LK: Welcome Paris. How was jail?
PH: I wasn’t in jail; I was at a correctional facility. You make it sound so gross.
LK: You were behind bars, weren’t you?
PH: Bars are for hardened criminals and houses in Trinidad and I am not a hardened criminal nor was I in Trinidad.
LK: How was your stay at the correctional facility and what was being corrected?
PH: Larry, you know a judge sent me there because he thought I was a menace to society. He thought I should be taught a lesson and my behavior was what he was trying to correct. And I think I was corrected.
LK: That sounds so profound coming from one who is so blond. Are you a true blond?
PH: Didn’t you see my movies?
LK: Let’s not go there…
PH: …I bet you would.
LK: Ahem! Ahem!! Miss Hilton, there are those who love you and those who hate you. Why is this? What do people hate about you.
PH: I know people hate me for my looks, my partying skills, my vanity, my money, my dog; Tinkerbell, and I am a natural born beauty with a perfect figure. What’s not to hate.
LK: But some say you’re dumb.
PH: Dumb is a four letter word that should never be used to describe people you are not related to. I am the perfect package so it’s natural for those who envy me to find one little fault in me and make a big deal out of it. I am not dumb; I just don’t have the time to be smart.
LK: So then why do you have so many fans?
PH: My fans are those people who appreciate perfection not brains. I don’t choose my fans they choose me. People don’t like you or hate you because of your IQ. You can’t always take IQ to the bank but you can always bank on beauty.
LK: You cried like a baby when they were taking you to prison; you called for your mommy. Was jail for you a turning point in your life?
PH: I had been handcuffed before but never like this. I cried because I couldn’t take my friends with me and they all should be there. Yes, it was a turning point for me, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I had time to reflect in a sober mode and for the first time in my life. I am sure I am a different but better person, a more responsible person who appreciates the consequences of not wearing makeup.
LK: Was that the reason you were whisked away from the paparazzi when you were released?
LK: Are you real or are you a made up girl.
PH: Feel this Larry…just joking, I know about your hearth condition.
Cough, cough! Larry almost falls off his chair.
LK: You almost pulled my plug there girl…what would you say would be the biggest change in your life after prison?
PH: I will party less, look at Discovery Channel…and the Larry King Show, naturally. I will wear underwear more often, learn to read, find out where the bookstores are…there are a whole host of things I was putting off.
LK: Would you call yourself a bad girl?
PH: Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t bad the new goodness?
LK: Would you say your parents brought you up in the wrong way?
PH: What is the right way? I was born to look good and that is my calling. The public need me Larry, they need to look see what they are not. We are all not equally blessed and why should I pretend I am not who I am.
LK: You sound smarter than you look. I am impressed.
PH: That is what I do best Larry, I impress.