The Uff Report and Jail


Prof. John Uff

On the day the Uff Report was submitted to a happy looking President, the Prime Minister suddenly realized the people needed more hospitals and Summits. The Prime Minister did not say how the country was going to fund these hospitals or any project in the future since the country is nearly out of money, low on natural gas and expect the price of LNG to drop to around 1/8th of its current low price in a couple years. It was also on the same day of the Uff Report WASA announced again the country will run out of water before the rain starts, so citizens will have to bathe less.

Calder Hart and possibly aka Carlos Corazón or even aka Manuel Digoutui

Luckily, the press did not fall for any of these Government-planned distractions and the first few pages of every newspaper featured the Uff Report and talked about the recommendation that some people involved in many big construction projects might have to go to jail if found guilty or if found. Sometime around the handing in of the Uff Report there was a newspaper article saying the corruption police, or is it the anti-corruption, ass-dragging police, couldn’t contact Calder Hart. I don’t know if they contacted the AG because the AG told the population not to worry, he knows how to contact Mr. Hart – The number you have reached is not in Service. Please get on a plane and get cracking. This is a recording. The police have to consider Mr. Hart may have changed his name to something like Carlos Corazón or Manuel Digoutui (Man-Well-Dig-Out-U-Eye).

in butt-saving-mode

The only thing the people are talking about  in Trinidad is corruption and a church in the Heights of Guanapo. Strangely, the Prime Minister is not addressing any of these issues in his pre-campaign trail excursions and instead continues to kiss those too young to read about him in the press and projects a body language which says “if you don’t support me I will destroy you.”  Our Prime Minister may not be well respected by the majority of the population because of his open expressions of hate for his countrymen but he is feared by all, especially  professional grass cutters and the Gang Land finance people.

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Maracas Bay Trinidad Photos – 2010


Maracas Bay Trinidad

I don’t go to Maracas often enough and after many false starts during the last twelve months, I finally went in January.  The shark and bake was  drooling-good as always and the prices now seem stable and as affordable as KFC. I will say this again, do not kill a shark and bake with too many extras as you will miss the whole point of the dish.

I took a few photos of the beach but decided that there were only ten I cared to share.  It was a hazy day with only a few people on the beach so early on a Sunday morning close to Carnival. This meant bikinis were in short supply as they were still asleep in their owner’s draws. This was my first outing where I tried my Sigma 28300mm F3.5-6.3 DL lens. It’s an ok lens that won’t break the bank or reveal too much bikini detail when stretched to 300mm. The Sigma is a finicky auto-focus lens which is nice to walk around with by the beach or possibly even on Carnival days. I haven’t had the time to use the Sigma too much but when I do (I used it on Carnival Monday) I will post photos for inspection, if not admiration. Click for Maracas Bay photos.

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M. Night Shayamalan’s The Last Airbender


“You are the last of your kind, all that remains of a once powerful nation” ~ from The Last Airbender

For the Summer of 2010, or as we in Trinidad and Tobago are fond of saying, for The Rainy Season, Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies will release M. Night Shayamalan’s latest flick, The Last Airbender.  The movie was originally called Avatar: The Last Airbender which is the name of the animated TV series the movie is based  but after James Cameron rushed and named his movie Avatar, the production houses dropped Avatar from the name in order not to have Cameron ride Shayamalan’s back for free. Shayamalan’s Last Airbender stars Jackson Rathbone, Dev Patel, Cliff Curtis, Nicola Peltz, Randall Duk Kim, Jessica Andres and many more too numerous to cut and paste into this bog post. The movie is not without controversy as the original TV series Avatar: The Last Airbender “is set in an Asian-influenced world of Chinese martial arts and elemental manipulation” but the movie’s cast is mainly white. This angered pro-Asian people and I suppose the movie was made to make money more than anything.

The Last Airbender is opening on the 4th of July weekend in the US and was recently promoted with a high-price TV ad spot during the Superbowl . I am not sure what the production cost is for The Last Airbender but it looks like quite a few million dollars US but less than the cost of one Chinese  NAPA. Unlike NAPA, The Last Airbender seems set to be enjoyed by millions plus make some money.


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Maxim Models


Maxim Maazine CoverMaxim is a magazine for men containing women but not just any women but women who are role models for other women. Maxim models are famous for knowing many things, especially how to bend for the camera. This feat of bending while starving to stay slim has earned them more money in a day than the average male spends on beer in a lifetime. The women who have been lucky enough to have made it to Maxim are a combination of celebrities and those girls in the gym next door.

There is something about being adored by millions of men every month, which attracts attractive women to want to pose for Maxim. Maxim is not like Playboy so it doesn’t encourage magazine nudity in most countries. Maxim magazine is now published in the US, UK, Argentina, Chile, Brazil, India, Germany, Bulgaria, Greece, Italy, Korea, Mexico, Indonesia, Israel, Belgium, Romania, the Czech Republic, France, Netherlands, Poland, Russia, Serbia, the Philippines, Singapore, Spain, Thailand, Ukraine, and Portugal. The women’s equivalent to Maxim is probably Better Homes and Gardens.

