Hot Cross Buns – From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The Government of Trinidad and Tobago has declared 2015 The year of the Hot Crossed Buns and in marking the occasion Hot Crossed Buns will be distributed through the country to every citizen and visitor, both legal and illegal. Naturally, a contract has been awarded to a new but mysterious baking company called Sistrum. This blog was reliably informed that it was only on Monday the Government went out to tender for the Manufacture and National Distribution of Hot Crossed Buns with an Extra Cross (Double Crossed Buns). The tender was evaluated on Tuesday and awarded the same day. Only one bid was received (Sistrum) and was said to meet and exceed all the requirements of the bun specification including the raisins per bun, thickness of the crosses, minimum bun diameter, amazing golden color and mouth-watering smell. The whole process was transparent.
A spokes person for Sistrum said the buns will be the first thing they ever bake and they already had the conveyor belts used in a quarry to crush local stones. It was only last week Sistrum received 1000 mega-large ovens from China and a Hot Cross Bun expert. Asked how come they had the ovens and an expert on order the spokes person said it was just plain luck and they like to order all kinds of things all the time. The contract is said to be worth tens of millions of dollars given the price of Hot Cross Buns on the international market. The established large bakeries in the country think there is something fishy about the whole deal but a Sistrum executive says this was probably due to the Lenten season. When the Minister of Finance was asked where the money will be coming from to fund the buns he simply said “eat yuh bun and shut up nah.” When further pressed about the unprecedented short time (one day) for the tender he said in any country emergencies happen and items such as buns must be procured at short notice. Asked if the supply of buns was a national emergency he simply said “no bun, no fun.”
The Prime Minister, in a short release from her office, said that every man, woman and child will be given buns and people should not worry too much about the award of the contract or how much taxpayers dollars Sistrum will be getting but instead enjoy and savor the flavor of the hot, hot cross buns. The army, police, NGOs, gang leaders and Jack Warner will be given the task on ensuring an equitable distribution of the baked goods. The man-on-the-street has applauded this latest Government initiative and has cancelled orders for buns from bakeries such as Linda’s, St. Mary’s and Kiss . “We like how de government moving and everybody is entitled to freeness like education, box drains, tablets, lap tops and buns and thing. We hope we getting Easter Egg too nex year and turkey for thanks giving.”
Calling Shark and Bake a fish sandwich is like calling the bikini a swimsuit. Shark and Bake or Bake and Shark as the purist like to say, is a delicacy among tourist and locals at the number one beach in Trinidad, Maracas Bay. Shark and Bake can be a misnomer as it is sometimes served with some other fish fillet instead of shark, and the bake (bread) is always fried, not baked. What makes Shark and Bake a very tasty dish is that both the shark and the bake are deep fried, but only after a firm order is placed by the customer. The hot sandwich is then customized with any combination of over fifteen condiments from garlic sauce to pineapple chunks, but unlike Subway, the new sandwich owner puts the add-ons to his or her liking. Too many condiments contaminate the broth is the old wise saying and Shark and Bake is no exception. The secret to a good Shark and Bake is the garlic, shadon benny (cilantro), and pepper sauces. Almost anything else will take away from a perfect culinary experience. Restraint is the key.
Shark and Bake, like KFC and SPF 90 sun block, is not immune to steep price increases due to the world shortage of corn and a Shark and Bake now cost US$4.00, up from US$2.40 just over a year ago. This has not caused any decline in sales of this prized fish delicacy so a further price increase can be expected once customers remain willing. Shark and Bake is a unique dish to Trinidad and everybody has a favorite vendor at Maracas. Richard’s is the most popular and largest vendor at Maracas Bay but Tantie Rita’s is the tastiest. Shark and Bake has caused a stir on the Travel Channel’s Bizarre Foods but I don’t know what is so bizarre about a simple fish sandwich.
Nudity was considered good until it received a bad name from those who were afraid to get naked, even when alone in their mirrorless bedrooms at night.
There are inhibited voices crying for masqueraders to show less of their bodies on Carnival days and trips to the mall. Some are offended by high skin to clothes ratios and think the public display of the human body is immoral and can lead to a breakdown in society. Maybe those who are offended have bodies that can cause societal breakdown and psychological damage. This blog disagrees with the societal breakdown theory and agrees with Bertrand Russell when he said that morality is geographic. What people do is usually a symptom not the cause and what is offensive in one country is a tourist attraction in another.
