The Latest Cigarette Advertisement in Trinidad and Tobago


Cigarette Advertising in Trinidad and Tobago

Cigarette Advertising in Trinidad and Tobago

According to the Ministry of Health’s website:

17. Does the Tobacco Control Act really prohibit advertising? Under which circumstances is advertising of tobacco products allowed?

Indeed, the Tobacco Control Act has placed prohibitions against advertising.

There are, however, some limitations to the prohibitions:

A person may advertise a tobacco product by information advertising or brand preference advertising by way of:

a. A publication that is provided by mail and addressed to an adult smoker who is identified by name.

b. A publication that has an adult readership of not less than eighty –five per cent (85%)

c. Signs in a place where children (under 18 years) are not permitted by law.

Please note that these allowances do not apply to lifestyle advertising* or advertising that could be construed on reasonable grounds to be appealing to children.

The loophole which the eager-for-revenue local newspaper people might use in carrying this cigarette ad is that children don’t read much anymore and children see newspapers as a legacy product waiting to become extinct.

I, an adult by age, was drawn to this ad and my initial reaction was “so cheap.” No doubt this latest salvo by a clever company had more than the bland informational effect it was supposed to theoretically have. I almost had the urge to run down to the nearest dealer and start my addiction while I still had a few extra dollars. Though cigarettes are at the top of the list of addictions that will quite likely kill you in several ways, so to does alcohol, fried chicken, corn curls, cell phones, fast cars, promiscuous shapely women and political parties.

I don’t think this cigarette newspaper ad was necessary and it was in very poor taste. All that was needed was the dealers carry a pamphlet with the new prices which informs the addicted why they are paying more for their own tragic demise. Why should the nonsmoker also  have to know about the latest price increase while being tempted to look cool with minty breath? Greed for increased profits at the expense of human life is usually the answer.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

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What to Give Women For Christmas by A Man Called Aka_lol


It may be green but it is not for novices

Most men find Christmas gift giving for women to be a pain in the butt cheeks since it has become nearly impossible for men to know what women really want  irregardless of what women say they want or how much men spend on them. I have thought long and hard about this problem and realize that spending too much creates bad habits and sends the wrong signals to the bank thus the solution is not in the amount of money but in the cleverness of the thoughts behind the gifts. In an attempt to unravel the mystery of women gift-giving on the cheap without looking so, I make the following win-win suggestions  hoping it will help the confused man score big on a budget this Christmas.

a.) If you want the woman in your life to make you happy I recommend the stable Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book, 15th Edition together with the exciting Naughty Net Micro G-String. The cost of the two items together will not break even a pauper’s piggy bank but will bring mammoth joy to  the world of the better women and all men. The gift combo is known as the shake and bake solution.

Bedtime reading for the woman in your life

b.) For men who are a bit less selfish, the woman in your life who enjoys a good book will appreciate Sexy Hot Tales: Selected Erotic Stories by Anonymous Authors and Barbara Hot. It may give her some creative ideas on how best to use the man in her life for things other than simple plumbing jobs. If she is into photography The Mammoth Book of New Erotic Photography by Maxim Jakubowski is not funny but may help tickle her pink if you are a failure at it.

c.) If the woman in your life is struggling with losing a few extra pounds and needs some motivation I highly recommend you ditch those fad diet books and instead buy a copy of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Portfolio: The Explorers Edition.

Illustrated for men but useful to women

To use as a weight-loss guide you, the smart man in her life, should constantly look through the book and circle here and there as if you intend to order something.  For obvious reasons, make sure she sees you circling and drooling but use a bib. This method has been known to cause women to do what ever it takes to lose those extra unwanted pounds that separate them from looking like a Sports Illustrated pinup girl with sunken eyes and breast. She may seem annoyed at first and the method on the surface may appear unkind  but she will thank you later if you survive the ordeal.

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Maxim Models


Maxim Maazine CoverMaxim is a magazine for men containing women but not just any women but women who are role models for other women. Maxim models are famous for knowing many things, especially how to bend for the camera. This feat of bending while starving to stay slim has earned them more money in a day than the average male spends on beer in a lifetime. The women who have been lucky enough to have made it to Maxim are a combination of celebrities and those girls in the gym next door.

There is something about being adored by millions of men every month, which attracts attractive women to want to pose for Maxim. Maxim is not like Playboy so it doesn’t encourage magazine nudity in most countries. Maxim magazine is now published in the US, UK, Argentina, Chile, Brazil, India, Germany, Bulgaria, Greece, Italy, Korea, Mexico, Indonesia, Israel, Belgium, Romania, the Czech Republic, France, Netherlands, Poland, Russia, Serbia, the Philippines, Singapore, Spain, Thailand, Ukraine, and Portugal. The women’s equivalent to Maxim is probably Better Homes and Gardens.

