Tag Archive | Jamaica

Chicken Parts Missing – Chickens Cry Foul


Fresh Seasoning

Chickens, and poultry across the world are in an uproar as their name has been tarnished, once again, by the discovery of 31 million dollars worth of marijuana in container number 31 at the Port of Point Lisas, Trinidad and Tobago. The marijuana was found in the refrigerated container that was supposed to contain only chicken parts. This latest incident only adds to the mystery as many questions remain unanswered for several years such as why did the chicken cross the road, which came first, the chicken or the egg, and how many minutes for a poached egg. The new question on the tongues of everyone is not why did the the marijuana accompany the chicken parts but who stole the chicken parts.

The businessman who the container was consigned is said to be furious as several of his  high quality chicken parts (mainly breast, legs and thighs) were missing from the 40-foot container. “This will certainly create a shortage on the market” the businessman was overhead telling one of his cooks who had just finished grinding up some fresh seasoning destined to marinate the chicken parts that went missing. It is alleged that the parts are somewhere in Jamaica where the parts were stolen and replaced with ganga. Interpol is said to be hot on the trail of the chilled chicken parts and hope to recover the parts and ship them to Trinidad before the refrigeration system runs out of gas, and the businessman goes bankrupt. It is rumored that the goods were not insured.

Chicks, cocks, hens, a few ducks and several yard fowls expressed shock and horror on hearing how the parts went missing. One hen was said to be on sedatives and is refusing to lay any more eggs until the security of bird parts can be guaranteed by the Government. One cock also expressed shock, but he said this will not stop him from doing his part for the chicken parts industry. “Parts are our future” he was quoted as saying. When asked to comment, a duck that was said to be close to the situation, was grabbed up by his owner before he could quack a word to this blogger. Strong curry odours could be smelt coming from a nearby warehouse.

Have you seen any unaccounted for thighs, legs or breast recently?

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Iker Casillas and Sara Carbonero – Spain’s Pains


Iker Casillas and Sara Carbonero World Cup Victory Kiss

The YouTube video was posted today, the day after Spain beat Netherlands good and proper to win The World Cup 2010 – Well Done Spain and well done Iker Casillas!!!

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Iker Casillas and Sara Carbonero

Behind every good team’s failure at the World Cup there are always rumours of sexy women.  Men – young and old, athletic and big-waisted, Ferrari rich and Kia Rio poor all have one thing in common – they love looking and dreaming about sexy, young, female Spanish reporters in tight jeans holding a long microphone near a goal post. A girl like that can run rings around a man’s mind for eons and there is little the defenceless male brain can do to stop it.

Sara Carbonero holding a microphone

The assumed romantic involvement between Spanish goalkeeper, Iker Casillas, and unbelievably sexy Spanish football reporter, Sara Carbonero, is what is being rumoured to have caused the Swiss’s shocking victory over the Euro Cup Champions, Spain, in their first round World Cup encounter. If this romance was the cause then I would say Iker Casillas is going through the incubation stage of this romance where he is confused, and may mistake a football field for a Jamaican beach and a may not be seeing the Jabalani ball until it’s too late.

Sara Carbonero

The coach and technical team for Spain will no doubt be looking into the matter with many solutions to be considered including ice in the jock strap and reporter removal. What the technical team should remember is that there is no guaranteed cure for early passionate male lust and it just has to go through the lifecycle of lust to love to comfortable to too comfortable to boredom to looking for excitement once again.

Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ass ~Anonymous

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Christopher Coke – Find Dudus


Christopher “Dudus” Coke aka Presi, Bossy, Shortman is an alleged drug lord and leader of the US-based, Jamaican drugs and arms trafficking ring known as the Shower Posse.  Since last year, the US requested that “Dudus” be extradited from Jamaica to the US to face drug charges and this reluctant quest by the Jamaican authorities for Dudus has caused the death of 73 people so far in Jamaica and Dudus is yet to be found. The news of this ongoing battle in Jamaica between the authorities and supporters of Dudus is constantly in the international news causing tourism to decline in the IMF-hit country. There is a measly $US20, 000 reward for information leading to the arrest of Dudus and when one considers the risk involved no one is likely to take up this ornamental gesture.  The tourism authorities in Jamaica are flying journalist in to prove to them that the beaches are free of gunfire and dead bodies while the white sand beaches of Negril still makes bikinis look better. Needless to say, all the popular restaurants still serve Pepsi and Coke.

The Shower Posse seems to be a family business with the former gang leader being Christopher Coke’s father, Lester Coke. It is said that Lester Coke died from a mysterious fire that broke out in his prison cell while awaiting extradition to the US. The Shower Posse is said to be linked to the ruling Jamaica Labour Party and I suppose in both an unofficial way and an official way. Criminal gangs and politicians are an unlikely mix.

Dudus is seen as a hero to many in Jamaica since he is said to provide the poor with food and money, a need the State may have been unable to satisfy. Some Jamaicans view the quest to extradite Dudus like how some Trinbagoians may look at sending the former Farther of the Nation to jail for extracting a church from state funds. If Dudus is caught and sent to prison the Shower Posse will survive since cutting off the head of a gang only causes a smarter head to grow. Once there is a market for drugs and arms there will always be those who are willing to fill that need. A plaster on the sore always feels good and looks better because it hides the rot underneath.

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Venezuela Wins Miss Universe While Other Countries Blog


Stefania Fernandez - Miss Universe 2009

Stefania Fernandez - Miss Universe 2009

If you see one Miss Venezuela, you have seen a future Miss Universe. I am not saying Venezuelan beauties are superior since I prefer Colombians and Trinis but Venezuela is a country that not only has many nationals now living in Trinidad because of Chavez but Venezuela takes the sport of competitive beauty to a new level. Venezuela is to beauty what Jamaica is to track and field.

