Dear aka – again


Dear aka, I know this may sound as senseless as your blog but I needed to ask you this before the correct answer is made public. I read this question on another blog and think you need to answer it properly this time. My question is – do short people fall less often than tall people, and do thin people feel less pain than fat people.

Questionable

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Dear Questionable,

Firstly, short people are now called vertically challenged and tall people are called by their names. A recent study of one hundred falling humans have revealed that a tall person is ten times more likely to topple when dropkicked than a short person. Researchers also discovered that short people are poor targets for dropkicking and should be punched hard in the stomach instead.

A recent random pinch test conducted on the streets of the nation’s capital revealed that the police only responded to one out of fifty incidents of random pinching. The test also showed that fat people were slower to slap the pincher and it was harder to find something to pinch on the thin people. One researcher observed that fat people wore tighter jeans, and received large amounts of oggoling while thin people pretended not to care. The study concluded that both fat and thin people felt the same amount of pain and almost the same amount of embarrassment in clothing stores and popular beaches.

aka_lol

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3 thoughts on “Dear aka – again

  1. My mother once told me tall people have air in their heads, do you think that contributes to their falling down? And since I’ve been short and phat my whole life (don’t know why people have to use the f word so much) I would definitely say those skinny bitches feel less pain. 😀 But then that’s the view of one and I wear rose coloured glasses.

  2. Having air in the head can manifest itself in many ways and falling down, as opposed to falling sideways, is just one of them.

    Fat is not a bad word unless it is used to mean fat. I never liked the way people – thin people – use that word.

    “yuh not so fat”
    “yuh getting fat yuh know”
    “yuh fat”

    Thin people flaunt their almost invisible shadow as if it was a real virtue. What they are actually doing is praying to crank up their jeans rating a couple notches.

    Tall people don’t say too much and always hope the builder didn’t shorten the doorway again or the taxi has a sunroof that works.

  3. “Fat is not a bad word unless it is used to mean fat. I never liked the way people – thin people – use that word.

    “yuh not so fat”
    “yuh getting fat yuh know”
    “yuh fat””

    Sigh… true that.

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