Barack Obama – Behind the Scenes – Trinidad and Tobago


Pete Souza, President Obama’s Official White House Photographer, took these brilliant shots of The President’s visit to Trinidad and Tobago for the Summit of the Americas (17th April to 19th April). I downloaded the photos from the White House website. Click on the shots for the captions and there is nothing funny this time.  All the shots were taken with a Canon EOS 5D Mark II DSLR.

Obama – Trinidad and Tobago – Second Thoughts


CB Trinidad Americas Summit

You look taller than on TV - Chavez

From the fictitious diary of President Obama:

April 18th 2009

Yesterday the landing was smooth  but the pilot had to abort the first attempt for reasons I don’t want to get into now but I think he saw a crack. Fortunately, the runway seemed to have held up well but I will get my people check for cracks tomorrow morning since the Mexicans and Colombians are also here.

CB Trinidad Americas Summit Obama

Oooo! I love this Soca!

The drive to Port of Spain was uneventful and on leaving the airport I saw a big Bhagwansingh’s Hardware and the famous Trincity Mall . I might have even seen a car being broken into in the mall’s car park but I am not sure since the people stopped to  wave at me. There were a few cars on the road and I suppose the Government pulled everybody off to allow us Heads to make it to the Hyatt in time for pre-summit snacks. I heard people were disappointed that I didn’t come through the front entrance of the Hyatt but after Hugo caused barriers to be broken down I didn’t see any need to break them again. The Secret Service said some journalists were getting on wild and I was safer in the back. I think the Secret Service would take a bullet for me but not a journalist. I have to check.

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I can see a photographer

The Hyatt looked like a hotel and with all the talk on the blogs about tall buildings I was disappointed. I mentioned this to Mr. Manning who seemed offended at first but then offered me a bowl of corn soup. I refused since I couldn’t easily identify all the floating objects and security protocol requires The President identify all food objects, especially in soup. I made up an excuse and said I ate in My Plane. PM PM seemed to go temporarily green when I mentioned My Plane and I even thought he was turning into the Hulk.

jackson

Blow hard

...and this is where Mr. Manning proposes to build the second smelter

...and this is where Mr. Manning proposes to build the second smelter

Some of the South American leaders seemed rather strange I couldn’t help wonder if their people were poor because their leaders were strange or if their leaders were strange because of poverty. Mr. Ortega was long in his speech and I read a comment in a blog which suggested he did this to spite good looking leaders. Mr. Manning took no offense. PM PM was shaky at the start of his speech but seemed to get his stride after he offered Mr. Morales a bowl of corn soup, probably the same bowl I turned down. I am beginning to suspect he threw this summit just to serve corn soup. PM PM referred to me as “his kind” and I nearly fainted when he said it. I didn’t know if he meant black, smart, charismatic, handsome, Harvard-educated or soup-shy. Maybe he meant all. I am beginning to wonder how “his kind” ever got elected.

CB Trinidad Americas Summit Obama

I hope this book is free

What is with this Hugo character? He seems like a nice guy; always smiling and chubby.  He even gave me a book about how my country robbed his country but he seems not too-right-here. These South and Central American leaders appear to strive on being weird and offensive and if it wasn’t for their women and cheap labor we might have bombed them ages ago. I am joking, obviously. We can’t afford another war right now.

I have to go dress and attend a function at the Chinese Palace in St. Ann’s where Mr. Manning will be serving corn soup and dhal puri. I will only eat some soup after Morales is on his third bowl, for security reasons, naturally.  I might have to dance with Mrs. Manning tonight out of courtesy and I only hope she wears a sleeveless something. Ha ha, I am homesick, but not that homesick.

Trinidad and Tobago – From Green to Brown


I once wrote a blog-post which said “crapo smoke we pipe” if we did not let the Mighty know how we feel.  Unfortunately, there is a petition  to Save Our Mangrove in Trinidad and Tobago and there are not many signatures attached. As I pointed out before, in Trinidad and Tobago “We just want to get home on evenings without traffic lights and peeling off tints“.  Ignorance is bliss in Trinidad and Tobago and bliss is not only in style but a big part of our identity.  But people may not be signing because they either don’t know about the petition or don’t care.

