Riding The Bitch of Trinidad and Tobago


I don’t know if there will be any parties to celebrate the successful hounding out of office and into the dog house of the incompetent and dotish UDeCOTT Board, but I hope so. That is the public’s sentiment and now that the proverbial blood has started to spill, citizens have become sharks and want to bite a few more asses. I have to admit the firing of the UDeCOTT Board was necessary since in the public’s eye they appear to be a part of a diabolical scheme to siphon public money from hospital beds and big to mid-size businessmen’s swimming pools into White Elephants and probably even a church here and over there. The public could be wrong but they could also be right.

The plot is unfolding like a movie where the bad guy is cornered by the handsome and bleeding good guy who suffered years of horrendous torture by the bad guy. Now, in the bad one’s last desperate move to survive, he pushes his loyal minions to their death in front of him as he huddles in a corner of a remote church, awaiting his inevitable, cruel and wajang fate that even a seer woman could see coming.

But the villain’s demise is not yet sealed as he is loved too bad by those who believe he holds the secret to their prosperity in the form of pay-for-little-work and overpriced contracts to sweep a little drain here and there.  These countless, loyal minions may yet ride in at the last minute and swoop the trembling, wet-pants leader to safety, allowing him to continue to ride citizens’ backs in the same way a dog in heat rides a bitch in public.

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Trinidad and Tobago – Running on Empty


I yawned last night when the news on all local TV stations reported that the police, famous for being loyal to our incorruptible leader, raided UDeCOTT offices, Sunway International’s offices and the home of Calder Hart, possibly looking for remnants of The Treasury. They did this after months of intense investigations – the AG claimed the investigations started since September last year but it appears nothing was done until the suspect fled the country maybe on a tipoff from one in the know. From what I saw on TV, the investigators wore shirt jack suits and detained some Dell and Lenovo PCs, a few external hard drives and laptops probably sporting quad and dual core processors. The police will probably find nothing but some local and foreign pornographic photos, a few good Malaysian jokes, family photos of long lost relatives and very little about churches or bank accounts. Even I don’t leave that kind of thing lying around my hard drive.

This raid was very entertaining and caused the press and print media to squeeze as much mileage from the recent government orchestrated stage show featuring loyal supporters of the God of the Government. The media however missed the most important piece of news to affect Trinidad and Tobago now and way into the future and that news is the money done. This report was pushed to page 10 of the Trinidad Express which says “BPTT Head: Natural Gas boom over.” Now, if a man like BPTT’s current head can face reality for a change and tell the public there will be no more easy money and we in Trinidad and Tobago must start to actually produce things the world wants  besides gas, oil and Chubby sweet drink, then things must be really bad. The Government knows this and many sensible people also know that the chances of getting their money from any failed insurance companies are getting dimmer by the second despite a bankrupt Government’s guarantee.

All these non-productive Port of Spain cosmetic projects, including the billion-dollar-fiasco-summits, have finally taken its toll on the country and all the money ain’t even done pass yet. The freeloaders appointed to cabinet are shaking in their shoes trying to justify their existence to the Prime Minister by nodding after every sentence the man utters, even when he is in a heightened state of delusion. I guess they must be suffering from his delusion as well.  A snap election is inevitable as more news of suspected financial wrongdoings is leaked to the public. Those contractors who had the foresight to milk the country dry before the downturn must be commended for their clear vision of the future. Hopefully they were smart enough to change their money into US dollars and bank it in Miami before our TT dollar floats away. I also hope they found the time and took those well-deserved European vacations. Hopefully, Citizens finally realize that God is not a Trini and he is extending the drought,  and WASA’s and UDeCOTT’s officials tenure just to prove this point.

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Under CONstruction


Maybe we in Trinidad and Tobago are Australian in nature and that is why we believe in the Kangaroo Court while the Government just like to cover up with construction dust and derelict Government Ministers.

I doubt very much that Mr. Hart will be arrested, much less found guilty of any wrong doing because the rumor is he has many files he will buss if they push him too far – we live in the land of rumors about escape clauses. It is heartening to know that Independent Bob is once again on the case but what Independent Bob finds may remain with those who have plenty to lose. All these investigations are an attempt by the Government to say to the public “We are on top of corruption” and I don’t disbelieve them for a second. What I find strange is that everybody had an idea that things were not right at UDeCOTT years ago except the Government who sang, and still sings praises to UDeCOTT all the way to Malaysia and back.  These announcements about criminal investigations are designed to save face and to distract. What the kangaroo-loving public must remember is that they should always keep their eyes on the real ball though that ball might still be under construction, or else the public might get shanghaied.

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Trinidad and Tobago – The Flag and The Flagging Public


Trinidad and Tobago FlagWhen they out for you, they out for you and if you happen to be named Minister Gary Hunt, they out for you even more. Yesterday a reporter asked the Minister Hunt if TT$2 million was too much to pay for the big Trinidad and Tobago flag at the Hasely Crawford Stadium and The Minister was politically clever to say if the flag cost around 2 million TT$ then that was a small price to pay for National Pride (not to be confused with Country Pride, which is a brand of flour).

The difference between Gary Hunt and the member of the media who asked Mr. Hunt the question is that, as a Government Minister, he is privy to information the public has no access to, such as the cost of national pride and salaries at UDECOTT. But Mr. Hunt misunderstood the question and the reporter did not ask about the cost of national pride, but the cost of the flag – two different things the last time I checked. Were the flag bids rigged? Was UDECOTT brought in to not only ensure unheard of transparency, but also to ensure we bought the best flag and hired the best flag installation contractor possible at the best price known to man? All the reporter was asking from Mr. Hunt was reassurance that when the public sees the giant flag flapping in the wind we will feel no nausea, but a sense of National Pride in where we money gone.