Men all over the world are the same and are attracted to the shape of shapely women. Maxim provides men with all the information they can understand about women in pictures. Maxim speaks the universal male language known as sexy in most countries and hotness in others. Some women consider the male obsession with looking and drooling over nearly nude, sexy women to be disgusting but most men are quite happy with this.

I doubt there will be a Maxim Trinidad and Tobago because local men don’t spend money on women on paper. We prefer the real women though that can also cost paper.

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Hurricane Season Predictions 2010


An active Atlantic hurricane season is predicted for 2010 but this might not translate into productive rainfall for Trinidad and Tobago which will cause WASA, a proactive organization, to prepare a future press release claiming that though the country is constantly under flood water, the dams are still dangerously low so the country will have to invest billions on energy-hungry, corruption-resistant desalination plants which will feed those water leaks that will be maintained for  both cultural and financial reasons.

On the bright side, the drought of 2010 has Trinidad looking more and more like the Prime Minister – destroyed via stupidity. As part of the country’s 2020 vision for the Hurricane Season, more of Trinidad and Tobago will be under mud when it rains because citizens have been comforting themselves with soft drinks in plastic bottles and replaced those third world foam mattresses with developed nation status mattresses from Serta, Restonic and King Koil.  Though we have parts of Port of Spain looking almost first world with the Waterfront Project, garbage bins, and that other national pride, the analogue-ready NAPA, these building are like some beautiful women, good to look at but suck the treasury dry.

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Driving Tiger Woods Away From Home


Before it was alleged that Tiger Woods had one or many affairs with women while he was married he was considered a stud and an amazing golfer. Sponsors flocked at his door, eager for a piece of the action and Tiger was also not adverse to action. He made millions from the likes of Nike, Gatorade and Tag Heuer. I remember seeing a Tag Heuer ad featuring Tiger Woods  and being a Tiger Woods wannabe, rushed out to get one but ended up with something in my price range;  a discounted Timex.

Women idolized Tiger Woods because he represented cool and rich, the two things women aspire in men more than common sense. But all good things eventually hit a tree and a fire hydrant in the early hours of the morning and Tiger was no exception. This tree-and-fire-hydrant-hitting incident by Tiger Woods caused people to speculate that it looked like serious woman trouble. Unable to breaks any longer, Tiger finally admitted he transgressed but did not give the details the press and other detractors were looking for. Now there are rumors that Tiger performed some of his transgressions for two and half years with a cocktail waitress which is not an uncommon dream amongst normal men. These rumors only created more admirers in the form of married and unmarried men as they too wanted to be like Tiger without getting the wood.  The rumors also alleged that Mr. Woods had many other affairs which had girlfriends and wives taking a more self righteous look at the situation and they all wished Tiger dead.

This situation is unfortunate as nobody stopped to ask Tiger if he found women as exciting as hitting a hole-in-one. Nobody stopped to ask Tiger if he was a normal, unhappy man who found transgression a path to happiness and a necessary part of being found irresistibly sexy by sexy women. Nobody stopped to ask the priest if he liked children or the occasional nun either. I don’t know if Tiger Woods will lose sponsorship from the other self righteous set of people in the world, corporations, but I will not buy any products made by companies that drop Tiger Woods because there is always a deeper reason for transgressing than being a rich, famous, sexy man nicknamed Woods.

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Expatriates in Trinidad and Tobago


made-in-usa-600

Made in USA

I have been working now and then with expatriate (expat) engineers with many foreign accents in Trinidad and Tobago for several years and the one thing I can say about these mostly male engineers is that they experience Trini culture and women to the fullest. I am not sure how truthful these expats are but most say they are either divorced or single and I suppose that’s why they can safely work away from home with a local woman for so long.