Men all over the world are the same and are attracted to the shape of shapely women. Maxim provides men with all the information they can understand about women in pictures. Maxim speaks the universal male language known as sexy in most countries and hotness in others. Some women consider the male obsession with looking and drooling over nearly nude, sexy women to be disgusting but most men are quite happy with this.

I doubt there will be a Maxim Trinidad and Tobago because local men don’t spend money on women on paper. We prefer the real women though that can also cost paper.

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Trinidad and Tobago – Running on Empty


I yawned last night when the news on all local TV stations reported that the police, famous for being loyal to our incorruptible leader, raided UDeCOTT offices, Sunway International’s offices and the home of Calder Hart, possibly looking for remnants of The Treasury. They did this after months of intense investigations – the AG claimed the investigations started since September last year but it appears nothing was done until the suspect fled the country maybe on a tipoff from one in the know. From what I saw on TV, the investigators wore shirt jack suits and detained some Dell and Lenovo PCs, a few external hard drives and laptops probably sporting quad and dual core processors. The police will probably find nothing but some local and foreign pornographic photos, a few good Malaysian jokes, family photos of long lost relatives and very little about churches or bank accounts. Even I don’t leave that kind of thing lying around my hard drive.

This raid was very entertaining and caused the press and print media to squeeze as much mileage from the recent government orchestrated stage show featuring loyal supporters of the God of the Government. The media however missed the most important piece of news to affect Trinidad and Tobago now and way into the future and that news is the money done. This report was pushed to page 10 of the Trinidad Express which says “BPTT Head: Natural Gas boom over.” Now, if a man like BPTT’s current head can face reality for a change and tell the public there will be no more easy money and we in Trinidad and Tobago must start to actually produce things the world wants  besides gas, oil and Chubby sweet drink, then things must be really bad. The Government knows this and many sensible people also know that the chances of getting their money from any failed insurance companies are getting dimmer by the second despite a bankrupt Government’s guarantee.

All these non-productive Port of Spain cosmetic projects, including the billion-dollar-fiasco-summits, have finally taken its toll on the country and all the money ain’t even done pass yet. The freeloaders appointed to cabinet are shaking in their shoes trying to justify their existence to the Prime Minister by nodding after every sentence the man utters, even when he is in a heightened state of delusion. I guess they must be suffering from his delusion as well.  A snap election is inevitable as more news of suspected financial wrongdoings is leaked to the public. Those contractors who had the foresight to milk the country dry before the downturn must be commended for their clear vision of the future. Hopefully they were smart enough to change their money into US dollars and bank it in Miami before our TT dollar floats away. I also hope they found the time and took those well-deserved European vacations. Hopefully, Citizens finally realize that God is not a Trini and he is extending the drought,  and WASA’s and UDeCOTT’s officials tenure just to prove this point.

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Horning For Dummies


According to the Trini Dictionary the word horn or horning means to cheat on your spouse or lover, as in “She horning him like reindeer!” or as I like to say “He get more horn than a garbage truck on Frederick Street.”

Though horning in Trinidad and Tobago goes on quietly, and too frequently behind closed bedroom and office doors, the ones that make the public happiest are the ones taking place with celebrities. People were always entertained by celebrity-hornings but I think the resurgence in public interest started with the iconic golfer and horner-man, Tiger Woods. More recently, there were rumours that Sandra Bullock may have been a victim of her husband’s infidelity and the public shame made her suddenly cancel a public appearance in the UK. I can only imagine how difficult it was for Sandra Bullock to go on stage and accept an Oscar, which represented the panicle of her career, while knowing along with the world her husband had secretly enjoyed a different main course for desert. Naturally, her husband expressed regret and I suppose if he was not found out he would have little to regret.

In Tiger Woods’ case, he was the horner and in Sandra Bullock’s case she was the hornee. People would say being a hornee is harder than being a horner but I can only imagine the agony Tiger Woods must have endured over the last few months trying to figure out why horning is bad for endorsements.  There are many reasons why people horn but the only good reason is that people think they could get away with it. I don’t know anybody who is being horned or horning anybody and that might be because a good horn is always secret. Horning is not a good thing and should be avoided daily. Most hornings end up in disaster similar to  chewing a stiff piece of curried goat but unlike chewing stiff goat meat, a pressure cooker cannot help.

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Swiffer Justice in Trinidad and Tobago


The citizens of Trinidad and Tobago have been hounding the Government down for years to provide swift justice but today, in Parliament, the Minister of Public Administration, on two occasions, clearly said the Government aims to provide citizens with Swiffer justice. The Minister, an educated man who worships Chinese tile floors the Prime Minister walks on, left citizens puzzled as he did not say how a device which cleans up to 50% more dirt, dust, and cat hair than a broom will improve the criminal justice system.

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