THIS NEVER HAPPENED
In what can only be described as uncharacteristic brilliance after a national tragedy, our local police made a prompt arrest of a group of suspected hit men, seized their high tech weapons and two bags of doubles within minutes after the group allegedly carried out a daring assassination of an well-known state prosecutor just after 12:00 am last night. The police was able to make this arrest and interception because of the multitude of working and expensive CCTV cameras along the route were actually working and being monitored for a change. These phenomenally expensive high tech cameras were purchased using taxpayer’s money and installed by the usual high-priced government approved contractors, and monitored by an unknown, but strangely intelligent state agency that were not using the cameras to monitor girls with short dresses and low tops on the Avenue.
When the Ag. CoP was asked to comment he repeatedly said in a comforting manner “Not all murders are hits and but all hits are murders.” However, the Minister of National Security was relieved that something finally went right after a murder. When asked to comment on the National Security breakthrough the Minister blushed uncontrollably, yet sadly, and said the Prime Minister was planning to once again have every stone unturned. He said the PM was ready to offer a reward, which was less than the lotto, for vital information on the assassination, to anyone who craved sudden death via bullets from high-power rifles at close range. The Minister admitted, though he was the God of National Security, had no clue if the reward would have been tax exempt, delivered via an anonymous wheelbarrow or could be used in the afterlife.
As for the motive for the gruesome murder, the Minister said they (the hit men) thought we were stupid and wanted to make us look bad internationally. When asked if the hit was an attempt to destabilize the country he said no, as the country was already mentally unstable long before this.
The prayers of the people of Trinidad and Tobago are working and as proof of this the head of the IRO said things could have been worse. What more proof do we need. Because of this revelation I would like support the IRO and Government of this semi-blessed land of Trinidad and Tobago and urge people to pray, not just more, but better. People should now pray 24/7 rather than at bedtime or during a hold up. A newspaper reported the Prime Minister saying “Pray in whatever way you know. When you pray from the heart, God listens.” Which probably explains the high murder rate and confiscated cans of local orange juice.
I am thankful that the error in my praying has been identified and my prayers will now be heartfelt and focused. I will pray that all political parties be exorcised of drug smugglers, money launderers, bribe payers, bribe takers, pimps, wife beaters, child abusers, the power hungry and those dotish people who think fiction is fact. I will pray that no drugs exported from this country ever be be intercepted. I pray that nobody from our land is extradited to the US to face drug smuggling charges but instead be kept in this murderous and treacherous land called Trinidad and Tobago to face the righteous music and curry duck dished out by our AG and friends.I know my prayers will be acted on by the One who normally listens since this time the prayers would be from the heart and not the intestine as in previous cases. My bad.
When someone asked me what I thought about the latest cabinet reshuffle my mind drew a few blanks. That is when I realized that I never posted a blog about our almost-very-own Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj was born Onika Nicki Maraj in the year 1982 in the tiny, bustling town of St. James,Trinidad and Tobago. However she, along with her parents, miraculously escaped alive from Trinidad and Tobago when she was just five years old. After the daring escape she grew up in a safer city in the USA called New York. An obviously talented girl, she changed her name to Nicki Minaj as she entered the world of celebrities who can make money. Currently she is 30 years old and also a very successful ” rapper, singer, songwriter, actress, and television personality.”
In 2012, Nicki flew to Trinidad and shot the music video to her then latest single, Pound the Alarm. In the video some of the exceptional women of Trinidad and Tobago were featured resulting in Trinidad and Tobago being promoted as a must-see tourist destination with women.
In Pound the Alarm Nicki Minaj says:
Yo, what I gotta do to show these girls that I own them
Some call me nicki, and some call me roman
Skeeza, pleez, I’m in Ibiza
Giuseppe Zanotti, my own sneaker
Sexy, sexy that’s all I do
If you need a bad b-tch
Let me call a few
Here are some screen shots that I captured from the Vevo HD video of Pound the Alarm – enjoy.
The contestants for the Miss World 2013 Beauty Pageant, which is to be held in Indonesia on September 28th, can be seen here – contestants. All the contestants are the usual suspects – pretty, hopeful and visibly female. Naturally, some are more likely to win than others but very few can agree on which ones are.
This year Sherrece Villafana will be representing Trinidad and Tobago at the Miss World competition. Apart from being very pretty, Sherrece is a 110-pound, pleasantly small-boned model from South Trinidad who attended Ste Madeleine Secondary School. According to the Trinidad Newsday, Ms Villafana is also a second year student studying for a BSc in Graphic Design at COSTATT.
In preparation for the competition, Sherrece is training in the usual model things like staying slim, walking seductively and also practicing for what some say is the hardest part of the beauty competition, a part that has wrongfully turned several of the most beautiful girls in the world into a total mess – question time. However, I think Sherrece should not be bothered too much with this question segment as it is highly overrated by viewers and is only a feeble attempt by pageant organizers to appease those intellectually stunted feminist who refuse to understand or admit what female beauty really is – power over men.
May the most powerful win!
The Easter Blackout of 2013 will go down in Trinidad and Tobago’s history as the most exciting thing to happen to this country since the attempted coup of 1990. It is rumored that this 8, 10, 12 hour electricity blackout was accidental and in no way the work of a defeated and humiliated but powerful and highly moral union or the disgruntled and eager-for-power opposition.
The massive outage happened some minutes after midnight on the start of the long Easter weekend and seemed more than a coincidence at first. With the aid of cell phones connected to the social media via cell sites running on backup batteries and the mauvais lang nature of Trinis, the extent of the outage was propagated among the population in a short time. Not only was the extent of the outage and what might have caused it known instantly but who meat was spoiling and how much mosquitoes was attacking who and where.