Is Essar and mangrove destruction the best way forward and is melting steel the best way for a small country to develop with only a few years of gas left ? Trinidad and Tobago was listed fifth in the world in per capita carbon dioxide emissions and that was before Alutrint and Essar.  This means we are burning gas like we are burning money in Toruba but still can’t find parking in Port of Spain or a stadium in South.  And the only way we can change a spare on the shoulder of the Beetham is at gunpoint.  Added to all this is the country’s Corruption Perception index has gotten worse and we are now perceived as being 35% more corrupt today than we were in 2002. We seem to be good banana material.

There are a number of websites and blogs dedicated to saving the Claxton Bay mangrove and the environment in Trinidad and Tobago:

Environmentally Friendly

Save our Mangrove Petition

The Mangrove Project

The Claxton Bay Mangrove Project

Pictures of the Claxton Bay Mangrove

Please visit and have your say.

Obama Calls Manning


obamamanningnewsday

April 9th, 2009

President O: Hello?

PM PM: Hello.

President O: Is this PM PM?

PM PM: Yes, this is PM PM.

President O: God man, this in President O. I have been trying to reach you for a while but couldn’t get you.

PM PM: Yuh sure? President O! Yuh sounding funny.

President O: This is no trick, Sir. This is President O.

PM PM: Gosh, sorry yuh couldn’t geh mih before.  Ah think ah was out? Oh gawdd!

President O: The phone only rang and rang but no one answered.

PM PM: Dem blasted Secetree and dem. Ah tell dem wen ah not around to stay by de dam phone. Shucks Man! Ah tell dem somebody important would ah call one day but dey a believe mih! Stueeps!

President O: Pardon?

PM PM: Sorry President O, I was just mumbling to myself.

President O: Anyway, I am calling about the Summit.

PM PM: Yuh want to change de agenda again? No probs. Some ah dem leaders real soft and de rest is only mouth. Dey feel because dey have a few oil dollars  dey big. Stupees!

President O: No, I didn’t really call about that. I am actually calling about my plane and the accommodation for it.

PM PM: We bill a new hanger and thing. Doe worry bout nothing. We taking care of it.

President O: Nice, PM PM. Glad to hear that.

PM PM: So yuh bringing de Beast?

President O: Huh? Yes, Hillary will be arriving ahead of the Summit.

PM PM: No, no! I mean yuh bulletproof car.

President O: Oh, that Beast. My people will talk to your people about that.

PM PM: As you wish, Sir.

President O: There is another matter; about the runway cracks…

PM PM: …yes, we are looking into that seriously this time. Don’t worry about ah ting. Dem dam blog an dem!

President O: Great! And I also wanted you to know that Cuba is not a democracy…

PM PM: …and neither is China.

President O: Touché! You are clever as they said. I would also like to talk at the Summit about going Green.

PM PM: Gosh man, every time I see Air Force One I goe green.

President O: No, I mean the effort by countries to adopt clean, renewable energy sources.

PM PM: Yes, yes. Only a few weeks ago we appointed a Renewable committee and I get them lecturers at UWI to suddenly talk Green and all dat crap.

President O: Great, Trinidad and Tobago is a true political nation. No doubt the hot topic will be the economy.

PM PM: God man, an de Stadium and de Enquiry aint even finish as yet.

President O: What?

PM PM: Sorry President O, I was only mumbling to myself again.

President O: You seem to do that a lot, don’t you?

PM PM: Pressure! Pressure ah tell yuh!

President O: I know how it is.

President O: Not to get sidetracked, another topic on the agenda is inequality and discrimination.

PM PM: That is two topics, Mr. Pres.

President O: Not if you discuss it as one.

PM PM: Oh ho.

President O: As I was saying, the Leaders attending must discuss inequality and discrimination.

PM PM: Stupees, dem people doe vote fuh me so I must discriminate. Nutten fuh dem! Wait till yuh see the “cultural” presentation we have in store fuh Summit Friday. Dey goe bawl.

President O: You know, PM PM, at all these talk shops people say good things and say they are against discrimination but the same people who say so end up discriminating.  People don’t want to be discriminated against but they want to discriminate against others. They exclude and they victimize. They are hypocritical and just don’t get it. Some leaders even  sound Holier than the Pope but are anything but.  I am beginning to wonder if these Summits are not a waste of time and money. Maybe we could all chat on Facebook on the first Wednesday of every third month instead.

