What Makes a Woman Sexy Besides Breasts

G-String or Thong as seen in Wikipedia - Tingly sensations will follow

Every man knows a sexy woman when he sees one but may not know why he finds her hot, thinking it’s just breasts again or that dental floss g-string. Those feelings which a man gets that tells him a woman is desirable are biological and beyond his desire to control. It’s not a g-string clothed butt in isolation which triggers a man’s excitement but  a part of the man’s brain which is used for, of all things, CXC maths exams to work out ratios.

Sexy at Maracas Bay - Trinidad

When a man sees a woman with an exposed navel the ratio-lobe in his brain subconsciously and accurately does the following math:  – ground to navel distance (including stilettos) divided by the navel to top of head distance (including hair piece and/or tiara). If that ratio works out to be approximately 1.6180339887 the woman is classified as sexy and the man’s brain quickly sends those tingly, sexy sensations to the appropriate male areas of the body. The male brain, being sex driven and little else, becomes happy and records in the back of his mind the image of that sexy woman for later use. A woman with the right ratios alone doesn’t make sexy and when she turns around so that the man’s eyes can finally see the woman’s face, a similar computation is done using the distance between the woman’s eyes and the length of the nose, length of smile, twist of the teeth and pimple placement. This facial calculation determines beauty, a part of sexiness.  This concept of total mathematical sexiness gave rise to the popular saying “She looked good until I did the math.”

Trinidad and Tobago Sexy - thanks mayarobeach.com

Fortunately, most men do not find a perfect female body to be the only form of sexiness and there are as many variations as there are short skirts and low-cut tops. To describe all these variations is beyond the scope of this blog post and author’s intelligence. However, there is one form of sexiness that hasn’t been analyzed mathematically and only empirically and that is the roll of the hips by a woman when walking towards or away from a man on either a normal work day or Carnival days. That hip roll, sway, gyration or wine can easily fill a man’s head with stimulating thoughts for days. Because most people realize how important the female hip roll is to world population growth, belly dancers and our local winer guls are held in high esteem in all countries. The term belly dancer is really a misnomer and to be a good belly dancer a woman should not have much of a belly but  be a slave to the gym, low-calorie diets and waxing warm.

Corruption – A Career Path for the Young and the Restless

Recently, I was talking to a group of form 5 students about career selection and I was not so shocked when just below half the class said they wanted to go into the blossoming and rewarding field of corruption. Only a few years ago students wanted to become doctors, lawyer, engineers, economist and fast food cooks then that all changed with the drug trade. Now, even the attraction of being a gang leader, a community gang leader, drug pusher, pimp, URP Forman, coastguard man or Syrian has given way to becoming corruptible at several levels including the highest ones. I laughed to myself and realized these students were still dreaming so I told these students it is not good enough to say they want to get into corruption and they must have a plan.

One student, a boy, stated he wanted to get into the political side of corruption while many more wanted to be on the contracting side of things. At this stage I couldn’t believe these students were so ill-informed and I had to point out that there was also a great degree of corruption in the private sector where there was not only a high degree of nepotism but contracts for building new offices are given to friends of directors rather than the most competitive contractor who did not factor in kickbacks in his bid. I also had to indicate that corruption was like a religion and I wasn’t talking about pedophilia but the fact they must also peddle garbage to the masses to get people to worship them so they can be forgiven for their obvious thievery if discovered.

Naturally, no talk to the young ones can take place about corruption without the mentioning of jail so I pointed out, quite sternly, that corruption was against the law and to be successful at corruption they must have the law, especially the police investigating team and forensic investigators, on their side. I stressed that corruption is a group activity and these people will become part of their corruption network and it’s not just the big cheese that gets the entire cake, condo or church. They laughed at me said “Duh!” Many said they were already members of the youth arm of suitable political parties to start their career path and network rolling. At the end of my talk I didn’t feel hollow or nauseated but instead, I felt a sense of calm knowing the youth of today will become, not garbage collectors, but wealthy garbage collection contractors bribing public officials for jobs. I felt reassured that the next incomplete highway to nowhere will be built by a corrupt local contractor and not an imported, unscrupulous Malaysian company. The future of our country is in good hands and the example set by the generations before will not have been in vain. Our future is bright but it’s just that we are too incorruptible to see.

