Only In Trinidad and Tobago – CHOGM a Success


Yes, CHOGM was a resounding success with all the aircrafts and people destined to leave Trinidad and Tobago now out of the country. Sorry if I sound like I don’t like world leaders, journalist dollars and simplemindedness but it’s just that I am fed up of people making statements out of politeness rather than knowledge.

Every report on the outcome of CGOGM could have been written weeks, months or years before the first bowl of corn soup was served at the Port of Spain Hyatt.  I am sure most citizens of the Commonwealth did not even know there was a CHOGM and those who knew were simply glad their leader was not around for the weekend. The calling of the 2009 CHOGM a success was probably written on the very the day one crazy man with an inferiority complex chip on his shoulder decided to hold the meeting at the country’s expense, not his.

There were no surprises at CHOGM, the Queen had a ball and world leaders were impressed. Both leaders and their current wives loved the culture and think people should be allowed to drum as much as they want. All found the natives hospitable and the natives they saw in person were not naked, unlike some on the Internet.  The Aussies, with boats and helicopters still on their minds, honored an honorable citizen. The only thing that CHOGM did for citizens of this country was to send the fed up level well above 69% but still far away from the instability level of 96.73%. I want my hospital bed, community centre and private jet now.

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The Fed Up 69% – Trinidad and Tobago


As is normal with international gatherings of world leaders and hot air, a group who knows Trinidad and Tobago better than any foreign or local politician has taken out a full-page ad to alert leaders about impostors amongst their midst. Impostors who scarcely understand the game of cricket despite living in the West Indies for too long. I am not fed up as I am numb. I don’t blame the government for their arrogance towards citizens because arrogance is a byproduct of ignorance and stupidity, not the cause. Politicians are part of society – not the best part though – and have evolved into what they are today because they were misguided into thinking they have the divine right to do as they please, as if Trinidad and Tobago was not a democracy.  We have a leader, when armed with two lines of data, thinks he has volumes of knowledge but what he really has is a misunderstanding of public sentiment and a most compliant police service who will protect and serve only one master.

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CHOGM – So What!


The Prime Minister has asked me and the other citizens to be supportive of CHOGM (pronounced chewing gum) which might include no negative blogging or making fun of it. The Prime Minister has also asked me, along with other gullible citizens, to look out for foreign investments after CHOGM as investments might be so small we all have to keep our collective eyes open for it. Even if we don’t get CHOGM investments because of traffic, crime, flooding and school children regularly killing each other with 10-inch kitchen knives, we will be happier because of CHOGM starting Monday. Some citizens have already benefited from CHOGM with carefully orchestrated economic activity thrown their way. “Just get it now, I don’t want to know the price. The Queen  coming, and Sarkozy too” one organizer was heard whispering on the phone to a friend. “Sarco who? But anyway, it expensive” said the friend. “So what! You ever hear about the new property tax!” the organizer snickered.

The Queen and other major people will be coming for CHOGM but very few will drive on a traffic road or tour our shanty towns. Very few will meet a normal citizen or have any recollection of our country’s name after Sunday lunch. How can we benefit by the arrogant, head-laughing-stock flying in via jet from fifty something countries,  gathering under one roof to talk about polar ice and eat corn soup that was made in an aluminum pot.

Yes, most citizens still think CHOGM is a few-hundred-million dollar joke and will not benefit citizens in any way.  Most see CHOGM and the big flagpole as a drain on our scarce foreign exchange and the reason for the increased property tax.  Maybe most of the benefits of CHOGM will come in the not too distant future as the Treasury is confirmed empty and the Government increases another tax. Maybe the real benefits of CHOGM will be felt when the Government starts its final plunder for dollars to buy a private jet by attacking those once stable pension funds with their party-backers-financiers. “So what!”

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Porn in Trinidad and Tobago – Something New


Korean cat?

Until recently, Trinidad and Tobago was not a force in the porn production industry but with recent “accidental” successes, our GDP looks set to grow, or at least bulge, in the coming months.

