The Great Onion Shortage of 2007


History would call it The Great Onion Shortage of 2007 but for us, who lived through the ordeal, the period didn’t have a name. For us, it was only an epidemic of tasteless food and greedy grocers.

Most of the World had grown accustomed to onions in much the same way as they had become accustomed to breathing in air, or drinking misleadingly labeled bottled water from giant beverage companies. The Onion became to food what the stripper became to stag parties; necessary and tasty. Sometimes I feel the only reason we scramble eggs and eat sardines is because of the onion. Who would have thought this little shallot would have become so important in the lives of those who have food to eat, and those who are not anorexic.

During the Great Onion Shortage of 2007 some chefs with huge egos gave up cooking at fine restaurants and took up jobs as chefs at hospital and school cafeterias out of shame. There was a drastic drop in the amount of embarrassing cases of bad breath and a corresponding increase in the amount of mouth-to-mouth kissing incidents. Nine months after the start of The Great Onion Shortage of 2007 there was a shortage of beds at maternity hospitals. The Great Onion Shortage of 2007 lasted only six months but it did teach the people how little things can make a big impact over time, much to the relief of some men.

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