A Blog Survey

This Beach Called Life - recent daily blog stats

This Beach Called Life - recent daily blog stats

People start blogging for many reasons but I think the main reasons are (a) because everybody is doing it, and (b) it’s cheaper than a short skirt. Soon, however, if we persist, we get very attached to our blog and it becomes a part of us just like our chiseled abs or our “Beyonce in a short skirt” desktop background. We worry about not posting and we assume once we write a post it becomes a significant part of the blog universe. We believe people read out blogs and hope it becomes a source of inspiration and envy just as our Nissan Almeras and women have become. Posting to our blog then becomes our fix.

beyonceThere is nothing bad about being addicted to blogging except it changes the way we look at the world causing us to go through life looking at every thing and every situation wondering if this could be our next blog post.

With this in mind, and in order to try to get a better understand the blogger’s mind, I developed a blog survey. I posted the questions below because I needed a fix but if you seriously want to help move blog science forward, then do the actual survey by clicking here.

1.0 Why do you blog?

(a)    It will be my legacy

(b)    I need attention

(c)    I need an outlet for my frustration

(d)    Sex

(e)   I am turned on by comments

2.0 Do you plan to sell the rights of you blog to a movie company?

(a)    What?

(b)    Once the price is right

(c)    Only if Megan Fox agrees to the lead

(d)    Yes, but the movie must contain no nudity during the intermission.

3.0 How many visits does your blog receive per month?

(a)    Over 30,000

(b)    20,000 to 30,000

(c)    Less than 20,000

(d)    Less than 100

(e)    What is a visit?

4.0 How often do you update your blog?

(a)    I am a freak of nature so I update daily

(b)    Less than 20 times per month

(c)    Whenever I feel lonely

(d)    Every time the government decides to build a smelter

5.0 Does your blog contain photos portraying tasteful or disgusting nudes?

(a)    It’s the reason I blog

(b)    No, I don’t believe in nudity so I shower with all my clothes on.

6.0 Will blogging ever replace parliament?

(a)    Never

(b)    No

7.0 Do you sleep in the nude or have arm pits?

(a)   Yes

(b)   No

8.0 Do you think Angostura Bitters adds to the taste of pelau or bland blogs?

(a)    What is pelau

(b)    What is Angostura Bitters?

(c)    No, since it makes the pelau taste like orange juice

(d)    Yes, since it possibly has small amounts of deadly poisons which can enhance the taste of pigeon peas and some bloggers

9.0 Have you ever blogged while eating?

(a) No

(b) Does food count?

10.0 What is your favorite blog?

(a) This Beach Called Life

(b) All of the above

Enhanced by Zemanta

Michael Jackson – What His Life Really Meant

Michael Jackson - 1958 to 2009

Michael Jackson - 1958 to 2009

So, what happens to us after we die? Well, if we were any good we would have ten albums in the Top Ten at the same time. We would be on the cover of nearly every  newspaper in the world and we would be the subject of countless blogs. The news of our death would cause the big TV networks and small ones to dump their regular programming to carry the event. People would gather in large numbers at our home and the hospital where we died.  We would have the most popular, currently watched videos on YouTube and our music played all day on the radio. Our death would cause shock, sadness but a flood of happy memories. We would be idolized and our questionable side put into perspective. We would cause the World to stop dead in its tracks and celebrate our life rather than mourn. If we were any good, people would be singing our songs to fill an emptiness they can’t hide.

I suppose it is only after he died Michael Jackson knew what his life really meant.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Murder, Murder Everywhere in Trinidad and Tobago


Every day seems to be a better day in Trinidad and Tobago and yesterday was no exception. Camille Danniel, a woman who lived in Diego Martin, was carjacked. She attempted to escape by pulling into a “Model Police Station” but this plan didn’t work. The carjackers probably threatened to shoot Mrs. Danniel if she pulled in to the police station and she may have thought it was an acceptable risk because a Police Station should be a symbol of security. Tragically, Mrs. Danniel last moments were spent in terror as she was shot in the back on driving into the police station by one of the carjackers who was intent in keeping his criminal word. She died on the spot.