I have been reading for sometime that Trinidad and Tobago is the #1 country for porn searches per capita and knowing Trinis, I am sure that is “free porn.” I don’t have any stats but how many people in this country would pay for online porn? On the other hand, South Korea is a country that is not as God fearing or cheap as Trinidad and Tobago with each South Korean (adult, I assume) spending $US526.76 each year on porn which means South Korea spends over $US25 billion annually to have a damn good time. It appears that South Korea is a country that puts its money where its mouth would like to be. Maybe Trinidad and Tobago secretly spends on porn and that is why there is a shortage of foreign exchange to buy CDAP drugs, hospital beds and private jets.

Is porn really that popular in Trinidad and Tobago and if so, why? I have no doubt that porn is popular all over Trinidad and Tobago but that popularity is part of being a young nation and the young is preoccupied with sex. Another reason porn might be popular in Trinidad and Tobago is due to our smallness (geographic) and now have a few dollars, we can afford more Internet connections, thus opening more eyes to a world of exciting possibilities on weekends. Maybe Health Minister Narace will tackle porn after he conquers sweetness and health. I suppose porn is used only to point in the right direction, but porn should never be the final destination or reason for cramps.

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Sex Tapes, Cigars and Black Cakes – Trinidad and Tobago


Trinidad and Tobago is never a dull place with activities taking place like the proposed restructuring of the now much-too-fat-for-years Petrotrin, and the creation of more lucrative industries such as the flagpole sector. The entertainment industry is also now more entertaining than ever with the unexpected release of a sex-tape featuring former Miss Trinidad and Tobago, Anya Ayoung-Chee and “boyfriend American photographer, Wyatt Gallery” – what a name. There was a comment in The Daily Express today by Photographer Wyatt concerning the sex-tape(s) and I do feel sorry for the couple since I rated the tape a 3 out of 5, at best. They need to brush up.

Hot on the heels of the sex tape, there was Jerry Narace, Minister of Health, saying now that he has conquered tobacco; he is going after sugar. Don’t laugh since sugar kills more people and causes more suffering in Trinidad and Tobago than many popular lifestyle diseases such as eating animal fat or drinking vodka and orange juice, but not as much as sitting in traffic. As Minister of Health, he is obligated to tell people what to eat to avoid being killed in one of the nation’s hospitals. I am all for prevention and any law that will make a Kiss Cake seem as dangerous as three bandits attacking you and your wife at home, I am for.

Kiss Cake

What I hope the Minister will do soon is to pass even more laws that will put alcohol in its rightful place. These laws must include making the selling of the single bottle of beer illegal, forcing people and maxi taxi drivers to buy beer by the case or keg instead. I hope the Minister does not think the breathalyzer is a deterrent since it just changes the way people drink rather than how much. The minister should look at making sure rum shops and night clubs open only from 7:00 p.m and close at 11:00 p.m rather than any time, any day. The new Keep Trinidad and Tobago Drunk Free initiative will see supermarkets being banned from selling alcohol and people working in the alcohol industry being retrained to plant flagpoles instead of drinking rum in stock rooms and Board Rooms. As much as alcohol encourages sex and sometimes even good sex tapes, the Minister must have alcohol banned over a 3 to 5 year period with the last alcoholic thing to go being the Christmas Fruit Cake. It is not until action is taken against alcohol will I believe this, or any, Government as being patriotic as a big flag.

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Trinidad and Tobago – A Nation Conveniently In Crisis?


The Chinese say out of crisis comes opportunity and that is why Trinidad and Tobago is the land of opportunistic people, not only the Chinese. Last week the Prime Minister said no more fetes in national sporting complexes probably because  of the high cost of  repairing The National Flagpole but the very next day Ministers were meeting to solve the perennial problem of nowhere to wine.

But a crisis isn’t always created for the opportunity to look good but sometimes to create the opportunity to fast track a tender award to those contractors who can charge several flagpoles more just by saying yes they can deliver in Chinese time. Even if the taxpayers will have to borrow to finance these fast tracked schemes, it will happen.  The reason for cost overruns in many Government contracts might be due to a change in design by mysterious forces and soil, resulting in a nice crisis midway through the project giving the contractor the opportunity to buy those two extra S-Class Mercedes along with that high-rise apartment his girlfriend always demanded for her sex-tape grade services. Only with this well planned, sudden design change will Mr. Contractor be able to spring for that industrial grade 10-speed blender his wife had her eye on for years. The opportunities taxpayers subsidize.

