Kim Kardashian is to bikini wearing what Usain Bolt is to track and field. Kim is the almost undisputed world champ of bikinis as the samples posted in this blog will support. However, unlike track and field events, bikini wearing normally involves no stop watch but the rate of rise in most men is the quantity that is subconsciously used to determine which bikini and its wearer is the top performer. And yes, sometimes one woman trumps another by a fraction of a hair on the beach. If there is an almost ideal shape of a woman to successfully wear a bikini for the lenses of voyeuristic photographers then Kim had it for some time and probably still has it.
The Minister of Budgets
Port of Spain
Dear Fellow Citizens,
If you were one of the lucky ones who were able to see me on TV charm the population with the 2010 budget, you would by now be driving at no more than 80 kmph or resolved to never turn into the Priority Bus Route again. You may even be shopping on Amazon for car seats for your precious but unruly toddlers because it’s cheaper on the Internet. Yes, you would have yielded to commonsense and suddenly understand what is right but mostly you would have realized that your caring Government is serious about your wellbeing and especially your money. And as I said in the Budget:
The Government acknowledges that the current level of lawlessness in our society is unacceptable. We will not waiver from our zero-tolerance posture towards criminal activity: from the traffic violator to the kidnapper, from the white-collar criminal to the drug trafficker, the message to the criminals is simple: you will be found and brought to justice and you will feel the full brunt of the law. The Government will act to eliminate criminal activity at all levels, especially gang related activity and the threat posed by international drug syndicates and their attendants, the money launderers, who threaten not only the physical well being of our citizens but our economic and social fabric.
That was not a joke. I repeat that was not a joke. How many damn times must we say this, eh!
Despite what we have said before and though we say we want to fine you to save you we hope you don’t take us on too seriously this time. Why? Because, little people, we need the fine-money to fix potholes, bridges and CL Financial. So, go ahead and drive on the shoulder like before, speed like Usain Bolt, loosen that seat belt on the sight of an Officer and try not to restrain your children so much. People saying that Police doe catch nobody anyhow, but you must remember we will be redirecting police officers from hiding things in the ceiling, burning evidence and casino vault duty to the more lucrative traffic and insulting-citizens duty. Murder, as you may know by now, can cause grief but we, The Government, don’t find and fine anybody for murder , so why spend money to make none. Besides, if we clamp down on murderers and robbers there will be mass retrenchment in the Security Officers sector and retrenchment can’t win an election especially when people damn fed up with everything.
I hope this little note answers some of the concerns the budget caused. Though we would be running at a big deficit it, as we said before, ain’t our fault. Is de gas and oil price fault.
Why would it take weeks to determine if Caster Semenya, winner of the women’s 800 meter race at the World Athletics Championships in Berlin, is a man or a woman? Did someone see something that cannot be identified without a microscope and a scientist? Is looking a thing of the past? Would there be sex test kits in pharmacies soon? This might just be the tip of the iceberg and maybe we should have all Miss Universe and Miss World contestants tested for sex, including all past winners. Wouldn’t it be nice to know that the woman you had a crush on all those years was really a pretty man with shaved legs.
Wise Men over the years have said if she talks like a woman, looks like a woman, cleans house like a woman, drives like a woman, have headaches like a woman and nags like a woman then she must be a woman. Why is 18-yerar-old Caster Semenya being tested for woman but Usain Bolt not being tested for man? Is Usain Bolt even human? Do the test IAAF maybe Bolt is from Uranus and not Jamaica. How can The International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) test one athlete for sex but not the others? If Caster Semenya came last would the IAAF still be testing and the Americans still complaining? Time will tell if Caster is really a woman but if she is not then very soon children will have something like this on their birth certificates “Female, pending outcome of test and results of race.”
Today, February 12, 2009 marks the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin, a man who discovered we didn’t just happen but evolved from some sort of blob or blog. Unfortunately or fortunately, Charles Darwin did not have a blog in the form that exist today otherwise he would have received numerous hate-comments from those who would have preferred he renounced his Theory of Evolution on his death bed. He would have also received much praise and a blog award or two. If Darwin was alive today he would not have become a celebrity woman-beater or taken a vacation on The Galapagos Islands but would have, instead, written a blog post called the Origin of The Modern Blog.
Fortunately, this blogger is not like Charles Darwin and is still alive. This blogger is also Darwin’s very distant relative since we both evolved from the same mess. Having a couple of the same genes as Darwin, this blogger will now try to briefly explain the highly ignored and disrespected Theory of Blog Evolution:
When the first blog started several years ago it was boring. It consisted of the blogger lamenting the taste of oatmeal and his wife’s mother. Maybe he was a serial killer or pervert, I don’t know. However, since that time, many blogs spawned from that one blog. Blogs branched out into several categories such as humor, politics, entertainment, hobbies, science, voodoo, diaspora, activism, oath meal, nothing-really, and even boredom. Thankfully, not all blogs survived and the process called the natural selection of blogs weeded out unfit blogs but that did not mean the blog had to be perfect to survive. Good enough was all blogs needed to be and there are now too many of those. Yes, some blogs did change by chance and WordPress but they mainly changed to adapt to their environment. That environment could have been in the form of lack of visitors or even a lack of comments. It could also have been in the form of the war in Iraq, girl-hitting by a popular R&B singer, or even corruption in Port of Spain.
Michael Phelps developed a streamline body because he spent most of his life in water. Usain Bolt developed long legs to escape speeding gangsta bullets and fans in Jamaica. In the same way some blogs developed comment moderation to handle hostile comments and sexy spam while others that failed to adapt were crushed under the weight of sex and real estate for sale comments. Some blogs attached themselves to widgets to have some useful content or slick attractions for visitors while others shamelessly advertised on Google in order to survive. Unfortunately, blogs by themselves did not have the intelligence to know what change was right or wrong and sometimes neither did the blogger. If the blog suited the environment the blog survived and some even developed into well-visited blogs with some useful content and produced a few good looking children.
This Theory of Blog Evolution is based on observation of the facts. It is not a pie in the sky or wishful thinking. As more fossilized blogs are found and studied the theory will be modified accordingly and if necessary.