Most people, except The Party Faithful, were appalled at this recent assault by criminals on a defenseless woman but it was not unexpected since the interceptor boats have not arrived in the country yet.  Citizens also think there is only a cosmetic approach to the crime problem in Trinidad and Tobago as there were always rumors  saying some very big people with long strings and the police are involved in drugs and guns in Trinidad and Tobago. Citizens are outraged by this Murder in a Model Police Station and the only thing that may take the people’s minds away from the incident is if the Prime Minister announces the construction of another smelter or praises Martin Joseph’s intellect again.

We do not care if Martin Joseph is putting his best foot forward. We do not care The Prime Minister never expresses compassion because he has none. Did he speak with any compassion about Tecia Henry’s murder? We do not care if the Prime Minister has a fragile ego and Martin Joseph is his mentor and scapegoat. All we want is to not get killed and raped. We want to walk the streets without worrying about carjackers and muggers, and not worry about drunk drivers and speeding cars. All we want is to breathe air without toxins and to not fight the Government to do what is right.  We are not asking for much but to the average ruling politician we are asking too much.

No doubt the studying of the latest crime plan by Martin Joseph will be fast tracked to give the nation another illusion of care. Just wait and see.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Crix – The Hole Truth


Fast forward to the future and the scene is not a pleasant one.

A cheap knockoff of the national cracker, Crix, is being made by an underground biscuit cartel and fooling all but the best biscuit experts. The nation is on high alert and the CoP is accepting full responsibility while  blaming citizens for taking Crix and its holes for granted. He tells the public “We should have never allowed this hole issue to get to this stage and any true Trini knows an original Crix has 18 holes so how on earth can a citizen eat a Crix without checking the holes? This is madness.” He urges citizens to report all cracker incidents to the police and to count their holes before they bite.  The Minister of National Security urges citizens to be calm and promises  a special  Counterfeit Cracker Squad,  equipped with the latest PR people and cracker hole counting equipment, will be set up.  The Opposition Leader is calling for foreign experts claiming the national cracker is in a jam. The PM thinks that remark was cheesy.

Enhanced by Zemanta

H1N1 or Swine Flu in Trinidad and Tobago


Legal Implications?

Is it legal to wear a facemask in public outside of Carnival Monday and Tuesday? If it is illegal the police  has turned one of their many blind eyes to it. Swine Flu, A(H1N1), has now hit Trinidad and Tobago with the number of cases increasing daily causing facemaks to become as popular as condoms  at Carnival. One police officer in Chaguanas was infected with the virus and a bigmouth Opposition Senator came close to getting it. There are 11 confirmed cases in Tobago and 7 in Trinidad which is scary since this is Trinidad and Tobago, the land of wasted billions and spiteful polaticians.

Caring Business Men?

In Chaguanas, people who were able to get facemask were wearing them in public while hand sanitizers were sold out at all pharmacies despite jacked up prices. Before the swine flu breakout, hand sanitizers were only used by those who knew better or wanted to “make a statement without saying a word.” Today, it is for only those who can afford it.

Face Mask

Should The Queen Visit?

The Government, under pressure to do what is right, wisely canceled the Caribbean Games in July and there is even talk it might affect The CHOG Summit in November. The Suriname Volleyball team contracted Swine Flu and is blaming Trinidad for it while a child in Antigua also contracted swine flu traceable to Trinidad. Our influence on the region cannot be doubted and the region is now bracing for a triple play; hurricanes, recession and swine flu. Hopefully this awareness of the virus will cause citizens to follow WHO guidelines to prevent its spread.

Should I Use Puncheon Rum?

(1)   Wash hands with soap and water for 15 to 20 seconds and use alcohol based sanitizers (Purel, Dial, puncheon rum etc) when soap and water is not available.

(2)   Cover mouth and nose when coughing and not like how it was done before.

(3)   If you have influenza type symptoms such as “fever plus at least cough or sore throat and possibly other symptoms like runny nose, body aches, headaches, chills, fatigue, vomiting and diarrhea”  see a doctor, even if you recently ate food from a St. James roadside food vendor.

(4)   Keep at least six feet from coughing and sneezing humans and shout at them saying “Get away from me, you swine flu carrier!” Make sure the coughing and sneezing human feels embarrassed enough to avoid public contact for the next two weeks.