Foreign Speaking Trinidad and Tobago

Wikipedia states that “Foreign accent syndrome (FAS) is a rare medical condition involving speech production that usually occurs as a side effect of severe brain injury, such as a stroke or a head injury.” In Trinidad and Tobago we are bombarded daily with people suffering from foreign accent syndrome  and these brain damaged people are usually employed by desperate radio stations as announcers. For some reason, these people’s brains have all decided to be damaged in such a way that their accents sound American rather than Chinese. But there is a reason why American foreign accents are treasured and employed by radio station owners and that is because in Trinidad and Tobago, anything that is said with a foreign accent has more credibility than the same thing said in a local one. A local might say “Ohgahd! De water done, ah goe smell like ah ram goat now” as compared to the American “There is no water. Now I will smell like a real rat’s ass.” Because we live on a piece of land that is scarcely  visible on a world map, many insecure locals feel they need to become like people who live in a bigger piece of land and to do this they try to speak like an American thinking if they sound foreign people will think they are smart but most end up sounding like they are both dotish and brain-dead.

Some say that is our colonial mindset but that was before my time so I am not sure. Weren’t the colonials British? This foreigner-knows-best syndrome has led to the radio stations adopting the foreign accent as the accent of choice. That‘s also why foreign contractors and consultants can run both amock and away with our billions but are still seen by the governments as our saviors and masters. Recently, an Englishman was imported at top dollar to head WASA because a suitable local with an English accent could not be found. The talk is that the government also wants to rid many other State Enterprises of its local accents and are strongly considering the return of the Canadian accent. No wonder Makandal Daaga is throwing a fit. But the only reason the Government will go foreign is to please those locals who refuse to believe in themselves and their country and instead believe an American nasal or a British up-there tone is better than a natural Trinidad one.

My Trinidad Shoelace Saga

A shoelace Mini Skirt

It is difficult to imagine how this country will achieve our Vision 2020 when in 2010 nearly all shoe stores in Westmall and Grand Bazaar don’t sell shoelaces for any shoes except some replacement laces for those ugly, white sneaker forced onto high school teens experiencing puberty.  What was even worse was most of the shoe store owners, managers, sales clerks and/or account executives expressed indifference to my plight of having a broken shoe lace for a relatively new pair of shoes.  “Yuh does eat yuh lace or what” one sexually unattractive woman snickered. “Buy another shoe” a cute sales girl wearing a man-friendly short skirt, recommended. But my shoes are in almost good condition and being a man, I have to wait for the heel to fall out twice before I think about replacing them.

Nice Laces

The point isn’t about the state of my shoes or the fact they are one year old Hush Puppies from Colorado but the level of contempt the selling class have for the buying class. A shoe store not stocking shoe laces is similar to Bobby’s in Bamboo not stocking windscreens or a doubles man not having extra channa to fix a leaking doubles. But we, the pushover-ready customers, simply walk out the stores with a smile instead of smashing a shop window then raising bail like Ishmael Samad might have done to make a point.

Nice feet means nice head

The citizens of this country put up with too much nonsense from those who should provide the level of service we want but we are too shy to ask. In Trinidad and Tobago we don’t ever get what we want, we just gobble up with a smile whatever leftover crumbs store owners decide to throw in our pens.

p.s. I got replacement shoe laces from Amazon and I bought three pairs of black, waxed  Kiwi shoe laces at US$0.91 per pair plus US$4.90 shipping. They were shipped yesterday and should be in the country by the end of next week.

p.s The pictures included have nothing to do with male shoe laces but was provided as entertainment for men with, and without broken shoelaces.

