Sex Tape – Trinidad and Tobago Style


youtube

Do not click!!

One woman by the vegetable stall said she need ah good licking. I just nodded, not wanting to cause confusion. A man next to the bananas asked if I had a copy and I nodded in a funny way.

I don’t know why there is so much fuss about an alleged existence of a leaked sex tape starring a former Miss Trinidad and Tobago because a sex tape is now like a cell phone, everybody has one and some even have one with each service provider. True, some phones are better looking and have more features than others but you soon get over it and want a newer model.

guess-guessApart from seeing how good you look on screen, why would you want to make a sex tape? Maybe it’s to improve technique or maybe it’s to see if you are as hot as you were misled to believe. Hotness is like power, addictive to the point of never wanting to let go and even recruiting extra Chinese if you have to. It really doesn’t matter the reasons why, once you intend the sex tape to be for private turn-on use only then just don’t leave the video unencrypted on a hard drive for it will be found and leaked by the jealous or the insane, or as Bandi said, the computer repair man with a bone to pick. But the lessons of past celebrities don’t always filter down to the newbie so the mistakes must be made over and over, much to the delight of new found fans and admirers.

My advice to anyone who is embarrassed by having a leaked sex tape – don’t worry about it, just hold your head high. Yuh know what ah mean.

p.s. it’s a fake YouTube loader.

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The Prime Minister’s Speech – The Missing Pages


pmpmA few pages from PM PM’s speech fell out of his folder as he was walking to the stage to address party supporters at the opening of  a made in China building.  A man who looked like a regular citizen, a man who can’t afford either a house in Miami or sardines in the grocery, found the pages and ran to give PM PM the sheets. PM PM looked around, and as he does with all regular citizens, ignored the man. If PM PM had taken the sheets from the citizen, PM PM’s China speech would have been complete. Here are some excerpts from those missing pages that was leaked like a beauty queen sex tape to this blog:

“My dear friends, as we plunge the country into insurmountable debt and move into a new era of waste and reckless spending, we will see contracts awarded to more and more contractors via UDECOTT, the shining example of my feeling towards the citizens of Trinidad and Tobago – I don’t give a shirt or a slacks. My brothers and sisters, it will happen.

Over the next few months, and well into the future or until your untimely demise, we, the Government, will be collecting taxes from citizens like never before.  The property tax will be improved so as to give the Government more and more funds to take care of San Fernando Hill, UDECOTT contractors and urgent flag poles. It will happen, my dear friends. It will happen. As you slowly crawl or sail in and out of Port of Spain on a daily basis, we, the Government, will be hoisting even more and bigger flags around the City that you will be able to see from as far as the Bailey bridge in Macoya, and on a clear day, our Golden Grove Prison. My dear friends, you tell me what is the cost of the National Pride you feel while sitting for hours in traffic or while being robbed at the Beetham, Mt. D’or, Penal Rock Road or San Fernando Hill knowing there is a big flag close by? I, not you, my brothers and sisters, know the true cost of National Pride and I have it right here in my back pocket. Suck it in, my dear friends. Suck it in.

My growing numbers of detractors have been saying many nasty things about my kidney and Hart and I want to assure you, My Dear Friends, my kidney is functioning well but my Hart is simply the best. Those of you who have been undergoing increased frustrations due to increased crime, corruption at the licensing office, incompetence at the passport offices,  a National Security Minister without a clue, and a Minister of Works who, despite knowing it all, accomplishes very little to ease your daily frustrations, I say to you, my brothers and sisters, Steups.”

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