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Trinidad Barbecue Chicken

Locals think of expats as those foreigners who build something in Pt. Lisas while shacking up with bar girls in an apartment in Westmoorings. The public even feel expats leave their mark in more places than the Industrial Estates in the form of children who resemble but are forgotten by them. I can’t say for sure about expats leaving their mark in that way in modern Trinidad and Tobago as Trini women are not easy to fool or forget since our girls are educated and look at plenty cable TV. I get the impression expats see local women as one reason for enduring the constant threat of bullet or stab wounds in guarded condos in Westmoorings. Only a few years ago, when there were tonnes of Irish men in Trinidad and Tobago, our country lost some good women through love and migration to these Guinness-drinking, party maniacs. The Irish presence now seems to be down to a trickle.

dasani-500

Local Dasani Water

Expats are not always a bad influence as they are largely responsible for the steak and beer sections in Westmooring’s Hi-Lo and the Trojan and sex-toy section in Westmooring’s SuperPharm. Our local Expats love bottled water because they were taught in Expat School that the locals know as much as US citizens about clean running water. Because they speak with foreign accents, expats are considered by locals to be experts in their field but this typically turns out to be not so and most are just ordinary engineers cloaking their stupidity with foreign accents and local girls in short skirts.

It is a fact we need some foreign staff in Trinidad and Tobago to build aluminum, ammonia, urea, and methanol plants, but we would prefer competent expats rather than ones sent for cosmetic reasons, only sucking up local resources and women.

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The Art of Butts – Butt Looking Made Simple


Trinidad Carnival Made Simple

Trinidad Carnival Made Simple

The following is not considered neither sexist nor unentertaining by the author. What?

A woman’s butt can distract a man enough to make him forget what he is doing and who he is with. Both situations can be extremely dangerous. When a man is injured by the love of his life while looking at, or moments after he looked at another woman’s butt, the injury is considered both predictable and life-threatening. Doctors often remark “Butt-looking, I see” when injured men with  the word  PRADA imprinted on their foreheads are carted into the emergency rooms thought the world.  Unfortunately, this injury is likely to reoccur given that, when it comes to butt-gazing, men never learn.

Interrogation Made Simple

Interrogation Made Simple

The CIA, a progressive interrogation agency, is now experimenting with making suspects talk by briefly showing the suspects a cute, real butt clad in a tight bikini, a sight almost never seen in the suspects’ country. The suspects are then denied a second look until they talk. This technique is likely to generate numerous suspects. The new interrogation program is secretly known as “Show me the butt” and model recruitment is taking unusually long.

fish-500

Product Placement Made Simple

Product placement experts are now using the potential of the butt to sell almost anything to men. Butt level is the new eye level and products, previously unpopular to men, like chocolates, mushrooms, and insecticide are now placed at butt level to generate sales.  This product placement technique is being lambasted by moralist since they claim it encourages slackness in supermarkets. Sales of Bop and Fish insecticides have recently skyrocketed and are now the insecticides preferred by real men.

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Fast and Furious – Loose Women, Tight Jeans


fast-and-furious

The latest installment of the movie, Fast and Furious is due to open in Trinidad and Tobago on Wednesday with the same name as the original; Fast and Furious. Fast and Furious has developed a cult following and has helped promote the pimp-my-ride culture all over the world except in countries where flogging is the better part of the law.

Michelle Rodriguez

Michelle Rodriguez

Fast and Furious is based on the good guys with biceps, tight jeans, flawless faces and bosoms-to-kill getting involved in cracking a heroin ring rather than modeling or lap dancing. The movie is all about fast cars and the fast car culture but pretends to be about high morals. In Trinidad and Tobago it breeds night creatures with a lifestyle that involves lawlessness, alcohol, drugs, sex and looses women in tight jeans. Some say loose women are better than tight women but there is no scientific evidence to prove this. But I digress… The owners of these pimped rides are usually the unruly children of well to do people who pamper their offspring and fund the pimped car lifestyle. Serious minded children of serious minded parents are too busy getting a real education from a real educational institution to worry about extractors and big breast.  The serious minded children do not sleep till 4:00 pm and leave home at 8:00 pm with a pimped out ride and woman.

car-show-girlThe ride pimping culture is not all bad and the creativity in both car and women modification is to be admired. Car and women owners envy each other and constantly work on their paint jobs, flare kits, woofer size and hem lines to continuously impress the mindless crowds.

hot_girlOverall, I think the Fast and Furious culture is dangerous and though the movies might be highly entertaining in a useless sort of way, it can do teens and young adults no good.  The movie is a poor attempt to show the imaginary good side of a bad thing.

Beauty or Brains – Why Men Must Matter, I Hope


Freida Pinto

Freida Pinto

Freida Pinto, the Slumdog Millionaire sensation, was recently quoted as saying she wants to be more than just a pretty face. Freida Pinto may have read this blog some weeks ago which could be the reason for her recent statement. (If Rihanna and Sir Allen could read my blog why not Freida). Freida is lucky in that she is already known for more than her beauty and is also recognized for her talent and presence.

