicians with passion. Once fear and hate can be drummed up, a zombie-like cult following follows. More fear equals more hate, and more hate equals more votes. That is known as the secret formula.

Elections time might be exiting and entertaining but it is the time when the true vindictive colors of our leaders and our people are waved for all to see. Listen to the speeches on the political platform and mindless cheers from the crowds you can swear the world will come to an end tomorrow if another party gets into power. There is no analysis by the followers, just blind worship and support. It is for this reason alone the country will continue to plod along and selecting a Government will always be no different to playing the well-loved adult party game called pin the tail on the donkey. Unfortunately, our politicians were brought up to think most of the people are stupid, and sadly, most of the people are.

Rain

I captured these images form my front porch yesterday at around noon. This is all about dabbling and boredom so if it looks like nothing much then you would be correct. The sound effects were borrowed from what I think is the public domain.

Looking at this I think I have to do something scary for Halloween, but it is not a big celebration in Trinidad and even less so in Tobago. I like the old version of the movie and will eventually see the new version for ten dollars.

Neil Gaiman’s advice for writers

Advice from Stephen King

For Writers

The Vote, The Finger

Vote for the party with the best song, or most stage venom. The party with the most whiner-girls or the biggest bag of chicks. Issues? What issues? We don’t vote for issues, we vote for vengeance and bacchanal. Hear all the old tunes from the old speakers? Songs from the sixties. Carry the country forward for a better tomorrow? That is a catch phrase, a marketing tool, something that the smart use to beat the stupid. There’s no Good Government only powerful people. Democracy is the freedom to choose but when all the choices are the same then what do you call that. An illusion. Some say they care more and some say they will care less for those who say they care more. Some say unite and beat up the other one but if that work then who would they have to beat up next? I don’t care once they don’t beat me; I don’t care who win election. All this talk about crime, traffic, flood, food prices, squander-mania, foreign bank accounts, missing gravel, runaway airport, inner cabinet, outer cabinet and real cabinet is only ole talk. It don’t matter that people thief only who thief. Crime is relative. We happy with every pappy. Nothing to worry about except the highest and mightiest, and the dotish red beret.

Vote like you don’t need money,
Vote like you’ve never been hurt,
And Vote like no one’s watching.
Vote for Ernie and Berth.