(5)   Follow these guidelines http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/masks.htm

Is swine flu a big deal or just a reason to miss work?

Some may think the swine flu is no big thing but it is. This influenza is not like the regular influenza virus where mainly old people, who were silently considered expendable, were affected. This swine flu or H1N1 seems to be seriously affecting the more valuable and better looking people who are also in the prime of their working and sexual life; people in their 20s to 40s. Yes, people in their 50s, 60s and even 70s can be attractive and sexually functional and therefore should also take the necessary precautions against the virus if they wish to continue having pleasures in life and in bed

person-panicDon’t Panic?

Earlier this month WHO declared A(H1N1) to be a pandemic. The word pandemic was derived from the Greek word pandēmos, meaning of all the people and should not be confused with the word panic, which was derived from the name for the Greek God of terror, Pan.

However, in Trinidad and Tobago, the health care system is poorly managed and with this added burden of a H1N1 now hitting the country, a good dose of panic is hard to avoid.

Enhanced by Zemanta

The Butterfly Effect Undo the West Indies Again


So The Butterfly Effect was responsible for undoing the West Indies in the World 20Twenty semifinals today. You see, I just went in the kitchen to get a coconut drop that was supposed to be in the microwave for protection against ants but couldn’t find it so I may have closed the microwave door at the wrong time and a bit too hard which triggered a series of unfortunate events ending with three West Indian wickets falling in the first over at The Oval in England, and before I returned without my coconut drop. Yes, my microwave door and I accept full responsibility for this latest demise of the West Indies Cricket Team.

It now appears almost certain that The Butterfly Effect, triggered by West Indian fans snacking at the wrong times, cause this type of thing a lot especially when The West Indies is batting and sometimes even when Bravo is bowling. All fans are now required to be very still during West Indies matches to avoid further catastrophes.

To make a long story short, The West Indies lost to Sri Lanka in convincing fashion as they barely managed 100 runs in their semifinal match. This loss by the West Indies was a disappointment to Windies fans and an embarrassment to butterflies and coconut drops everywhere.

Interview between Ian Bishop and Chris Gayle after the game ended:

Bish: So what went wrong out there today?

Chris: We got mauled. Weren’t you looking?

Bish: I know you got mauled but why did this happen?

Chris: We understand a certain fan choose to go for his coconut drop at the wrong time and well, the rest is history.

Bish: Do you plan any action against this fan?

Chris: The team will take a vote on it later  but initial outrage seem to point to a good cut ass for him.

Bish: Well, I will leave you to it then.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Alutrint Smelter Construction Stopped


Justice Mira Dean-Armorer, in her ruling on a lawsuite brought by a group of citizens against the EMA for issuing a Certificate of Environmental Clearance (CEC) to Alutrint to construct  an aluminum smelter in La Brae, said “It is my view that the decision of the defendant, EMA, was procedurally irregular, irrational, and made without regard to the relevant consideration, that is to say, the consideration of the cumulative impact of the three related projects—the power plant, the aluminum complex, and the port facility.”

The judge did not say the smelter was unsafe but the experts at the EMA, a politically independent body that should be responsible for guarding the environment, could not prove it was. The citizens apparently were able to show the judge enough evidence to cause her to be concerned and possibly wonder if the people at the EMA had all their marbles. The average citizen, who is illiterate because they live in La Brea according to their MP, might come to the conclusion the EMA bowed to political pressure rather than their conscience and duty.

protest1I find it unsettling that the biggest threat to happiness and comfort of the citizens of Trinidad and Tobago is the Government. Some, like the Prime Minister and his cabinet members, would say every action of protest brought by citizens against Government’s wishes is due to opposition politics and nothing to do with genuine concerns. Some might even say every decision by a judge against the Government’s actions is due to politics and not rational thinking. Everybody, except the politically insecure and obedient, knows these arguments are weak and usually parroted by weak minds that have lost the ability to think rationally and care for humanity. But a rational politician is like a sane madman or an intelligent dunce.

AluminiumThis case is destined to go to the Privy Council and if the EMA (Government) should lose then the reputation of the EMA would be damaged beyond repair and this would send a signal to the world that the threat to democracy is alive and well in Trinidad and Tobago. This is another case where the ordinary citizen will be fighting the people, aka Government, on behalf of the people.

