Add Vice For The New Year

It is 2006 and practically half the year is over. No, I am not a mad man, well at least two people think I am not but they are not very sane either. Anyway, as I was saying, half the year is over and not in terms of time. It’s half over since all resolutions start to come apart during the first week in January and by the 10th of the month they are halfway gone. In mathematical terms it is expressed as the equation shown below, popularly known as the Failure Equation or The Why We Amount To Zero Equation.

Will Power * Resolutions = Outcome

Where Will Power quickly tends to Zero and Resolutions can be any number from One to Infinity. The Outcome, aka End Result, can be seen on bathroom scales, KFC shirt stains, empty beer bottles, bloodshot eyes, same shady friends, fat-filled cholesterol test results, mounds of dust on religious books, the obscenely low standard of blogging, and probably the amount of porn bookmarks on web browsers.

As a good friend told me on Ole-Years-Nite, I have no meaningful vices and vice-driven people find me annoying to be around. Naturally, I hung my head in shame while I puffed my cigar and guzzled my eight or twelfth beer for the night, while my free hand hung around a still unidentified female’s neck for support. It was there and then I resolved to pick up at least one or two vices for the coming year since I had none. As if time didn’t stand still, I quickly stumbled around my vice-riddled friends on the floor and asked the few conscious ones what were the more common vices among bright and handsome males like myself. As I suspected, they had no idea what a vice was and quickly dismissed my pleas. But, having placed my faith in Google and the better search engines in general, I was amazed and impressed at how much I was missing in life and why my life seemed so boring at times. With this new secret to life in hand I vowed that 2006 would be a vice-filled year.

6 thoughts on “Add Vice For The New Year

  1. 2005 – my year of vices. And pretty much all of them as well.

    I can feel it calling me in 2006…

    As for the resoloutions, thankfully, I haven’t made one concerning vices… but maybe I can see half the year already slipping by. But I resolve not to that that happen :p

  2. Well … A wonderfull take on the year to come. (and all time to come). I do personally believe that we should live and enjoy it. (Not just exist – though that is sometimes pleasurable)

    Anyway, i know they are vices, and i should get through the first stage and admit them; denial is sweet. And not withstanding i do not know how long i will live – i hope to start admitting them in some years to come.

    And sending you the answer to that riddle is right up there on my list, but i got your gamil address and wrote it on a napkin, and i still know the address is on the napkin but i seem to have misplace the napkin.

    This week i will get the address again and write it some place more permanent. (like my hand – j/k)

  3. Tunks, I think this year will be a great year for you. Being aware of time is not required for happiness. We only need to be aware of life and then everything can fall into place. Resolutions are always a good start and knowing where to start is just as important as knowing how to start 🙂

  4. Firebird, I don’t have too many vices and that is always my predicament on ole years night. But at least I do have some which I can work on eliminating during the year. Thank god I am not perfect but then again perfection is also a vice 🙂

    I am still waiting for the answer to the riddle but I am not worried since I sense the napkin will reappear. They always do. Coming to think about it, losing napkins with email addresses is a vice, but a petty vice. I have been meaning to work on that one myself. A hand is always a good substitute for a napkin and our ancestors, the cave man and cave woman, used only their hands to record email addresses and draft blogs. Those were the original Palm Pilots 🙂

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