Trinidad and Tobago Government Gives Population Buns


Hot Cross Buns - From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hot Cross Buns – From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Government of Trinidad and Tobago has declared 2015 The year of the Hot Crossed Buns and in marking the occasion Hot Crossed Buns will be distributed through the country to every citizen and visitor, both legal and illegal. Naturally, a contract has been awarded to a new but mysterious baking company called Sistrum. This blog was reliably informed that it was only on Monday the Government went out to tender for the Manufacture and National Distribution of Hot Crossed Buns with an Extra Cross (Double Crossed Buns). The tender was evaluated on Tuesday and awarded the same day. Only one bid was received (Sistrum) and was said to meet and exceed all the requirements of the bun specification including the raisins per bun, thickness of the crosses, minimum bun diameter, amazing golden color and mouth-watering smell. The whole process was transparent.

A spokes person for Sistrum said the buns will be the first thing they ever bake and they already had the conveyor belts used in a quarry to crush local stones. It was only last week Sistrum received 1000 mega-large ovens from China and a Hot Cross Bun expert. Asked how come they had the ovens and an expert on order the spokes person said it was just plain luck and they like to order all kinds of things all the time. The contract is said to be worth tens of millions of dollars given the price of Hot Cross Buns on the international market. The established large bakeries in the country think there is something fishy about the whole deal but a Sistrum executive says this was probably due to the Lenten season. When the Minister of Finance was asked where the money will be coming from to fund the buns he simply said “eat yuh bun and shut up nah.” When further pressed about the unprecedented short time (one day) for the tender he said in any country emergencies happen and items such as buns must be procured at short notice. Asked if the supply of buns was a national emergency he simply said “no bun, no fun.”

The Prime Minister, in a short release from her office, said that every man, woman and child will be given buns and people should not worry too much about the award of the contract or how much taxpayers dollars Sistrum will be getting but instead enjoy and savor the flavor of the hot, hot cross buns. The army, police, NGOs, gang leaders and Jack Warner will be given the task on ensuring an equitable distribution of the baked goods. The man-on-the-street has applauded this latest Government initiative and has cancelled orders for buns from bakeries such as Linda’s, St. Mary’s and Kiss . “We like how de government moving and everybody is entitled to freeness like  education, box drains, tablets, lap tops and buns and thing. We hope we getting Easter Egg too nex year and turkey for thanks giving.”

Drone Fetes Trinidad Style


short shorts

short shorts

Ask any Pakistani where is a good place to put a drone and the last place they would come up with would be a cooler fete in south Trinidad. But since most fete promoters are not genuine Pakistanis, a drone was employed to take aerial shots of one such fete. As luck would have it, this drone, probably dropping low to get a better view of a woman with nearly no top or shorts or both, lost control and struck a patron on his head causing a several-stitch type injury. However, eyewitnesses said that it was some stupid patrons who started to pelt the drone, possibly thinking it was from the Gary Griffith future crime plan. which caused the crash. Another unsubstantiated report says the drone had cheap batteries which failed when called on to perform.

Crash or no crash, the future of both policing and fete promotion lies on the wings of drones. Drones will be as common as political hot air and just like a new Jack Warner walk about, it will go unnoticed. Future fetes will be streamed live via an unauthorized drones swooping low and making privacy a thing of the past. The shootouts of the future between rival gangs or gangs and police may take the form of a drone war and drive by shootings will be replaced by fly by ones. But right now, everything is up in the air.

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Saying a Prayer for The National Week of Prayer in Trinidad and Tobago


Praying_mantis_indiaThe prayers of the people of Trinidad and Tobago are working and as proof of this the head of the IRO said things could have been worse. What more proof do we need. Because of this revelation I would like support the IRO and Government of this semi-blessed land of Trinidad and Tobago and urge people to pray, not just more, but better. People should now pray 24/7 rather than at bedtime or during a hold up.  A newspaper reported the Prime Minister saying “Pray in whatever way you know. When you pray from the heart, God listens.” Which probably explains the high murder rate and confiscated cans of local orange juice.

