Dressed for the occasion
All my friends told me since I have nothing better to do I should write you, a man with a big blog, for advice on something that has been troubling me for some time. I read that PM Kamie say they want to crack down on White Collar Crime so they want to set up an Anti-Corruption Commission. PM Kamie say “If it is that a man works for $1,000 but he is driving a million-dollar BMW, then where did that money come from?” Well aka, I think I have a little whistle to blow. There is a girl who works in my office as a clerk for about $5,000 a month but drives a brand new 3-Series BMW and lives in a $4,000 a month apartment. This girl seems addicted to the gym and a diet. She is always dressed in the finest tight pants, short skirts and popping tops. I think she gets her money through corruption but my friends say she is probably a very good worker as the Boss was seen on more than a few occasions going to her apartment late at night to give her work. Do you think I should blow a whistle and take out a bigger life insurance?
Sugar Daddy love
Dear Preserved Cherry,
I can see the Anti-Corruption Commission having the power to dig deep in the lives of many people who are either corrupt or just having a good time. In the case you described, I think the Boss is the clerk’s Sugar Daddy. This may not be a White Collar crime but more like a good White Collar wine. On the other hand, the Boss may be involved in some corrupt activity to raise some extra funds to support his lovely, high-maintenance habit. I am sure the Anti-Corruption Commission will have a good time investigating the reasons so many people are having too much fun in this country. Not only will the Anti-Corruption Commission cause the sale of BMWs and Audis to plunge, further stagnating the economy, but it will encourage both Sugar Daddies and those they Sugar Daddy to become more creative. Boldfaceness will be a thing of the past. I think you should blow your little whistle since you never know the truth until the Government legally spies. Also, the Government is going to pass a law to protect whistle blowers, a rapidly dying breed. In Trinidad and Tobago, this protection will have to include the issuing of hand guns and bullet proof vests by the State to the whistler as hits are now the weapon of choice in solving all problems.
After hearing the language of golf, it is not surprising that Tiger Woods probably felt a little horny after a day on the field. Golf to the uninitiated may look like a dead man’s sport but it is anything but. It is a game for gentlemen and women who have moved up the social ladder so can no longer get turned on using crude and direct sexual statements in public. The upper and better people are still human and need sex as much as the lower ones and sometimes in kinkier ways because they can afford it. Golf is really a game of sex and just by looking at the positions the female adopts during the game makes me feel it should be removed from public TV along with women’s beach volleyball and bikini mud wresteling. Let’s keep TV clean.
Here is a joke circulating on the Internet which puts golf in its rightful place.
Why Golf is a Horny Game:
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.
3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I’ve got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
Productivity – A country’s productivity is usually measured by the country’s GDP per hours worked.
GDP – Measuring GDP is complicated (which is why we leave it to the economists), but at its most basic, the calculation can be done in one of two ways: either by adding up what everyone earned in a year (income approach), or by adding up what everyone spent (expenditure method). Logically, both measures should arrive at roughly the same total. ~ Investopedia
Productivity isn’t everything but in the end it is almost everything. A country’s ability to improve its standard of living over time depends almost entirely on its ability to raise its output per worker. ~ Paul Krugman
Short skirts in the workplace has been shown to boost productivity by boosting attendance. ~ aka_lol
Prime Minister Patrick Manning said the country’s productivity has been falling for the last five years and though I didn’t have the figures to prove it I had a gut feeling it was so since everybody I knew was either stuck in traffic or flood during productive times. The Prime Minister is saying we citizens were being paid more and more over those five years but we produced less and less. I feel a sense of shame because of this. What The Prime Minister didn’t say was people were being paid more and more for one of several reasons – to avoid starvation due to inflation, to go apartment shopping in Miami or to help win elections. The Prime Minister also said in his speech to launch the Productivity Council that citizens must work harder and come to work on time – the answers are always so simple.
So we need to produce more corn curls, Crix and painted stones (aka GDP) per man per hour. How we in Trinidad and Tobago achieve more productivity will not be easy since UDECOTT is already spending efficiently and the new helicopters will produce more than just dust in we face. The Parliamentarians are taking the lead and agreed to a much deserved wage freeze but will produce more hot air in return. All these efforts must be commended but I am mostly hoping the 15-man Productivity Council has enough productive members to produce a productive report worth producing at a competitive price.
Freida Pinto in a Short Dress
Sometimes, when the world around you seems to have no integrity and the insane lives in mansions while the greedy sails in yachts, there comes a bright spot. Sometimes that bright spot can appear as Slumdog Millionaire’s Freida Pinto in a short dress at the Directors Guild Awards.
When a man sees a pair of female legs at the end of a short skirt the man is prone to stare at the legs for longer than what is considered socially acceptable. Unfortunately, apart from becoming a priest, there is no known cure for this affliction.
To a man, the female leg is not overrated but a necessity and that is why those Slim-Fast women who visit the gym and perform three sets of squats, with ten reps each set, using heavy weights, three days a week are a blessing to all mankind.
note: The mini skirt was invented decades ago by a man with a dream and a need, and not during the great cloth shortage of the 50s. Ever since this breakthrough in fashion science the mini skirt has remained at least 8 inches above the knee, in style and in demand.
I was looking at the Indian Premier League 20/20 Cricket Tournament on TV today and nearly fell of my chair when I saw the Cheerleaders of the League were now sans skin. Rumor has it that some fully wrapped old woman, who was sure that God would strike anyone who showed, looked at, or even had skin, complained about the Cheerleaders to the local hypocrites. The hypocrites then shouted at the promoters, who then asked the Cheerleaders, some of whom were imported from the NFL by the Indian Premier League at great expense, to please show less skin since this was India and Indians don’t have skin. The promoters told the Cheerleaders though millions of viewers and locals were happy with the short skirts, slim bodies, shaved legs and cheerleading moves, and though porn on the Internet was easily available and used by the average adult male and female who looked at the matches, and though they -the Cheerleaders- where helping the League rake in millions, the League must adopt the pretentious stand in order to please the fear-driven hypocrites in society since that was the norm from the time when dinosaurs wore skirts. The promoters also said you can’t reason with the obsessed. The cheerleaders complied and now the attraction of the Indian Premier League is half of what it should be. It appears that anybody who looks too good to be true will eventually have to cover up.