An Unsavory Incident

Aka had caught The Master and Mini in a position that was not only compromising, but requiring great skill and Wisdom. This sighting drove Aka into a gloomy state, and caused, a fellow bloger (name withheld for security reasons), or blog-fellow, as it commonly referred to in modern bloging circles, to urged Aka to seek comfort in his own blogs. And this he did, much to the regret and annoyance his blog-fellows.

The Master had obviously not taught Aka everything and this had him disenchanted and bitter. It is true Aka wasn’t as flexible; I mean wise, as The Master but Aka was always willing to learn. What hurt Aka the most (no, not the position) was that Mini had to seek Wisdom from someone other that himself. Aka was proud of his Wisdom and was always willing to share it with Mini, if she so desired. Instead she went to the source, The Master, the great imparter of Wisdom. Everything in life teaches us a lesson but the only lesson this unsavory incident had taught Aka was that The Master’s Wisdom stood out more than his.

Scary Movies

We love to get scared when we have some control over the scare. That is the jolt we sometimes need when life gets too routine; otherwise we can blog. I never let the scary movie get to me, and that is why I don’t have nightmares about them. But I do have nightmares about dumb and useless movies. I call no names because those movies know who they are.

I saw The Omen once, and found it scary. The Exorcist was frightening and a head-turner. The Ring did surprise me during the first look but the second time it fizzled, maybe because I sat next to someone who was even scarier. Friday the 13th (the first) had its moments, and generally bloody good. Some say I should see the original Psycho if I want a scare, but I saw enough movies with JLo, and don’t ever want to be that terrified again.

A Con Job

Aka was not one for frills. He was the type to throw reality onto the bed of life, as it were, and get down to the task at hand, sometimes even with a finger to his lips. Naturally and in reality, this made him very popular with his imagination, but unpopular with his conscience.

Aka and Conscience, Cons, as Aka once affectionately called him, had known each other for several years and though inseparable, their relationship was now more of tolerance than friendship. However, when it was friendship it was close. But, as the nursery rhyme said, when it was bad it was horrid. Aka and Cons would often have these revolving-door type conversations, which always left both parties less than amused. Here is one such “Con Job,” as Aka calls them.

Aka: I was thinking, Cons, when was the last time you took a vacation, alone.

Cons: You know I can’t do that, you would be lost without me, and I, you.

Aka: Do you always have to speak like a Shakespearian character?

Cons: It adds to my credibility.

Aka: It adds to your stupidity.

Cons: I am not bothered by your feeble taunts, save those for lesser minds.

Aka: Really Cons, not bothered. Your whole life is based on being bothered. You need a vacation, go to the beach, collect some drift-wood, build a fire, bond with it. Do what all other consciences do, leave, maybe even meet Miss Conscience. That would get you off my case.

Cons: HaHaHa. How ironic it is for you to be tempting me with your weakness.

Aka: It is consciences like you, which makes life difficult for people like me.

Cons: It is consciences like me who keep you away from the law, the fast cars, the faster women, the sweetest temptations. It is I, who keep your bones intact and teeth in place.

Aka: Full of your self aren’t you? You sound like a Calcium advertisment.

Cons: No, full of you. And Calcium is good for you.

Aka: What does that mean.

Cons: I don’t know, there was a void in the blog and I filled it.

Aka: Ok, no probs. Thanks.

Cons: You are welcomed.

Aka sips some water. He turns the magazine to get a better view of the centerfold. He is impressed, he always is.

Aka: Have I not been a good boy Cons. Have I been too much trouble for you.

Cons: You have your moments, most bad.

Aka: Name one recent “bad” moment.

Cons: Mini Skirt.

Aka: What of her?

Cons: What of HER? What of HER? You could scarcely keep your mind away from her….from her….her…….You know what I mean!

Aka: So you were also looking! Where was your conscience, my good man. You are a guilty conscience!

Cons: I did my job, I worked overtime. Didn’t you see me? Didn’t you see me waving like a mad mind. Did you not hear me scream. And when that didn’t work didn’t you not see me “wine down de place,” just so that you would remember me!

Aka: Yes, yes the “wine.” The worst thing in the world is “ a Con wine,” and your wine was……uncalled for. Have you no conscience!

Cons: You frustrate me Aka!

Aka: And you, me!

Aka, looks untroubled, he turns to another page, his eyes pop out a bit and his blood rushes where it should. A truce is called, but the truce is never long. A temporary calm appears.

Cons: So Aka, what’s on your mind lately.

Aka: You should know.

Cons: That’s what I am afraid of.

The torment never ends…….

