Paula Patton - Closeup
The car sported a BMW emblem - A Ghost Protocol BMW
Paula Patton and Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 4:Ghost Protocol
Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol is clearly the butt-kicking action movie of the year. Not only that, but the movie starred the sexy and mostly unknown Paula Patton as main attraction for male fans, closely followed by various BMW vehicles and Dell servers. Throughout the movie I was wondering not only what the salary of secret agents are and how much they charge for endorsements, but why I haven’t dreamt about Paula Patton before and hoping I will see her wearing a short, tight-fitting skirt in the near future. Everybody knows that Tom Cruise is a fine actor though he is on the short side even with platform shoes but Paula Patton was the homing missile that propelled Ghost Protocol to the top of the box office charts.
Ghost Protocol may not be a feel-good movie like “Miracle on 34th Street” , “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Dr. No” but the movie left the audience feeling that the secret of life is knowing all about curves: where to find them and how to negotiate the finest curves the world has to offer without ending up wrapped around a light-pole at 2 a.m.
Dressed for the occasion
All my friends told me since I have nothing better to do I should write you, a man with a big blog, for advice on something that has been troubling me for some time. I read that PM Kamie say they want to crack down on White Collar Crime so they want to set up an Anti-Corruption Commission. PM Kamie say “If it is that a man works for $1,000 but he is driving a million-dollar BMW, then where did that money come from?” Well aka, I think I have a little whistle to blow. There is a girl who works in my office as a clerk for about $5,000 a month but drives a brand new 3-Series BMW and lives in a $4,000 a month apartment. This girl seems addicted to the gym and a diet. She is always dressed in the finest tight pants, short skirts and popping tops. I think she gets her money through corruption but my friends say she is probably a very good worker as the Boss was seen on more than a few occasions going to her apartment late at night to give her work. Do you think I should blow a whistle and take out a bigger life insurance?
Sugar Daddy love
Dear Preserved Cherry,
I can see the Anti-Corruption Commission having the power to dig deep in the lives of many people who are either corrupt or just having a good time. In the case you described, I think the Boss is the clerk’s Sugar Daddy. This may not be a White Collar crime but more like a good White Collar wine. On the other hand, the Boss may be involved in some corrupt activity to raise some extra funds to support his lovely, high-maintenance habit. I am sure the Anti-Corruption Commission will have a good time investigating the reasons so many people are having too much fun in this country. Not only will the Anti-Corruption Commission cause the sale of BMWs and Audis to plunge, further stagnating the economy, but it will encourage both Sugar Daddies and those they Sugar Daddy to become more creative. Boldfaceness will be a thing of the past. I think you should blow your little whistle since you never know the truth until the Government legally spies. Also, the Government is going to pass a law to protect whistle blowers, a rapidly dying breed. In Trinidad and Tobago, this protection will have to include the issuing of hand guns and bullet proof vests by the State to the whistler as hits are now the weapon of choice in solving all problems.
Star is one of the eight short, made-for-the-Internet-for-BMW movies from the 2001/2002 BMW, Hire series. Star starred Madonna and Clive Owen and was directed by her ex, Guy Richie. The movie uncharacteristically portrays Madonna as a bitch who is taught a lesson in the back seat of a BMW M5. Clive Owen is his usual, cool self and drives the M5 like the average Trini drives on back streets. BMW made these movies to highlight what BMW cars could do if Clive Owen but not Owen Wilson drove them. But mainly, the movies were made to show, like sex, there is no need for more than ten minutes. Anything more is just padding to justify the outrageous price.
The 007 Symbol of Success
I first met James Bond on a flight from Trinidad to Miami in 2007. He was flying economy because, as he would later explain, he was undercover. I didn’t recognize him at first since he had changed so many times over the years but what eventually gave him away was the use of his precise British accent to pick up the flight attendant and the manila folder on his lap marked”Double-Oh-Seven- Top Secret – For Your Eyes Only, Mr. Bond.” Naturally he denied he was 007 but I was persistent and he finally caved in. Caving in to a layman was not what one would have expected from the best and longest surviving Secret Agent the world had known. I felt he needed someone to talk too and I later realized that carrying the burden of secrecy year in, year out can crack even the oddest ball.
Bond was hesitant to talk about his job at first and explained that he was in Trinidad for a holiday but as he was about to lay down his head, M called with a new mission which had knocked the winds out his sails. He said he went from hero to zero in no time but I suspected he was the victim of great expectations. Bond had to get the first flight out of Trinidad and he never realized that there were so many. I said Trinidad was a place that people liked to leave but Bond failed to notice my attempted humor since, I assumed, he was distracted by his mission and windless sails.
James Bond as he boarded a flight from Trinidad to Miami
I was eager to find out about the Secret Agent business since I often pretend I was a Secret Agent making calls from my shoe instead of my cell phone. Bond admitted the Secret Agent business was overrated and many of the secrets of the business could be found in any Robert Ludlum book or Google. I was more interested in the women aspect of the business and he said he it was the main reason he stayed for so long. Bond revealed he was writing a book he was going to either call Women I Bon(d)ed or Women in Bondage. I said the name didn’t matter once there were pictures and Bond agreed.
007 grew more talkative as the Martinis flowed. He talked about Odd Job, Goldfinger and our very own Mr. Big. He spoke fondly of Ursula Andress, Michelle Yeoh and Halle Berry in a bikini. Bond recommended BMW passionately but wondered if The Prime Minister will give Benz, Audi, Jaguar and Aston Martin a chance to bid. James was bitter when I asked about MI6 (Emm eye six) and said he was seriously thinking about leaving and joining the CIA now that Barack Obama was the President. Bond also complained about Tom Cruise, called him pretentious and short, and said there were very few people who understood what was impossible about Cruise’s missions. Bond thought people were mainly interested in the special effects and Tom’s sultry women. I said people were also saying that about Bond and he seemed quite surprised and drunk.
The Air Marshals had to restrain Bond and carry him off the plane when he started to let out top secret information and show passengers his gun. I felt sorry for the Secret Agent who had sacrificed so much of his life saving the world from misguided villains and Republicans but who had now become a little bananas. I realized that Bond’s main source of stress was that he had many women friends who looked so good that it was driving him insane trying to remember their names and tatoo locations. Luckily, before Bond was arrested I was able to get his little black book from his pocket, a book which promised to give me, the new 007, a Quantum of Solace.
Why is it that young, beautiful women wearing sunglasses at twilight, driving light green BMWs think all male drivers would stop for them at major roads? Why? Because men have led women to believe that beauty can get them special treatment, not only in the boardroom and the bedroom, but also at busy intersections in St. Augustine. And it does. Notwithstanding this unfairness in life, pretty girls and beautiful women should remember driving is too serious a business to replace caution with gorgeousness. They should also remember sunglasses are a poor substitute for eyes. Women drivers should never assume their beauty is visible through a tinted glass or that all men are straight. Females should drive with caution and be courteous, even to desperate looking male drivers hooting their horns. The average driver, male and female, young and old, horny and tranquilized, is now overstressed because there is traffic-traffic-everywhere. Therefore, it would be wise for all drivers to be conscious of this volatile situation and heed the following advice – Go placidly amid the noise and haste, bearing in mind what BMW bumpers and doors cost.