The following is not considered neither sexist nor unentertaining by the author. What?
A woman’s butt can distract a man enough to make him forget what he is doing and who he is with. Both situations can be extremely dangerous. When a man is injured by the love of his life while looking at, or moments after he looked at another woman’s butt, the injury is considered both predictable and life-threatening. Doctors often remark “Butt-looking, I see” when injured men with the word PRADA imprinted on their foreheads are carted into the emergency rooms thought the world. Unfortunately, this injury is likely to reoccur given that, when it comes to butt-gazing, men never learn.
The CIA, a progressive interrogation agency, is now experimenting with making suspects talk by briefly showing the suspects a cute, real butt clad in a tight bikini, a sight almost never seen in the suspects’ country. The suspects are then denied a second look until they talk. This technique is likely to generate numerous suspects. The new interrogation program is secretly known as “Show me the butt” and model recruitment is taking unusually long.
Product placement experts are now using the potential of the butt to sell almost anything to men. Butt level is the new eye level and products, previously unpopular to men, like chocolates, mushrooms, and insecticide are now placed at butt level to generate sales. This product placement technique is being lambasted by moralist since they claim it encourages slackness in supermarkets. Sales of Bop and Fish insecticides have recently skyrocketed and are now the insecticides preferred by real men.