PM PM: Gosh Sir, I build the Waterfront already and ah even thank de crook, ah mean man, fuh billing it. How ah goe feel nice if nobody see it?

President O: I understand this Summit is costing the country a pretty penny and people are worried about their jobs, just as in the US.

PM PM: You think I have dem to study. I is de leader, I will spend their money how I want. When yuh doe spend it dey say yuh doe do nothing. When yuh spend it bad dey say he thief.   All dem people want is hospital and school, like ah could hole a Summit in a Senior Comp. Look, I fed up yes. Stupees!

President O: I think all Good Leaders must relate to their population and talk to All The People, not just some. A Good Leader must speak with compassion and not arrogance. A good leader must not swell up like a bullfrog on stage.

PM PM: Ah hah tu tell some ah dem leaders that, yes.

President O: Well, I am also a busy man so I will talk to you some more at the Summit.

PM PM: Wait! Wait! So, wah time yuh coming?

click

PM PM: Like de call jus drop again, yes.

Summit of the Americas – Why Protests Matters


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If the Government of Trinidad and Tobago wants to forbid protest during the Summit of The Americas in April they should think again. The Government agreed to host The Summit not to show off the made in China Prime Minister’s Mansion, or the modern but empty Waterfront Project but to highlight the real Trinidad and Tobago; or so he said. The Government must understand that only through protests will people see the real Trinidad and Tobago and not through elected empty vessels.

Journalists are normally not stupid and are never energized by talk but by protests and unruly behavior with a cause. Video clips of the Summit proceedings will have a dead look especially when our Prime Minister speaks or is shown in his daily, haughty, clueless pose. Only Obama will be of any interest and the rest of leaders will be faces in the crowd, hopefully not picking their noses on camera. The world craves substance in the form of real emotion and not a billion-dollar-waste-of-time.

People did not know or care where the G20 Summit was being held until the protesters jumped (danced) in front the cameras. The G20 protestors were unfortunately not there to highlight the wastefulness and corruption of the Trinidad and Tobago Government, UDECOTT, the childishness of our The Minister of Works or even the stupidity of our Minister of Finance. The protesters were there to protest a cause known as greed. The Summit of the Americas can give our local protesters, along with foreign protest consultants, a world stage to highlight both international and our version of greed, incompetence, and massive ego tripping. This is something all suffering countries will identify with. Maybe The Protest in Trinidad will become popular on YouTube and blogs and shame our Government into caring.  Naturally, well staged protests will make people curious about Trinidad and Tobago and soon enough people will learn the names Patrick Manning, Calder Hart, Lawrence Duprey and Golden Grove.

Please Complete – The Cabinet Note


humor_kiss_my_ass_red_shirtA Cabinet Note was discovered pinned to a tee-shirt which was found in a shinny, black, new SUV. Here is the content of that note and it is being made public for the first time.

CABINET NOTE:

Dear Cabinet,

Here is a list of things I want done ASAP since many, many years is a long time even by my standards (for those who don’t know or are just too stupid ASAP means As Soon As Possible and sometimes pronounced Ass Arp or Ass Up in your case). These things are not to be done for the Summit but for the lovely people. Please have all task finished at least seven days before 17th April.

  • Paint concrete dividers on the highway so that drivers and dignitaries will notice how clean they look and think our hands are also clean. Have no fear; we will stick posters on them before the Local Gov elections.
  • Cut trees in airport car park so that thieves can be seen smashing car windows to get to valuables and bags of bene balls left on car seats. Seeing is believing.
  • Cut trees near lighthouse to prevent the Sea Lots bandits from hiding in them. Those bandits will have to hide elsewhere so think of somewhere else for them to hide. Bandits are our friends and supporters.
  • Widen road near Light House so that people will feel we want them to come to town.
  • Get somebody at UDECOTT to make up another completion date for the white…I mean the Brian Lara Stadium.
  • Pave airport tarmac to accommodate VIPs (for those who do not know or are simply stupid it means Very Important Planes)
  • Cut bush where necessary.
  • Install CCTV where it matters.
  • Remove tints from cars so we can see who we looking for with the CCTV.
  • Move the homeless but make it sound humane. I don’t care what you do with them since most don’t have ID cards.
  • Promise the Unions dialogue since talk is cheap.
  • Lock down appropriate areas.
  • Promise the people anything to keep them from burning tires.
  • Monitor blogs which are critical of the Government and take appropriate action but keep action quiet.

p.s. Mr. Minister of Works, why am I paying a consultant to tell the public the steel no good. I have a good feeling to pay him from your cu…your salary.