The traffic “crisis” is another opportunity to give those “fast” contractors the chance to overbid just to help the population, waiting in traffic, to get from A to B without using a shoulder.  The crime “crisis” can, or has provided “security supply companies” with the opportunity to deliver crime suppression supplies urgently at top dollar so the public and select suppliers would be impressed how serious the authorities are about alleviating their suffering. Besides, the crime “crisis” now employs both non-criminals and criminals thus making crime more organized and an all encompassing industry. The health care system will continue to fall apart once there is money to be made from people, who have no private practice or Government contracts, suffering in hospital corridors. The urgent need to impress foreign “leaders” is now causing the fast tracking of many things cultural including the cutting of the bush along the highway. The next new “crisis” will be water as the population is running out of tires and foam mattresses to drag and burn.

Out of crisis comes opportunity and if done properly, there will be no Commission of Enquiry.

2012 – A Movie, Not a Sex Tape


Most people in Trinidad and  Tobago believe Government’s 2020 vision will never be realized but very few thought it would have been because the World would end before that – more precisely, the World ending on December 21st 2012, just after Budget Day.

grande_2012_poster2012 is the latest blockbuster, kill-the-Planet-and-go-wow movie that promises to end all your worldly problems. 2012 opened in Trinidad and Tobago yesterday and will be opening in the US today, Friday the 13th. It will be released in Japan on November 21st. This movie was made to make people aware that the worldwide recession will end in just over a couple years and that if you had a sex tape accidentally released to a worldwide audience, then you should capitalize on it before it’s too late to make another one.

2012 Movie PosterThere are many reasons why people in Trinidad and Tobago agree with the Mayans that the world as we know it will end on December 21st 2012 as that will be the date the Treasury becomes just a word. It will also be around the time the dictatorship slithers into office and 5 new big flagpoles are installed for all comrades to see. Though the world has come a long way from the days of drawings on cave walls to sex tapes on thumb drives, it still has not lived up to our expectations in this country. We all thought, as we fast forwarded to the future, we would have also fast forwarded to happiness but the more we sped the more traffic, floods, Bailey bridges and bandits we met, making a mockery of our Prime Minister’s Tiny Capacity Concert Hall. We in Trinidad and Tobago thought the more money the Government had; the happier the citizens would have been but instead, it turned out mostly the Chinese and one pretty Japanese were the happiest, not the taxpayer.

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Axe The Tax FAQ – Trinidad and Tobago


TaxMonster

As the Axe the Tax March gets set for Woodford Square on Saturday, this blog decided to clear the air on the not-so-new property tax that has angered homeowners into an angry fireball. Citizens, despite cursing and more cursing, were about to resign themselves to paying the much higher property tax when, out of nowhere, a flagpole appeared.  Here is the untold story about that property tax.

1.         Who is responsible for valuing my property?

The Government.

2.         Is Property Tax a new tax?

No, but they way you will feel about it will be new, especially after you get your first tax bill.

3.         How is the value of my property calculated?

It depends on the design, room space, quality of utilities, party affiliation.

4.         Do all properties in Trinidad and Tobago have rental value?

Dah!

5.         Will all properties on the same street have the same value?

No, and as we said before in 3, it depends

6.         What is my Annual Rental Value?

The value of what the Government feels is your monthly rental times twelve.

7.         How much tax will I have to pay?

As much as the Government feels you could afford.

8.         Do owners of Government Houses have to pay property tax?

Yes but the value will be a mere pittance compared to those who by nature of their politics were unable to get Government housing.

9.         What will the money collected from property tax be used for?

Mainly San Fernando Hill and flagpoles.

10.       Should I get angry with the Government for taxing me more despite the blatant wastage of taxpayer’s money over the years and well into the foreseeable future?

No, because the Government promise to keep  San Fernando Hill looking pretty

11.       How did the Government decide on how much to increase my property tax by?

The New Property Tax  came to the Minister of Finance when she heard a scream while looking at a football match that  was being played on, of all things, a level playing field. It appeared that in a nearby room, a typical middle class home owner was being  routinely interrogated by the revenue authority to determine how much more he could give the Government without dieing and he screamed out a value of 3% times ARV  less 10% during the waterboading episode. The Minister, desperate for ideas, heard the screams and created the tax.

