Cheese – The New Gold

Cheese Farm

The grocer grunted a smile when I asked how come the cheese was selling so fast. It was a mystery to me that full shelves of almost priceless cheese would become empty in a few hours so I decided to force an answer from the knowledgeable Chinese grocer.

“Investors. That is how.”


“Yes, investors and speculators have been buying up every block of cheese in the open supermarkets because cheese prices are out of control. This sends the price up even more”

“That is clever. Now why didn’t I think of that?”

The grocer rolled up his eyes and shook his head.

“You want the cheese or not?”

“I will take these two blocks then.”

“Planning for a happy retirement I see.”

“You can’t start too early.”

“How are the cows making out with this sudden windfall?”

“They are rolling in dough and not grass. Some are even going on cruises to Alaska and the Mediterranean. The big cows are also hiring the little cows to provide milk and moo when the farmer and schoolchildren pass by. A dairy farm is not what it used to be.”

“How did the price get to this unethical and immoral level? Only investors?”

“Do I look like an economist?”


“Well I am, Toronto trained to boot.”

“Ok, Great One, spill the beans.”

“It’s not beans it’s corn and oil.”

“Corn oil? Who would have thought?”

“Not corn oil, corn and oil you idiot. The price of oil is at its highest ever, forcing nations to look at alternative fuels such at ethanol. The Green Movement also likes ethanol very much. And guess where ethanol comes from?”


“No fool, corn! Corn is also used for cattle feed and for ethanol, making the demand for corn and wealth the highest ever.”

“So it’s the corn farmers who should be rolling in dough and not just the cows. So where are the Chinese in all this?”

“Look around you bro, the Chinese are everywhere and they love cheese.”

“That is depressing.”

“What? You no like the Chinese? Look, you get out my shop before I kung fu kick you butt outah here!”

“No! That’s not what I meant. I meant the whole cheese thing is depressing, not the Chinese thing.”

“You are depressed? You should see Papa John.”

“So what is the solution to all this, Mighty One?”

“How should I know, I am only an economist.”

11 thoughts on “Cheese – The New Gold

  1. and it will continue to go up until people remember that biofuel is not going to help us if we do not reduce the carbon emissions required to produce it, do not deplete the rain forest to do it, and do not drive prices of basic goods up to do it. Green becomes the color or greed not conservation. Ahhhh that little rant felt good but not so witty as yours.


  2. Pingback:   Trini Cheese Paste Recipe — Lifespan of a Chennette

  3. What about a car that runs on lulz? Lulz have been powering the web for years. Surely they’d have figured out a way to get a car running on lulz power by now. I’m kewl though as I don’t have a car. I have a nice ROFLcopter though.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s