R.I.P Trinidad and Tobago General Elections

Just over one million citizens are registered to vote in the General Elections in Trinidad and Tobago today. This election season has been a hard, uncomfortable and a wasteful time for most citizens except for mike men, jersey men, stage providers, political songsters and political paraphernalia providers. By 10:00 p.m tonight most of the writing will be on the political wall and a victorious party will emerge setting off fireworks disturbing dogs, cats, birds and the losing party. So one party will win and one party will lose, one party will be appointed the official plunders while the other will look on in envy. Regardless of which party wins Jack Warner will lose and that is the one victory the country can celebrate together. Mr. Warner is a bitter man who has enough money to be uniformly miserable for the rest of the life he chooses to have.

Despite who loses, I will continue to go Movietowne twice a month and avoid chicken fried in old oil and once a month if the dollar is devalued. Politicians in Trinidad and Tobago are all about smoke and mirrors, creating the illusion of hope and despair and never talking or dealing with the truth. If a new party, the PNM, comes into power then their revenge on the old party will be brutally executed while attempting or pretending to attempt to steady the economy. If the Peoples Partnership wins then they will be sure to continue their nepotism and favoritism and blunders as if the last five years never happened. This is the hope the country has to look forward to tonight.

Fortunately, I don’t have to listen for the results and commentary by biased and ignorant  “Political Analyst” on both sides of the divides as the sound of fireworks from my neighbor, or no sound at all will tell me who won. It is a no-win-no-win situation.

Trinidad and Tobago foreign exchnage woes – the real reason for the shortage

People and economist are saying that Trinidad and Tobago is living beyond its means and that is contributing to the drain on foreign exchange in the country. This was no doubt made worse in the short term by the flood of back-pay to public servants. Also, our spending habits such as buying too many cars and flooding “skyboxes” with goodies all year round is no doubt a big drain but I can say from observation that the forex drain from buying imported cars far outweigh the purchases via individuals’ skyboxes.

But the real cause of this drain is too much disposal income due to heavily subsidized basic needs such as water, electricity, prescription medicine, gasoline, laptops, GATE and canned foods. If we were to pay a less subsidized portion of  these items then there would be less money to make the unimaginative big time importers of everything even less imaginative and innovative. The motto of these companies seems to be “just bring it down and it will sell.”

Everyday you see oil prices sliding downhill worse than Jack Warner’s reputation. Everyday you see countless ads urging us to buy in order to be happy. Banks, a big beneficiary of the big disposable incomes due to big government subsidies, are all too willing to make it happen with a loan of your choice.  The Minister of Finance hinted that they are concerned with how the reduction in government subsidies will affect the most vulnerable. The most vulnerable has always been the politicians’ pet and best friend so it is always in political parties interest to have as many most-vulnerable as they can create as democracy is one man one vote.

I am anxious for the elections to be over with and I do not envy the next party in power as something drastic will have to be done quickly to prevent our thin-walled economic bubble from bursting. Sink or swim, Kamla or Rowley, I want this thing called General Elections to be over so we can pay attention to the more serious things in life like the economy and how much de Government goe give we.

Why Change The Government? or Why Change the Government

I have a theory which says that a Government must be changed every five years as this is the only way to put the breaks on the corruption juggernaut they have nurtured and cared for during their term in office. If this juggernaut is not stopped then the corruption wave will continue to grow at an exponential rate and by the end of a second five year term it will become an out of control Godzilla. In other words it will become we culture. Also, by putting a new party in power the corruption dollars and favors would have been shared between the very select few and fortunate of the party in power. This is a type of proportional representation that was quietly proposed by the vibrant corrupt sector of our blessed land.

Unfortunately both the proverbial and actual man-in-the-street will be out of pocket by the total amount amount of corruption dollars that is pocketed by the few and fortunate. It will not matter which party you vote as the tax man doesn’t discriminate and 99.999% of all citizens will have to fund both the unelected and elected corrupt.

Like cockroaches and the poor, the corrupt will always be with us only the color of their jerseys may be different. Don’t be fooled by highways and railroads as your vote is not about that. Your vote isn’t even about getting a better quality of life or a reduction in crime or an increase in parking spots in Port of Spain. Your vote is about corruption and only corruption, everything else they say is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of choosing our evil.

