Yesterday I developed a theory which would either earn me a Nobel Prize or no prize. My theory proposes to explain a mysterious phenomenon which has been bothering men and some women for thousands of years. The phenomenon is known as “Unexplained Missing Socks (UMS).” Yes, people have suggested alternate theories before but they were all preposterous and never intended to be serious theories. At best, the existing theories can be used as standup comedy material or in politicians’ speeches, which are the same things actually. However, I must admit my theory also sounds ludicrous on the surface but once you start to give it some thought, it flies.
I want to propose to the world that socks are going missing because aliens are kidnapping and studying them in their quest to find out what makes The Earth tick. The reason socks are being singled out is quite simple; the aliens in question look like socks therefore think that Earth socks are the highest form of intelligent life on the planet. Some of you may know people and several politicians who are less intelligent than Earth socks but generally speaking, socks are not very smart. The aliens probably came to the conclusion that “Socks are it” not only because socks are their look-alikes, but because they have been observing that socks are involved in every meaningful activity on the planet, except swimming. Just think about it for a moment and you would see what I mean. The Sock Aliens also observed how some lesser intelligent life forms, namely humans, throw a fit when they can’t find their socks. The aliens think humans are the slaves of the socks because if a slave ever loses his master all hell will break lose. That is probably why some humans go ballistic when they lose their socks. Could you imagine what would happen if you couldn’t find your Prime Minister? Ok, bad example, but you see where the aliens are coming from.
I submit two photographs of these Sock Aliens for your consideration. The first (above) was taken one morning. The hideous creature looked so much like my socks that it almost went unnoticed. The second (below) was taken more recently when I spotted the alien at a popular DVD club taking out two movies for the weekend.
As more evidence is gathered about UMS and Sock Aliens I will share it with the World, even if the World doesn’t want it shared. Even if the World is afraid of the Truth.