I don’t know if the common Trinidad plum is Spondias radlkoferi, Carissa macrocarpa or Spondias Purpurea but is doesn’t matter since nobody cares. The common plum in Trinidad and Tobago bears around July and August which caused that time of the year to be called plum season. These common plums come in two varieties, sour and not so sour when green, but when ripe they could get worms. The common plums can be eaten as is but in Trinidad and Tobago they are often eaten with a bit of salt and a couple bird peppers or even pepper sauce. The more adventurous are likely to make plum chow which is made with plum, salt, plenty pepper, and a bit of water to coat everything. The plum is sliced so help absorb the seasoned mixture. People have been known to shed tears and use foul language when the chow’s hotness (Scoville Heat Scale) exceeds the person’s tolerance for hotness.
There is a bigger and juicer plum in Trinidad and Tobago called Governor plum but these are hardly ever seen in public or ever admit to being wrong. I think Governor plum is highly overrated and mostly a cosmetic plum drawing a big salary.
Some say it was the thought of being escorted at the crack of dawn on some random morning while he was still in his pajamas, on the next one-way plane to Cuba that caused him to declare an imaginary war on criminals for the umpteenth time in as many years. But with the harmonized, spontaneous laughter erupting all over the country minutes into the 7’oclock news last night, people became aware PM PM was after Tommy and Martin Joseph’s crowns as National Joker and Clown, respectively. Even the news anchormen and women had a hard time holding back a chuckle since his antics sounded more like something from the mouth of a standup comic than a real leader.
During the same interview, PM PM said he was angry that social commentators and certain blogs called him compassionless for the statements he made concerning the recent murder of 10 year old Tecia Henry, but nothing he said, or the way he said nothing, during the brief press interview changed anybody’s mind about him. In fact, his show of anger, hate, and disgust over the comments that obviously dented his fragile ego only supported the public’s opinion he is a an insecure leader who dwells only on his imaginary self-importance, and not the people.
So life goes on in our own Neverland where the President will never resign and the Prime Minister will never care. In our Neverland, criminals will never be caught, our economy will never prosper without high oil prices, our money never stop being wasted on nonproductive ego-trips and our leaders will never stop climbing on the back of democracy to become dictators. When will it end? Never.
So Kevin Baldeosingh is still not now writing for any local because of religious reasons and Pro Max is still at large because of his politics and contempt. But life goes on even if criminals have cranked it up two notches and Martin Joseph has graced our TV screens with an image of confident cluelessness. Still, I find it hard to dislike Martin Joseph since my ridiculously happy childhood prevents me from hating a clown. I can laugh at a clown, I can run from a clown, and I can even kick a clown in its balls if necessary but I cannot hate a clown. But Martin is not responsible for crime in the country and he is only responsible for admitting in public what the murder toll is. Outside of that public reporting function, Mr. Joseph has very little to do except to make sure criminal deportees are welcomed, the latest crime plan goes to waste in cabinet, and that there is enough helium for the blimp to float in the sky.
To make matters ridiculous, there are reports appearing in the Guardian today that says a Jamaican hit man was hired to assassinate a senior police officer. Putting a hit on anyone is disgusting but with the Chinese already getting jobs ahead of locals at Alutrint and there is now a threat that the hit man industry may go Jamaican, I see another protest brewing. What is wrong with our local snipers? Haven’t they been doing a good job for years? Why take out a hit on a police officer since police officers have very little involvement in solving any crime? Is that our 2020 vision? Is the importation of Jamaican criminal talent any way to develop our local crime industry? This is wrong for the country and even someone like Pro Max could see this.
A senior police officer says the multimillion dollar CCTV cameras installed to protect Summit leaders are still working and as soon as any camera stops working there is an alarm at the Command Center causing a technician to be immediately dispatched to fix the delinquent camera. We await the images from these working cameras showing when the driver of the truck near the Maloney intersection was hijacked and murdered in daylight, close to a CCTV camera. I wonder if the criminals know more about the CCTV system than the senior police officers? Just wondering.
