Earth Day – Going Green


Today is Earth Day and I posted a picture of the Planet for those who are reading this blog but may not be from here.

Going-green is not only a way to appear trendy but it can extend the life of Planet Earth. Going-green means saving the Planet or extending its life so that others may use it without dying from environmental diseases. Saving the Planet means less unintentional glowing in the dark and more quality bedtime. The need to consume excessively to bring happiness and joy to our lives is sick and not without a cost to the environment.  The more aluminum and steel the world needs the greater the chance we have of living next to a mutant neighbor if you aren’t already doing so.

There are always 10 ways to do everything, from Looking Younger to making her shout your name in bed. 10 is the magic number. So, naturally, there are 10 ways to go-green. Here are the 10:

green-fashion(1) Save Energy

The more energy you save the less need there would be for anything. Once people stop consuming energy factories and power stations will stop polluting. Some factories may even shut down bringing with it placards and burning effigies of the CEOs and PMs. Switch off all lights at home and on the street. Play football in the dark and even a World Cup Cricket match. Use those energy efficient bulbs (CF) which can cost ten times as much as the regular energy-guzzler. Energy, like good sex, is a human right and saving energy can save the planet but not jobs.

(2) Save Water

Most people are like the Opposition Leader and can’t remember the last time they had a cold shower before prison. Heating water is not only a luxury but it consumes energy which can trigger more pollution than required. Even the pumping of water consumes energy and the less water we use the better. WASA was one of the first organizations to go green in Trinidad and Tobago with its no-pumping-of-water-under-any-circumstances policy.

(3) Walk, Then Run

Walking or bicycling instead of traveling by car is useful to the environment. The more people walk the healthier they will become and this would also lessen the need for gasoline and NP pump attendants. Job loss will always be the fallout from saving the Planet but the good of the Planet will always outweigh the right to pay a mortgage. The level of crime should not deter people from walking because as more and more people take to the streets the less likely someone will become a victim of crime. There would be so many others for bandits to choose from.

dont-eat-cow(4) Eat Wisely

Eat low on the food chain. The higher an animal is on the food chain the more energy the animal would consume to become a packaged product in supermarket freezers. Eat beans instead of cow. Eat lettuce instead of cow. Stop eating animals and animal farmers will have to turn to beans and cabbage. KFC will have to fry more fries and steak houses will convert to bean houses.  Except for making babies and gunshot wounds, vegetarians are hardly ever admitted to hospitals. Going-green is healthier.

bottled-water-for-naive-people(5) Avoid Bottled Water

WASA’s water may look brown and black at times but looks can be deceiving. Sitting next to bottles of Dasani, WASA officials have told us WASA’s water is safe to drink straight from the tap. Producing bottled water consumes energy and the bottled water craze was adopted by people in Trinidad and Tobago who thought all American customs and practices should be mindlessly adopted. Help the environment by shutting down bottled water plants and help the traffic situation by keeping those big blue trucks off the road. Let the bottled water factory employees work for WASA instead.

(6) Buy Less of Everything

If you consume less and recycle you would reduce the need for factories and jobs. Buying less is the same as using less energy and using less energy is the same as shutting down employment houses. Unemployment is not as bad as it sounds since unemployed people consume little and therefore give the Planet little trouble. The Unemployed  are inherently Green. Going green is all about the Planet since without a Planet there would be no people or Discovery Channel. Recycling is the key to going Green. To recycle, go through your garbage with a fine-tooth comb and pull all the items that can be recycled like aluminum foil, and cell phones. If getting new thing makes you happy then you have a problem. Seek the assistance of you nearest mental health professional and help save the planet.

(7) Borrow (or Steal)string-bikini

Don’t buy anything you can borrow such as books, DVDs, software, condoms and even sugar. Wear clothes, especially bikinis, till they unravel. Buy things that would last forever like Corollas and concrete plant pots. Avoid no-name brand shoes and cars. Spend on items that will outlast even a robust politician and help save the Planet.

(8) Don’t Pollute

Avoid throwing computer monitors, computers, motherboards, video cards, and 20 inch (50.8 cm) or larger TVs into small rivers and ravines. Electronic waste can be very toxic to the Planet and its owners, corporate America. Lobby your MP to start an e-waste disposal system and if that fails post a video on YouTube of people throwing computers and big screen TVs into a local river. Better yet, throw a summit.

heineken_no_milk(9) Buy Green

Buy green products like paint and Heineken. Some products are friendlier to the environment and if it says so on the label then buy it.  The days are numbered for brown products and some establishments like Pricesmart no longer give out plastic bags. Instead, they pack your groceries in brown boxes and urge customers to buy reusable Pricesmart branded bags for a high price. You can even bring a big duffel bag to pack your groceries and if the security guard at the exit gives you any lip tell them you are following the company’s Green policy.

(10) Have Fewer Children

It is easier to sustain a small population than a large one. The world is growing rapidly and soon starvation will be the normal way of life and death. To control population growth men should act responsibly and not father more children than they can support. Women should never allow some men to become fathers. Use contraceptives and stop having so much sex – get married.