THE BOSS

Trinidad and Tobago FAQ


port_of_spain_500-_aka

Where is Trinidad and Tobago located?

10°40′N 61°31′W, if you are into coordinates. If you are not then Trinidad and Tobago is located South-East of Grenada, a former communist run country that was officially invaded by the US to put that nonsense to an end.

What is Trinidad and Tobago‘s total surface area?

Since you may be American I would say 1,978 sq miles. If you are anybody else it is 5,128 sq km.

How is the island’s climate?

That is a tricky one since this year we are still waiting for our traditional bush fires fueled by dry bush and glowing cigarette butts. According to the Metrological Services of Trinidad and Tobago, we have two seasons; the Dry Season and The Wet Season. No, Carnival time is not the official wet season.

What do I wear?

Wear whatever you want except for being topless and or bottomless anywhere in public. Visitors should be tastefully attired while the regular citizens shop at Francis Fashions, Detour, Catwalk and Westport. The more fortunate citizens shop in Miami and NY.

Is Trinidad and Tobago a rugged island?

Some of the men, like this Blogger, are quite rugged. Other than that there is the Northern Range Mountains which is not only located in the north of Trinidad but is scenic, and dangerous to hike since the criminal elements can hide weapons and bodies for indefinite periods without being discovered by the Police. Don’t even ask why.

What are the natural resources of Trinidad and Tobago?

We have some oil and gas left. Currently, we are trying to also market Bikinis and Beads but Ken and Len are clueless about that type of thing.

Is the island environment protected?

It depends who you ask. The Government will always say yes but the fish in The Gulf of Praia, the birds in the Bird Sanctuary and a couple lecturers from The University of The West Indies will say something else. An aluminum plant is currently being built, causing much uneasiness for some and much indifference to the rest of the population. We just want to get home on evenings without traffic lights and peeling off tints.

What is the estimated population?

The population is approximately 1.3 million but with the murder and crime rate being so high the migration rate has increased significantly. The Government seems cool with that and seems cool with everything. It is not a problem is the motto of this Government. The population growth in the country appear to be static and this has been attributed to the proper use of condoms, early withdrawals, infertility brought about by too much KFC in the diet, and stress brought about by crime (including UDECOTT) and CL Financial.

Is Trinidad and Tobago a young population island?

At Carnival a large percentage of the population becomes young while the rest buy pirate DVDs or go to the beach.

0-14 years: 19.8% (male 124,480/female 118,725)
15-64 years: 72.6% (male 458,338/female 435,829)
65 years and over: 7.6% (male 40,250/female 53,701) (2008 est.)

Ethnically, how is Trinidad and Tobago divided?

Quite nicely.

Indian (South Asian) 40%, African 37.5%, mixed 20.5%, other 1.2%, unspecified (Colombians) 0.8% (2000 census)

What language is spoken?

Most of the population speaks English but local politicians speak a language of their own which has no meaning and cannot be translated into any know language on this planet.

What is the capital of Trinidad and Tobago?

Port of Spain is the capital of both Islands with Scarborough the capital of Tobago. St. Joseph was once the capital but now all that is left to mark the former capital is an ugly sign put up by the Carib Beer people in front of the old St. Joseph Police Station.

Is there crime on the islands?

Crime and our inability to curb it is the biggest joke in the world. The murder rate is on the upswing and the police competence is an all time low. The police cannot be trusted and even serious crime is sometimes not reported.

What is the island’s legal system?

The rich can afford a better quality of justice. Some lawyers are very rich because the system was designed to make them so. Lawyers have a keen interest in the court delays. Some lawyers, and most women say, the longer the better.

How is the legislative branch divided?