The Strong Leader of Trinidad and Tobago

A strong leader must be able to speak with certainty to supporters about who to hate and how much. A strong leader must be able to use one hand to distract his audience with a fake diamond watch made in China using child labor while sticking his other hand in the Treasury to buy his woman or women anything they care to worship. A strong leader approves of early withdrawals and gang leaders. Strong leaders use public funds to host useless Summits and build useless cloud-scrapers and stadiums while the sick gets sicker and the roads turn to parking lots supervised by a man short on brains. A strong leader must always appear to his groupies as if he is in a rum shop and wants to break a bar stool on the head of anybody who is getting close to his hidden truth and palace. Strong leaders do not eat chicken or drink but they do womanize God-approved women. Strong leaders are always feared and never respected. Strong leaders must raise their voices at public meetings and bring in supporters by the bus loads to give the impression people give a damn about what they say. Real and strong leaders defend in public and privately those criminals who are part of strong-leader-approved criminal activities. Strong leaders have sleepless nights worrying about the cost of drapes in their future prison cell and if they offer ballroom dancing classes to strong leaders who find their rightful place in prison.

Icelandic Volcano batters the Caribbean and the World

An aerial photo shows smoke rising from the volcano under a glacier in the Eyjafjallajokull region of Iceland, on Wednesday, April 14, 2010. European air traffic from Scotland to Scandinavia and the Netherlands was disrupted by volcanic ash spreading from Iceland, shutting airports and prompting British Airways Plc to suspend all domestic flights. Photographer: Arni Saeberg /Bloomberg

Just imagine, one volcanic eruption in an island country as unnoticeable as Iceland has the potential to send the economies of European countries in a tailspin and by extension the World. Nearly all air traffic over Europe has been at a standstill since last Friday with its predictable resumption days, weeks, or even months away. This one volcanic eruption, spewing supposedly aircraft-unfriendly ash, has changed the world temporarily or even permanently. Some may doubt it but the effects of this uncertain flight disruption, now and in the future, will not only bankrupt many airlines but people. Even if flights were to resume in a day or two the European tourist market will shrink due to the unpredictability of traveling to and from Europe, rendering penniless many small businesses that depend on air cargo and travelers.

The economies of many tourism-dependant Caribbean nations will be devastated even more than it already is if travel to and from Europe declines, and it will. I think these Caribbean countries should start to market more in North America, South America, and even China, Japan, Australia, Malaysia and forget Europe for now. The economies of scale has prevented the people of these Caribbean islands from being anything more than a people who have to wait on others to make ends meet and have their tiny island dreams come true.

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Ishmael Samad – Another Citizen Supreme

Ishmael Samad

Ishmael Samad attempted to make either a symbolic or real citizen’s arrest of Calder Hart using a well constructed sledge hammer on Mr. Hart’s gate. The incident was seen on the 7’oclock news and the blows to the gate showed that the decorative pieces on the gate were poorly welded on. If I were Calder Hart, I would have blown a fuse and immediately have a stern word with the welder. What I think is more worrying is that, for the country’s sake, I hope the welder was not involved in welding at any of the country’s newest jewels put together by Mr. Hart, and possibly, his friends and family. I also pray, for worshipers sake, this welder did not fabricate anything for the church in Gunapo.

The press reported that the police was on the scene within 15 minutes and Mr. Samad was held for questioning for over an hour, the same length of time the Anti Corruption Bureau spent “interrogating” Mr. Hart. The difference between Mr. Hart and Mr. Samad is that Mr. Hart flew back to Miami and Mr. Samad was hopefully released on bail. I am sure when certain Government officials hear about this latest attack on the gate of this outstanding citizen’s home, a fit will be thrown since they may have also used the same welder. Mr. Samad did not resist arrest and went on the tray of the police pickup under police orders which is not an approved or safe way of transporting people. But this is Trinidad and Tobago where lawlessness of Police Officers is as common as dry taps, bush fires and an unfinished billion-dollar stadium.

