Predictions for 2009 and beyond for Trinidad and Tobago
- Revenues from advertisements in the newspapers will drop as the economy slows to a crawl. This will eventually cause the price of newspapers to rise to $1.25. This price increase will make the budget minded buy daily newspapers every other day resulting in more congestion on the roads as drivers struggle to find change and as newspapers vendors struggle to embrace change from moving vehicles.
- Foreign exchange will evaporate faster than water from a WASA dam and this will cause the TT$ to depreciate. However, citizens who cannot take it any more will be urged to rest comfortably at any of the nearby Tsunami shelters or aluminum smelters.
- Because of popular demand the Ministry of Education will be forced to introduce banditry as an official subject in secondary schools. It is rumored that the Ministry has already commissioned the books “From Bully to Bandit – Making School Life Profitable” and “BAM! – Knocking Your Fellow Student Unconscious with One Easy Blow – Book 1”
- The PM will insists people are better off than seven years ago but he will claim we are too preoccupied with avoiding stray bullets, recoiling from food prices and wondering how to remove mud from carpets and blood from shirts to notice.
- Suitably qualified locals will be given preferential employment during the construction of the aluminum smelter. The locals must however be born in China to Chinese parents.
- Gas projects will continue causing all parliamentarians to be fed more beans.
- A great flood will once again plague Port of Spain in November 2009, during the Commonwealth Heads of Government (HOG) meeting. The PM will boast to his fellow HOG that the roads of Port of Spain were designed to take both road traffic and boat traffic. The PM will also claim the city is merely in the transition from roadway to waterway and the project code name is Venice. The Minister of Agriculture will insist the mud deposited on the city streets will be reallocated to the agricultural sector when he finds out what agricultural sector means.
- Barack Obama will turn down attending the Summit of the Americas in 2009 citing the precarious state of the US economy and “Who is Pathos Anyway.”
- The price of oil will stabilize at around US$30 per barrel, just a shade below the cost of a barrel of water from WASA, a hand of fig from Grenada, or three bundles of chive from the market.