Cell Phones, Horns, Foreplay, and Bull Pissel


mackAn old Ford Cortina moves at donkey-cart speed on the fast lane of the highway. The driver is a gray-haired,  old man taking on a cell phone to his 21-year-old, pregnant girlfriend who just came home from partying all night. He is unaware he is being tailgated by a big Mack truck running on diesel and rage. Several horns pierce the busy highway and the old man’s life but he doesn’t notice; he is cut off from the rest of the world by the joys of technology and the promise of Viagra  ~ aka_lol

That was not the opening paragraph from a novel I have any intentions of writing but it was triggered by a scene I noticed on the highway this morning. The old man seemed unaware of the disruption he was causing or the danger involved and he is like the millions who use cell phones on the road; ignorant of the horns.

The most abused modern device is not a laptop downloading porn but a cell phone being answered. The cell has made pigs of most of us since when it rings it becomes our master, even interrupting foreplay, or when on vibrate mode, starting it. The call could be something as trivial as a wife asking a husband to make his own meals from now on, or eventful as a special offer from KFC – Extra Crispy.

Tobago BullCell phones have made pigs of us and we seem powerless to stop it from taking over our lives, from hearing sirens, from noticing horns. The abuse of cell phones doesn’t end with pig-manners but instead it sometimes ends in embarrassing insurance claims or undertakers.

Making the use of cell phones in moving cars illegal will not solve the problem since most aren’t afraid of the law because the law is hard to find except at casino vaults and in police station ceilings. But most of us are afraid of the bull pissel aka the bull bouy, or pizzel, a potent whip made from the penis of a bull. But in order to ensure animal rights, a synthetic bull penis is being developed for whipping purposes only at a popular, secret bull bouy laboratory.

Trinidad and Tobago folklore says, when used properly and regularly, the bull pissel has the potential to point crooked lives in the right direction just moments after the deviant regains consciousness.  I think we need to allow the bull pissel to play an important part in the lives of cell phone abusers and some at UDECOTT. We need the bull pissel not only to straighten out the crooked ones but so that the better people can feel satisfaction again.

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4 thoughts on “Cell Phones, Horns, Foreplay, and Bull Pissel

  1. I think we need to allow the bull pissel to play an important part in the lives of cell phone abusers and some at UDECOTT. We need the bull pissel not only to straighten out the crooked ones but so that the better people can feel satisfaction again.

    The wisdom of Solomon and the humour of Pilate rolllled up in one…

  2. I’ve always said that cell phones have made us rude people – we abruptly end conversations with someone in front of us to answer an intruding call.
    But I also accept that it is a thing of joy… How many people have you seen walking the streets, in their cars or in their places of work having very animated conversations and big smiles on their faces? What a gadget!

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