12.       What can the taxpayer look forward to in the New Year?

Quite a bit; the Government plans to get blood from the middle class stones in the following year.

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Latoya Woods – The New Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe


latoya woods

Stunning winner: Miss T&T/Universe Latoya Woods during the swimsuit segment of the pageant on Sunday night at the Hyatt Regency Trinidad hotel in Port of Spain. - Photo: STEPHEN DOOBAY - Trinidad Express - I hope this is considered fair use by all concerned

Girls with long legs have a definite advantage over the shorter-leg variety as they are seen as being much more beautiful by men; it is a biological thing. Pretty girls are also thought of as being more desirable than unattractive ones as are rich men with loose wallets.

There is a photo of Latoya Woods, the new Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe representative, in the Trinidad Express today showing Latoya lounging on a couch at The Hyatt – a couch I have favorably encountered in the past – and if you didn’t think she was a winner before, this photo will change your mind.  She is easily a stunner with her very pretty face, long legs and other exciting dimensions. I will probably post that photo later if  The  Express, and or, Latoya  promises not to take any legal, or other offensive and painful action, against me.

As I said in a previous post, it must be difficult to choose a Miss Trinidad and Tobago since we are a country full of pretty and exciting girls; some apparently more exciting than others but that is not for this post. I am not sure where or when the next Miss Universe competition will be held as Wikipedia is silent on that issue, but I will be keeping a keen eye on the new competitors, including the usually docile Miss Japan.

latoya-woods-miss-Trinidad-and-Tobago-Universe

This is the photo I was speaking about in the post above - The original photo was published in color but I scanned in black and white

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Sex Tape – Trinidad and Tobago Style


youtube

Do not click!!

One woman by the vegetable stall said she need ah good licking. I just nodded, not wanting to cause confusion. A man next to the bananas asked if I had a copy and I nodded in a funny way.

I don’t know why there is so much fuss about an alleged existence of a leaked sex tape starring a former Miss Trinidad and Tobago because a sex tape is now like a cell phone, everybody has one and some even have one with each service provider. True, some phones are better looking and have more features than others but you soon get over it and want a newer model.

guess-guessApart from seeing how good you look on screen, why would you want to make a sex tape? Maybe it’s to improve technique or maybe it’s to see if you are as hot as you were misled to believe. Hotness is like power, addictive to the point of never wanting to let go and even recruiting extra Chinese if you have to. It really doesn’t matter the reasons why, once you intend the sex tape to be for private turn-on use only then just don’t leave the video unencrypted on a hard drive for it will be found and leaked by the jealous or the insane, or as Bandi said, the computer repair man with a bone to pick. But the lessons of past celebrities don’t always filter down to the newbie so the mistakes must be made over and over, much to the delight of new found fans and admirers.

My advice to anyone who is embarrassed by having a leaked sex tape – don’t worry about it, just hold your head high. Yuh know what ah mean.

p.s. it’s a fake YouTube loader.

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The Prime Minister’s Speech – The Missing Pages


pmpmA few pages from PM PM’s speech fell out of his folder as he was walking to the stage to address party supporters at the opening of  a made in China building.  A man who looked like a regular citizen, a man who can’t afford either a house in Miami or sardines in the grocery, found the pages and ran to give PM PM the sheets. PM PM looked around, and as he does with all regular citizens, ignored the man. If PM PM had taken the sheets from the citizen, PM PM’s China speech would have been complete. Here are some excerpts from those missing pages that was leaked like a beauty queen sex tape to this blog:

“My dear friends, as we plunge the country into insurmountable debt and move into a new era of waste and reckless spending, we will see contracts awarded to more and more contractors via UDECOTT, the shining example of my feeling towards the citizens of Trinidad and Tobago – I don’t give a shirt or a slacks. My brothers and sisters, it will happen.

