Shark and Bake – Not Bizzare

Calling Shark and Bake a fish sandwich is like calling the bikini a swimsuit. Shark and Bake or Bake and Shark as the purist like to say, is a delicacy among tourist and locals at the number one beach in Trinidad, Maracas Bay. Shark and Bake can be a misnomer as it is sometimes served with some other fish fillet instead of shark, and the bake (bread) is always fried, not baked. What makes Shark and Bake a very tasty dish is that both the shark and the bake are deep fried, but only after a firm order is placed by the customer. The hot sandwich is then customized with any combination of over fifteen condiments from garlic sauce to pineapple chunks, but unlike Subway, the new sandwich owner puts the add-ons to his or her liking. Too many condiments contaminate the broth is the old wise saying and Shark and Bake is no exception. The secret to a good Shark and Bake is the garlic, shadon benny (cilantro), and pepper sauces. Almost anything else will take away from a perfect culinary experience. Restraint is the key.

Shark and Bake, like KFC and SPF 90 sun block, is not immune to steep price increases due to the world shortage of corn and a Shark and Bake now cost US$4.00, up from US$2.40 just over a year ago. This has not caused any decline in sales of this prized fish delicacy so a further price increase can be expected once customers remain willing. Shark and Bake is a unique dish to Trinidad and everybody has a favorite vendor at Maracas. Richard’s is the most popular and largest vendor at Maracas Bay but Tantie Rita’s is the tastiest. Shark and Bake has caused a stir on the Travel Channel’s Bizarre Foods but I don’t know what is so bizarre about a simple fish sandwich.

Carla Bruni and The Model’s Man

Carla Bruni, First Lady of France, has the best bosom of any First Lady of any country in the history of First Ladies and she has the pictures to prove it. She is one of the most photographed models in the world and is financially successful. Carla Bruni not only makes a fortune from modeling and singing, but is the heiress to a manufacturing fortune. So why did 41 year-old Carla Bruni marry 53 year old Nicholas Sarkozy, President of France, in 2008? Maybe love, maybe sex, maybe boredom, maybe a shortage of good men? Who knows?

Over the years, First Ladies were thought to be the battleships World leaders needed while they sorted out World Peace and melting icecaps. These First Ladies were better implied than stated in public and rightly so. This has now changed and there is a new trend in World Leadership where First Ladies will be called on to not only be role models, but also models and centerfolds. Citizens are, quite frankly, fed up of the nice personality and want nice legs as well. They want a Princess Di, not a Barbra Bush. Citizens want their First Ladies to lead from the top, and maybe even from behind. The First Lady of the future must be controversial and have dated Donald Trump on at least one occasion, but preferably before marriage. She must be able to turn heads to her, and not away in breakneck fashion.

Drop-dead-gorgeous is the new requirement for good governance and Nicholas Sarkozy was one of the first Heads to understand this. Drop-dead-gorgeous reduces the stress of a nation and Sarkozy appears to understand this only too well. He is a man for the people and can even be called a model’s man. No doubt other leaders will follow suit sooner rather than before it’s too late.

Misunderstanding at the Tarmac – 1996 to 2008

In 1996, First Lady Hillary Clinton landed in Bosnia and was greeted by a smiling child on the tarmac during an official welcoming ceremony, but in 2008 she referred to this type of greeting as sniper fire. In the end, Senator Clinton admitted it might have been a child but only after the media provided video evidence the child was actually a child. Some experts thought it could have been a misunderstanding on the tarmac between the First Lady and the child, but Senator Clinton blamed the latest dud squarely on her wanting to be President so very, very bad.

Half a Brain

Are you a right brainer or a left brainer? The chances are that you are none, according the chief editor of the leading psychiatric journal, Nuts. In the past, scientist concluded the brain had about two halves, the right and the left, and the halves had completely different functions. The old brain theory suggested the right half controlled artistic and creative pursuits such as swearing and porn appreciation, and the left half controlled pursuits of logic and rationality such as politics. People were considered to be either right or left brain dominant, but sadly this is no more.

Scientists have now concluded the brain doesn’t have two halves but only one. When asked what caused this radical change in scientific thinking, the chief editor said it came about like all radical changes in thinking in modern times; on a post-it. The chief hopes the post-it would fetch a good price on e-bay since his pension isn’t what it should be with the economy in a state of collapse and all that. The chief editor also suggested there were too many right-brain-left-brain tests popping up on the Internet and these tests gave people the illusion they had talent when in fact they simply had none, or that they were logical when in fact they were quite stupid. He said the change in theory was for the people’s own good.

