How to Buy a Chinese Chopper


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Like the majority of the population, I often wonder which is the best Chinese chopper to buy since the variety available on Amazon is enough to confuse the most stable of minds regardless of the 7% low oil price tax. Not having a Chinese chopper or Vetsin in my kitchen for a number of years I decided ask the experts,  namely the cooks at many of the almost countless Chinese restaurants in the country springing up like CEPEP gangs.  What I didn’t realize was how not passionate these cooks are about what they chop things with. “Is just ah wok” one of them told me. One of the cooks I spoke to asked not to be identified and said” I just buys them on Charlotte Street. Sometimes I buys half a dozen wontime.” When I pressed him for a brand he looked confused and said Levi. He then showed me one of his choppers and the device had no brand name but only the words “made in China, where else” stamped on one side.  The chopper looked dull and confused, much like the cooks who used them. Several other Chinese cooks were not as helpful and thought I just wanted to get them deported. I told them in this country the furthest they will get deported to is Tunapuna.

I eventually gave up on the “local input” and realized that the reviews on Amazon will be more helpful. Naturally, I went with a cheap one with scores of good reviews. I will soon be the proud owner of a multipurpose chopper wastefully bought with scarce US dollars the Minister would prefer go to the party financiers.

We Don’t Need Another Merry King


Merry King

A Very Merry King

Well look, I think it is wise for any Government to promptly get rid of any Minister who can’t even manage to carry out an everyday piece of corruption effectively as the mood of the nation will not tolerate such incompetence and another Merry King. If the country can’t depend on a Minister to do one effortless and culturally natural thing effectively how can we expect that Minister to perform more complicated and less culturally natural task well like going from a banana economy to a real economy? It is true that in all real and banana economies many people in public office thief but most thief quite effectively and so effectively they never get caught or even get selected for jail because the investigating authorities are their friends. Only a Banana Minister in a Banana Country will get caught so early in one’s career so I say good riddance.

In the Minister’s defence, I think she was only trying some new, innovative and daring corrupt practices to bring a whole new way of getting family members a new Audi or BMW as well as the much sought-after commodity called an apartment in Miami before the new set of greedy board members do. At least the minister was being transparent as everybody could see what she was doing.

Snooki Made Simpler


Snookie in Jersey Shore

Snookie in Jersey Shore

Who is Snooki – Sooki is an American, female celebrity who sometimes looks sexy to some

Where was she born – In Chile but was adopted at age six months by Italian-American parents

How old is Snooki – Age: 23 – She was born 11/23/1987 – November 23rd 1987

Is Snooki her real name – Of course not! Her real name is Nicole Polizzi

Snooki poses

Where did she get the name Snooki – From her friends in school

What is Snooki famous for – Snooki became famous mainly for her role in the popular MTV reality show, Jersey Shore.

Why – Why what?

Why is Jersey Shore popular – Please continue

Snooki

Is Snooki really short – Sooki is 4 feet 11 inches which is probably the same height as Shakira. Snooki is however thicker than Shakira so she looks short even when photographed standing alone.

What does thick mean – According to the Free Online Dictionary thick is an adjective meaning “having a relatively large distance between opposite sides; not thin; a thick book; thick walls; thick glass.”

Will she be famous for much longer – Nobody really knows. Snooki is a combination of cute and irritating so as long as the world needs these two in one compact, female package Snooki will continue to earn at least $US30, 000 per episode of Jersey Shore while continuing to address university students for a fee of $US32, 000.

Does Snooki Facebook, Twitter and blog – Yes – She Tweets – She Blogs – She Facebooks and She even Websites

So she is a bit like Kim Kadashian with some talent – Yes, but no sex tape.

Snooki signs something

And The Prime Minister said “Get off my grass!”


The Prime Minister’s contractor was caught watering the Prime Minister’s lawn by the Trinidad Express and was fired by the Prime Minister because the Prime Minister didn’t know his contractor was still watering the Prime Minister’s lawn with scarce national water because the Prime Minister told the country he can remember telling the Prime Minister’s Wife to tell the grass contractor to stop greening up the grass as if it was a fete.

It appears the Prime Minister only became aware there was a water crisis in the country a couple days ago during a speech where he urged a handful of supporters to stop wasting water on grass. One wonders if the Prime Minister would have fired the contractor, stopped watering the people’s grass or even noticed his grass was the greenest in the land if the Trinidad Express hadn’t brought it to the nation’s attention.

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A Letter From a Tax Lover Found Only in Trinidad and Tobago


Dear Sirs and Madams of this Government,

I can’t begin to tell you how much I am looking forward to paying a higher property tax. I and hundreds of thousands of other citizens, known as the majority, are thrilled at the thought of giving more money to the Government to use in any way the Prime Minister sees fit, including private jet, big flag, useless conferences, house drapes, the Australians, the Chinese and Mr. Hart’s salary. I don’t expect you to use any of this newly discovered money on sick children since you  have proven over and over you have a big, big  Hart.

I know you instructed your scarcely literate police officers to guard Parliament with batons and guns to ensure unarmed protesters don’t embarrass the Government more than it is already embarrassed.  I hope these unpatriotic citizens learnt their lesson and will now put their proverbial tails between their proverbial legs and watch the show on TV next time.

Since I was a boy, I, like the majority of citizens who were unable to take a bribe because none was ever offered or just too honest, would delightfully drool at the thought of paying higher taxes to the Government. I am still not sure if I get the most excitement from paying a higher existing tax or paying a new tax. That is such a toss up. I like paying taxes so much that I sometimes throw my money down a fast running drain during the flood season to simulate the same effect. I once threw a hundred dollar bill in a stagnant drain near my home and after a year it remained just where I left it except it turned green – that’s probably a sign of the future devaluation of our money – blue to green.  I am also just as excited about the inevitable devaluation due to the expenditure on boats and drapes, as I am about the taxes. I only wish you could see how much my spine is tingling right now just thinking about it.