I am thankful that the error in my praying has been identified and my prayers will now be heartfelt and focused. I will pray that all political parties be exorcised of drug smugglers, money launderers, bribe payers, bribe takers, pimps, wife beaters, child abusers, the power hungry and those dotish people who think fiction is fact. I will pray that no drugs exported from this country ever be be intercepted. I pray that nobody from our land is extradited to the US to face drug smuggling charges but instead be kept in this murderous and treacherous land called Trinidad and Tobago to face the righteous music and curry duck dished out by our AG and friends.I know my prayers will be acted on by the One who normally listens since this time the prayers would be from the heart and not the intestine as in previous cases. My bad.

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Fishing for Orange Juice in Trinidad and Tobago


Trinidad Orange Juice - a Trinidad and Tobago Icon

Trinidad Orange Juice – a Trinidad and Tobago Icon

Ever since it was discovered in the US that 700 cans of Trinidad orange juice had cocaine hidden inside, the citizens and well wishers of Trinidad and Tobago became anxious and with baited breath are still waiting to know who the true exporter of this juice really is. Surely this must be the work of the mysterious and elusive Mr. Big.  Could this be the moment we have been waiting for donkey’s years?  Mr Big is the mythical and probably real figure who hides in plain sight among the commoners and dignitaries alike.He is the local drug kingpin with powers that would be the envy of any politician or leader. In fact legend says he is, and has always been, the real ruler of the land for countless years.  Mr. Big is the local Keyser Söze.

Some say he started with bags but others say foreign used cars or maybe scotch. Nobody really knows. With things going a little astray overseas recently, the hidden ruler and master of the local drug world is calling on all his politician friends on all sides, to defend him against the foreign, evil oppressors who find his juice in poor taste.  The population is skeptical that Big would ever be caught and identity ever known because of his connections in high places. Naturally, most feel the manufacturer of the juice is not the exporter of the coke and the one who will be charged might be a headless sardine in the cesspit of the local drug trade.

I think it was in very poor taste that the exporter would risk tarnishing the image of a product that is iconic to Trinidad and Tobago and loved by all. As a country, we should stand up against those who want to get rich regardless who or which country they destroy on the way. And if for no other reason Big or Sardine make ah jail it should be for tarnishing the image of the nation for a few big cars and rolly polly women.

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Banana Shortage threatens Trinidad Carnival 2013


The almost-perfect foreign bananas

The almost-perfect foreign bananas

There is a shortage of bananas in the country and it couldn’t happen at a worse time than one week before Carnival when thousands of women use the banana as their weapon of choice in that epic and seasonal battle with their bikini costumes. One woman claimed the only bananas she was able to put her hands on in recent time were quite soft and local. Over the years she had come to expect the consistently firmer ones from the islands and that they stayed harder longer. Several women claim the foreign bananas were considerably straighter than the local ones and looked more appealing as they were nearly unblemished when removed from the box. However, the woman said that foreign bananas were all the same, and too much quality control can make life boring. With the local bananas, you never quite know what to expect and on the rare occasion you are pleasantly surprised,” she was quoted as saying.

Bruised and banged up local bananas - some are almost as crooked as local politicians

Bruised and banged up local bananas – some are almost as crooked as local politicians

iPad Mini – 7-inches of Heaven


iPad Mini

iPad Mini

I will not be needing or even wanting any of the new iPads as I already have a 4th Generation iPod touch which makes me happy and I am quite contented with my current level of happiness. If however you are one of the unhappy ones or happy but need more happiness because you are addicted to new pleasures and boosting the economy then a new iPad may be for you.

