This Thing Called Lite


squeeze

A Diet cola is a sugar-free drink bought by people who need to reduce their waistline by reducing their guilt. Diet cola is an acquired taste and people who have been drinking the stuff for years manage to convince themselves that it taste better than its sugary sister. To say one thing taste better than the next is to say one girl looks better than another, or that Chinese taste better than Indian. It’s all a matter of the personal taste an individual develops after years of patronizing countless fast food joints and porn sites.

I have been drinking Diet Coke and Coke Light for years and I do feel fat when I taste the regular Coke. Numerous studies suggest all foods, including diet drinks and curry duck, can cause you to suffer and die in a Government run hospital by age fifty. The main cause for concern in these diet drinks is a sweetener named aspartame, an evil sounding word coined by rat-killing scientists. Searching on Google, I didn’t find any conclusive evidence to suggest aspartame will harm you any more than being hit on the head by a falling Julie mango will.

The alleged dangers of diet drinks was first raised by and alarmist looking for new ways for people to die from food. Alarmism is the world’s fastest growing second-job and it attracts those who are not only caring, but social oddities. The alarmist warns anyone who is bored enough about the dangers of everything, including alarmist and activist. According to the alarmist, there is nothing in the world that’s safe. Manufacturers have acknowledged this and now place appropriate warnings on products in their finest print.

Beer brewers now warn people that drinking and driving can be dangerous, and driving should be avoided rather than drinking. I agree; why should beer manufacturers promote the auto industry. Manufacturers’ warnings are legal loopholes that send profits up and customers to opticians. Even razorblades now come with the warning “sharp edge,” and I certainly hope so. Cautions are too common, and alarmists are even more so. The warnings are unnecessary and obvious – sleeping tablets can cause drowsiness, thongs may stick, rap music sucks. Vital information is lost among the clutter and the needless. Google is crawling every nook and blog to populate their databases and sadly, most of the data is harmful.

We can no longer tell good from and bad so we listen to Britney and look at Paris. Our information filters are defenseless and our brain is overloaded. More dangers lurk than ever before and our blogs are useless. Information overload is turning us into zombies writing warnings in blog-form that no one will ever read. I feel like a cigarette pack.

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9 thoughts on “This Thing Called Lite

  1. Google does index a whole bucketload of vomit. But some of that vomit is good vomit and is well worth trawling through the same old crap for.

    I enjoyed this blog. I may come back here. After a cigarette, of course.

  2. Seems as if Information Fatigue syndrom is becoming a global epidemic. Or pandemic. Well written another blog.
    Do you like VS Naipaul? How popular he is there?
    wishes.

  3. Thanks Qelqoth:

    Google is now semi-intelligent but not most of its users. You can give a child a book but you can’t make him understand it. Come back often and leave butt behind 🙂

    Thanks krissnp:

    VS Naipaul is well know in Trinidad for his celebrity status. Winning the Nobel Prize certainly made his name better known. One woman asked me what book he won the Nobel Prize for. Unfortunately most people only know of his work from “educated scholars” and other people who can’t write a decent letter to the editor. The average Trinidadian would not read Naipaul as much as they would read Stephen King or Dan Brown. I am guilty of only now reading more Naipaul, so I shouldn’t be one to criticize, and I hope I didn’t 🙂

  4. Back in Atlanta, GA, home of Coca-cola, we now have Coke Zero. A new calorie free Coke that actually tastes great compared to Coca-Cola Light. Unfortunately, there are more unmentionable chemicals in it than even the original.

  5. The list of contents continue to provide unread information in the name of honesty.
    No blog about Coke will be complete without a mention of Pepsi. There are Pepsi One – 1 calorie, Pepsi Max – 0 calories, and Diet Pepsi – 0 calories. It’s all about shelf space.

  6. I haven’t ever gotten used to the aspertame taste, but when living in close quarters with a Diet Coke addict, someone sent me an email about the behavioural changes aspertame is alleged to cause. It certainly described my friend. And since I didn’t want to be paranoid and hostile and edgy…I stick to regular carbonated caffeinated cavity-causing Cola.

  7. Taste is an acquired thing. The alarmist would even scoff at moderation because alarmism is intolerant to even that. Sugar is better and here is proof:

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Aspartame is Sweet…

    Q.E.D

  8. I’m a huge drinker of the Zero varieties… and I’ve lost 40 lbs using them, diet and exercise this year. They got the Phenylkateuronics. Which is pretty bad ass. Reading about it on Wikipedia and other sites, states that the Phenalynine(sp?) can severely alter your serotonin levels and make you depressed when taken in large doses. Thankfully, it doesn’t have this affect on my body chemistry, and the sprite zero, (after the second one) really does taste better than actual sprite. So my advice is pound down a 12-pack of the zero for two days in a row, and if you don’t feel the urge to put your wife and mentally damaged son in the Cross Face Crippler, you should be okay to continue drinking the product.

    Chris McDevitt
    halfninja.wordpress.com

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