How to identify an Idiot in Trinidad and Tobago

In my opinion it’s easy to identify an idiot by the statements they make and politicians are people who generally make stupid statements which the public is not aware are stupid statements. This is so because the public often make these same statements and, through the grace of god, they are not burdened with the ability to even realize this.

However, the healthy minister of health, probably due to a big gut reaction or lack of blood flowing to the brain at the time, unfairly turned the fragile public opinion against Chinese people of Trinidad and Tobago with his pronouncement on the dog-skinning video making its way on social media. This is unfortunate as it seems Mr. Minister was too trigger-happy and probably let his personal biases loose in public as election fever grabs political candidates by their proverbial real balls and squeeze at regular and frequent intervals. The results of this frequent squeezing being the senseless utterances by the numerous and professionally senseless politicians of Trinidad and Tobago.

It is sad to think that despite his lack of a properly wired brain Mr. Minister might be a candidate in the upcoming general elections and sadder that he might still be as popular with the voting public despite strong evidence proving he is the second leading candidate for Country Idiot with Jack Warner being number one for some time now.

The dog-skinning video is sick but even sicker is the Minister’s love for hate. One video dose not a case make, unless you are an idiot, of  course.

Jack to Learn New Trade

Local personality, charming politician, and football fiend, Jack Warner, said to his tens of thousands of followers and detractors last night at the airport that corruption built,”I’ll be back.” Mr Warner, a self-made self-terminator, was about to get on a flight bound to a land not too far away. He was accompanied by armed security guards who will ensure he gets to his final destination safely.

Many were sad while many were glad. “You could say what yuh want, Jack could run he mouth,” said one supporter clad in a spent-green tee-shirt. A detractor dressed in bright yellow swore a little too casually about how Jack used to be good until he turned green. Panday, a one-time very close friend and an almost-enemy of Jack, and now a career political dead-horse, said he wanted to hug Jack but felt he might get, or even be, carried away. Ramesh, another popular, fulltime dead-horse and professional  opportunist thinks Mr. Warner was misunderstood by those who liked him and fully understood by investigators.

A noticeable chunk of the general election economy will be seriously hit by Mr. Warner’s sudden departure as mike men, tee-shirt makers and green paint suppliers start to count their losses. When the leader of the Opposition was asked to comment he simply said “I told you so.” The Prime Minister did not immediately return calls for a comment from this blog but shortly after released a brief statement saying “Jack Who?”

https://akalol.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/jack-will-be-history-in-the-future/

Trinidad and Tobago Unofficial Budget 2013-2014

INTRODUCTION

Mr Speaker, before I begin I want to acknowledge an immense debt of gratitude to the Prime Minister whose astute leadership has caused the PP to not only win not one damn seat in the Tobago House of Assembly elections but also to lose the Chaguanas West by-election in the UNC heartland to the more astute Jack Warner by a big, big margin. By doing this she distinguishes our public affairs and has created the conditions for higher levels of confidence in our economy and society. Ent?

THINGS ARE GROWING AS WE SPEAK

Our economy is growing. Inflation is down. We have lowered food prices, a matter which was impacted this year by the removal of the VAT on food such as red beans in cans – a Sunday staple in homes with food, and canned mini chicken hotdogs which, I am told, might assist in causing cancer due to its high nitrate content. But not to worry as we are once again promising to build an oncology (cancer treatment) centre but more on that oldie but goodie later. I just want to add that the economy is growing along with the bank accounts of the select few.

BRIBES

Mr. Speaker, the issue of Government’s procurement mechanism has been outstanding for too long. This, as you can well imagine, is a mechanism which will make the awarding of favours to party shareholder and the chosen few a bit more difficult. Needless to say, this will not go down well with the up and coming briber and bribees but I am sure there will be the customary loopholes cleverly fitted into the act thus continuing to make politics an attractive field for the scum at heart.