People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people ~ V from the movie V for Vendetta

Enhanced by Zemanta

Three Plumes Matches Falls For Flattery


Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but who would want to flatter matches? That is the question on the lips of every man, woman and informed child on the island of Trinidad and Tobago today. Some say it’s a plot by the manufacturer to get publicity while others worry about the TT$ 418 million used to enhance the Airport for stupid reasons. However, most were troubled by Chris Gayle’s sudden lack of form and the Prime Minister’s passion for spitefulness. When the news of the counterfeit matches surfaced the nation almost panicked with two citizens refusing to strike that potentially unsafe yellow box to light their four-burner flame thrower that Courts couldn’t fix.

three_plumes_matches_500Three Plumes Matches, a Trinidad and Tobago icon, like Crix, Carib, and Kiss Cake, is being copied by unknown criminals proving the match industry is more lucrative than anybody suspected and possibly even as lucrative as building the Torouba Stadium. It is still unclear if Swinger and Flame, also made by Trinidad Match Limited, have become victims this crime of flattery. Citizens are hoping the police will dispatch a team to strike at the very heart of this latest offensive by criminals before all goes up in flames again.

Things TriniI think this is just the tip of the fire stick and more counterfeits will surface. Soon these unpatriotic criminals will be baking counterfeit Kiss Cakes with less sugar, brewing the Man’s Beer in brown bottles and peddling Crix with fewer holes. Our identity is being threatened and the criminals now appear to be in a free-for-all mode, kicking the nation at will and in its matchbox.

Enhanced by Zemanta

PM PM Finds a Loophole in La Brea


PM PM is being driven in his black, number-plateless, Benz into La Brea to cut some ribbon or turn some switch to mark the start of the construction of the  power plant for the aluminum smelter when he got a shock of his life. It is the loophole he always wanted and immediately calls AG JJ.

JJ “Yes PM PM”

PM PM “Ent yuh hah to be from La Brea to protest the smelter?”

JJ “Duh! Everybody know dat”

PM PM “Well boy, ah hah ah surprise for yuh. I ain see a sole from La Brea an ah know a La Brea citizen wen ah see one. All dem protesters from somewhere else.”

JJ “Yuh wan tuh geh dem arrested. Ah goe call de Immigration people now, now. Dem feel is only passport we paying dem for. It aint hah no DPP in dat, yuh know.”

PM PM “Nut yet. Ah seeing cameras and one or two ah dem damn bloggers”

JJ “We go arrest dem too. Anybody who hurt yuh feelings ah go lock up. Ah pissing mad now. Hole mih back!”

PM PM “Cool it JJ, like yuh had pent up hostilities in London boy. Is ah good thing ah had yuh released.”

JJ “Ah bad ah tell yuh! I luve yuh too much master. If yuh ask mih to bite them ah go ask yuh which cheek.

PM PM “Good boy. Good boy. Look, I going to tell them reporters like it is. We billing this smelter for La Brea and not the country. Leh we see how dey goe argue that. Is one set ah dunce in them papers yes.”

JJ “Yuh aint hah tu tell me about dunce!”

Megan Fox Sex Symbol Revealed


Megan Fox become a sex symbol seconds after she opened the bonnet of  the old, yellow, American car that was overheating in the movie Transformers. This bonnet-opening scene has since become a classic and permanently featured in the dreams of those fabled creatures called decent men. It was also the scene which pushed Angelina Jolie from the top of the sex symbol list and to get a tattoo upgrade. There were no special effects or cryptic back tattoos in that scene but only raw, sensual curves shot from all the right angles.  If there was ever an ad to promote sex symbolism it would be the Megan Fox Transformer overheating engine scene and nothing to do with Angelina Jolie’s back . I would argue that Transformers was successful only because of the hot Megan Fox and not because of the guy who also starred with her. His name fails me right now.

megan-fox-bra-wet-03For a girl to become a sex symbol there must be consensus by the mass media and especially by that new mass media called blogs.  Fortunately, this blog overwhelmingly votes for Megan Fox, not only to be a sex symbol, but to be the #1 sex symbol of 2009 and constantly in my wildest dreams.

