Condom Vending Machines May Get Screwed

big-condomThis blog supports condom vending machines and good safe sex. It also supports celibacy for people who do not know how to have fun in a hammock safely without clothes on. Religious leaders claim celibacy never killed anyone but celibacy is unnatural and likely to make people incredibly horny and to get married for all the wrong reasons. Religious leaders, such as those in the IRO (Interreligious Organization) in Trinidad and Tobago, says all faith-based organizations in the country are opposed to condom vending machines since these vending machines would encourage people to have illicit sex and illicit sex is a sin. Illicit means illegal and illicit gambling is illegal but Lotto-Plus gambling is not illicit.

Condom Vending Machine

Condom Vending Machine

Fortunately, my organization is not represented by the IRO but my organization is also faith based; we have faith in the condom and at least 20 minutes of foreplay followed by steamy sex. My organization believes you can get terribly screwed without a condom and that people should always go for brand name condoms which were stored in a cool, dry place before use in that other place that is hopefully not cool or dry.  This blog is also concerned that condoms made in the most populous nations in the world may have quality control problems at their condom factories. But quality control may not be the issue but the availability of condoms might. It is deeply troubling to go to a pharmacy and ask the young girl at the counter if she recommends the Trojan or the Durex. It would be less clumsy to go to a condom vending machine which greets customers with “I am the Blues Machine. May I help you?”

How to wear a condom

How to wear a condom

Nobody is expecting the IRO to change its views or to even start to think since according to the IRO members, everything that there is to think about was thought about hundreds of years ago, including condom vending machines and porn websites.  Not only that but these thoughts were documented in  Books that can never be wrong or incomplete.

“I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.” – Susan B. Anthony

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10 thoughts on “Condom Vending Machines May Get Screwed

  1. The condom may be good for some, but for some the condom is not recommended. Instead, another device or form of protection is necessary.

    Still in some cases, even more drastic protection is needed, like a bull pistle for those who quote the written documents of long ago and still feel that putting it up the nether holes of their fellow brethren and altar boys is a good idea.

    • Why do religious leaders think they are believable? You raised a good point and what is the real reason for having alter boys? Was it a command form above? Maybe there is a good answer forthcoming from the goodly ones.

  2. who do i complain to when the vending machine steals my blue note which may lead to blue balls…

    faith in the condom is just like faith in the IRO… not 100%

    how do you get around the situation where some business ppl who hold the license to import these erasers are against their use and a PM whose solution is to watch the tele?

    as usual a very insightful post…

    • People have more sex during a recession since there is less money for getting drunk and passing out. Maybe the condoms will be Chinese. Or maybe UDECOTT. Hopefully, they will get the size right this time.

  3. I can’t understand why religious leaders and older folks insist on pretending that “illicit sex” is something new.

    Long before condoms were even invented people were fornicating, prostituting, committing adultery…the list goes on. So where did they get this idea that providing people with access to condoms will make them more likely to have “illicit sex”?

    What a backward mentality. Especially when the statistics now show that kids are having sex from as early as 9/10 years in some cases.

    To each his own I guess. At the end of the day the religious leaders are entitled to their opinions.

    • Judging form the stories I still hear, fornicating without condoms was the norm in the old days. The religious leaders feel they have a monopoly in knowing what is right and moral but we know better since we know now what went on, and probably still goes on, behind the closed doors of the religious. Yes, they are entitled to their opinion but their pretentiousness is what frightens me.

  4. Nice blog and everybody should totally comply with the author on this one here. Its hilarious, that what i should write about this post. Because this should be what the whole internet thing is all about right? Keep on doing a great job!

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