In Trinidad and Tobago we have grown to accept that Bikini Costumes can be worn by women and some men in street parades on Carnival Monday and Tuesday but those costumes cannot be worn to work or to attend meetings unless asked to do so by ten or more people. Similarly, tight jeans may be worn by females who have the body and agility to accommodate those jeans without overstressing the fabric or the eyes of the observers. Also, the public has no problem with mini skirts being worn by the young and young looking but should not normally be worn while swinging in public parks or during the windy kite season unless the skirt is fitted.
What the high and the mighty, the self-righteous and those with inappropriate bodies must understand is that the World cannot strive without change and sometimes people need to change their drab office outfits and tattered home clothes, and show the World why months of oatmeal for breakfast and squats in the gym are good for the human body and spectators. Immorality is not only geographic but in the minds of those who strive on their need to be offended.
Not only was there life on Mars, but also a writer’s union strike and canceled TV shows for the next season. Scientist on Earth hoped that life on Mars would have shed more light on the origins of life and male pattern baldness but this did not happen as hardcover copies of Cosmos by Carl Sagan and Rogain were found to be the only bestsellers on Mars for hundreds of years. Life on Mars was dreary and unfair like it was on Earth except that their United States hardly bought anything from their China other than mosquito coils, oyster sauce and rice noodles. Like Earth, Mars had its fair share of corrupt public officials and morons who roamed the planet trying to get votes.
Martians had similar traits to Earthlings and they both often complained about potholes on the roads. Martians also burnt tires so that the smoke signals could alert road officials and low orbiting spacecraft exactly where the road craters were located. On Mars, there were no tsunamis or bubble baths since there was no water due to slack management of the Martian Water Authority. The land prices on Mars shifted uncontrollably because sand storms often shifted land location. There was very little change in red being the favorite color of Mars but on Earth the color concrete became the color of choice and green became an artificial color. Martians did not need passports to travel within their planet and it was only required for entry into the US. The most popular movies on Mars were sci-fi movies where Earthlings were shown to be creatures destroying planet Earth and fellow Earthlings for unbelievable reasons. Martian suicide bombings became a thing of the past on Mars after Martians discovered that Heaven was a place on Earth.
Martians thought that the Earthling String Bikini was too modest since Martians, like Venusians and porn stars, never wore clothes except when under a mosquito or paparazzi attack. Though Martians did not learn anything earth shattering from Earthlings, but they did like Earth beaches of the Caribbean, Halle Berry, and this blog.
One reason people choose a particular political party is for the same reason they choose a particular sports team, religion, or Carnival Band. It fills a psychological need. Naturally, nobody goes around telling themselves they are voting for party H or going to the Sunday worship of religion G because it’s psychological. That would be unromantic and may even trigger bouts of depression characterized by wild sex on yachts. Humans need to belong to groups with nice sounding names in order to have an identity. It gives people a purpose and their leaders some extra income. Religion, political affiliation, team support, social standing, bra size and vibrator color are some of the more popular groupings. These groupings may be inherited, acquired through a process of intelligent analysis, or simply be as a result of being invited to join because one met the specifications. Some people may even end up belonging to a group by chance, for example, green may have been the only color on sale at the toy store on that lonely night. Despite our best efforts, some groups we are hopelessly stuck with.
Belonging to a group is not the end of it, and finding reasons why a person’s selected group is better that the other groups is also necessary. It’s no point thinking your selected group is made up of a bunch of wimps and misfits. My chosen group must be able to beat up your chosen group, is what people think. This is where the mudslinging, cutting up of banners, renting of polls, and the spray painting of vibrators in the dead of night comes in. People need to be happy with the thought that their group is the best and the reasons can be illogical and comical. Some groups use fear of other groups to gain and retain support, while others use concerts. One criterion some people use to select a group is the apparent size of the group where biggest means the best. Others use the group’s sense of fashion and how well their leader can act while rolling his “r”s. Even people who do not support any religion, political party, or have no social standing belong to unofficial groupings. These would be the people who either think and analyze, or are too lazy to think and analyze.
Choosing a group may be no different to choosing a car color or girl in a bikini. Any one would do since both would provide the same basic functionality regardless of car color or bikini stringiness. The only difference is one particular auto color or one particular type of spandex enclosed shape may look better and impress friends more in the daylight.
It would appear there is no such thing as only choosing wisely and ultimately we choose what makes us happy because Man is ruled by emotion, not logic.