If Apple is aiming the iPad Mini at women then Apple will have to convince females the new tablet, despite being a battery-powered device that is around seven inches long and thin as a pencil, is not only a bargain at US$329 but smarter and less trouble than the average man.

iPad Mini

iPad Mini

iPad Specs

iPad Specs

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Windows 8 and Orgasms


orgasmsInitial reviews of Microsoft’s Windows 8 suggest the learning curve is steep for regular Windows users  and apparently it even confuses the minds of eight year olds. This overlooked fact means both parents and grandparents with new PCs will be lost in the windowed woods without any form of tutoring for some time. Some expert reviewers are even suggesting that Windows 8 is not even related to Windows 7 in terms of user-interface so it should have been called something else – I suggest MS Confusion One, MS Confusion One Point One etc.

For those who are not following the intriguing world of Operating Systems for computers, Windows 8 is Microsoft’s attempt to have one OS for computer, laptop, tablet and phone. When Microsoft came up with the concept of Windows 8, they assumed most users had touch-screen computers so there is a heavy bias in Windows 8 to make mouse and keyboard use so difficult, PC users will consider throwing their PCs and best friends who tried to help but became just as insane, through the window.

It seems that the only people rushing to upgrade to Windows 8 will be those puzzle-solving freaks who will more than likely have several orgasms and near-orgasms while figuring out how to do simple things on Windows 8 like shut down the PC or an application. Finding the traditional Start button might even be equivalent to finding and using the elusive, and sometimes mythical, g-spot. Microsoft knows that in order to match Apple OS xxx, Windows 8 was inevitable as the world is rapidly evolving into an Apple-created touch-mode world. The Redmond folks probably thought that biting the bullet now is better than having a live grenade thrown at them later. On the bright side, we, the users,  will no longer have to point our mouses and click to load news articles or save girls in jpg format to our hard drive. The new intuitive touchy-feely, on-demand world will insist that if we want it we should touch it and save it on that virtual drive provided by some cloud guys.

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Renee Bhagwandeen is A Hot and Hopeful Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe 2012


Renee Bhagwandeen

Renee Bhagwandeen

Renee Bhagwandeen is very hot and if I looked like her I would also be very hopeful of winning the contest. Why did aka_lol get run over by a Coosal truck carrying a full load of gravel destined to fill the country’s latest sinkhole? Because he was trying to cross the road to get a photo of Miss Renee Bhagwandee standing on the other side wearing a bikini and a smile, .

Renee Bhagwandeen

Renee Bhagwandeen

Renee Bhagwandeen

Renee Bhagwandeen

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Is the Trinidad and Tobago Parliament unfairly favouring Apple?


Within a month or so my fellow citizens of Trinidad and Tobago will learn what economic austerity measures will be in store for them. Measures which may include things such as increases in the price of fuel,  VAT, import duties, along with higher taxes on alcohol, cigarettes, iPads and incomes. All these measures will be unleashed onto the public coupled with retrenchment in the public service.  Also, within the same time-frame, Parliamentarians will receive, at taxpayers’ expense, the iconic and expensive iPad tablets which can be used for storing Parliamentary documents and playing Angry Birds.

According to the Speaker of the House, The Honorable Wade Mark, he decided to issue the iPads to strengthen the 50-year-old nation’s democracy which has an unlimited supply of taxpayers dollars.  I understand that  Mr. Mark said the process of acquiring iPads will be as transparent, thus corruption free, as possible.  But to start with, Mr. Mark said iPads and not tablets. Does technology-savvy Speaker of The House of Representative even know there are many excellent tablets out there that will serve the 71 Parliamentarians just as well as iPads but are cheaper? Mr. Mark was backed up by the President of the Senate, Mr. Timothy Hamel-Smith, who said that laptops hide the faces of members of Parliament but I fail to see how that is a bad thing. When Parliamentarians were provide with laptops did the powers that be say what brand of laptops they needed? The Speaker needs to come out and tell the public why he has this bias towards Apple Inc. It could well be Mr. Mark used the word iPad to mean a tablet with a Retina display and dual-core A5X  processor just as some use the word Colgate to mean toothpaste, Nescafe to mean coffee and Durex to mean condom.

