I can’t begin to tell you how much I am looking forward to paying a higher property tax. I and hundreds of thousands of other citizens, known as the majority, are thrilled at the thought of giving more money to the Government to use in any way the Prime Minister sees fit, including private jet, big flag, useless conferences, house drapes, the Australians, the Chinese and Mr. Hart’s salary. I don’t expect you to use any of this newly discovered money on sick children since you have proven over and over you have a big, big Hart.
I know you instructed your scarcely literate police officers to guard Parliament with batons and guns to ensure unarmed protesters don’t embarrass the Government more than it is already embarrassed. I hope these unpatriotic citizens learnt their lesson and will now put their proverbial tails between their proverbial legs and watch the show on TV next time.
Since I was a boy, I, like the majority of citizens who were unable to take a bribe because none was ever offered or just too honest, would delightfully drool at the thought of paying higher taxes to the Government. I am still not sure if I get the most excitement from paying a higher existing tax or paying a new tax. That is such a toss up. I like paying taxes so much that I sometimes throw my money down a fast running drain during the flood season to simulate the same effect. I once threw a hundred dollar bill in a stagnant drain near my home and after a year it remained just where I left it except it turned green – that’s probably a sign of the future devaluation of our money – blue to green. I am also just as excited about the inevitable devaluation due to the expenditure on boats and drapes, as I am about the taxes. I only wish you could see how much my spine is tingling right now just thinking about it.
I thank you, my Government, for making my boyhood dream a reality, and though I might be poorer because of more and new taxes, I feel richer because I know whose pockets the taxes will go into.
Delightly and painfully yours,
aka_lol – a Tax Lover