The Speed of Life

Aka wondered how fast life could travel, how fast from the beginning to the end. Aka had reasoned that there wasn’t any way for someone to travel faster than the speed of life, because if you could you would be dead, or probably not have ever existed. “You cannot live faster than anybody else because life travels at one speed and no faster” he told a friend. Not a very good friend, because this was not something good friends could put up with. Luckily, or unfortunately, this was the reason Aka blogged.

Sin City

The few unhappy, and probably disturbed people who walked out on the movie Sin City were victims of their own ignorance. Thankfully, ignorance has its own rewards, ten percent bliss and ninety percent punishment. These folks probably thought it was a remake of The Last Boy Scout because conventional wisdom said, how many different ways can you make a Bruce Willis movie. A mind gone bad is a difficult thing to change, and if you happen to have one that was typically entertained for several years, and never once complained with any conviction, then this movie isn’t for you.

Sin City was not only good, it was dam good. The entire movie was presented in black and white, with red and yellow thrown in when appropriate. You had valiant heroes, diabolical villains and females who stun with their fist as well as their curves. The gore was both implied and stated. The language was riddled with clichés that were so good it made you want to blog right there and then. There were no intolerable scenes, there were no sluggish plots; every piece of the jigsaw fell into place like a banana into its peel. It was a movie designed to pump masses of adrenalin into you, and it did just that.

Unfortunately, this movie is not for those who are offended by comic book style dismemberment, fluorescent blood, dangerously sexy curves and tastefully arousing nudity. Sin City is no freak of celluloid and it did what it had intended to do, and it did it without any apology to the conformist minds of our ever-changing planet.

He Remembered

Aka remembered his very first thought. He remembered how good it felt to have a thought of his own. He remembered the excitement and the hope, as he released it into the wild from whence it came. He remembered how his thought was rejected and ridiculed by the others, only because it was different. He remembered how alone it had become and how it finally died from loneliness. He remembered not lifting a finger. He remembered his guilt. He remembered his shame as he swept the lifeless thought under the rug. But what he remembered the most was his mother lifting the rug and screaming “What were you thinking!” He didn’t remember much after that 🙂

Three Donkeys Escaped Unhurt

“Three Donkeys Escaped Unhurt” That was the headline in the local newspaper. Aka and the three donkeys escaped, mostly uninjured when they skidded off a modest cliff whilst negotiating a perilous curve. How this happened remains a mystery since Aka had years of experience negotiating dangerous curves with donkeys, or was it, donkeys with dangerous curves. Anyhow, he vividly remembered the horrific scene with donkey after donkey falling and braying as it plummeted, not unlike what was seen on the seven o’clock news. It didn’t trouble Aka that he wasn’t mentioned in the article in the local daily because he knew in some countries donkeys were considered more valuable than people. However, in Aka’s country, donkeys and people were becoming indistinguishable. Aka thought this was proof of the theory As a man thinketh in his heart so is he.

The beach had once again become Aka’s guru and he had much to learn from it. At the beach, his thoughts flowed freely but what flowed wasn’t always impressive. Some thoughts weren’t even publishable in his blog. Other thoughts made no apparent sense but they made him chuckle all the same, such thoughts as “all birds have wings but not all have feathers” and “probably university graduates are cool because they are one or two degrees above zero.” Only Aka, and a few of his similarly disturbed friends, would snicker at such thoughts. The inappropriate “wisdom” flowed and usually when it was least expected, or needed. The beach had taught Aka that in life the word meaning had no meaning. This sounded profoundly philosophical but he didn’t understand what it meant. The beach also had a sense of humor.

Aka preferred the beach when it was not polluted with people, coolers and brightly off-colored beach mats. Still, there were times when being distracted by people was most welcomed. The people he meant usually came fitted with bikinis but unfortunately, none ever came without. Aka realized that over time, he was seeing less and less of bikinis but this didn’t disturb him in a negative way. Though philosophical by nature Aka managed to see the humor in most things, even if only for a moment. Maybe he was happy and that was the reason he could see the funny side of things, but Aka thought the converse was true, it was his humor, though misguided at times, which brought him happiness. The bikinis didn’t hurt either.

Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita 🙂

The Dysfunctional Follower – aka Aka

Recent events had left Aka in turmoil. He became depressed and lost all enthusiasm for trouble. Turmoil was a necessary evil which helped the mind to grow. That is what The Master always said. The Master was Aka’s Guru, and sometimes financial adviser. The Master had become an internationally acclaimed guru and the author of several bestselling books, such as The Idiot’s Guide To Mountain Top Gurus, How To Path With Your Money in 5 Easy Steps – Starting Now, The Modern Guru’s Guide To Blogging, and his most recent ground breaking scientific work, Razor Blades and Other Cutting Edge Technologies.