I thank you, my Government, for making my boyhood dream a reality, and though I might be poorer because of  more and new taxes, I feel richer because I know whose pockets the taxes will go into.

Delightly and painfully yours,

aka_lol – a Tax Lover

Tax Arrest – Trinidad Express

Tax Arrest – Cops Rain Blows on Union Membes – Trinidad Guardian

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Pressure Washing Away Trinidad and Tobago


The visible signs of success in Trinidad and Tobago used to be having a big foreign-used car, a thin cell phone and a plane ticket to Miami, but the list just got longer with the addition of the pressure washer. Almost every  household in Trinidad and Tobago now boast a pressure washer with nosy neighbors peeping into yards to see how much moss still resides in their neighbors’ driveways. Most citizens in Trinidad and Tobago consider household moss a serious condition and to some, a condition as serious as Government people awarding Government contracts to family members. Now, when neighbors meet the conversations always start with the new property tax but ends up with a discussion about how much PSI they get from their pressure washers and whether it is gas or electric from Bagwansingh’s. Neighbors with a gas pressure washer feel they have the advantage over those neighbors owning the electric variety since gas makes more impressive noises than the Blimp and  is just as useful in combating crime.

Pressure washers, especially gas washers, are as noisy as lawn mowers and it takes roughly eight hours to pressure wash one driveway and send four neighbors insane. Pressure washers are like cell phones and once you use it you are hooked – it’s like driveway porn. If it were possible for WASA to be disturbed I am sure they would be concerned by the popularity of the pressure washer and the way it uses water without sending up customers’ water bills. Unfortunately, WASA is yet to discover that meters are important in preventing whole day pressure washing episodes which is threatening to become a serious drain on the nation’s water like the Government is on the treasury. When people buy and use air conditioning, they pay T&TEC for the privilege, but when people pressure wash, only the moss and taxpayers pay.

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Upside Down with Frustration – Trinidad and Tobago


Economist Mary King wrote in the Trinidad and Tobago Express on November 30th 2009 “In this recession or whatever, the Government has not reduced its spending to fall in line with its income. Its income from the energy sector was TT$25.7 billion in 2007-2008, TT$11.7 billion in 2008-2009 and is expected to be TT$7.7 billion in 2009-2010.” That is a pay-cut of over 66.667%. She went on to explain that the Government is borrowing TT$ 13 billion to continue its spending habits on, I assume, things like flagpoles, scholarships for the boys and girls and The Chinese.

I am no economist or doubles man but the situation looks bleak and since the Government is more into saying things like “the sky is not falling,” “no Private Jet at this time, check me back after CHOGM,” “So what,”  “we will not go into a recession. The check clear yet?” and “One more Baily bridge, please” I am not hopeful for the country past Ole Years Day. This shortfall of taxes from its main foreign exchange earner along with Ministers who don’t know their butt from their PM, indicates that the TT dollar might soon be worth less, if not worthless. Hops bread will be the new Miami condo.

With the recent revelations about the handing out of scholarships as if the money belonged to a political party, I would say somebody or bodies should be jailed for the rest of their natural life or lives. People are fed up of the incompetence, arrogance, squandermania, favoritism and spitefulness of this Government to the point where people  are now smiling less coherently.

If the price of oil, gas, urea, ammonia and methanol don’t go up substantially and very soon, we will shortly be seeing a Trinidad and Tobago that resembles Curepe Junction on a Saturday morning;  hookers and no police and all.

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Only In Trinidad and Tobago – CHOGM a Success


Yes, CHOGM was a resounding success with all the aircrafts and people destined to leave Trinidad and Tobago now out of the country. Sorry if I sound like I don’t like world leaders, journalist dollars and simplemindedness but it’s just that I am fed up of people making statements out of politeness rather than knowledge.

Every report on the outcome of CGOGM could have been written weeks, months or years before the first bowl of corn soup was served at the Port of Spain Hyatt.  I am sure most citizens of the Commonwealth did not even know there was a CHOGM and those who knew were simply glad their leader was not around for the weekend. The calling of the 2009 CHOGM a success was probably written on the very the day one crazy man with an inferiority complex chip on his shoulder decided to hold the meeting at the country’s expense, not his.

There were no surprises at CHOGM, the Queen had a ball and world leaders were impressed. Both leaders and their current wives loved the culture and think people should be allowed to drum as much as they want. All found the natives hospitable and the natives they saw in person were not naked, unlike some on the Internet.  The Aussies, with boats and helicopters still on their minds, honored an honorable citizen. The only thing that CHOGM did for citizens of this country was to send the fed up level well above 69% but still far away from the instability level of 96.73%. I want my hospital bed, community centre and private jet now.

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The Fed Up 69% – Trinidad and Tobago


As is normal with international gatherings of world leaders and hot air, a group who knows Trinidad and Tobago better than any foreign or local politician has taken out a full-page ad to alert leaders about impostors amongst their midst. Impostors who scarcely understand the game of cricket despite living in the West Indies for too long. I am not fed up as I am numb. I don’t blame the government for their arrogance towards citizens because arrogance is a byproduct of ignorance and stupidity, not the cause. Politicians are part of society – not the best part though – and have evolved into what they are today because they were misguided into thinking they have the divine right to do as they please, as if Trinidad and Tobago was not a democracy.  We have a leader, when armed with two lines of data, thinks he has volumes of knowledge but what he really has is a misunderstanding of public sentiment and a most compliant police service who will protect and serve only one master.

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