The sounds of “Oh no, ah doe have tuh goe” crooned over the Sony Boom Box that Pro Max hugged. It was the inspiration for his first, post-European speech he had been looking for since he removed his Red, White and Black, frontally-enhanced Speedo that he wore on his recent screw-the-nation European tour. The Plagiarizing Priest told Max the answer would come either in a song or in mid-wine but Max didn’t think Destra’s “Wey yuh want” was quite the song and all his wines now ended before the middle.
Pro Max decided, apart from telling people he was not going anywhere, except for vacation, he would talk down to them. He would hide behind the false shield of confidentiality even though the letter from The Judge and the emails from the Brilliant Journalist were on the streets. How stupid the public is, he often thought. PM PM, his guru and desktop background, often said the best defense is a good offense. Accept responsibility but say nothing, was going to be the gist of his speech. He wrote with renewed arrogance since he knew for sure The Party wasn’t about to throw him on the street and may even chant his name in approval at public events, in the way cult followers do. He learnt The Party admired the extra mile he went to select some line-towers and this thought made his Speedo bulge ever so faintly in approval.
Pro Max finished his speech and realized how much he loved his nation but over the years that love turned to lust. He was sure it was the love/lust relationship which caused him to screw the nation so much. As he closed his laptop he could swear he heard distant booing and wondered if it was The Shand Man or just his conscience acting up again.
Max is conveniently missing the point to justify ignoring the country while he was on vacation. What non-party supporters and even some party supporters are asking (the population) is:
(1) Did Max appoint a chairman to the IC who was an exposed-eventually-self-confessed plagiarist? Isn’t a plagiarist a type of thief? Why would somebody who is knowingly a type of thief be appointed as Chairman of the IC by the President? The answer to this one should be a classic. Lets move on like Max.
(2) Did Max promise The Judge the deputy Chairmanship but reneged on the offer (promise) and failed to inform the Judge until he was handed his Instrument of Appointment in front of everybody? This was not only embarrassing to the Judge but it smelled of something sinister. Did the Judge lie in his letter of resignation? If the judge didn’t lie then Max should resign. There is nothing confidential about his letter of resignation, and 99 out of 100 people don’t think the Judge lied. Moving on like Max.
(3) How come Max did not know the appointed Deputy Chairman was not even eligible to be a member of the IC but common sense told the rest of the nation he wasn’t? Ignorance of the fact by Max is not an answer, it is a reason to resign. Moving on like Max.
If Max cannot answer these questions to the comfort of the nation, during this time of serious corruption allegations against big men in society who are openly backed by big politicians in society, then he must step down in what now looks like a big disgrace. It didn’t have to be like this.
A large percentage of the population fears about Max have be realized and every attempt he made at defending his position reaffirms the public’s suspicion about him.
Sadly, there is little that can be done to remove Max and the country might just have to sink with his ego, his guilt, his misdeeds, and his support of a Dictatorship.
Let’s Move On, Max.
While we wait for clan member, Pro Max, to send us his Speedo photos from destination x, I decided to post some photos of Angelina Jolie’s tattoos as seen in the movie, Wanted. I take the risk of being removed from the integrity shortlist by posting this animated file I snapped together but at least I didn’t try to fool people into thinking I took these photos of Angelina last, or any night.
I think the entire movie was made just so that this scene could be included. I don’t know the relevance of the scene to the movie or understand the code of the tattoos but I enjoyed looking at it very much.
I hope the animated file was not distracting and you eventually found the time to read these pointless words.
Pro Max finally took off his Speedo that he wore the whole time he was on his Mediterranean cruise and got down to writing his subjects a sorry letter. Ever since he heard how the people who paid his salary, but did not elect him, were calling for his head while he was on vacation, he thought of ways to keep his job. It was the best job he ever had and he wanted to keep it so bad. He loved his job even more than the country since it allowed him to vacation at the country’s expense. Pro Max thought if he wrote a three-page “I am sorry” note that he didn’t plagiarize he could get people to believe he wasn’t stupid. Stupid people write blogs not apologize, he thought.