The Master had a great influence on Aka and it was through his wisdom Aka had managed his life impeccably, until now. The Master had said something many years ago, which for some reason kept haunting Aka, and now more than ever. “Trouble is like stretch-fit-jeans, it doesn’t matter how big or old you are you can always get into it.” The Master was very wise, at least wiser than Aka.

The journey to The Master’s palace was never easy. Aka thought that this rough and perilous voyage was symbolic of life’s journey to find meaning. Others thought The Master was simply too cheap to have the road fixed. The Master was always good with money.

It took four days and three donkeys, excluding Aka, to get to The Master’s palace. Aka was convinced only The Master could end his present confusion. His guru understood human nature and had years of experience repairing troubled souls. The Master was famous for wacky wisdom and his philosophy was: wacky wisdom for wacky people. It took The Master many years and hundreds of dysfunctional people to perfect this wisdom. Aka was The Masters most prized accomplishment and this had the guru very uneasy.

Aka wasted very little time in laying all his troubles at The Master’s feet. He recounted all his recent exploits and also his close shave with the law. The Master listened earnestly and tried not to fall asleep. After Aka was finished, The Master became silent. In philosophical circles, silence was considered the deepest of states; it was the state in which all great wisdom was born. Wisdom is actually common sense but people’s capacity to develop wisdom is almost nonexistent in modern times. That was the reason The Master’s wisdom franchise was flourishing worldwide. Talk is cheap but wisdom will cost you, that was the motto on the sign of the ever successful The Master’s Wisdom Factory and Salad Bar franchise.

Let’s not stray too much and get back to the main plot before the reader brings up another webpage. The wisdom that Aka and his donkeys had laboured for was about to be born and Aka cringed. The Master, always one for dramatics, threw his hands in the air, like a goalkeeper in heat, and delivered his first salvo “Life is like a woman, you always want the one you don’t have.”

Aka yelled in shock and disbelief, he was a follower repossessed. He made no immediate sense of The Master’s delivery and Aka begged him to explain, but The Master simply smiled in the way all enlightened gurus do. Then a miracle happened, as would be expected in this genre of stories. The dysfunctional follower had finally discovered the reason for his inner turmoil and suffering, and no, it wasn’t gas.

To Be Continued……??

The Player – Part II (El jugador – parte dos)

Aka appeared as excited as Timido was when they entered the store. If there was one bit of wisdom Aka had gathered over the years was that temptation is best dealt with by avoiding it, but this was not a place conducive to avoiding anything. Aka’s mind snapped back to reality when he saw the stupefied look on Timido’s face. It was at that moment he realized he had brought the lamb to the slaughter, but the big question was, who was the lamb.

He pulled Timido aside in an attempt to make him see the reality of the situation. Aka’s tone of voice and facial expression went into wisdom mode as he said, “Timmy, you have to remember what you see here is not what is real. The lighting, the décor, the music all help to creates an illusion of grandeur. Not one of these players will look as good in your apartment, at least not for very long, or without proper lighting. You also have to bear in mind that some of the latest models have no track record of performance and may have even been illegally smuggled into the country. I seriously doubt they will come with any type of warranty. Be careful, be very careful.” Aka was convinced that Timido didn’t hear a word he just said but Aka had to say them. He had to talk himself out of temptation but seemed to be losing the battle.

To make a long story short, both Timido and Aka walked out the store with the latest models. Both players were illegally smuggled into the country, but they looked better than any players they had ever seen. Aka was battling his guilt with some success but he knew this victory was only temporary. He tried to convince himself that the new player was worth it. He tried to convince himself that his old player would soon need replacing and that it had become very boring, though very reliable. Unfortunately, guilt has a way of short circuiting undeserved happiness. That was the way nature worked, and for good reason.

They say all stories must have an end and in the last paragraphs the conclusion should be made, even if the conclusion is uncertain. Having said that, see what you can make of this ending.

Timido wanted the entire back seat for himself and his new player. Timido held the box securely as if he was afraid he would loose it, the box I mean. Aka turned around and couldn’t help notice the words “Hecho en Colombia” boldly written across the box. As they drove off into the sunset, Aka tought how much the years had changed him. He was once a great fan of Asian technology, but now his new attraction seemed to be South American.

p.s: Aka was later arrested for possession of illegally smuggled goods. The player was seized and shipped back to its country of origin after the hearing. Aka was found not guilty after pleading temporary insanity. The judge accepted the plea when he saw the goods first hand.

The Player – Part I (El jugador – parte una)

Timido was terrified of DVD players, and that was the main reason he never got one. Though he was still quite young he felt left out since all his friends had a player, and some even had more than one. His best friend Aka was rumored to have had four at one time, but that is a different story.

