Ants, Umbrellas and Prehistoric Martian History


My recent blog and forum readings have left me fearful of ants and umbrellas and also deeply suspicious of oxygen enriched Martians. Before I go any further I want to make something quite clear; I am not a Martian and I have never knowingly seen one, at least in the last month within fifty meters from where I live and on Sundays before 11 p.m. According to scientist studying the mating habits of unspecified fruits the Zabalian, pictured in a previous blog, is not an alien, but a cross between a Zabacado and an undetermined mammalian. A paternity test is to be done on the usual suspect.

Back to the topic at hand, but since there is none that should be easy.

Since reading a particular blog about umbrellas, I seem to have developed an eye for these notorious devices. It’s strange how just a few lines on a simple blog can be a real eye-opener. Incidentally, the word umbrella has its root in the in the early Martian word umbrellat, meaning ouch. And, by a very strange coincidence, the Government of Mars is also known as umbrullat. I have also become painfully aware that these devices have many uses and that no one can remember what original necessity sparked their invention. What I do know is that many a good street-fight was triggered by these gadgets and they are now in a close second to women as the root cause of all misery on our walkways.

It is written in prehistoric Martian history that ants were on our planet before life started. Prehistoric Martian History, published by Aliens Anonymous, is the only source of Prehistoric Martian History ever published on a Wednesday. In this book, chronicling the woefully unsavory history of Martian lust and sensuality, ants are portrayed as being shameless creatures of the night, invading kitchen counters, foods and certain novels, long before they were invented, cooked, or written. Earthly scientists have only recently done studies to determine if ants can make sounds. Early findings suggest that these pesky creatures do in fact make sounds but their only decipherable words so far were “get back in line you idiot!”

Since I don’t want to take pointlessness to new heights I will say what my chemistry teacher said at the end of class, “Argon.”

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11 thoughts on “Ants, Umbrellas and Prehistoric Martian History

  1. Seen by female of the species: Curiously, after my recent hint of a mutated avocado, that was subsequently revealed to be a Zabalian, an odd incident occurred in my backyard at night. It was pitch black, with only a mere sliver of a moon. Suddenly the dog made a low quiet sound. At 4:00AM the backyard was instantly illuminated as though it were day, and spots of lights about the size of a quarter were seen dancing in groups in the trees and near the ground. With towel nearby, bedcovers were nervously pulled around her head.

    In another curious observation, I find myself askew with trepidation when, after reading this post, an interesting thought occurred… Could it be that a contributor to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” is on this planet? Is it possible? Could it be?

    I found this crumpled message under aforementioned tree…

    …Said thought was first reputed to have occurred on the muckraking planet of Muddlerut, where the omnipotent ruler Spewsalot the 31st was rumored to have averted civil war by calming the guilt-ridden populace with the declaration, “Feel free to gossip.”

    Inhabitants are alleged to have subsequently simultaneously uttered “Umbrullat, I needed that!,” before beginning their long overdue annual mating frenzy known as Huddlerut.

    “Umbullat”, of course, had never been muttered before on Muddlerut, leading the priestly caste to suspect an alien infiltration. Mass arrests followed, and a tattered copy of THGTTG was found wrapped in a heretofor never seen towel.

    This particular copy was a rare third edition, that was cermoniously tossed in a swamp, amid incantations, and eaten by a Postaburz, a cross between an ant and an avodcado, which subsequently burped and instantly expired.

  2. umbrellas may be a close second, but nothing will ever jump to replace women as the number one reason for street misery

  3. Mark Walter – thanks for your blog within a blog. I once referred to such blogs as sub-blogs but that name is a great misnomer in this case 🙂

  4. Tunks – your physic powers are exceptional 🙂 I was only just informed that they flew in by BWee on Friday night, and 10 hours later than expected, but that was expected since they came in by BWee. If you see any of them, especially at night hanging around your Zabacado trees, give me a call. I have their luggage and it’s still alive 🙂

  5. The Cuke – My deepest fear is meeting that woman with her umbrella on the street, again. My fears have scarred me for life but not as much as the umbrella 🙂

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