One judge said he should have been appointed to the High Court and thinks there is a clique within the judiciary which he is not a member, so there is some division and he was hanging on a branch when he said that.

Is the local economy stable?

We will find out after the Summits but with UDECOTT overrunning finish lines and with the price of drapes and night stands out of control, who knows.

Is sightseeing around the island safe?

Yes, there is much to see but please consult your local embassy before venturing far from an honest policeman.

Welcome to Trinidad and Tobago, President Obama


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Dear Mr. President,

I am writing  to welcome you and your wife to our beautiful country and despite what you were told by certain politicians, this country belongs to all citizens and a few multinationals.

Sir, when you land at the Piarco International Airport with Air Force One I would advise you have your pilot check the runway for cracks. A new section of the tarmac is being paved by a contractor who, let’s put it this way, gets away with murder in this country. This contractor has done shoddy work on the runway before and was paid a huge sum to correct his mistakes. But I hope he gets it right this time. I also hope the Chinese contractor can finish the refurbishment of the Old Airport Terminal Building in time for the Summit. The Contractor is using Chinese labor so it should be ready. I think the same contractor is in charge of keeping dogs from straying onto the runway. Also, don’t forget to sign your customs declaration form since our customs officers can get nasty if you don’t. Customs don’t care who you are.

I know you wouldn’t be driving into Port of Spain in the traffic regular citizens have to put up with every day. This is unfortunate since you can only know people when you see how they behave in traffic. I don’t want to say any more but it is not a pretty sight. Use the Priority Bus Route but make sure you get a pass from the Minister of Works first. Try not to meet this Minister in person since he thinks he is better than the average citizen and lets everyone know it.  He is not a well liked person.

I don’t want to dwell on the negative side of Trinidad and Tobago but the amount of murders for the year will be 110 by the time I type this full stop. I know it sounds high for a country as small as ours but our Government has tried every trick in the book to keep us from noticing. The crime  situation is very bad and every time our Minister of National Security goes on TV and says things are going to get better two or three people are murdered. Sometimes I feel these murderers have no respect for The Minister. Also, it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t warn you about the Beetham. If you ever get stuck in traffic or get a flat tire in that area you have to be careful. The Beetham Bandits snatch cell phones and rob people at gunpoint in broad daylight. Be careful with your Blackberry.

Every country has its fair share of jokers who pose as Opposition Leaders and Trinidad and Tobago is no exception. You might meet the Opposition Leader and you would know him by the way he rolls his R’s and pretends to be honest. I can’t say too much about him other than he had a hand in the construction of the new airport terminal and owns a political party.

The recession has not hit us as bad as it did your country but we are always a little behind. Everyone is looking out for it but some feel we will start to feel the best effects after the Summit. The Summit is costing us plenty money but according to our Prime Minister we will have long term benefits such as government funding to keep citizens safe and  TSTT wireless Internet. Citizens are thankful for the Summit since without the Summit the Government would have spent the money on more tall buildings and drapes.

I hope by now you had the time to visit mayarobeach.com. It is a cool website with Trinidad and Tobago photos including hundreds of Trinidad Carnival pictures. I am sure you will like what you see. Trinidad and Tobago looks very nice without local politicians.

I hope you enjoy your stay and have a rewarding Summit. We in Trinidad and Tobago look forward to all the investment opportunities the Summit will bring to our shores and hope you can buy more oil and gas from us at better prices. We don’t want to beg but if we have to we will.

Best Regards,

aka_lol

https://akalol.wordpress.com/

p.s. don’t forget to try the Shark and Bake and read this blog

The President of The United States Writes The Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago


bananas

The US President decides to write the Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago a brief, informal letter to discuss a few things. Here are the contents of that fictitious letter:

Greetings Mr. Prime Minister and lets hope we could work together in the spirit of cooperation and all that crap.

Only recently I became aware of who you were but knew about Trinidad and Tobago from my Geography classes and apparently there might even be a Trini in the Whitehouse since Trinis are everywhere, I am told by the CIA.

I am due to officially visit your beautiful country for some Summit thing ah hear yuh having and I hope the security in your country is tight but from what I have been reading it sounds frightening. Seven murders in one night in a country so small? Well, I was going to write “You can’t be serious, Mr. Prime Minister” but my aides said it would be impolite to imply incompetence and stupidity in an official letter to a Head of State. But seriously, “Wuh going orn, man. De country so small and the murder rate out of control. Yuh know wah yuh doing?” However, it was heartening to read your Police Commissioner is more than a little concerned.

