The US President decides to write the Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago a brief, informal letter to discuss a few things. Here are the contents of that fictitious letter:
Greetings Mr. Prime Minister and lets hope we could work together in the spirit of cooperation and all that crap.
Only recently I became aware of who you were but knew about Trinidad and Tobago from my Geography classes and apparently there might even be a Trini in the Whitehouse since Trinis are everywhere, I am told by the CIA.
I am due to officially visit your beautiful country for some Summit thing ah hear yuh having and I hope the security in your country is tight but from what I have been reading it sounds frightening. Seven murders in one night in a country so small? Well, I was going to write “You can’t be serious, Mr. Prime Minister” but my aides said it would be impolite to imply incompetence and stupidity in an official letter to a Head of State. But seriously, “Wuh going orn, man. De country so small and the murder rate out of control. Yuh know wah yuh doing?” However, it was heartening to read your Police Commissioner is more than a little concerned.
I will be coming for one, two or three days by Air Force One and hope you have secure parking for my plane. De way I hear dey thiefing things from foreigners over in Trini ah feel ah go have to put mih own guards to watchman mih plane. Ah hear yuh wanted yuh own plane too buh yuh couldn’t get though. Next time, nah. Boy, you real big, yes.
As you are well aware, I am new to being a Head of State and I met tons of problems caused by a dumb administration when I entered office. I suppose you, being in power for so long, must understand what a dumb administration is. This is a crazy world we live in where the population is getting brighter and have access to Google so pulling wool over people’s eyes by politicians is not as easy as it once was. The world is now so crazy people of democratic countries are now demanding their politicians perform or else they would be voted out. I would like to find out how you became the exception to that rule. Maybe we could discuss this at the Summit thing but I think it’s better to perform than to find wool.
The US and Trinidad have always been allies but I understand your heart and one kidney is with Cuba. I suppose you are a big man and can make big man decisions. I don’t think Cuba is a threat to the region and my good friend Bill spoke highly of Cuban cigars. I just thought I would bring up Cuba since you seem to have a thing for the place.
I heard so much about the natural beauty of The Asa Wright Nature Centre, the Splendor of Carnival, The Wonders of The Pitch Lake, The Height of The Hyatt, The Floods of Port of Spain and The Truth About UDECOTT. Nice place you have there and I have one word of advice for you, if I may be so bold, and that is The Truth doesn’t always set you free. But I suppose you knew that long time.
Anyway, got to go now and stimulate the economy so…
…will chat later