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What Trinidad is Famous For


Port of Spain Map - Duke StEverybody knows that Trinidad and Tobago is the land of the cocrico, the humming bird and unproductive, billion-dollar mega-projects but how many know that Trinidad is also the land of the Traffic Light.

Let’s say you leave Port of Spain and enter Wrightson Road at Duke Street corner and would like to get to Arima via the Churchill Roosevelt Highway. Do you know you would meet no less than twenty traffic lights and a bridge under repairs for nearly a year due to typical Ministry of Works’ incompetence? Here is the list of these traffic lights:

  1. Dock Road/Hyatt
  2. Independence Square
  3. Light House
  4. Sea Lots
  5. El Socorro
  6. Aranguez
  7. Uriah Butler
  8. Bamboo/Labor College
  9. Valsayn
  10. Valpark
  11. Kay Donna/Southern Main Road
  12. UWI
  13. Pasea
  14. Macoya
  15. Golden Orange Grove added to list 0n 7th October 2009
  16. TrinCity
  17. Golden Grove
  18. Maloney
  19. Mausica
  20. Omera
  21. Tumpuna

Trinidad Traffic LightIs it any wonder the population is edgy and the slightest provocation by Government arrogance is met with angry headlines, editorials, blogs and Wade Mark? Is it any wonder we couldn’t care less about the UDECOTT Board and we don’t believe they are made up of people of integrity despite the fact they wear suits and some speak with peculiar accents.

We are a nation that takes too long to get anywhere and when we do get there we are met with No Parking signs, wreckers and gun-toting bandits who already have a sale for your car. Not only does the city flood with short clouds but the arrogant, pro-flood Mayor wants to ban wee-wee trucks. The population is fed up of the visionary who thought the entire population must work in the same tall buildings in the same cramped and waterlogged city plus get there at the same time without thinking about the reintroduction of hanging. The population is fed up of short-man syndrome policies that attack the people instead of help. We are a population that wants to stop fighting with our elected Government and selected President and start worrying about how much of the Heritage Fund will be used for conferences and bribes.

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Trinidad and Tobago – Even Worse Than UDECOTT


ball and legs - Kill Bill Vol 1The first thing people must understand is that despite the bad press the UDECOTT fiasco is generating and even if big, big, unsmiling, arrogant men in Government were implicated it won’t change the outcome of an election. What would change the outcome is if this current economic situation and mismanagement by the government affects people’s pockets.

Who thief” was always a form of vile entertainment for the population but not a reason to change die-hard political allegiance. However, despite the middle-class expressing annoyance with the Property Tax’s bigger ball and shorter chain, the inevitable slide of the TT dollar will be the blow that cracked everybody’s gold-plated egg. The currency slide will take away any gains people thought they made over the last few years. Big screen TVs and even big hard drives will once again become long-term dreams of the population just like winning the lotto. This currency slide will turn the manna from heaven our PM promised into anger and rage. That is why the self-righteous but corrupt trade union leaders are now vocal – they too need bigger TVs at good prices and vacations to Disney World.

Everybody knows the PM isn’t as stupid as he looks and sounds and that the PM loves power as much as he loves his million-dollar drapes, thus he is likely to call an election early in the New Year to protect the two things he loves the most. He will call the election months before all hell breaks loose and after he regains power the crime rate of today will seem like the good old days. The PM will get the majority in Parliament he longed for because the Opposition, having big, unaccounted for foreign bank accounts, has become an arm of the Government – surprise, surprise.

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Cell Phones, Horns, Foreplay, and Bull Pissel


mackAn old Ford Cortina moves at donkey-cart speed on the fast lane of the highway. The driver is a gray-haired,  old man taking on a cell phone to his 21-year-old, pregnant girlfriend who just came home from partying all night. He is unaware he is being tailgated by a big Mack truck running on diesel and rage. Several horns pierce the busy highway and the old man’s life but he doesn’t notice; he is cut off from the rest of the world by the joys of technology and the promise of Viagra  ~ aka_lol

That was not the opening paragraph from a novel I have any intentions of writing but it was triggered by a scene I noticed on the highway this morning. The old man seemed unaware of the disruption he was causing or the danger involved and he is like the millions who use cell phones on the road; ignorant of the horns.

The most abused modern device is not a laptop downloading porn but a cell phone being answered. The cell has made pigs of most of us since when it rings it becomes our master, even interrupting foreplay, or when on vibrate mode, starting it. The call could be something as trivial as a wife asking a husband to make his own meals from now on, or eventful as a special offer from KFC – Extra Crispy.

Tobago BullCell phones have made pigs of us and we seem powerless to stop it from taking over our lives, from hearing sirens, from noticing horns. The abuse of cell phones doesn’t end with pig-manners but instead it sometimes ends in embarrassing insurance claims or undertakers.

Making the use of cell phones in moving cars illegal will not solve the problem since most aren’t afraid of the law because the law is hard to find except at casino vaults and in police station ceilings. But most of us are afraid of the bull pissel aka the bull bouy, or pizzel, a potent whip made from the penis of a bull. But in order to ensure animal rights, a synthetic bull penis is being developed for whipping purposes only at a popular, secret bull bouy laboratory.

Trinidad and Tobago folklore says, when used properly and regularly, the bull pissel has the potential to point crooked lives in the right direction just moments after the deviant regains consciousness.  I think we need to allow the bull pissel to play an important part in the lives of cell phone abusers and some at UDECOTT. We need the bull pissel not only to straighten out the crooked ones but so that the better people can feel satisfaction again.

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