THIS NEVER HAPPENED
In what can only be described as uncharacteristic brilliance after a national tragedy, our local police made a prompt arrest of a group of suspected hit men, seized their high tech weapons and two bags of doubles within minutes after the group allegedly carried out a daring assassination of an well-known state prosecutor just after 12:00 am last night. The police was able to make this arrest and interception because of the multitude of working and expensive CCTV cameras along the route were actually working and being monitored for a change. These phenomenally expensive high tech cameras were purchased using taxpayer’s money and installed by the usual high-priced government approved contractors, and monitored by an unknown, but strangely intelligent state agency that were not using the cameras to monitor girls with short dresses and low tops on the Avenue.
When the Ag. CoP was asked to comment he repeatedly said in a comforting manner “Not all murders are hits and but all hits are murders.” However, the Minister of National Security was relieved that something finally went right after a murder. When asked to comment on the National Security breakthrough the Minister blushed uncontrollably, yet sadly, and said the Prime Minister was planning to once again have every stone unturned. He said the PM was ready to offer a reward, which was less than the lotto, for vital information on the assassination, to anyone who craved sudden death via bullets from high-power rifles at close range. The Minister admitted, though he was the God of National Security, had no clue if the reward would have been tax exempt, delivered via an anonymous wheelbarrow or could be used in the afterlife.
As for the motive for the gruesome murder, the Minister said they (the hit men) thought we were stupid and wanted to make us look bad internationally. When asked if the hit was an attempt to destabilize the country he said no, as the country was already mentally unstable long before this.
According to Wikipedia, a Blue Moon is defined as “… a full moon that is not timed to the regular monthly pattern. Most years have twelve full moons which occur approximately monthly, but in addition to those twelve full lunar cycles each calendar year contains an excess of roughly eleven days. …” This means that tonight there will be a blue moon as the first full moon for the month of December occurred on the 2nd. Tonight, in Trinidad and Tobago, the moon will rise at 5:58 PM and set at 6:05 AM on January 1st 2010. People will get drunk sometime between those times and drugs, guns and US dollars may disappear for police stations once again. As far as I know, the moon doesn’t actually look blue unless it is Photoshoped.
There are many superstitions that are associated with a blue moon and they are similar to a full moon. The main superstition is that more people become mad during a full moon than any other time of the month and some believe even more madness occurs during a blue moon. Because of the blue moon tonight, people will be setting off those wonderful fire sticks called fireworks making the fireworks businesses almost as profitable as the big flag pole business. Dogs, cats, birds, citizens and other wildlife living in cities with too much high annual rental value houses will go into a frenzy tonight as if the Gods decided they have no say in what goes on or their sanity.
For those who are reading this in 2009 and early 2010, the start of a new decade, this blog would like to wish you and your belongings a Happy New Year full of low property valuations, less muggings and stupid Government Ministers!!
p.s. my wishes almost never come true.
Related articles by Zemanta
- The Sunset & ‘Blue Moon’ During the New Year’s Eve Hike at Griffith Park (laist.com)
- it’s a Blue Moon this New Years Eve (so here are some videos & NYC show reminders) (brooklynvegan.com)
- Donna Henes: New Year’s: Once In A Blue Moon (huffingtonpost.com)
- Blue moon to shine on New Year’s Eve (cnn.com)
- Blue Moon on New Year’s Eve (spacefellowship.com)
- It’s A Blue Moon New Year’s Eve Party! (treebeard31.wordpress.com)
- New Year’s Eve brings lunar rarity (geeksaresexy.net)
Is Chubby not a well-known soft drink brand and its bottle shape also very well-known by children and adults all over Trinidad and Tobago? Is Tire Shine a soft drink intended for children? If not, then why is this no-name brand of Tire Shine also using a similar bottle to Chubby that even a bright child or literate adult might easily mistake for a Chubby Cream Soda? To make matters worse, there are no contact information or ingredients listed on the Tire Shine bottle so if a child accidentally drinks some Tire Shine the doctors would only be guessing how to treat the child. The bottler of this no-name brand of Tire Shine appears to operate as if they will never be discovered and held accountable.The sellers are even more culpable but just as safe.
