Why Risk It

bandit and loot

In risky times, managing risk is risky

~ aka_lol ~

Managing risk successfully is what good insurance companies do. Recently, an innovative insurance company came up with a loss of earnings plan for bandits and other criminals. To subscribe to the plan crooks will have to pay a premium based of their worth. However, criminals must first provide proof of what they earned over the last year and this could take the form of laundered bank accounts, buried loot, or even the victims’ ATM withdrawal slips accompanied by the relevant CCTV footage from the bank showing terrified victims posing next to the satisfied robber. Also, the criminal must be able to show criminal records of the amount of time spent in captivity. The insurance company will forgo the latter requirement, as it is currently irrelevant.

The criminals will qualify for benefits under the plan in the unlikely event they end up in jail. That is why it’s considered low risk and profitable for the insurance firm. Other insurance companies are now jumping into this risk-free business, enticing bandits with bandit bags filled with various lengths of ropes, ski masks and even an easy-victims list. The Bandits and Criminals Association have met the new policy proposal with some enthusiasm but scoffed at the easy victims list saying all victims are now easy. The president of the Association, Mr. U. Catchme Nah, said this validated the existence of the members of his Association and it was like a next dream come true.   He also said that he hoped society would now recognize criminal activity for what it truly is – a profitable career with a brighter future than even politics or blogging.

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