As hard as it is to believe, the following is based on actual events that took place in the former Democratic Country of Trinidad and Tobago over the last few days.
“Attack the press and the people with full force” shouted the Trinidad and Tobago Cabal (formerly known as the Government) as they saw the treasury and iPads slipping from their grips. It was just two years ago they hoodwinked the population into casting their votes for a dictatorship disguised as a democratic party and were hoping that the nation kept behaving like sheep and goats. But as good luck would have it, the plot to free their treasury-plundering leaders from a life in jail, without the benefit of any access to extra-slippery butt cream, was exposed by the soon-to-be-strangled press of the land.
This one cataclysmic event, along with the nightmares of deeds of the Last Party in Power, jolted the country out of slumber and the usual sheep and goat behavior of the nation was transformed almost overnight to the behavior of wolves. The Cabal, on seeing this transformation, grew angry and flew into a blinding rage because they knew that jail is no place for butt-hole party leaders. “How dare they expose us” shouted the King, and the Queen and the Chief Corrupt Lawyer of the Cabal. “Don’t they know who is boss.” So, both in fury and desperation, every woman and Jack in the cabal asked all their minions who were given, getting, or about to get party favors, to come out and support the Dictatorship at a free brain-numbing event to show the protesting nation how mindless mass support can make a hugely unforgivable wrong, alright.
After your speech last night, I can say you are now in the same league as Patrick Manning – incompetent beyond words. It is either incompetent or part of the conspiracy plot but believe me, incompetent is the better choice.
It seems you were the last person in Trinidad and Tobago to realize that Mr. Hubert could not be trusted around the laws of the country. What does that say for your other choices of members of your cabinet? Is Mr. Hubert the only one who can not be trusted? Your judgment apparently leaves a lot to be desired and I now truly believe that we will have many more disgraceful and unpatriotic lies and schemes which you and your cabinet are planning to “unintentionally” unleash onto the public.
If there really was a new level of accountability from the Government when the People’s Partnership replaced the PNM you would have also fired Mr. Anand and throw in Jack for good measure simply because they were telling the population “move on, nothing to see here.” Really, nothing to see here! Maybe you should have also resigned in order to show the population what good governance really looks like. Your speech last night does not signal the end but the beginning of the end for your party. It’s so sad it had to come to this.
It is rumored that self-proclaimed law experts, Anand and Hubert, will not be getting their complimentary iPads from Parliament as punishment for sneakily making a hole in a brand new law through which two of the country’s most popular accused criminals, Ish and Steve, had planned to escape. It is also rumored that Hubert has already protested this latest atrocity saying he will get a medical certificate stating his heart was set on an iPad 2 while Anand bawled out how he needed not one, but two tablets for his latest headache. If these rumors are true then the legal duo will have to continue to tote millions of dollars worth of paper in an out of Parliament while their colleagues pretend their tablets are on.
When the news to this latest Government-approved law hole was highlighted by the press, the public and Government officials feigned surprise and horror with some true supporters wondering why the Government was taking so long to pay their pipers.
Now that some oil was found after many years of not being found, the population can stop burning tires to fix roads or protesting in front of Dopey Singh’s office since he is not fond of protests or the protesters. Not only that but the 5% freeze will be unfrozen if only to help the Poor Party get reelected. The showing off of the latest oil find with numerous ads in the press and on radio can be seen as a way to boost the local economy with misplaced confidence and without cement. The local economy seems to be stagnant and as proof ask any doubles man why he now also has to sell pholourie and biganie. The new oil discoveries are being seen by both analysts and optimists as the tip of the iceberg of more oil discoveries that will help propel an idea-starved government back into the old ways of the country and in power.
Dear Dr Tim,
I am a boy who was successful in the 2010 SEA examinations, and I want to express my gratefulness for the HP laptop and for your efforts in trying to protect me from bad sites that can mess up my innocent, little brain. A little brain that has seen as much real blood on the local TV news and neighborhood pavements as I have seen bulk-purchased ketchup at KFC. I was wondering though, Dr. Tim, as to what sites will I be prevented from seeing. I suppose the PNM website will be at the top of the list of bad sites but will I be able to blog freely like Jumbie, Chennette, aka, Scene, Liane, Bandi, GirlBlue, etc.? Ok, I will understand if you and your team of self-righteous educators ban aka’s wathless blog and his almost scandalous website but what about those other local blogs I mentioned. Some say these blogs can be considered national treasurers and one way of diversifying the economy. I think blogging should be taught in schools as a form of creativity and to inspire commonsense.