I don’t think there is any one reason why the masses find Megan Fox sexy but certainly her easy to read tattoos help. Some women have their sex appeal enhanced by tattoos while others turn to body piercings and silicone. I would estimate that 90% of a woman’s sex appeal she is born with and 10% comes from highlighting the natural 90% on the screen, in night clubs, on the beach and in blogs. The paparazzi and blogs have contributed in a big way to the popularity of the modern celebrity and “leaked” photos and sex tapes have become part of the hype building.Megan-Fox

Enhanced by Zemanta

Drag Me to Hell – Movie of the Year

drag_me_to_hell_posterDrag Me to Hell might be what the average citizen thinks the politicians  are doing to them right now but it is really marks Spiderman’s director, Sam Raimi, return to the horror genre. Drag Me to Hell is one of the best movies I have seen in years and yet has no nudity, but it does have cat sacrifice implied. The movie is classified as horror and thriller but it is also a very funny movie. The MPAA in the US has rated Drag Me to Hell as PG-13 for sequences of horror, terror, disturbing images and language but I thought they were talking about Pro Max’s recent performance.

Yes, Drag Me to Hell is hilarious but it is not for those with a high coronary risk factor or afraid of being afraid.  The movie has most of the ingredients for a good modern horror- a fly, a cat, a curse, a pretty girl, a goat, and a cutlass. Drag Me to Hell gets an A+ for entertainment value but it also gets an A for lessons learnt. Two of the most important lessons people will take from this movie are obvious ones – (a) always give old gypsy women an extension on their mortgages and (b) if you have to dig up a grave at night during a thunderstorm, make sure you have the right envelope.

If you don’t spill popcorn or Coke on the head of the person in the seat in front of you a few time during the movie, and laugh while doing it you should seriously considered seeing a good undertaker.

Enjoy The Show!

Enhanced by Zemanta

The Low IQ Killers

Tailgate Inspector

I am not worried about being mugged and beaten by Beetham bandits as much as I am worried about being maimed or killed by a tailgater with a blue light under his car. Trinidad and Tobago not only has a President who avoids real issues using boring language but one of the highest tailgater to sane driver ratios in the world.

prism-under-car-kit-bluePeople who tailgate are as useful to society as people who sell corn soup with red nail clippings and are considered the pseudo-cool of our generation.  The average tailgater is young, male, short and wears platform shoes to try to look like a real man. They are bullies who terrorize people on the road and even on pavements and jogging tracks. Most tailgaters also steal high-end office supplies like staplers, Pilot pens and photocopy machines to make ends meet. Tailgaters are insecure people who were ignored by their parents while evolving from baby to brain dead and now need a blue light and a noisy engine to be noticed. The average tailgater thinks the roar of their engines can compensate for their lack of charm and the shortness of their penises. All tailgaters have as much as 3 CXC passes and carry alias like “Bullet Hole” or “Hard Lee.”

It is bad enough to have thousands of illegal guns on the streets but with the brain dead growing faster than the Tucker Valley cucumbers, tailgating will soon be the leading cause of gruesome death in the country.

Enhanced by Zemanta

West Indies Make Australia Shed Tears in ICC World 20Twenty

guyana-england-west-indies-cricket-2009-3-22-17-30-47Seeing Australia get bulldozed by the super underdogs, West Indies, and in particular, by Chris Gayle’s massive hitting, made my weekend. Australia, batting first, was bowled out by The Windies for a respectable 169 for 7. But Gayle and Fletcher blasted the Australian bowling with the first wicket, Fletcher, going when the Windies score was on 133 in the 11th over. Gayle was dismissed for 88 in the 14th over and made his 88 in 50 balls with 6 -fours and 6- sixes. By the time Gayle was dismissed  Australia was already worrying about being beaten by Sri Lanka.

fireworks_6_2008_2009 _450Knowing the variable ability of the West Indies, it is possible to never again see this level of performance by them in 20Twenty, or any form of cricket, for years. But fans hope, and some pray, the team will go with the momentum. It is not very often West Indies beat Australia much less pulverize them so today we celebrate as if it is the last time we will ever win anything.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Send in The Clown – Crime in Trinidad and Tobago



