B.C vs V.S

My version of B.C vs. V.S

B.C – Sir V.S, I understand that even as we speak there is good-sized mob is burning an effigy of V.S. Naipaul in the car park. How do you respond?

V.S – Mimic Men!

B.C – But Sir, are you not a least bit disturbed by this vile and grotesque action?

V.S – No, and I am actually pro-effigy burning. I might even have said so in one of my books, but I don’t have them all in my head. It’s a lot safer than burning the author, when you think about it.

B.C. – Why would anyone want to burn an effigy of you?

V.S – Ignorance and stupidity can make people do the strangest things; look at politicians. I think people who have never read or understood my work want to burn me. But then there is the intellectual set who think they understand my work and want to desperately sound as if they do; British accent and all.

B.C. – I did a satirical piece on Miguel Street which was………

V.S. – ….My lawyers will be paying you a nice little visit in the morning. Do you have any court clothes?

B.C – Ahem! ok. Let’s move on. There is a classic question which people ask you that you don’t seem to give an acceptable answer. The question is……..

V.S – ….It was a simple omission, a bit of forgetfulness, call it Nobel fever if you will. How many times do I have to imply that I am sorry! Wives!!

B.C – No, that wasn’t what I was going to ask – the question I have in mind is “What advice can you give to budding young authors”

V.S – What are you, a school child! That is not a valid question, please, can we move on. You are a past-paper oriented society. Get out into the world and immerse yourself. Do the bloody work child, and if you are any good maybe one day someone will ask you to autograph one of your books. I have said it before and I will say it again, literature was meant for adults and adult literature even more so.

B.C – Sorry I asked!

V.S – They usually are.

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