LAND AND BUILDING TAX IN YOUR…

Mr. Speaker, if there was one phrase which one can be called misguided it will be that ominous and overused phrase “axe the tax.” Off the record I want to say that we are an under-taxed nation and are too damn happy, yes. Still off the record, I want to commend  the former PM for understanding the concept that one can never truly own something physical and it is at the states pleasure one is allowed to say so. Now back to the budget. All I want to add to this topic is that we, your most loved and adored Government, will ensure your property is fully taxed despite promises of my predecessor. This tax will be designed so that you will wish you had opted to squat instead of purchase. First, the tax will be gentle and the same as you left it then it will rise to a point where instead of planning your little vacation to Mayaro, Tobago or Florida you will be planning to pay tax and more tax. This measure will ensure that there is enough money to maintain and exceed the current levels of skulduggery in government. Remember, what the well-off always says to the poor – Happiness is a state of mind not the pocket.

HIGH QUALITY JOBS

Mr. Speaker, do you know what a high quality job is? Well, Speaker of the House might be one even if you are not your own boss. However, in my books, a high quality job is one where one is paid quite a few million on leaving a top post at a financial institution only to pick up the one as Minister of Finance, another high quality job. But since most in this country will never be able to be so blessed, we have decided to use the term high quality jobs to define jobs that are not CEPEP.  Any way, we created a few of these high quality jobs and if you have one of those then good luck with it. Wasn’t RBC retrenching people and creating high quality jobs? It’s all about the spin. I kid you not.

GASOLINE VEHICLES CONVERSION TO CNG

Mr. Speaker, this topic is now a long-standing joke and a good one at that. However, I think this latest attempt will be fruitful as billions of tax payers’ dollars are being spent on new company which will attract the right financial talent. Need I say more?

CRIME DOES PAY WELL

The problems witnessed in the recent upsurge in crime are created by those who have made deliberate life decisions to make a decent living by becoming high quality criminals. Crime, in this land of equal opportunity, is really a risk-free endeavor, unlike other activities like driving PH taxis or walking down the street. Fortunately for citizens we,on both sides of this house, know how profitable this life of crime can be and so as to reduce unemployment to lower levels than the current stated and boasted about low level, the government may offer potential criminals a greater incentive to branch out into other similar activities like politics. We intend to open up the field of crime to any citizen who show a passion for the art form of politics.

Mr. Speaker, the Government has continued to roll out its own CCTV network so as to appear as if it’s doing something to make our streets safer. What I can’t say in this speech is if this initiative is working, if the cameras are monitored by high quality people or even if they are connected to something. Crime is a profitable field as any contractor who was awarded contracts from the government knows. We will continue to make crime our top priority and crime contractors can rest assured their bread will continue to be generously buttered by the government using taxpayers’ dollars.

HOUSING FOR THE CHOSEN

This one is once again a no-brainer and that is why there is always a big in-fight as to who will get to be the Minister. But I digress needlessly. Mr. Speaker, this government is always concerned about votes and houses and the two go hand in hand. What I do want to say however is that this government will pay for most of your higher education but will not even lift a finger to ensure you, the middle income professional, can afford a house. To hell with those who expect the government to care about these couple thousand votes. Besides, there are big big people who will rent you a home in a crime hotspot for anywhere between $5000 to $8000 a month. That is the policy in a conch shell.

 HEALTH AND DEATH

Mr. Speaker, most of us here will be healthier if we were to lose a few pounds, drink a four or five fewer, smoked a couple packs less and walk a little more. Our health policy should be revolving around providing crime-free green spaces for jogging, walking, and cycling instead of mouthing that nice politically sounding phrase – building new hospitals. But, in order to get votes we must give the people both their poison and their antidote. So, we aim to build more hospitals so that more citizens can get sick and seek medical attention at the same time. We will put aside plenty money for this initiative.

EDUCATION AND DANCING

In a nutshell, Mr. Speaker, the major education imitative of this Government can be summarized in one word, laptops. And not just laptops but laptops handed out by our astute leader so as to try to get votes. Mr. Speaker, though laptops are popular in the schools I am led to understand lap dances are nearly as popular these days.

 TOURISM IN A FEW WORDS

Mr. Speaker, Trinidad and Tobago is a nice place and despite the street crime, traffic and floods that creep up on you like a thief in the night, we do expect tourist to flock to this country. Don’t ask me why cause I don’t know.

