The old saying was “Carnival is colour and colour is Kodak” but all that has changed. Now, the new saying in Trinidad and Tobago is “Carnival is pleasure and pleasure is expensive.” Yes, pleasure has a price and sometimes it’s $1,000 per person in Maraval. To be fair, it is an all inclusive event meaning it’s all you can eat, all you can drink and all you can wine between the hours of 2 and 9. But the question is how much can one man or woman eat, drink and wine without getting sick or creating a bad impression in the minds of the ones who did not get too drunk to forget. Yesterday was the first time I had the opportunity to actually see expensive Carnival fete tickets so I had to take a photo and blog for the world to see. At these prices I was expecting the tickets to be the size of on iPad but unfortunately they were regulation size tickets or even smaller, probably in an attempt so as to maximize profits. I wonder if fete promoters pay taxes or if the police will be waiting for those fete-intoxicated drivers? On the positive side, these fetes do bring in foreign exchange as these two tickets were bought with a foreign credit card by a foreigner as I am sure many tickets to Carnival fetes were.
The culture of a country is not only found in the country’s song, dance and shark and bake but also in the full-page ads in the newspapers. In studying the culture of a country most anthropologists and space aliens listen to the drums but miss the real beat drummed out by ad agencies via full-page ads. Some say the newspaper headlines tell the story of a country but as this task of headline creation is usually given to the accountant or janitor at most daily newspapers, headlines can be misleading. Since the cost of one full-page color ad is almost equal to or more than the yearly salary of many workers and public servants in Trinidad and Tobago, it must never be taken lightly. These ads sometimes show, in a subtle way, who are the real power brokers in a country thus who are pulling the strings.
Since there is much to learn from full-page ads this blog decided to take some photos of some of these ads appearing in the daily newspapers over the last few days to document the Carnival season for 2011 and by extension, the mindset of our happy country.
If for weeks I thought I was the front runner for winning $2 million via text message votes and didn’t win despite scores of expensive radio ads urging people to text for me, I might also think about inciting my fans to pelt whatever suitable projectile they could find at short notice. If I had a hairstyle like Ravi B I would never think somebody with a normal haircut and who looks like he is at least a generation older than me could beat me on text. This would be like Machel losing to Ravi at the Soca Monarch finals. It is true the winner, Ricki Jai, came out of a big White Oak bottle to start his performance but I doubt that would have caused the big difference in votes. Maybe it was Ravi’s performance or people’s love for White Oak and Water. It could also be that many texters were under the influence while texting so mixed up Ravi with Ricki.
I was planning to throw an all inclusive fete next year so I too could get rich and was thinking of paying Ravi B to perform but now I might just ask Neisha B alone. Dr. Moonilal said Ravi B did not win because it was not his karma and also the Minister is suggesting Ravi B be charged with inciting violence as the country is now one role model short. The DPP already has so much on his plate so I doubt he will ever find the time to charge another celebrity with some trivial, plastic-cup offense in our country, the murder and corruption capital of the real world. With this latest celebrity outburst, the Chutney Soca Monarch is in need of some common sense so I want to recommend from next year the first prize for the competition be $500,000 if the winning song is about the delights of drinking alcohol and $2 million if it is about anything else.
Hubert Volney, a former colourful character and local judge turned Minister of Justice, is trying to save himself and his community from death by noise by objecting in court to the annual WASA Carnival Wet Fete. According to the Trinidad Express this morning, Mr. Volney’s objection is based on the level of noise which emanates from speaker boxes during the fete. It should be noted that speaker boxes are not the only boxes that make plenty noise around Carnival time but it is the speaker box noise which the Environmental Management Authority (EMA) polices and which Volney is objecting.
It is possible the magistrate might rule that no variations to the law will apply so the fete promoters will have to blast their music quietly or not at all. The problem with low-noise fetes is after the first hour or so no partygoer will be able to wine properly due to alcohol induced deafness.
Like Volney, I also don’t like noise from fetes I am not attending especially when the music is loud but no good. Most people who don’t go to fetes don’t realize that the better fetes are really orgies where people have either very tight fitting or little clothes on. Because of this, fetes are fun and an avenue for the almost acceptable display of the human primal behaviour in public. When the magistrate considers the application for the fete the magistrate must remember that a fete is where a group of people become happy, deaf, tight and horny at the expense of the happiness and sometimes hornyness of others.
Every man knows a sexy woman when he sees one but may not know why he finds her hot, thinking it’s just breasts again or that dental floss g-string. Those feelings which a man gets that tells him a woman is desirable are biological and beyond his desire to control. It’s not a g-string clothed butt in isolation which triggers a man’s excitement but a part of the man’s brain which is used for, of all things, CXC maths exams to work out ratios.
When a man sees a woman with an exposed navel the ratio-lobe in his brain subconsciously and accurately does the following math: – ground to navel distance (including stilettos) divided by the navel to top of head distance (including hair piece and/or tiara). If that ratio works out to be approximately 1.6180339887 the woman is classified as sexy and the man’s brain quickly sends those tingly, sexy sensations to the appropriate male areas of the body. The male brain, being sex driven and little else, becomes happy and records in the back of his mind the image of that sexy woman for later use. A woman with the right ratios alone doesn’t make sexy and when she turns around so that the man’s eyes can finally see the woman’s face, a similar computation is done using the distance between the woman’s eyes and the length of the nose, length of smile, twist of the teeth and pimple placement. This facial calculation determines beauty, a part of sexiness. This concept of total mathematical sexiness gave rise to the popular saying “She looked good until I did the math.”
Fortunately, most men do not find a perfect female body to be the only form of sexiness and there are as many variations as there are short skirts and low-cut tops. To describe all these variations is beyond the scope of this blog post and author’s intelligence. However, there is one form of sexiness that hasn’t been analyzed mathematically and only empirically and that is the roll of the hips by a woman when walking towards or away from a man on either a normal work day or Carnival days. That hip roll, sway, gyration or wine can easily fill a man’s head with stimulating thoughts for days. Because most people realize how important the female hip roll is to world population growth, belly dancers and our local winer guls are held in high esteem in all countries. The term belly dancer is really a misnomer and to be a good belly dancer a woman should not have much of a belly but be a slave to the gym, low-calorie diets and waxing warm.
I think these girls go well with the music – not too laid-back like the video before and not too wild, like the video in my mind. These girls look even better at 480p.
It is that time of the year again where I hope to get some Carnival photos and not get arrested by the Water Police for using a hose. People complain that every year Carnival is the same but yet every year it is different. I was never in Port of Spain on a Carnival Monday or Tuesday and asked myself what year is this. And yes, there will be some level of skin showing, which will aggravate those who are moral and virtuous in their own minds but its fun to aggravate people like that as they choose to live among humans but fail to appreciate them. As far as the music for 2010 is concerned, I am now enjoying last year’s music so maybe next year I will know if this year’s music is any good.
If I don’t get any Carnival photos for any reason this year then this YouTube is it.