Over the next few months, and well into the future or until your untimely demise, we, the Government, will be collecting taxes from citizens like never before.  The property tax will be improved so as to give the Government more and more funds to take care of San Fernando Hill, UDECOTT contractors and urgent flag poles. It will happen, my dear friends. It will happen. As you slowly crawl or sail in and out of Port of Spain on a daily basis, we, the Government, will be hoisting even more and bigger flags around the City that you will be able to see from as far as the Bailey bridge in Macoya, and on a clear day, our Golden Grove Prison. My dear friends, you tell me what is the cost of the National Pride you feel while sitting for hours in traffic or while being robbed at the Beetham, Mt. D’or, Penal Rock Road or San Fernando Hill knowing there is a big flag close by? I, not you, my brothers and sisters, know the true cost of National Pride and I have it right here in my back pocket. Suck it in, my dear friends. Suck it in.

My growing numbers of detractors have been saying many nasty things about my kidney and Hart and I want to assure you, My Dear Friends, my kidney is functioning well but my Hart is simply the best. Those of you who have been undergoing increased frustrations due to increased crime, corruption at the licensing office, incompetence at the passport offices,  a National Security Minister without a clue, and a Minister of Works who, despite knowing it all, accomplishes very little to ease your daily frustrations, I say to you, my brothers and sisters, Steups.”

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Steups – The Mood of the Nation


steupsI got this idea from Scene’s last blog post.

Only a few weeks ago I  saw the Mint from Diana with the word that I, and everybody in Trinidad and Tobago have been saying (in bold and red) more than usual, Steups.  Because of this, I decided to give Diana’s Steups some free ad space for understanding the mood of the nation better than any politician alive today. I also dedicate this blog post to those who make us feel no National Pride but only Steups instead.

Patrick Manning – Steups

Basdeo Panday – Steups

Gary Hunt – Steups

$2 Million Dollar Flag Pole – Steups

Colom Imbert – Steups

Bailey Bridge – Steups

Flooding – Steups

Trincity Mall – Steups

Neil Parsanlal – Steups

Calder Hart – Steups

Michael Annisett – Steups

UDECOTTSteups

Barry Sinanan – Steups

Corruption – Steups

Traffic, Traffic Everywhere – Steups

Martin Joseph – Steups

CoP Philbert – Steups

The Blimp – Steups

Crime Wave – Steups

Jerry Narace – Steups

Karen Nunez-Tesheira – Steups

Integrity Commission – Steups

Max Richards – Steups

Licensing Office (especially Omera) – Steups

Passport Office (ALL) – Steups

Shoulder Riders – Steups

CHOGM – Steups

WASA (Pothole Crews) – Steups

Please Feel Free to Add

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Sasha Grey – Porn Actress Extraordinaire


sasha_grey

Sasha Grey

Sasha Grey is hailed as one of the most popular and talented porn stars today. She is 21 years old and has so far starred in 189 adult films. She has won 8 Adult movie awards including the prestigious AVN Best Three-Way Sex Scene (2007) (along with two others, naturally) and Best Oral Sex Scene (2008) – I am sure you, dear reader, are familiar with both scenes but I am not. Her claim to fame is not simply from the adult movie business but from other things like appearing fully clothed on the Tyra Banks Show. Sasha was also recently featured in RollingStone Magazine displaying not only her intellect but her body as well. Her most mainstream claim to fame so far is being the main character in the Academy Award winning director Steven Soderbergh‘s movie, The Girlfriend Experience, which is available from Amazon and in Blu-ray. To quote Wikipedia “The New York Times described Sasha Grey’s pornographic career as “distinguished both by the extremity of what she is willing to do and an unusual degree of intellectual seriousness about doing it.” She embodies the best of all imaginable worlds.

sasha_grey_1The story of Sasha Grey is typical. She comes from a broken home and moved out to live on her own at age 16. Sasha eventually graduated from high school and studied film, dance and acting in junior college. She, like so many with her talent, had to choose between a career as a stripper or as a porn actress to make ends meet and money. Luckily for all concerned, she made the right choice.

About the adult porn industry:

A Reuter’s article states there are 11,000 pornographic titles released every year on DVD and the industry is a multi-billion dollar one. CBS puts this figure at US$10 billion. Porn is also widely accepted and appreciated in the US with big names like GM, Marriott and Time Warner selling erotica to Americans. Porn is not just an American thing with countries all over the world either having a porn industry or appreciating the porn industry. The capital of European porn is no longer Paris but Budapest, Hungary since, according to Forbes Magazine, “Hungarian girls are beautiful, they want money, and there is something in their blood. They can do it.” Do you know where that girl on your desktop is from?