The world has gone global, competition is stiff and Samsung is great. I suggest if this Government and Speaker want to appear to be the pillar of honesty they must go out for an open public tender for tablets with suitable functional specifications and not simply go out to tender for the prestigious iPad. Failing to do so will introduce the smell of bias and favoritism on the doors of Parliament and our Democracy proving once again to citizens that this Government is not as honest as previously advertised.

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Sherlyn Chopra is Getting Naked Soon


Sherlyn Chopra at the Playboy Magazine Press Conference

Sadly, I didn’t know who Sherlyn Chopra was until I read in the August 13th issue of Newsweek that she will be “the first Indian woman to be photographed unclothed for Playboy magazine.” Being a man, I understand the term “unclothed in Playboy” to mean tastefully nude as compared to  vulgarly naked but what is one man’s tastefulness is another woman’s vulgarity.

Sherlyn Chopra was originally known as Mona Chopra and is, according to Wikipedia, a model, singer and actress and possibly also a Bollywood sensation. With the aid of Google I discovered that Sherlyn Chopra is an amazingly beautiful and sexy woman thus I see nothing wrong with her wanting to share nearly all her beauty with the world. I wish her all the best in her efforts to make it big in the very competitive world of the-cat-will-eat-all-dog world of female celebrities. Sherlyn might be criticized by the usual self-proclaimed moral ones but she is actually beating the path to worldwide popularity for many more Bollywood actresses to actually shine internationally rather than to imply they shine.

Playboy is in the business of male happiness and they have been making every effort to give men something different  to be happy about every month. I believe Playboy Magazine also carries articles written by famous authors to give observers the impression that men can read picture books.  Playboy Magazine was developed by a brilliant team of male scientists who figured out that men have a thing for nude women and a bigger thing for naked ones.

In the world of female celebrities exposure is everything and the more that is exposed the better. Sherlyn will appear and be exposed in the November 2012 issue of Playboy which will be a memorable one as it will be saved both on ruggedized memory sticks and under mattresses by the millions of real men of this world.

Sherlyn Chopra

Sherlyn Chopra

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Trinidad and Tobago and TTT at 50


Sometime today, Trinidad and Tobago will become a 50 years old  Nation even though scientists have concluded the land and some of the politicians are millions of years old. I also understand that TTT (Trinidad and Tobago Television) had its first broadcast on Independence Day 1962. Fortunately for the records sake I found the clippings (posted above) neatly stored in an old magazine I bought in a book store on Duke Street in the late 90’s. The clippings showed TTT’s  weekly lineup of the first week in November 1962. Some of these TV shows might bring back memories to those who still have their memories intact. But that was just 50 years ago so some of the people who were fortunate enough to access a TV in Trinidad and Tobago back then might not be considered too old in 2012.

I scanned both the front and back of the clippings to add conversation to the blog. 50 years from now I expect archeologists to be digging up old blogs to find out what the nation of Trinidad and Tobago was like at 50. Were the people civilized, were the leaders and citizens honest and  patriotic, and why were all the flights on all airlines leaving the Nation of Trinidad and Tobago  packed  with eager citizens armed with fully loaded credit cards and headed for North American Malls and shopping areas in  London. 50 years from now I don’t expect patriotic citizens, on Independence Day, to be installing and waving Trinidad and Tobago cloth flags made in  China but instead they will be waving their ultra-thin iPad 25 – also made in China – to the nostalgic sounds of Montano, Kes and even Aloes. 50 years from now the dogs that ran away during the setting off of fireworks observed with glee by fun-loving patriots during Independence Day celebrations will still not be reunited with their owners who failed to secure them properly. Nearly all the murder cases currently on the Police books today will remain unsolved 50 years from now, and the corrupt and their descendants will still be enjoying their ill-gotten booty and booty that was plundered from the Nation.

 

 

 

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Trinidad and Tobago – 50 Years of Running Thing


Trinidad and Tobago – 50 Years of Running Thing

Since we are a independent nation we are free to choose either Nike, Puma, Adidas, Ascis, New Balance, Saucony, Reebok, Brooks or Hanwag as our national running shoe.  What better way to celebrate 50 years of Independence – 50 years of running thing. In fact, we have become a nation so taken up with running our own affairs our  National Watch Words have unofficially become “Run Something Nah.”