There is nothing like peer pressure to make someone do something, and getting a DVD player was one of these things. Not withstanding the peer pressure, Timido saw the need to get a player. In the past, when Timido wanted to use his DVDs, he would have to rent a player for the night. Unfortunately, those never played very well, he guessed it was because they were overused.

Timido was baffeled by the choice of players but he was sometimes intrigued by his friends’ players. However, he knew very well that he couldn’t borrow one of these, even for a night, for many a friendship was destroyed when one buddy either used another buddys’ player without permission, or in the wrong way.

Timido and Aka were best friends for many years and that was the only reason he managed to get Aka to help him choose a player. Timido had confidence in Aka because Aka had experience in these matters. Aka never had a problem with players and would sometimes, on impulse, walk into a store and walk out with the latest, slim line model. Timido could never do these things so he convinced Aka to help him choose one. Aka, quite rightly, never liked the idea of choosing a player for a friend because he feared he would be blamed if the player refused to play, say for example, on a Saturday night. The last thing Aka would want happen on a Saturday night was to be blamed, or worse, interrupted.

Aka gave Timido a pep talk on the way to the store. He explained that he should never choose a player because it simply looked good, though looking good has advantages, such as impressing friends. To reassure Timido, Aka told a story of a guy who brought home a player which was considered to be among the finest in the world. The player looked impressive and all his friends were in awe. But, as impressive as it looked, the player wouldn’t even open its tray much less play a DVD. Aka also explained that the latest models were sometimes too expensive and also cost a lot to maintain. “Everything has a price Timmy, and some players not only cost more but may even send you to the poorhouse, believe me I know” Aka warned Timido. Aka always said things in a wise way although what he said wasn’t. It was Aka’s way I guess.

To be continued….

Miss Three Dollars

I bought a pen a month ago. It was a cheap pen, thin, long and grey, just like some old women, but only better looking, and much younger. It seems I have been losing my best pens lately, but as to why or to whom remains a mystery.

I became disillusioned with pens and feared losing another. These regrettable events caused me to frequent shady stationary outlets to pick up these cheap pens. Long and grey was no exception. Costing only $3.00, I didn’t expect the pen to write well because all my life I was taught if it looks cheap, and it is cheap, then it will behave cheap. Miss Three Dollars made a mockery of this theory; she wrote like a Pilot on steroids, she danced on the paper like a ballerina. Her grip was reassuring and her movement flawless. There were never any signs of a struggle between ink and ball, and with my guiding hand, her lines were always perfectly placed. It was like the stuff dreams are made off, except it was no dream. I hid her away, not because she was cheap, but from fear of losing yet another pen, and a good one at that.

Despite all the rumblings and uncertainty of the World around us, I had a smile on my face. You see, the simple purchase of a cheap pen from a less than reputable outlet had renewed my faith in bargains, and to some extent, pens.

This blog was a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the Bolger’s barren, and sometimes foolish, imagination. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living, dead or the living-dead was entirely avoidable 🙂

One With The Road

When we are driving, we sometimes have to go over potholes. Whether we speed over them, or go slowly it doesn’t matter because we always get over these unsightly obstacles. Luckily, potholes are not very dangerous, and the worst thing that can happen is for us to stop and stare at the pothole, wondering how to get over them and giving them power they don’t deserve. Most drivers are unaffected by this and simply release the breaks and move on.

It seems the main ambition in the life of a pothole is to become a bigger pothole. It is felt, in some quarters, potholes do this because they feel the bigger they are the more power they wield. Unfortunately, potholes never seem to grasp the fact that a pothole is just an irritation and a bigger pothole is just a bigger irritation, drawing more attention to it and asking to be filled. Then again, that may be the reason they strive to become monumental in size, because at that size, they cannot be ignored and will be filled, becoming one with the road again.

Everything Not Anything

Everything makes me wonder about life these days. I keep asking why is it so screwed up and if it has meaning, which we are not seeing. I am beginning to feel we should not look for the truth, but maybe the truth is everything we do and everything we think. The truth may not be a glorious revelation as we think it is and we may be missing the answer because it’s right under our nose. The answer may be not to question but to live.

If we accept more and deny less then we are in a better position to feel we are part of the Universe. The problem with most of us is that we look for a mould and then try to fit into it. The Universe is not a mould and trying to fit into one in unnatural. I think this is why we feel uncertain and fearful, even when we shout out to the World, “my mould is the only true mould, my belief is the only true belief.” As someone once said, I don’t believe in anything, I believe in everything. That may be the answer, even if you didn’t ask the question.