So it seems the old wise saying you have half a brain is no longer an insult but simply a statement of fact.

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Aka, you are Right-brained

Most right-brained people like you are flexible in many realms of their lives. Whether picking up on the nuances of musical concerto, appreciating the subtle details in a work of art, or seeing the world from a different perspective, right-brained people are creative, imaginative, and attuned to their surroundings.

People probably see your thinking process as boundless, and that might translate to your physical surroundings as well. Some people think of you as messier than others. It’s not that you’re disorganized, it’s just that you might use different systems to organize (by theme, by subject, by color). Straight alphabetization and rigidly ordered folders are not typical of right-brained behavior.

You are also more intuitive than many. When it comes to reading literature, you probably prefer creative writing or fiction over nonfiction. And when it comes to doing math, you might find you enjoy geometry more than other forms like algebra.

Analysis from tickle.com, a website that pursues the mind like curry pursues the white shirt.

The Pendragons – It’s Magic

I used a Canon digital camera (not a real video camera) to shoot this video at one of The Pendragons’ performances at The Centre of Excellence, in Trinidad. I had this video on my hard drive for almost two years and only uploaded it to YouTube today.

What is interesting about this video is not that the trick, called Metamorphosis, made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for the fastest human transformation since Superman. What is interesting is not that it was the fastest sex change done in public. What is interesting is that I shot the video while seated in the third row from the front, behind a woman with a very big and bad hair day and I did not even use a tripod or get into a fight.

Jeffrey Archer – A Prisoner of Birth

 

Jeffrey Archer interviewed by David Frost for Al Jazeera TV

I am going to say to all my friends, and anybody who thinks my invaluable opinion is of some value, read A Prisoner of Birth by Jeffrey Archer. He is back but this book is not a comeback, it’s a Classic.

The following is based on aka_lol’s mind:

“Will the reading of A Prisoner of Birth change my life?”

“I don’t know your life but maybe it will.”

“Will I be able to put the book down after I start?”

“I seriously doubt it.”

“Are there many pages?”

“Yes, but like life, money, and good looking women, they go by in a flash.”

“Will you recommend this book to your friends?”

“I thought I just did.”

“Ah yes, and what’s so good about A Prisoner of Birth?”

“I was tempted to say, just read it but on second thought I have to say it is one of those books that remains burning in your mind long after you have finished it, and there are so few books like that. A Prisoner of Birth is also a book that you have to read down to the very last word.”

“Isn’t that a stock compliment?”

“No, but it’s the truth”

“Thank you aka_lol.”

“De Nada.”

Beijing 2008 – Made in China

The People’s Republic of China will be hosting the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing in August when the Chinese Government will hope to impress the world with their flat screen TVs and the uncanny ability of their citizens to bend over backwards in stadiums.

China has come a long way since 67,000 B.C and early China wasn’t even a country but just a group of people trying to figure out how to spell the word civilization in Chinese. The Chinese were always resourceful people and credited with the invention of paper, movable type printing, and hardcover bestsellers. The world has either forgotten, or never knew, the Chinese invented many everyday items such as gunpowder, the crossbow, political speeches and toilet paper. The Chinese astronomer, Shen Kou, was one of the first to theorize that the sun and the moon were spherical and not flat China plates. The early Chinese mathematicians were responsible for developing very large and negative numbers, which has now become extremely popular in describing the economies of many non-Chinese countries.

All is not fun and games with the Beijing Olympics however, and it is already providing dissident groups with the opportunity to have their voices suppressed even further as they protests in orange robes to highlight China’s human rights record. The Chinese Government will no doubt use high-tech batons and tear gas to quell these humans.

China’s economy is either the second or fourth largest in the world and it’s becoming more and more difficult to find consumer items that do not have some Chinese component to it or the words “hecho in China” stamped at the back. Some experts have suggested the Chinese economy is growing too fast and is even overheating but high-level government officials have been quoted as saying “big deal.”

The Games of the XXIX Olympiad will start on August 8^th and the official slogan is 同一个世界 同一个梦想. You can also visit www.2008eshop.cn for all your official Olympic merchandising needs.

