Our Fellow Citizens,
We, The Government Ministers of this once blessed land, would like the public to know that we were in no way associated with the real God and his actions in Trinidad over the last few days, namely the ungodly rainfall and the associated soaked mattresses along with those floating fridges we see on TV and in our neighborhood drains everyday. Though we, the Government Ministers, regularly portray ourselves as Gods in the form of our arrogance and the highhanded manner in which we behave when dealing with regular citizens and even special citizens aka: party supporters, we are only Gods of The Good Times. The bad and hard times fall squarely on the lap of the real God and the opposition.
The ungodly rainfall was caused by tall rain clouds refusing to move when told by both the Met Office and the PM to move down South. The water from those clouds had no choice but to quickly run off the treeless hills we approved for development, namely illegal, and/or immoral activities like quarrying and condominium building by the big boys, for the big boys, bringing with it mud, rocks and a few unfortunate people.
We would like to let every citizen, both dumb and smart, know we have both good and bad news for you. The good news is we sent the real God a special prayer for all those who are hugging rocks instead of pillows or other citizens tonight. The bad news is that we sent it via TTPOST. God help us!
We would also like to take this opportunity to inform the general public that God will be forcing us to tighten our belts in the coming weeks, months and years because we, your local pretend-Gods, squandered over $200 billion dollars over the last few years on nothing that would have benefited regular citizens. Clearly, this is another act of God like those stationary rain clouds and our low collective IQ.
Thank You and Goodnight!