I think Mr. Samad was brave to do what he did and many citizens, fed up of the Government’s inability to arrest Government’s contempt towards the public, must be proud of Mr. Samad’s actions. Mr. Samad now joins the ranks of Percy Villafana as yet another Citizen Supreme.  The Government will no doubt call Samad’s actions wrong and may even consider it an act of terrorism by those who are now quaking in their boots. What the Government will fail to say and realize is that the actions of Mr. Samad was understandable  given the public’s perception that this Government was the most corrupt in the nation’s history. The public also holds the view this Government will do anything to promote and encourage dishonesty in dealing with the public’s purse. Mr Samad’s actions is not an everyday occurrence and it is as a result of the level of frustration most citizen’s are feeling about what is seen as the intentional mismanagement of the country’s resources for the good of a chosen few.

How to find a ghost

Haunting

At some point in everyone’s life they see ghost but are helpless because they have no access to a reputable ghost buster or seer woman. As foolish as it seems to the rational thinking adult who feels getting scared is limited to opening bills every month or listening to the Prime Minister speak or seeing his wife,  ghost hunting may seem like a novelty for children but it is not. Rational online stores like Amazon have realized the need to supply adults with not just books and sex toys but with those increasingly popular adult playthings (no, not inflatable life-size dolls) called ghost detectors or EMF (electromagnetic field) detectors.

EMF Ghost Detector available from Amazon.com

These Ghost Detectors are no joke and work on the principle that the EMF is greater than normal when a ghost is present. One can prove the detectors work by simply seeing the needle go wild when placed next to a member for the living dead such as a dead-horse politician.  Several ghosts have been caught and rehabilitated because of the use of well calibrated Ghost Detectors by professional Ghostbusters in movies. Police investigators are currently using state-of-the-art ghost detectors to find out if  fugitives  are back in the country or they are just seeing ghost.  For yet unexplained reasons, this Ghost EMF phenomenon occurs more in old houses where the former occupants, including at least one child, were mysteriously murdered or in houses that were built by sleazy developers on land that were formerly Red Indian, Amerindian or even political graveyards.

A Real Ghost

One first becomes aware that ghost might be a problem when the hair on one’s back suddenly sticks up while one is looking at boring world news at midnight. Ghost can go undetected for years and is usually mistaken by homeowners as bad plumbing or an upset stomach.  Users must remember that Ghost Detectors can only find the ghost to the accuracy of the nearest corner of the house and capturing requires the skillful use of a good size crocus bag and expendable friend.  For US$20.49 at Amazon, I can’t see how anyone can go wrong and ridding a house of ghosts not only because it makes for a good night’s sleep, but can increase its resale value tenfold – just advertise the house as Ghost-Free.

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Corruption in Trinidad and Tobago – Setting New Standards

According to Wikipedia, the word corrupt is “Middle English, from Latin corruptus, past participle of corrumpere, to destroy.” It goes on to say that there are as many types of corruption as there are things worth thieving or tiefing as it is commonly called and done in Trinidad and Tobago.  It seems corruption, apart from destroying the country, boost the sales of expensive cars giving the gullible public the impression they were acquired through working smarter not harder.

Trinidad and Tobago is seen by the world as a very corrupt place and good for doing business.  Despite the public being unable to participate in the big corrupt activities planned by the Government, corruption continued in full swing in Trinidad and Tobago when a Top Government Official signed agreements on behalf of the people of the country with Foreign Companies sympathetic to the needs of the Government Official. The Foreign Companies were handpicked to provide expensive but useless things to the citizens. The Official had decided on the projects because the projects were both unnecessary, and subject to as many cost overruns as the tax payers could handle with the new property tax. The delivery of the projects could be delayed infinitely as nobody would need the finished product anyway. The skimming-off factor (the amount of money that unofficially comes from the treasury and goes into corrupt pockets) was decided based on a cost estimate from two people; a foreign sounding friend and a woman profiteer who could put strange things into the Official’s head despite its small size because it was empty as a plundered treasury.