From what I understand, you can get this Chubby-style Tire Shine from many automotive accessory stores in Trinidad, and it was probably bottled in Chubby bottles to help the Tire Shine bottlers maximize their profits. I doubt the Tire Shine bottlers really care if children are harmed by a businessman’s quest for wealth because getting wealthy in Trinidad and Tobago is priority number one. I have no idea if the OHS Act in Trinidad and Tobago covers household chemicals and food but Act or no Act, somebody needs a big stick across their back for doing this crap.
The Chinese say out of crisis comes opportunity and that is why Trinidad and Tobago is the land of opportunistic people, not only the Chinese. Last week the Prime Minister said no more fetes in national sporting complexes probably because of the high cost of repairing The National Flagpole but the very next day Ministers were meeting to solve the perennial problem of nowhere to wine.
But a crisis isn’t always created for the opportunity to look good but sometimes to create the opportunity to fast track a tender award to those contractors who can charge several flagpoles more just by saying yes they can deliver in Chinese time. Even if the taxpayers will have to borrow to finance these fast tracked schemes, it will happen. The reason for cost overruns in many Government contracts might be due to a change in design by mysterious forces and soil, resulting in a nice crisis midway through the project giving the contractor the opportunity to buy those two extra S-Class Mercedes along with that high-rise apartment his girlfriend always demanded for her sex-tape grade services. Only with this well planned, sudden design change will Mr. Contractor be able to spring for that industrial grade 10-speed blender his wife had her eye on for years. The opportunities taxpayers subsidize.
The traffic “crisis” is another opportunity to give those “fast” contractors the chance to overbid just to help the population, waiting in traffic, to get from A to B without using a shoulder. The crime “crisis” can, or has provided “security supply companies” with the opportunity to deliver crime suppression supplies urgently at top dollar so the public and select suppliers would be impressed how serious the authorities are about alleviating their suffering. Besides, the crime “crisis” now employs both non-criminals and criminals thus making crime more organized and an all encompassing industry. The health care system will continue to fall apart once there is money to be made from people, who have no private practice or Government contracts, suffering in hospital corridors. The urgent need to impress foreign “leaders” is now causing the fast tracking of many things cultural including the cutting of the bush along the highway. The next new “crisis” will be water as the population is running out of tires and foam mattresses to drag and burn.
Out of crisis comes opportunity and if done properly, there will be no Commission of Enquiry.
So the flag and pole did cost around $TT2 million and nobody is surprised, just outraged and happy for the ammo. Though a breakdown of the expenses adding up to the 2 million was given by Team Hunt, I am not in a position to say if any, or how many, greased-hands were involved since I am not a flag man. The point is not only the credibility of the cost of the monster-flag and associated concrete but the reason we need a monster-flag during a recession and a white collar crime wave.
People are not saying it yet but most think the flag is like the Honest Coast Guard with Australian interceptor boats seizing a shipment of coke or compressed marijuana – how many shipments were not seized – The majority. So, with the very visible waste-of-money flag and pole, we know where that extravagance went, but how many more extravagant waste-0f-money-items did we not know about? The majority – that is what most think.
Yet, despite all the evidence and citizens’ mounting frustrations with crime, traffic, unemployment, and Bailey bridges, our certified-stupid Propaganda Minister admits the current Cabinet made only few mistakes but overall, they are doing a wonderful job. He was quoted as saying the mistakes will remain mistakes until they (The Ministers) acknowledge them (the mistakes). How do you unscrew a pregnant woman?
A poll by CNC3 last night showed the disconnect between the citizens and the Government that Reginald Dumas is constantly talking about when 95% of the voters said the Government is doing a bad job. Once the Government think the kick-back ready 5% of the population is all that matter, is crapo smoke we ganaga again.
p.s – the new unit of measure for the cost of public projects in Trinidad and Tobago is now The Flag-Pole where One (1) Flag-Pole is equal to TT$ 2 Million. E.g. The Education Tower in Port of Spain, unfurnished and incomplete, has cost taxpayers 230 Flag-Poles so far. CHOGM will be costing in the order of 120 Flag-Poles. Somehow, those don’t sound so bad.
The Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago accused the media of writing bad things about his Government and he is right. The media must be more accommodating to his Government and write good things. For example, when Port of Spain was flooded again yesterday the media should have written how the boating industry is now firmly located in down town Port of Spain and say nothing about commuters stranded due to a boat shortage. When the murder toll reached 300 in July the media should have written about the fun trip the reporters had en route to the murder scene and the pleasant time they had trying to forget the scene with Scotch and fresh coconut water. Why the press refuses to highlight the growth of the pine box industry remains a mystery to The Prime Minister. When a man is shot dead for his Nissan Almera the media should write how the victim’s family is better off without the car since it was foreign-used and parts were hard to get. The media should not have written bad things about his latest fairy tale and instead thanked him for not reporting an act of treason since people, except Max, would have immediately stopped wining and go into depression with a tight belt. Sure there would have been more bloodshed but only because people would have been throwing extra barbecues.
The Prime Minister is right and the way the media has been lambasting him and his Government is nothing short of the media failing to fall in love with the bigger picture – CEPEP, URP and his donkey. The Prime Minister would like to know what is wrong in testing residents of La Brea for cancer regularly, after the smelter is constructed. They won’t have to pay for testing and chemo would be free. Besides, every resident would be given 10 rolls of aluminum foil per year for life. He also wants to know what is so bad about UDECOTT and why the press hates concrete and Brian Lara. And what’s so bad in spending a billion dollars to host World Leaders who, thankfully, can’t even remember our Prime Minister’s name or where the hell is Trinidad and Tobago. Mostly, the Prime wants to know why the media hates animals and doesn’t want to kiss his donkey, like the rest of his cabinet affectionately and religiously does every day. But if the media finds the Prime Minster and his pet donkey unavailable due to his security detail being peeled off agin, then they can kiss any cabinet member; it’s the same thing.
Dotish is the Trinidad word and adjective for stupid. It is derived from the English word dolt, which means stupid person. Dotishness is the noun.
Example: The dotish Government Minister went on TV and spoke a set of dotishness.
Because of the proliferation of stupidity throughout the world there are more words that mean a stupid person in the English language than there are for any other word. Here is a small sampling of such words:
dolt, dork, dullard, pillock, poor fish, pudden-head, pudding head, stupe, stupid, berk, blockhead, bonehead, dumbass, dunce, dunderhead, hammerhead, imbecile, knucklehead, loggerhead, lunkhead, muttonhead, numskull, shithead, klutz, simpleton, simple, idiot, fool, cretin, dimwit, dork, dumbbell, dunce, ignoramus, jerk, kook, moron, nincompoop, ninny, nitwit, dunce, ignoramus, politician.
Stupidity is difficult to define but resides in all of us. Initially, scientist thought that stupidity was directly related to IQ and assumed that those of lower IQ will exhibit higher levels of stupidity. But this is not so. Scientists have now realized that all people, regardless of IQ, have a part of their brain dedicated to stupidity called the dotish lobe, which can be triggered without warning and causing those embarrassing and sometimes deadly moments.
An active dotish lobe is responsible for high incidence of intelligent men going after no-good but deadly sexy women. It is also responsible for the smart drinking and driving, and women’s inability to reverse park. The dotish lobe has been know to kick in excessively around Christmas time when hoards of people with hyperactive dotish lobes can be seen at flea markets in tropical islands buying pot holders and door mats with pictures of holly and mistletoe. These people also buy green toilet brushes to be used on December 25th and no sooner. Some people have a dotish lobe, which cannot be turned off, and those people can usually be found in Parliament.
Based on recent surveys scientist have concluded that at any point in time, one out of every two people will exhibit symptoms of a dominant dotish lobe. So, if you are standing next to the office water cooler talking to a pretty girl who seems rather smart then you will statistically become the dotish one. Fortunately there are activities that can assist those who need to control their dotish lobe and such activities consist of keeping ones mouth shut and sitting in a corner of a room facing the walls. A dominant dotish lobe has been known to cause men to say and do very dumb things and here is one recent example:
Man “Are those real?”
Woman “Oh they are, touch them.”
Man “No, I was just curious.”
Woman: “Care for a cookie then?”
Man: “No, I am filled”
I feel I am an expert in dotishness and can go on and on into the signs and symptoms of this daily occurrence that has done more to shape our lives than our IQ.