Jungle Me


JungleApril Fool

ST. AUGUSTINE, TT. – In an attempt to quell Amazon’s dominance in the web shopping market two or three of the world’s top financial backers have launched an upstart company called Jungle. Jungle will be offering everything that Amazon now sells but in addition Jungle will offer an online dating service called Jungle Me, Jungle You along with a virtual happiness store called Mindful for the Mindless. A one-stop adult store is also proposed but for now a scaled down version will be hosted somewhere in the Power Tools section. Jungle will be offering more payment options than Amazon, including PayPal, direct money transfers from illicit offshore bank accounts, cattle, cheese, corn and political favors. Jungle will be offering to arms dealers, and budding-dictators specials on military surplus equipment and a mercenary service catering for small country invasions. The aspiring dictator would be able to track the invasions online. A money laundering service called Quick Wash is in the works and due to start by the end of the third quarter. Beyond Borders, a border crossing service for illegal immigrants will be launched in 2009. A liquor division, Jungle Juices, and a rehab service, Been There, Done That are also scheduled for 2009. Like Amazon, Jungle is aiming to make life easier for all classes of people but especially for those with very special needs.

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