On the same note, my friends and I were looking at some photos of bikini models online and wondering if the Ministry of Education considers Y.U.M.A or Tribe websites to be soft-core porn or local art? Mummy says it’s soft-core but daddy has Y.U.M.A as his home page and calls the site Yahoo! Daddy says the Government supports Carnival and Carnival is everybody thing and we culture. I think Tribe has some cool costumes for Carnival 2011. What do you think, Dr. Tim? Are you into Carnival costumes? What about when a Miss Trinidad and Tobago choose to go almost topless as a form of sacrifice to promote her country and our faltering economy internationally, will I have to buy a Guardian to see the photos or will my HP provide me with these historic and heroic images during recess? Don’t worry too much as someone might BBM me the images. I hope you and your advisers don’t ban local talent from my curious, little non-pretentious eyes. Will I be able to go on Facebook like tantie Kammie and tell people about what I did in New York, Piarco or Time Magazine? I know you and your team have only a vague idea so far about how to make us brighter using an HP but these are early days and all that matters right now is keeping the easy election promises.
Dr. Tim, before I go, I hear people saying corporal punishment in schools is illegal but hanging murderers is not only legal but the way forward. I know I shouldn’t bother my little head with what form of killing is right or wrong for the country nor should I mix two ideas in one paragraph, much less a sentence, but will I have to use a track ball on the laptop similar to the one on my Blackberry or one of those quirky touch pads? Will there be a quick turnaround time for repairs of laptops and will my school principal be taught how to execute simple laptop repairs to minimize learning down time? Can the laptops withstand a six-foot drop on to a concrete surface and come out unscathed? Will HP appoint a local agent to handle repairs and if so, who? I wonder who these laptops are insured with? Just asking.
p.s. We all also love Uncle Jack, and mummy calls him the Elastoplast man – a plaster for every sore.
Most times, I can’t help feel election campaigning is nothing more than providing an entertainment-starved public with something local to look at on TV and billboards rather than something which will sway a potential voter’s mind. My unscientific survey suggests 99.9% of the people know even before the first election poster is plastered on the first freshly painted wall which party they will vote but the purpose of the campaign is to aggravate and bully those much revered undecideds to stop being lazy and selfish. The polls seem to suggest there are a few hundred thousand undecided voters and I do not believe this since for the poll I took part in last week I said undecided because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and not because I couldn’t decide which jingle I preferred.
Having the right to vote in a free and fair elections, followed closely by eating freshly prepared shrimp wontons crisply fried to perfection is what most people crave as much as sex yet there are people who do not make an effort to vote due to laziness, and in very few cases, those thugs waiting with AK47 guns and on the street corner. Just because you are never out of rum, cigarettes and carnival costumes is no reason to refuse to stand in line for hours to cast your ballot. Voting is exhilarating and there is only one thing which a man can stick his finger in that feels better than sticking it in election ink on Election Day. I know a few people who are registered to vote for over 20 years and are not Jehovah Witnesses but have never voted because they refuse to believe in proven theories such as every vote counts and Kiss is not real Bread. If the election campaigning by the various parties are successful then more than the average amount of voters will vote in 2010 for the right party.
- Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason. ~Author Unknown
- Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer
- Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man ~ Bertrand Russell
- Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear. ~Alan Coren
- The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. ~Winston Churchill
- Applause, mingled with boos and hisses, is about all that the average voter is able or willing to contribute to public life. ~Elmer Davis
- Free speech is not to be regulated like diseased cattle and impure butter. The audience that hissed yesterday may applaud today, even for the same performance ~ William O. Douglas
- During a campaign the air is full of speeches – and vice versa. ~Author Unknown
- Perhaps the fact that we have seen millions voting themselves into complete dependence on a tyrant has made our generation understand that to choose one’s government is not necessarily to secure freedom ~ Friedrich August Hayek
- If you have been voting for politicians who promise to give you goodies at someone else’s expense, then you have no right to complain when they take your money and give it to someone else, including themselves ~ Thomas Sowell
- Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right ~ H. L. Mencken
- It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. ~George E. MacDonald
- Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do ~ Will Rogers
- The idea that you can merchandise candidates for high office like breakfast cereal – that you can gather votes like box tops – is… the ultimate indignity to the democratic process. ~Adlai Stevenson, speech, Democratic National Convention, 18 August 1956