So Kevin Baldeosingh is still not now writing for any local newspaper because of religious reasons and Pro Max is still at large because of his politics and contempt. But life goes on even if criminals have cranked it up two notches and Martin Joseph has graced our TV screens with an image of confident cluelessness. Still, I find it hard to dislike Martin Joseph since my ridiculously happy childhood prevents me from hating a clown. I can laugh at a clown, I can run from a clown, and I can even kick a clown in its balls if necessary but I cannot hate a clown.  But Martin is not responsible for crime in the country and he is only responsible for admitting in public what the murder toll is. Outside of that public reporting function, Mr. Joseph has very little to do except to make sure criminal deportees are welcomed, the latest crime plan goes to waste in cabinet, and that there is enough helium for the blimp to float in the sky.

assassinTo make matters ridiculous, there are reports appearing in the Guardian today that says a Jamaican hit man was hired to assassinate a senior police officer. Putting a hit on anyone is disgusting but with the Chinese already getting jobs ahead of locals at Alutrint and there is now a threat that the hit man industry may go Jamaican, I see another protest brewing. What is wrong with our local snipers? Haven’t they been doing a good job for years? Why take out a hit on a police officer since police officers have very little involvement in solving any crime? Is that our 2020 vision? Is the importation of Jamaican criminal talent any way to develop our local crime industry? This is wrong for the country and even someone like Pro Max could see this.

Another Thought:

A senior police officer says the multimillion dollar CCTV cameras installed to protect Summit leaders are still working and as soon as any camera stops working there is an alarm at the Command Center causing a technician to be immediately dispatched to fix the delinquent camera. We await the images from these working cameras showing when the driver of the truck  near the Maloney intersection was hijacked and murdered in daylight, close to a CCTV camera. I wonder if the criminals know more about the CCTV system than the senior police officers? Just wondering.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Fast, Fun and Naked

beyonce-the-birth-of-venus-angelo-thomasThere are little things  I do, or don’t do, which make me feel better about myself. Things like drinking WASA water instead of Blue Water, reluctantly eating oatmeal instead of aloo pie, reading Richard Dawkins instead of Ted Haggard, and gladly buying The Guardian instead of The Newsday. I hope doing these things would lead to happiness, fun, and less traffic.

To have fun people must feel safe but it is difficult to feel safe in some locations in Trinidad and Tobago because of the increase in gun crime and food poisoning. Ever Since Sampson Nanton went on CNC3 and showed us roadside vendors dripping sweat over barbecue chicken, probably to add that unique flavor and competitive edge, I am scared of fast food and St. James. I will never forgive Sampson Nanton for that. Roadside fast food can still be fun but you have to be hungry and drunk first. I once asked a doubles vendor why there was a strand of hair in my aloo pie he said his wife was balding. He missed the point and offered extra chutney to hide the taste of the Pantene Pro V Shampoo.

A good part of a better life for a man is having fun, money, health and a nude woman with a decent body, all at the same time. There is a suggestion that there might be a correlation between having fun with a naked woman and a man’s happiness but men have been trying unsuccessfully for years to prove this correlation wrong.  I think scientist are on the verge of discovering that a naked woman is the only thing men live for and to suggest there is more is simply a pathetic attempt to sound like Oprah.


The words nude and naked are synonyms but in the real world they mean different things. Ask a woman to get nude and she is likely to pose like a renaissance model under a 10 watt light after dinner. Ask a woman to get naked she would probably go home with dessert.

Enhanced by Zemanta

BMW Movie – Star – Madonna

Star is one of the eight short, made-for-the-Internet-for-BMW movies from the 2001/2002 BMW, Hire series. Star starred Madonna and Clive Owen and was directed by her ex, Guy Richie. The movie uncharacteristically portrays Madonna as a bitch who is taught a lesson in the back seat of a BMW M5. Clive Owen is his usual, cool self and drives the M5 like the average Trini drives on back streets. BMW made these movies to highlight what BMW cars could do if Clive Owen but not Owen Wilson drove them. But mainly, the movies were made to show, like sex, there is no need for more than ten minutes. Anything more is just padding to justify the outrageous price.

Enhanced by Zemanta