AGRICULTURE

Mr. Speaker, we propose to plant more in Trinidad and Guyana thus making no one happy. However, Mr. Speaker, once we find a way to make the select few party shareholders rich, we will allocate more funds to this so-called critical sector.

 HIGHWAYS

Mr. Speaker, who elected Kublalsingh?

The END

Mr. Speaker, there should be much more to say but the same things are said every budget and like nearly all budgets of the past, these words are empty. I can’t stress how grateful I am to present this statement of wishes. Thank you and see you soon.

U.N.C Warned

Article 1:

Despite hundreds of thousands of dollars from the usual sources pumped into the by-election campaign, the ruling party lost  by a margin that makes huge look small.  As the results started to come in just after eight last night, loud screams of pleasure could be heard throughout the country as it became apparent that Mr. Warner was beating the U.N.C along with their arrogance, vindictiveness and dignitaries to a proverbial pulp. Though the majority of citizens were not entitled to vote in the by-election they were satisfied that the people in power (PIP) was being taught the lesson they refused to learn over the last few years.

Article 2:

A very embarrassed and slightly tipsy P.M. has blamed her election loss on the the abundance of those flashing blue lights on her dignitaries’ Prados. She theorized that those blue lights had a negative effect on voters in the Chaguanas West constituency causing them to see green instead of yellow at the polling stations. She however thanked family and friends appointed in those select positions for all their loyal support. The P.M. was also high in praise for the party’s many loyal contractors for their donations which were used to prop up failing newspapers rather than feed the poor or buy blankets for the homeless. “Serve the contractors, serve the contractors, serve the contractors” she was heard to mutter in between sips.

Who will lose the Chaguanas West by-election

Despite all the learned talk, the Chaguanas West by-elections is not about good governance since the average citizen of this country has no idea what that means or care to Google it. The successful candidate in this election, aka voters’ choice, will be the person who the majority wants to be in charge of their most primal need, the need for proper box drains. We are a country, despite possessing valuable natural resources for decades, are still dreaming of having big box drains in our communities with water flowing so fast that it will have no time to turn green or mine fish.  What voters have come to realize is that whenever Parliament meets it is to decide, after all is said and done, how proper box drains will be distributed throughout the country.

We as a country complain publicly about the high crime rate, Clico and HCU thieves, corrupt people in government, low IQ people in the media and stray bullets in our living room since those are the things every living human must complain about in the open. However, those public concerns are not our real concerns as we realize they are like bachac, impossible to get rid of safely. For citizens of this country our box drain life is like our sex life in that we don’t talk about it publicly unless it is damn good.

In choosing a box drain leader, the people of Chaguanas West will have to go with their guts. We all know that Jack, the owner and CEO of the Independent Liberal Party’s (ILP), has listened to more box drain woes from citizens of this blessed land than any person on the planet.  Because of his compassion for the box-drain-challenged, Jack is considered by many to be the foremost box drain authority in the country and probably the entire universe. I am not sure how much Kadija, the United National Congress (UNC) candidate, actually knows about box drains but she has been campaigning in the area with the Prime Minister, giving out gift boxes which might be symbolic of both future box drains and empty promises inside. Avinash, the Peoples National Movement (PNM)’s candidate, is a farmer and because of his party’s track record may prefer to build an aluminum smelter or church with state funds.  Regardless of the victor in these elections there will be fireworks on the night the results are known with the country being the biggest loser.

Jack will be History in the Future

Our local history textbooks of the very distant future will say how Jack Warner was a somewhat good man but misunderstood by tens of millions worldwide, including Andrew Jennings, Camini Marajh and a several investigators. Jack would be compared to Robin Hood even though he never shot an arrow or stole from any one person. He would be portrayed in some books as an urban legend, a mythical figure who the skeptical skeptics would say, despite photographs, political speeches and audit reports, never existed. Such kindness and cunning could never lie in the heart of the same man, they would say. The books will present scores of photos showing Jack handing over cheque after cheque to delighted people who worshiped him as a God with money.