I will be coming for one, two or three days by Air Force One and hope you have secure parking for my plane. De way I hear dey thiefing things from foreigners over in Trini ah feel ah go have to put mih own guards to watchman mih plane. Ah hear yuh wanted yuh own plane too buh yuh couldn’t get though. Next time, nah. Boy, you real big, yes.

As you are well aware, I am new to being a Head of State and I met tons of problems caused by a dumb administration when I entered office. I suppose you, being in power for so long, must understand what a dumb administration is.  This is a crazy world we live in where the population is getting brighter and have access to Google so pulling wool over people’s eyes by politicians is not as easy as it once was. The world is now so crazy people of democratic countries are now demanding their politicians perform or else they would be voted out. I would like to find out how you became the exception to that rule. Maybe we could discuss this at the Summit thing but I think it’s better to perform than to find wool.

The US and Trinidad have always been allies but I understand your heart and one kidney is with Cuba. I suppose you are a big man and can make big man decisions. I don’t think Cuba is a threat to the region and my good friend Bill spoke highly of Cuban cigars. I just thought I would bring up Cuba since you seem to have a thing for the place.

I heard so much about the natural beauty of The Asa Wright Nature Centre, the Splendor of Carnival, The Wonders of The Pitch Lake, The Height of The Hyatt, The Floods of Port of Spain and The Truth About UDECOTT. Nice place you have there and I have one word of advice for you, if I may be so bold, and that is The Truth doesn’t always set you free. But I suppose you knew that long time.

Anyway, got to go now and stimulate the economy so…

…will chat later

The Summits of Trinidad and Tobago


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Citizens of The Island were excited as The Great Summits approached. Thought the economy of The Island was in a tailspin and pensioners were being shortchanged, no expense was being spared to give the World Leaders the impression the Island had money to burn. All the major energy and biscuit industries on The Island were either at a standstill or shutting up shop but the Great Rulers of The Island said to the people, don’t worry be happy, we strong, we strong, a sentiment that comforted some people and all ostriches.

police-and-thiefThe Island was being  spruced up for The Great Summits so that the foreign press would get the wrong impression. Though the price of oil and gas was at an all-time low and the murder rate was at an all-time high the Grand Leader of The Island said The Island had much to boast about. The Island indeed had much to boast about and it boasted a high crime rate, unbearable traffic, and unbelievable floods. The Island also boasted countless pig-mannered drivers and frustration with all Government services. But The Island’s biggest boasts were having a Minister of Works who was never wrong, a Minister of Finance who was never right, and a Prime Minister who healed in a time that was nothing short of disappointingly miraculous. Though the country had its problems with no solution in sight like how to pay for the Great Stadium down South, no water in the pipelines, and masses of illiterate school children, the people were happy and that is why they drank and sped and bought the latest burglarproofing for their houses.

cepep1Despite the ill-advised negativity by some over The Great Summits most of the people on The Island were eagerly awaiting it and made plans to show off their skills and talents. Some said they would play pan and tassa while others said they would sing Soca, Calypso and Chutney. Nobody said they could read music. Others were planning to wine down de place to Chutney and Soca rhythms along with those foreign journalists who can’t even keep a beat. Some citizens said they would show off the more technologically advanced side of the country which amounted to tire burning, mud shoveling, and the world-famous CEPEP Missile Shield TM. One Government Minister had planned to show off his Mega Cucumber while The Car Thieving and Corrupt Licensing Officers Association planned to put on a demonstration highlighting how fast a car can be stolen from the Mall then reregistered and sent back on the road with a new owner. The Police and Thief Association planned to demonstrate how The Police took bribes from The Thief and some Police Officers even planned to raid housesignalss without search warrants while The CoP planned to say and do nothing in approval. The Coast Guard intended only to show how to weigh the drugs seized in raids. Some motorists were eager to show why amber is just another color and why shoulders are more than something to cry on. The PM, never to be outdone, planned to measure the height of every building in the Capital with an aluminum tape made in China.