Scariest Movies Ever


 

Most people are not afraid to get scared and some even will pay money to do so. With all the recent talk about the new movie, Paranormal Activity 2 and how people are jumping several times and several inches during the movie, I decided to make a list of some of the movies, I found scary.  Scary doesn’t always mean jumping at every bang or appearance of an ugly face, but it means being afraid to sleep with lights off at night for weeks or months after viewing.

Some of the best movies ever made are scary movies, but you will never find most of them being nominated for, much less winning any mainstream awards. Maybe the movie world still think boring an audience into a coma is art. I know people who went to see scary movies due to office peer pressure and faked bravery by sitting with their eyes closed or looking at the vibrating head of the person in front of them for the entire movie. Those people are known as wimps and should be exposed for what they are. I like scary movies because it takes my mind away from the scary parts of daily life. Things like slow moving traffic in the Beetham, the price of tomatoes, or seeing a rapidly aging Colm Imbert on TV.

I made a poll to select the scariest movies ever made, the results of which will be used for nothing in particular except fun.

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Shyamalan’s DEVIL


Devil is the first first in a series of movies called the Night Chronicles. M. Night Shyamalan is the brains behind this endeavor which will have both its loyal friendlies and hostiles. Devil is directed by John Erick Dowdle and written by Brian Nelson. The story comes from The Mind of M. Night Shyamalan who, according to recent reports, is being laughed at during the showing of the Devil trailers on the appearance of that statement. I assume this laughing is an attempt to ridicule Shyamalan for reasons that might be trendy. Maybe people are laughing because they feel his film making abilities has  declined steadily since Sixth Sense. I don’t know about that but Shyamalan’s movies have be making millions ever since and his recent “failure,” The Last Airbender which has grossed US$290,000,000 worldwide so far (DVD sales not added). Airbender cost US$150,000,000 to make plus US$130,000,000 to market which is hefty by any standards. On the other hand, Nicholas Cage’s Sorcerer’s Apprentice cost Disney US$160,000,000 to make and and maybe more than half of that to market but has only managed US$200,000,000 worldwide.  I am not sure how accurate budget figures are for movies as the public pronouncements about movie budgets are used as a clever marketing tool to woo dollar-centered audiences. What it seems is that Shyamalan is also  able to generate large  revenues from a loyal negative following  and in the world of celebrities, a good negative makes as much money or even more than the typical, boring positives alone.

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Bollywood Hero – Easy on the eyes


The mini-series, Bollywood Hero was not bad and I will probably look at it again a few months. However, I came across this YouTube which was obviously a promotion for the series in the US. Not a bad idea. Planned spontaneity can be an excellent marketing tool.  Bollywood Hero, a three-part mini-series, premiered last year in the United States on a channel called IFC but I only saw it this year on something called ten-dollar DVD. Bollywood Hero was entertaining with some good laughs and songs. The mini-series was aimed at US or Western audiences and was filmed almost entirely in India. The goofy looking but likable American comedian Chris Kattan is an unlikely Bollywood Hero and starred as himself  in the mini-series which is also  filled with the expected Bollywood drama and two uncommonly beautiful beauties, former Miss India-Universe, Neha Dhupia, and former Miss India-USA, Pooja Kumar (पूजा कुमार). Bollywood Hero is obviously pleasant on the male eyes.

Pooja Kumar

Neha Dhupia

Chris Kattan, Pooja Kumar and Neha Dhupia at event of Bollywood Hero

Porn in 3D


3D movies are the latest craze to hit the planet with nearly every new, big-budget, special effect movie like Avatar, Toy Story 3 and The Last Airbender hitting the screens in this not so new, lifelike format. Audiences have been lapping up 3D offerings and only a few have been complaining of headaches and nausea while wearing those obnoxious, reusable, germ-filled 3D glasses that smell like an old hotdog. 3D is now available in your home but only if you have inherited a fortune or was into government corruption. Every component needed to view 3D movies at home such as 3D Blu-Ray players, 3D-flat screen TVs and battery operated 3D glasses appeared to be priced to cause permanent poverty but prices are expected to come down as the 3D industry milk those impatient early adopters dry. Recently, the World Cup was shown in the US on a pay-per-view channel in 3D and more 3D channels are planned.

What the industry has been silently active about is what I consider the best use of 3D technology so far and that is 3D porn. 3D makes the images on the screen come to life as the brain is tricked into believing things are in one’s lap. What could be better to propel the porn movie industry than a lap dance on the screen that sends one’s pulse rate from resting to unsafe in one second? 3D technology was meant to make people happier so it is only a matter of time before the entire adult industry goes from boringly flat to nicely protruding.

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Riding The Bitch of Trinidad and Tobago


I don’t know if there will be any parties to celebrate the successful hounding out of office and into the dog house of the incompetent and dotish UDeCOTT Board, but I hope so. That is the public’s sentiment and now that the proverbial blood has started to spill, citizens have become sharks and want to bite a few more asses. I have to admit the firing of the UDeCOTT Board was necessary since in the public’s eye they appear to be a part of a diabolical scheme to siphon public money from hospital beds and big to mid-size businessmen’s swimming pools into White Elephants and probably even a church here and over there. The public could be wrong but they could also be right.

The plot is unfolding like a movie where the bad guy is cornered by the handsome and bleeding good guy who suffered years of horrendous torture by the bad guy. Now, in the bad one’s last desperate move to survive, he pushes his loyal minions to their death in front of him as he huddles in a corner of a remote church, awaiting his inevitable, cruel and wajang fate that even a seer woman could see coming.

But the villain’s demise is not yet sealed as he is loved too bad by those who believe he holds the secret to their prosperity in the form of pay-for-little-work and overpriced contracts to sweep a little drain here and there.  These countless, loyal minions may yet ride in at the last minute and swoop the trembling, wet-pants leader to safety, allowing him to continue to ride citizens’ backs in the same way a dog in heat rides a bitch in public.

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2012 – A Movie, Not a Sex Tape


Most people in Trinidad and  Tobago believe Government’s 2020 vision will never be realized but very few thought it would have been because the World would end before that – more precisely, the World ending on December 21st 2012, just after Budget Day.

grande_2012_poster2012 is the latest blockbuster, kill-the-Planet-and-go-wow movie that promises to end all your worldly problems. 2012 opened in Trinidad and Tobago yesterday and will be opening in the US today, Friday the 13th. It will be released in Japan on November 21st. This movie was made to make people aware that the worldwide recession will end in just over a couple years and that if you had a sex tape accidentally released to a worldwide audience, then you should capitalize on it before it’s too late to make another one.

2012 Movie PosterThere are many reasons why people in Trinidad and Tobago agree with the Mayans that the world as we know it will end on December 21st 2012 as that will be the date the Treasury becomes just a word. It will also be around the time the dictatorship slithers into office and 5 new big flagpoles are installed for all comrades to see. Though the world has come a long way from the days of drawings on cave walls to sex tapes on thumb drives, it still has not lived up to our expectations in this country. We all thought, as we fast forwarded to the future, we would have also fast forwarded to happiness but the more we sped the more traffic, floods, Bailey bridges and bandits we met, making a mockery of our Prime Minister’s Tiny Capacity Concert Hall. We in Trinidad and Tobago thought the more money the Government had; the happier the citizens would have been but instead, it turned out mostly the Chinese and one pretty Japanese were the happiest, not the taxpayer.

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