History will say he was a man known for his willingness to build box drains for the poor and downtrodden. The books will acknowledge that despite his many flaws and law suits, he would eternally be known for his ability to listen to the problems of the frustrated on a weekly basis and act appropriately, unlike the other Members of Parliament who rose to legendary dignitary status after winning an election. Jack Warner will be known as a man who did some right but no wrong locally.

Like all urban legends, Jack will linger on minds of both the mindful and mindless. His parting would be seen to be an aborted reentry by his friends and backstabbers alike since the Prime Minister could no longer fake ignorance of one man’s deeds twice in one term.

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Bad Food Country

Clever Packaging of Fast Food

Trinidad and Tobago is a frustrating country to live in not only because the police service can be selectively incompetent so as to intentionally start unrest but the population gets constant mixed signals from the authorities. On one hand foreign fast food franchises are government-encouraged and causing traffic all over the place while on the other the Minister of Health accuses citizens of being too fat and unhealthy from fast foods thus becoming a drain on the treasury. Not a big drain as kickbacks paid over the years to politicians and their friends but a drain on the public purse by the public is always looked upon with the highest disgust by holders of high office.

Hot cross bun

Yes, we as a country need food and jobs but it seems we are doing this at the expense of our health and foreign exchange. We are a bad food society and the lines of people buying fried food and chips at locations nationwide will always vastly outnumber the amount of people lining up to greet any former political hero on his or her way to buy something down town. I can sympathize with the Minister of Health’s frustration  as citizens always complain about the level of health care available while lounging on a couch, enjoying KFC and a massive Pepsi backed up with a current roll without raisins.

Beer

Despite high taxes on cigarettes and alcohol, these companies are immensely profitable due to the addictive nature of their products and the foolish people who buy them. It is no different with fried food with salt. High taxes are never a deterrent with addictions and taxing bad food to pay for dialysis seems as foolish as giving crooks access to the treasury and depending on integrity laws to keep them honest.

We need to take our lives in our own hands and fight the attraction of these toxic substances being sold  for high profit and packed in cleverly designed fast food boxes and brown paper bags.  Saying no to bad food will benefit the economy and the happiness index of the country. The turning of our collective backs on bad foods will start a good food revolution and also force doctors into more productive and humanitarian professions such as farming and engineering.  It will be a win win situation. 

Afra Raymond: Three myths about corruption – Trinidad and Tobago

24 billion TT$ in Clico so far and no accountability

1.6 billion TT$ spent on Piarco Airport and 1 billion traced to offshore banks

Corruption Continues to Flourish in Trinidad and Tobago with the Help of Government

Dear Kamla and Anand,

I am now more than a bit concerned that corruption from the Manning era is flourishing under your watch. Despite all your ranting about setting up an Anti-corruption Commission, I have heard nothing about this essential service.   I don’t know if such a Commission exist since a Google search shows that it was last mentioned early in 2011. I blogged about such a measure in January 2011, full of hope that finally a Government in power will do something about the corruption infestation that is still plaguing our land.

What has happened since this People’s Partnership was elected is that senior government ministers are now partying with the obviously-corrupt public officials and some suspected big drug men and money launders are courting and liming with the opposition. By now, despite rants form politicians on both sides, the population knows that Section 34 was no accident and it was one of the few things that the Government, Opposition and other higher powers agreed on for the good of the “better people” of our land. Our marketed-as-fearless Prime Minister said back in January 2011  “If it is that a man works for $1,000 but he is driving a million-dollar BMW, then where did that money come from?” What I want to add is “Where did some of the directors of various Ministries get money to build their $10,000,000 dollar second homes in Trinidad, and buy new Prados and BMWs.” These homes are places where some self-righteous Government Ministers party with dubious characters (public servants) who might well be sponsoring the Government.

Much of the population is feeling betrayed by the Government and Opposition as people are realizing the depth of corruption and money laundering in this country. Both political parties seem to have a hand in allowing these activities to flourish as these political parties and party officials benefit immensely from dirty money. These parties are unpatriotic and their main goal is to ride the backs of voters so that they can protect the Mr. Bigs of our country. What lies beneath our political parties stinks even more than what we see on the surface and what we see on the surface is rotten beyond belief.