I am not sure if there is a porn industry in Trinidad and Tobago but if there is it must be illegal since we are not yet a developed nation. The Internet is creating nightmares for local customs officers and religious leaders as porn is now delivered in discrete  ways customs and preachers have probably tried and tested with great success. Once people want it, you can’t stop it.

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Invading The Prime Minister’s Mansion’s Privacy


Disclaimer's Notice - Hotel Normandy

Disclaimer by Hotel Normandy, Trinidad and Tobago

I assume the Hotel was advised by competent attorneys about the sequence of words and format of this disclaimer.It sounds and looks desperate to me. I suppose even buildings and flag poles paid for with taxpayers’ dollars have feelings too.

If I stay in my yard and effortlessly take a few dozen photos of my neighbor climbing her plum tree in her favorite hole-ridden shorts then that should not be considered illegal though her shorts may be considered immoral by the religious and the afraid. If I jump over the fence to get a better shot of her, that would be illegal, I assume, but fun, I am sure. If a friend comes to my home and takes the same photos with his  image-stabilized, 12x zoom without asking my permission then I may have to place a disclaimer notice in the newspaper after he publishes the photo in the Sunday Punch or any similarly scandalous tabloid just to save face.

Note: She (neighbor) was not wearing a shorts that was bought with taxpayers’ dollars and she is living in her own home which she pays the mortgage using her own funds and not taxpayers’ dollars. She does consider herself special but she is almost never arrogant or swells up like a bullfrog in public. She also has no flag poles in her yard but has one or two Chinese friends.

I have no idea what is legal or not in photography. It’s so confusing and fun.

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Ricky Nelson – Garden Party 1985


This is one from 1972:-

According to Wikipedia “In 1972, Ricky Nelson reached the Top 40 one last time with “Garden Party“, a song he wrote in disgust after a Madison Square Garden audience booed him when he tried playing new songs instead of just his old hits. “Garden Party” reached number 6 on the Billboard Hot 100 and number 1 on the Billboard Adult Contemporary chart and was certified as a gold single.”

‘n’ it’s all right now, learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself

Not exactly an original thought but it’s stuck in my head with this song.

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Sticking A Flag Pole Up in Trinidad and Tobago


canada-marijuana-babe-eSo the flag and pole did cost around $TT2 million and nobody is surprised, just outraged and happy for the ammo. Though a breakdown of the expenses adding up to the 2 million was given by Team Hunt, I am not in a position to say if any, or how many, greased-hands were involved since I am not a flag man. The point is not only the credibility of the cost of the monster-flag and associated concrete but the reason we need a monster-flag during a recession and a white collar crime wave.

People are not saying it yet but  most think the flag is like the Honest Coast Guard with Australian interceptor boats seizing a shipment of coke or compressed marijuana – how many shipments were not seized – The majority. So, with the very visible waste-of-money flag and pole, we know where that extravagance went, but how many more extravagant waste-0f-money-items did we not know about? The majority – that is what most think.

frustrationYet, despite all the evidence and citizens’ mounting frustrations with crime, traffic, unemployment, and Bailey bridges, our certified-stupid Propaganda Minister admits the current Cabinet made only few mistakes but overall, they are doing a wonderful job. He was quoted as saying the mistakes will remain mistakes until they (The Ministers) acknowledge them (the mistakes). How do you unscrew a pregnant woman?

A poll by CNC3 last night showed the disconnect between the citizens and the Government that Reginald Dumas is constantly talking about when 95% of the voters said the Government is doing a bad job. Once the Government think the kick-back ready 5% of the population is all that matter, is crapo smoke we ganaga again.

p.s – the new unit of measure for the cost of public projects in Trinidad and Tobago is now The Flag-Pole where One (1) Flag-Pole is equal to TT$ 2 Million. E.g. The Education Tower in Port of Spain, unfurnished and incomplete, has cost taxpayers 230 Flag-Poles so far. CHOGM will be costing in the order of 120 Flag-Poles. Somehow, those don’t sound so bad.

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