Eliot Spitzer – Client #9

According to a recent news report, Mr. Eliot Spitzer, Governor of New York is being called to resign after it was revealed he hired a high-priced prostitute. What I wasn’t clear about was why the stress on high-priced. Are his detractors saying he should have gone for a low-priced prostitute instead? Is the crime one of hiring a prostitute, or the price of the prostitute? Should he have negotiated a better rate or report the scandalous fee of $1,000 per hour to the Prices Commission? Is the crime one of hiring a prostitute in the office that he is in or independent of that? Was the aim of the news report to create fantasies in the minds of readers of high-priced versus low-priced? The news report never suggested a price range for low-priced prostitutes so I assume the reporter was quite sure the price was high.

Naturally, it’s wrong to hire a prostitute regardless of price and especially if you have many enemies, get caught, and the subject of news reports and prominent blogs. Maybe the news would not have been so dramatic if Mr. Spitzer had contracted the services of a low-priced prostitute. I don’t know.

Seriously though, I think we expect too much from politicians, a profession which has a worse reputation than prostitution and infinitely more destructive. Some of Spitzer’s supporters are suggesting he be given a break but I thought Giving Him a Break is what started this entire fiasco to begin with.

Food For Thought

Citizens of the country are being urged to plant food in their backyards in order to reduce the effects of rising food prices and food shortages. With this in mind I planted two boxes of original KFC with fries, a slice of Pizza Hut Pizza and two dozen shrimp wontons. Some of my more sane neighbors laughed at me but none of them could dispute the fact that I was planting food. The less sane ones helped me water the crops.

The UN reported food prices have risen as much as forty percent over the last year due to increases in oil and grain prices. Observers have suggested these price increases were fueled by an increased demand for food worldwide due to a population growth and that the population growth was linked to a reduction in the amount of people using condoms on the weekends and public holidays.

The sad part of all this is that food is being rationed even more in the poorest countries and these countries normally get some of what’s left over after the fatter countries maintain their waist and waste. The citizens of the fatter countries are mostly well fed on three meals a day plus snacks. The people of the poorest countries live on one meal a day on a very good day. Our priorities are not universal and while one mother worries about her thighs being too fat another worries if her children will live to the end of the end of the day. While some adults flick through the latest edition of Tanks and Warheads others drool over the centerfold of Suicide Bombing Today. One reporter suggested we are planting food to feed cars instead of people since it’s very important we get stuck in traffic for hours while cursing the government.

The World has very serious problems such as hunger, disease and stupid Prime Ministers but none of these problems could be solved with luxurious private jets or world-class arrogance. These problems could only be solved when leaders wake up to the realization that they are not the center of the Universe or that they were never meant to be worshiped by those they govern. If a leader cannot leave the World a better place then, for the very least, he or she should leave the World alone.

Andrés Segovia

I won’t look down at you if you don’t like this Andrés Segovia video with music but I would be curious to know why and your movements by day.

The difference between man and animal is not in man’s ability to bulldoze rain forest and declare war. It is in man’s ability to take real wood and synthetic polymers to make beautiful music on YouTube.

My Spirit Fix

Over the last few days I had this uneasy feeling that something was wrong with my life and my friends suggested I was experiencing a spiritual crisis. Not being sure what a spiritual crisis felt like I decided to consult a spiritualist whose number I discovered in the reliable section of the classifieds of one of the local daily newspapers.

The spiritualist was a woman who called herself Madam Quickfix with a French accent. I told her I felt like a computer infected with the latest spyware. Madam Quickfix confirmed I was experiencing a spiritual crisis from my vibes, but there was a slight chance it could be constipation. Fortunately, she said, the cures were the same and either way she could fix the problem for $300, and even faster for $500. This was like the passport office I thought, how lucky. For reasons unknown, I was getting skeptical vibes about Madam Quickfix so I lied to the Spiritualist and said I would call back since I needed to meditate on the matter. She then offered a twenty percent discount if I signed up within the next two minutes using a credit card and she would even throw in a pack of Tarot Cards and a Ouija Board reading. The offer was tempting since Madam Quickfix said I would be cured as soon at the payment was authorized.

I finally confessed it was more than likely constipation and that I didn’t have to contact anyone in the hereafter, or even think of anything to feel guilty about since last Friday. Madam said I was in luck because, for this transaction only, she could offer me the basic spiritual upgrade package plus shave another ten percent off the already ridiculously low sale price. I said thanks for the flexibility but I was feeling better already and it was just like a trip to the doctor or mechanic. Madam Quickfix persisted but I was firm and bought a bag of plastic beads to ward off bad luck and a small pack of fairy dust to reduce any itching the beads may have caused.