50 years of independence also means making our own living, making our own decisions, importing our own food and drugs and electing our own kings and queens to govern us in ways no foreigner can ever govern. We have been making our own laws and selectively enforcing them in ways our various governors and cabals see fit. We are a people united by sports, floods, fashion and sometimes even the odd sex tape but divided by oppressor selection. We reportedly have more freedom than the average democratic country – we have countless radio stations, and a few TV stations where announcers can feign intelligence by using any foreign accent they see fit. We have several newspapers with some good writers and several local blogs that are free to criticize and spell in either British or American English without police or political interference. After 50 years of independence we can safely say we still have some of our own oil and gas left,  bulldoze our own land, make our own floods, bribe our own people, and spill our own blood on both our own roads and tracks behind some houses where loud explosions are normally heard. We are independent enough to let murderers get away with murder and  big boys get away with our money. 50 years of independence means the cabals can favor who they want and call it fair-play. I am so happy we are so independent.

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Michelle Jenneke Makes Female Track and FIeld Sexy Again


It has always been rumored that some of the sexiest female athletes come from Australia wearing shorts and Michelle Jenneke proved that a few days ago. Not only was her warmup hot, spicy and productive but she made women athletics  a spectator sport worth spectating. I have nothing but sympathy for the poor camera man who was trying to find one reason for focusing on Dou Wang or any of the others instead.

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Jessica Pare is Hot


If you are a fan of the TV series Mad Men you will agree that Jessica Pare (Megan) is Hot! Some say she is too skinny and has big teeth but she looks amazing in black underwear and can seduce with her French accent. The series Mad Men obviously needed fresh Female Talent after January Jones(Betty) became a little too annoying.I think there was a white or satin underwear scene featuring January Jones in Season 4 but maybe not as sexy as Pare in black or white.

Jessica Pare

January Jones

January Jones

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Raining Needles and Pins


Today was too good to pass up the opportunity to photograph the rain to help prove that it sometimes rains needles and pins. I used a tripod to hold the camera and a mango tree was positioned at the back of the rain. The photo was shot on location in Trinidad and Tobago using a Pentax K-7 fitted with a Pentax 50-200mm zoom lens at 1/80s and f6.3.

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Why Prados Now Suck


I want to advise Toyota to immediately stop selling Prados to the Government and their agencies and change the name of the vehicle to anything else. It is amazing how two consecutive administrations has, at taxpayers expense, almost destroyed the reputation in Trinidad and Tobago of a quality, high-end company and SUV. The Audi people must be thanking their good fortune that politicians and their stooges prefer Toyota. There is now a stigma attached to the Prado where the sight of one causes the average voter and taxpayer to go into a fit of rage despite not being able to see who is inside due to illegal, and heavy tints on the glass. The average voter thought they voted against this chaufferism last election but apparently those we voted in think otherwise. It will be wise to reveal to the public the written justification for buying, leasing or even using such a high end vehicle by politicians and their minions especially when the man on the street has to reduce their consumption of doubles from two to one not to lose weight, but to make ends meet. Is there such a written justification?

If this Government really care about the people  – as opposed to pretending to care by mouthing politically correct catch phrases and waving a flag on stage to the sounds of “One Love”-  they would set the example of going green by prohibiting all elected and selected Government officials from buying, using, or even dreaming of using gas guzzlers at the expense of taxpayers.  The People’s Partnership will do well to remember that they were voted in such an overwhelming fashion not because we thought they were sooooo good and competent but because the PNM was sooooo good at corruption and incompetence. It now seems that the population, by the voting in of the current bunch of egoist and non-performers, have moved from the frying pan into the fires of hell.  From all indications by experts, the economy is now depressed and so too is the population so stop the gallerying and get to work.

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