Pro decided he would send the note after The Enquiry start back since people cannot feel two sets of pain at the same time. Pro couldn’t understand why the people were calling for his head since every other institution in the country was falling apart. Was he being victimized, he wondered. Pro Max thought even though he looked like The Guilty, sounded like The Guilty, and quacked like The Guilty, he would be seen as The Innocent once he admitted to being human. If all else fails admit to being human, was his motto. Pro Max felt if he avoided major issues like plagiarism and promises and instead talked about the next time and systems all would be forgotten. After all, he was having fun in Europe and didn’t want to come back home.
Pro Max would blame his blunders and dishonesty on a few scapegoats and claim it was the dawn of a new era and debate. People always liked to hear about new eras almost as much as they liked hearing about booms and aluminum. Pro wanted to say the sky was not falling but that would be plagiarism. To appear humble while being arrogant is what Pro Max really wanted to do. That, and to wine up on his subjects.
Pro Max finally finished his sorry note and signed it. He hoped the people would understand that even though he never said it, he was a Party Man and the Party ain’t done yet.
Aka: This is He.
Pro Max: This is Pro Max. How are you, aka?
Aka: Pro, ah make out yuh voice one time. I ok man. How you?
Pro Max: Boy, I had to leave my undisclosed destination to come home and fix up some loose ends. That press have no idea how much stress I have and when I wineup so much I have to unwind sometimes.
Aka: Ah hear bout dem loose ends.
Pro Max: That is why I am calling. I am looking for people with integrity again. Or at least people willing to serve on The Commission. That is why I am calling you.
Pro Max: Would you be willing to serve, Aka?
Aka: Serve what? Tea? Tennis balls? The Party?
Pro Max: No, you joker you. On The Commission.
Aka: Nah boy. De way I see they crucifying people on that Commission. Not me.
Pro Max: But the pay is good and chicks will go for you.
Aka: Ok, I will serve. Buh whah position yuh offering? Ah think ah goe hah tu get dat in writing.
Pro Max: I am a man of my word and I have to ask you a few questions first before we can sign off on the deal.
Aka: Shoot. I aint fraid that.
Pro Max: Have you ever been dishonest in the last 15 years in ways people might find out about?
Aka: What you mean “dishonest?” I does download some MP3s off and on and I does buy a pirate DVD sometimes. I even download some software cracks but these days dem thing loaded with spyware.
Pro Max: That doesn’t sound too dishonest. What about jumping over fences to pick Julie Mangoes or other priority fruits?
Aka: Only Starch.
Pro Max: I am considering mainly Julie today but I might have to start considering Starch if the press makes a fuss.
Aka: I suppose yuh going to ask about plagiarizing now.
Pro Max: Nahh, is only serious thing I worried about. Everybody does do that. It like breaking traffic light and driving on the shoulder. Anybody know about the starch mango thing?
Aka: Only mih two partners who jump with me and the one who remain on lookout.
Pro Max: Good. Loyal friends, I hope. Anything the press could find out about?
Aka: Boy, dem newspaper people does be everywhere and read everything yes. Ah does look at a little Adult porn in guava season and sometimes ah does zoom a little close with mih lens.
Pro Max: Stueeps. Even Priest does…Well zooming is better than wining up … never mind. So far, yuh sounding like ah man of Integrity. Yuh like PM PM? Just a joke, boy. Did you ever take a bribe?
Aka: No, but if ah take this post yuh offering…
Pro Max: …hush nah.
It was starting to look like a real guava season but then Pro Max decided to embarrass The Judge. Even people without integrity jumped on Pro Max’s case and chastised him for his action which caused an early withdrawal of a member, thus causing much disappointment instead of satisfaction. Some even went so far to say Pro Max was hypnotized by the music from The Piper, who was man capable of doing many favors but little good.
The word on the street was that Pro Max was not a sportsman therefore never had the need for balls so even if he had them he would not know how to use them. Besides, Pro Max was not in the ball-having industry but the Piper-music business. Pro Max even heard a voice like the Piper’s say “you pick, but I will choose.”
Pro Max packed his bags and headed for a much needed rest from nothingness, leaving the country with guilty silence.