Stefania Fernandez -1Miss Venezuela, Stefania Fernandez, was crowned Miss Universe yesterday and she took over from former Miss Venezuela and 2008 Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza.  That means Miss Venezuela won the Miss Universe Competition two years straight. Naturally, some people said the judges were biased and by Venezuela wining two years in a row it makes the competition more blogable and hence more popular. The popularity of events and celebrities are now being rated by the amount of blog space they occupy rather than those transient TV ratings. By Venezuela winning for two consecutive years it  makes it less likely Miss Venezuela will win in 2010. I am sorry for the next Miss Venezuela.

Gabrielle Walcott Miss Trinidad and Tobago

Gabrielle Walcott Miss Trinidad and Tobago2008 entrant in the Miss World pageant placed as the 2nd runner-up

I didn’t look at the Miss Universe competition because I am protesting Trinidad and Tobago’s inability to send a contestant to the competition this year. This is a serious issue and I think we have a very unpatriotic private sector that mainly makes money from importing items in 40-foot containers then selling these items at a markup. The private sector in Trinidad and Tobago cannot be considered creative or even smart since they don’t understand sponsoring beauty is like sponsoring natural gas – a natural resource.  Maybe the private sector is reeling for the recession or from buying houses in Miami but I still consider most of private sector companies unpatriotic but not all. I am not saying the government should take over the funding of the competition since that would give the competition a political slant locally. We could do without politicizing the one beautiful thing left in the country, beautiful women.

Valene Maharaj - Miss Trinidad and Tobago World 2007 title holder, and Miss World of the Caribbean for 2007

Valene Maharaj - Miss Trinidad and Tobago World 2007 title holder, and Miss World of the Caribbean for 2007

Trinidad and Tobago will do well to remember that Venezuela is obsessed with beauty and understand that natural talent can only get you so far and to go further a competitive beauty must be literally sculpted to perfection. Being born with a good butt or ample bosoms is not enough anymore and you also have to train your body parts to walk on stage without showing nerves. Forget what token  question they ask at the end since looking good trumps intelligence every day.

With every generation the beauty of a nation increases as more and more beautiful people are linking up via Internet Chat rooms and Carnivals bands. Surely there will come a time when human beauty will be saturated and perfection would have been reached. I think we are far from that time since less attractive people are still mating with each other due to the abundance of cheap beer and poor lighting at fetes.

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Testing for Sex


Caster-Semenya-001Why would it take weeks to determine if Caster Semenya, winner of the women’s 800 meter race at the World Athletics Championships in Berlin, is a man or a woman? Did someone see something that cannot be identified without a microscope and a scientist? Is looking a thing of the past? Would there be sex test kits in pharmacies soon?  This might just be the tip of the iceberg and maybe we should have  all Miss Universe and Miss World contestants tested for sex, including all past winners. Wouldn’t it be nice to know that the woman you had a crush on all those years was really a pretty man with shaved legs.

Wise Men over the years have said if she talks like a woman, looks like a woman, cleans house like a woman, drives like a woman, have headaches like a woman and nags like a woman then she must be a woman. Why is 18-yerar-old Caster Semenya being tested for woman but Usain Bolt not being tested for man? Is Usain Bolt even human? Do the test IAAF maybe Bolt is from Uranus and not Jamaica. How can The International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) test one athlete for sex but not the others? If Caster Semenya came last would the IAAF still be testing and the Americans still complaining? Time will tell if Caster is really a woman but if she is not then very soon children will have something like this on their birth certificates “Female, pending outcome of test and results of race.”

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Send in The Clown – Crime in Trinidad and Tobago


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clown

So Kevin Baldeosingh is still not now writing for any local newspaper because of religious reasons and Pro Max is still at large because of his politics and contempt. But life goes on even if criminals have cranked it up two notches and Martin Joseph has graced our TV screens with an image of confident cluelessness. Still, I find it hard to dislike Martin Joseph since my ridiculously happy childhood prevents me from hating a clown. I can laugh at a clown, I can run from a clown, and I can even kick a clown in its balls if necessary but I cannot hate a clown.  But Martin is not responsible for crime in the country and he is only responsible for admitting in public what the murder toll is. Outside of that public reporting function, Mr. Joseph has very little to do except to make sure criminal deportees are welcomed, the latest crime plan goes to waste in cabinet, and that there is enough helium for the blimp to float in the sky.

assassinTo make matters ridiculous, there are reports appearing in the Guardian today that says a Jamaican hit man was hired to assassinate a senior police officer. Putting a hit on anyone is disgusting but with the Chinese already getting jobs ahead of locals at Alutrint and there is now a threat that the hit man industry may go Jamaican, I see another protest brewing. What is wrong with our local snipers? Haven’t they been doing a good job for years? Why take out a hit on a police officer since police officers have very little involvement in solving any crime? Is that our 2020 vision? Is the importation of Jamaican criminal talent any way to develop our local crime industry? This is wrong for the country and even someone like Pro Max could see this.

Another Thought:

A senior police officer says the multimillion dollar CCTV cameras installed to protect Summit leaders are still working and as soon as any camera stops working there is an alarm at the Command Center causing a technician to be immediately dispatched to fix the delinquent camera. We await the images from these working cameras showing when the driver of the truck  near the Maloney intersection was hijacked and murdered in daylight, close to a CCTV camera. I wonder if the criminals know more about the CCTV system than the senior police officers? Just wondering.

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