This blog recently conducted a survey where several women on the streets, in offices and in washrooms were asked if they would prefer to be beautiful or to be bright. Nearly all the women I approached asked if they could be both while several more called the police. I had to stress to the willing women it was either beauty or brains, since they were not men. The survey results showed 9 out of 10 women choose beauty. This is not surprising since the desire for women to be beautiful and be noticed has generated a multi-billion dollar industry with First World women probably spending more on anti-wrinkle creams than on the elimination of world hunger.

Ugly Betty

Ugly Betty

The modern woman is not like the ancient woman who would rather be admired on a pedestal while being fed grapes than consulted on world affairs or a cure for herpes. The modern woman wants to be sexy, beautiful and a professional. The enrollment of women in tight jeans and short skirts at universities now outweigh the enrollment of both beer-drinking and eligible males combined. The average woman in 2009 is now attractive, intelligent and pompous. The average woman no longer needs a man in her life to buy her grapes or underwear and makes he own decisions like which man to dump and which man to run over with her car in both directions. To the modern man, the modern woman is intimidating but even more attractive because of her aggression. Some men like it rough.

Men are no longer in great demand by women and this has not been easy for men to accept. Men were brought up to believe the King was the boss but the Queen was in charge. Men never fought this amusing role and played along out of fear of being nagged. Men are now no longer even Kings and are merely being used for sex by women when convenient. This sucks. Men were never meant to be used by women and this cannot go on for too much longer. I am writing this blog post in desperation and  hoping all demoralized men would read it and rally together to regain our rightful place in The Universe and in bed. Men, say no to being trampled on but mostly say no to convenient sex at those uhgodly hours.

Trinidad Carnival Exposed


carnival-2004-2323

Are bikini Carnival costumes better than full-body Carnival costumes? The answer is the same as asking if a BMW Roadster is better than a Toyota Corolla. Both  get you to the same place but the ride isn’t the same.

This year, full-body Carnival costumes are  once again cheaper than bikini costumes because of low demand. The number of women who want to cover up is declining as more women see the light and the need for proper exposure. Still, a small number of people prefer to see covered bodies since, according to these people, too much exposed flesh in public can promote a good time.  As much as full-body costumes provide more surface area to be creative, bikini mas is more attractive and mainly responsible for the popularity Carnival enjoys today. Carnival is about enjoyment and pleasure and not for displaying works of art on bolts of cloth. Only the pretentious would think otherwise.

The Meaning of Carnival

The origin of the word Carnival is a bit unclear but not the meaning. One suggestion is the word Carnival originated from the Greek prefix carne which means meat eater. Another suggestion is that it was derived from the Italian carne levare meaning to remove meat. There is a third suggestion which says the word Carnival comes from the Latin expression carne vale, which means farewell to meat. So, whether you are eating meat, removing the meat or saying goodbye to the meat It’s Carnival.

Desirable, Sexy, and Beautiful Women


Eva Mendes

Eva Mendes

Are there differences between a desirable, a sexy and a beautiful woman? Crudely speaking and according to definition, if a woman is desirable to a man it means the man wishes to possess the woman. The definition doesn’t go on to say what the man wishes to do with the woman once he takes possession. It could be for housework or some other sexist activity such as being an ornament. Sexy, on the other hand, is a form of desire and is very specific about the nature of the desire. When a man uses the word sexy to describe a woman people understand the nature of that person’s lust or depravity. Then there are those men who seldom use the words desirable or sexy and instead use the word beautiful to describe women in public. These men are typically timid or well-mannered and don’t speak of women as objects of desire or sex. They look at women in a more holistic way and picture how a woman may look in an evening gown, behind an ironing board or even beating a rug. These men think of themselves as sophisticated and rarely eyeball women in public but they do eyeball on the Internet.

Eva Mendes has been voted as the most desirable woman for 2009 by askman.com. I didn’t vote and find all this talk about desirable and sexy and beautiful to be too commercial for my liking. It all entertainment and an I sure if you look on the streets of Port of Spain on Carnival Monday and Tuesday you may see more desirable, sexy and beautiful women than those being proposed by those clever Internet Buzz makers.

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007 – Secrets Revealed


The 007 Trade Mark

The 007 Symbol of Success

I first met James Bond on a flight from Trinidad to Miami in 2007. He was flying economy because, as he would later explain, he was undercover. I didn’t recognize him at first since he had changed so many times over the years but what eventually gave him away was the use of his precise British accent to pick up the flight attendant and the manila folder on his lap marked”Double-Oh-Seven- Top Secret – For Your Eyes Only, Mr. Bond.” Naturally he denied he was 007 but I was persistent and he finally caved in. Caving in to a layman was not what one would have expected from the best and longest surviving Secret Agent the world had known. I felt he needed someone to talk too and I later realized that carrying the burden of secrecy year in, year out can crack even the oddest ball.