A Betrayed Voter

akalol

From Democracy to Dictatorship ?? – Trinidad and Tobago 2012

Aranguez – May 2010

As hard as it is to believe, the following is based on actual events that took place in the former Democratic Country of Trinidad and Tobago over the last few days.

“Attack the press and the people with full force” shouted the Trinidad and Tobago Cabal (formerly known as the Government) as they saw the treasury and iPads slipping from their grips. It was just two years ago they hoodwinked the population into casting their votes for a dictatorship disguised as a democratic party and were hoping that the nation kept behaving like sheep and goats. But as good luck would have it, the plot to free their treasury-plundering leaders from a life in jail, without the benefit of any access to extra-slippery butt cream, was exposed by the soon-to-be-strangled press of the land.

This one cataclysmic event, along with the nightmares of deeds of the Last Party in Power, jolted the country out of slumber and the usual sheep and goat behavior of the nation was transformed almost overnight to the behavior of wolves. The Cabal, on seeing this transformation, grew angry and flew into a blinding rage because they knew that jail is no place for butt-hole party leaders. “How dare they expose us” shouted the King, and the Queen and the Chief Corrupt Lawyer of the Cabal. “Don’t they know who is boss.” So, both in fury and desperation, every woman and Jack in the cabal asked all their minions who were given, getting, or about to get party favors, to come out and support the Dictatorship at a free brain-numbing event to show the protesting nation how mindless mass support can make a hugely unforgivable wrong, alright.

Aranguez – May 2010

Dear Kamla – There is no Silver Lining on this Dark Cloud

Dear Kamla,

After your speech last night, I can say you are now in the same league as Patrick Manning – incompetent beyond words. It is either incompetent or part of the conspiracy plot but believe me, incompetent is the better choice.

It seems you were the last person in Trinidad and Tobago to realize that Mr. Hubert could not be trusted around the laws of the country. What does that say for your other choices of members of your cabinet? Is Mr. Hubert the only one who can not be trusted? Your judgment apparently leaves a lot to be desired and I now truly believe that we will have many more disgraceful and unpatriotic lies and schemes which you and your cabinet are planning to “unintentionally” unleash onto the public.

If there really was a new level of accountability from the Government when the People’s Partnership replaced the PNM you would have also fired Mr. Anand and throw in Jack for good measure simply because they were telling the population “move on, nothing to see here.” Really, nothing to see here!  Maybe you should have also resigned in order to show the population what good governance really looks like.  Your speech last night does not signal the end but the beginning of the end for your party. It’s so sad it had to come to this.

Trinidad and Tobago’s Latest Law Hole

It is rumored that self-proclaimed law experts, Anand and Hubert, will not be getting their complimentary iPads from Parliament as punishment for sneakily making a hole in a brand new law through which two of the country’s most popular accused criminals, Ish and Steve, had planned to escape.  It is also rumored that Hubert has already protested this latest atrocity saying he will get a medical certificate stating his heart was set on an iPad 2 while Anand bawled out how he needed not one, but two tablets for his latest headache.  If these rumors are true then the legal duo will have to continue to tote millions of dollars worth of paper in an out of Parliament while their colleagues pretend their tablets are on.

When the news to this latest Government-approved law hole was highlighted by the press, the public and Government officials feigned surprise and horror with some true supporters wondering why the Government was taking so long to pay their pipers.

Here We Go Again

We found oil and since we have mislead many times in the past, we walked with samples as proof we are telling the truth

Now that some oil was found after many years of not being found, the population can stop burning tires to fix roads or protesting in front of Dopey Singh’s office since he is not fond of protests or the protesters. Not only that but the 5% freeze will be unfrozen if only to help the Poor Party get reelected. The showing off of the latest oil find with numerous ads in the press and on radio can be seen as a way to boost the local economy with misplaced confidence and without cement. The local economy seems to be stagnant and as proof ask any doubles man why he now also has to sell pholourie and biganie. The new oil discoveries are being seen by both analysts and optimists as the tip of the iceberg  of more oil discoveries that will help propel an idea-starved government back into the old ways of the country and in power.