In the latest known corruption episode of the country, the stools made proper contact with the ceiling fan causing the Foreign Friend to runaway and the profiteer to miraculously not be found. Apparently the police was looking for the foreigner in slow motion and the press was looking for the profiteer. Then, quite unexpectedly, the Foreign Friend returned, holding an accomplice’s hand, to attend to some family matters with the police but no warrant for Foreign Friend’s arrest  is expected to be issued until he flees the country again as the rumor also suggests he holds secrets that could flush many people down the toilet from hell.

Never ask what you can do for your country, but always ask what the Chinese, Malaysians and Canadians can do to it ~ aka_lol

For the new CEO of WASA

The Trinidad Guardian's reporters caught WASA doing the unspeakable during the worse drought the country has ever seen – Heads should roll and end up in jail.

WASA is an organization that lacks the technical competence the country needs for development and has no moral authority to finger the public as criminals when it is WASA’s officials, who should, for the very least, end up in jail for filling up the incoming CEO’s swimming pool with scarce water.

The incoming, foreign CEO of WASA should demand to live in a house with a swimming pool where his wife cannot be photographed by Guardian reporters in her swimsuit or bikini. The CEO of WASA should live in rural South Trinidad so that he, or possibly, she would understand what lack of service to customers mean and how to bathe with half a bucket of water. He should take a drive along Gordon, Ragbir, and Warner Streets in St. Augustine and also El Dorado Road and the Main Road near Curepe Junction to see the amount of water leaks that have existed for weeks and months without even the slightest bit of attention being paid to them by WASA during this period of severe drought. The CEO should then find the rum shop the leak inspectors hang out in during working hours and sit down and get drunk.  He should also investigate why contractors have to be sent three and four times in one month to have the same leak repaired – they are probably being paid per visit that is why. He should find out if there is any collusion between WASA pump employees and leak contractors to jack up water pressures just to burst pipes and milk the country dry.

The new CEO will probably not be successful since dedication to work is not the culture of most of the remaining WASA employees. He will discover many talkers and very little doers. The new, foreign CEO of WASA will probably end up like most expats in the country and party with young and pretty local girls till dawn. If WASA has a clear vision for the organization and its employees have a sense of how important the organization is to the country, the public would be surprised since almost none of their actions to date suggest that. WASA is an organization which runs on PR and not performance.  From what the public is hearing when they try to get water from their taps, WASA is only concerned about getting money from consumers and the Government to feed smart-men contractors who only appear to do something while actually doing nothing over and over.

Riding The Bitch of Trinidad and Tobago

I don’t know if there will be any parties to celebrate the successful hounding out of office and into the dog house of the incompetent and dotish UDeCOTT Board, but I hope so. That is the public’s sentiment and now that the proverbial blood has started to spill, citizens have become sharks and want to bite a few more asses. I have to admit the firing of the UDeCOTT Board was necessary since in the public’s eye they appear to be a part of a diabolical scheme to siphon public money from hospital beds and big to mid-size businessmen’s swimming pools into White Elephants and probably even a church here and over there. The public could be wrong but they could also be right.

The plot is unfolding like a movie where the bad guy is cornered by the handsome and bleeding good guy who suffered years of horrendous torture by the bad guy. Now, in the bad one’s last desperate move to survive, he pushes his loyal minions to their death in front of him as he huddles in a corner of a remote church, awaiting his inevitable, cruel and wajang fate that even a seer woman could see coming.

But the villain’s demise is not yet sealed as he is loved too bad by those who believe he holds the secret to their prosperity in the form of pay-for-little-work and overpriced contracts to sweep a little drain here and there.  These countless, loyal minions may yet ride in at the last minute and swoop the trembling, wet-pants leader to safety, allowing him to continue to ride citizens’ backs in the same way a dog in heat rides a bitch in public.