Bond was hesitant to talk about his job at first and explained that he was in Trinidad for a holiday but as he was about to lay down his head, M called with a new mission which had knocked the winds out his sails. He said he went from hero to zero in no time but I suspected he was the victim of great expectations. Bond had to get the first flight out of Trinidad and he never realized that there were so many. I said Trinidad was a place that people liked to leave but Bond failed to notice my attempted humor since, I assumed, he was distracted by his mission and windless sails.

James Bond as he boarded a flight from Trinidad to Miami

James Bond as he boarded a flight from Trinidad to Miami

I was eager to find out about the Secret Agent business since I often pretend I was a Secret Agent making calls from my shoe instead of my cell phone. Bond admitted the Secret Agent business was overrated and many of the secrets of the business could be found in any Robert Ludlum book or Google. I was more interested in the women aspect of the business and he said he it was the main reason he stayed for so long. Bond revealed he was writing a book he was going to either call Women I Bon(d)ed or Women in Bondage. I said the name didn’t matter once there were pictures and Bond agreed.

Bond Girls

Bond Girls

007 grew more talkative as the Martinis flowed. He talked about Odd Job, Goldfinger and our very own Mr. Big. He spoke fondly of Ursula Andress,  Michelle Yeoh and Halle Berry in a bikini. Bond recommended BMW passionately but wondered if The Prime Minister will give Benz, Audi, Jaguar and Aston Martin a chance to bid. James was bitter when I asked about MI6 (Emm eye six) and said he was seriously thinking about leaving and joining the CIA now that Barack Obama was the President. Bond also complained about Tom Cruise, called him pretentious and short, and said there were very few people who understood what was impossible about Cruise’s missions. Bond thought people were mainly interested in the special effects and Tom’s sultry women. I said people were also saying that about Bond and he seemed quite surprised and drunk.

The Air Marshals had to restrain Bond and carry him off the plane when he started to let out top secret information and show passengers his gun. I felt sorry for the Secret Agent who had sacrificed so much of his life saving the world from misguided villains and Republicans but who had now become a little bananas. I realized that Bond’s main source of stress was that he had many women friends who looked so good that it was driving him insane trying to remember their names and tatoo locations. Luckily, before Bond was arrested I was able to get his little black book from his pocket, a book which promised to give me, the new 007, a Quantum of Solace.

A True Story, Mon


e-male

The following is based on a true story:

Yesterday I emailed a girl I know to ask her how her mother was. I heard her mother had injured her ankle while attempting an inappropriate move in aerobics class. I sent her one line of email and I simply said; “How is your mon?” With the typo mon instead of mom. It was an honest keyboard error. As the saying goes “Well who tell me say that!” This girl pounced on me via email and in a version of English perfected over the years in rum shops and blogs. This fine female said she thought I was rude and out of place – not the exact words – to ask her about her mon problems and accused me of listening to gossip and she never slept with the mon but only spent the night together in a hotel room. Who would think otherwise, I thought? She went on to say she was a professional and did not need to hunt down no mon and there were many mons after her. I was beginning to wonder what she had against hunting, and what she did to have many mons after her. Well I read through what felt like seven lines of abuse and wondered why me mon, why me.

I will press send after I post this blog and my reply simply says, “I meant, how is your mom?”

BMW Driving Women


BMW Girl

Why is it that young, beautiful women wearing sunglasses at twilight, driving light green BMWs think all male drivers would stop for them at major roads? Why? Because men have led women to believe that beauty can get them special treatment, not only in the boardroom and the bedroom, but also at busy intersections in St. Augustine. And it does. Notwithstanding this unfairness in life, pretty girls and beautiful women should remember driving is too serious a business to replace caution with gorgeousness. They should also remember sunglasses are a poor substitute for eyes. Women drivers should never assume their beauty is visible through a tinted glass or that all men are straight. Females should drive with caution and be courteous, even to desperate looking male drivers hooting their horns. The average driver, male and female, young and old, horny and tranquilized, is now overstressed because there is traffic-traffic-everywhere. Therefore, it would be wise for all drivers to be conscious of this volatile situation and heed the following advice – Go placidly amid the noise and haste, bearing in mind what BMW bumpers and doors cost.