It was during this blackout that people had time to reflect on something other than Jack Warner and realize how dependent on electricity and Protox we have become. It was however very unfortunate that few realized how much nicer the country looked under the moonlight as compared to the pollution of street lights. This incident showed how easy it probably still is to shut the country down and that storming a Parliament full of idiots by another set of idiots will do very little to terrify the nation again. All that is needed is one false alarm from a gas plant and away we go.
I didn’t see the Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe show last Sunday and I do find nearly all the girls attractive and hard to judge from web photos alone. This is only made worse by a frustratingly low-definition broadcast from TV6. What matters in the end though is how contestants are able to sway the minds of judges on the night with a lot of walk and a little talk. In the photo above, photographer Gary Jordan is able to show his amazing ability and beauty of Avionne Mark, the winner of Miss Trinidad & Tobago 2012 Universe. She already has the Cover Girl effect.
- I am recommending that photos of Amanda Chedu replace the standard eye chart at the opticians’ in order to encourage men to have their vision checked regularly. The only problem will be that even a blind man can see this girl is more than very pretty. Amanda Chedu is a Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe 2012 hopeful and a perfect example of what happiness in a man’s brain would look like.
Sheneille Leelah might be hopeful of winning Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe 2012 but I am almost sure 99.99% of the world female population is still hopeful that they can look even half as good in a bikini as Miss Leelah. According to a Google search, the name Leelah is Arabic in origin and means “night beauty” but Sheneille Leelah looks amazing regardless of time of day and color of boxing gloves.
Renee Bhagwandeen is very hot and if I looked like her I would also be very hopeful of winning the contest. Why did aka_lol get run over by a Coosal truck carrying a full load of gravel destined to fill the country’s latest sinkhole? Because he was trying to cross the road to get a photo of Miss Renee Bhagwandee standing on the other side wearing a bikini and a smile, .
Sarah Jane Waddell is, according to Facebook:
The only reason Citizens show a keen interest in the National Budget every year is that, besides Movietowne and Parliament, there isn’t much quality entertainment available to citizens of Trinidad and Tobago. Movietowne provides a nice environment for movies, dining and liming whereas Parliament supplies quality bacchanal due to an over-abundance of Parliamentarians and Senators with the lowest morals, integrity and intelligence. The National Budget was always about the allocation of funds available for plundering by the elected and selected few and if the Budget provided relief and hope to the average Citizen it was purely coincidental. This year, the Prime Minister in her glee, pelted a few grains of budgetary delights at her chickens in an attempt to prevent them from noticing they were being slaughtered daily.
The National Budget was, and still is, about putting the elected and selected thieves on alert in order to get their act together so the Country’s money won’t be wasted of the common good but on the good of the chosen. This Government is so similar to the last one I am beginning to realize the People’s Partnership was envious of the Manning regime, so they decided to copy Manning’s style from day one. The National Budget is not a statement of the way forward for the country but a newsletter for white-collar criminals of Trinidad and Tobago. It is an important document used for planning by this elite bunch as this is a country where white-collar criminals are protected by the law and their lawyers on the inside.
From Manning to Persad-Bissessar – not a damn thing has changed except for the changing of the incompetents and big time thieves.
Not since 1979 we (WI) were champions – We are Champions once again! To quote Cricinfo “Flair. Calypso. Frontrunners. Millionaires. Gold chains. Chris Gayle. No, no, no, no, no and no. West Indies’ first World Twenty20 win was more digging in, refusing to give up, running and fielding like their life depended on this match, stunning the home crowd, and pulling off one of the most amazing turnarounds in Twenty20 history….”
Some West Indian fans went to wash their cars in the hot sun after Windies were only 48 after 10 or 11 overs. But like the current West Indies Team under Darren Sammy, I to said “It ain’t over till it’s over” and fought to the end. It was worth every second.
The Sri Lankans might have even been celebrating a little too early but anybody following the World Twenty20 series in Sri Lanka must have realized that the motto of this West Indies team is “Never Say Never.” The West Indies took advantage of the little known phenomena called “home crowd disadvantage.” When you are playing in a finals in front your home crowd and you are the host nation, the massive expectations turn every pitfall turns into an avalanche. West Indies took full advantage of this and pressure cooked the Sri Lankans.
What more can I say but Spectacular and Amazing Team Effort by Darren Sammy and the West Indies Hit Squad!!!!! Winning isn’t everything but it is a lot especially after a long drought.
Darren Sammy (c)
Dwayne Bravo (vc)
Denesh Ramdin (wk)
As hard as it is to believe, the following is based on actual events that took place in the former Democratic Country of Trinidad and Tobago over the last few days.
“Attack the press and the people with full force” shouted the Trinidad and Tobago Cabal (formerly known as the Government) as they saw the treasury and iPads slipping from their grips. It was just two years ago they hoodwinked the population into casting their votes for a dictatorship disguised as a democratic party and were hoping that the nation kept behaving like sheep and goats. But as good luck would have it, the plot to free their treasury-plundering leaders from a life in jail, without the benefit of any access to extra-slippery butt cream, was exposed by the soon-to-be-strangled press of the land.
This one cataclysmic event, along with the nightmares of deeds of the Last Party in Power, jolted the country out of slumber and the usual sheep and goat behavior of the nation was transformed almost overnight to the behavior of wolves. The Cabal, on seeing this transformation, grew angry and flew into a blinding rage because they knew that jail is no place for butt-hole party leaders. “How dare they expose us” shouted the King, and the Queen and the Chief Corrupt Lawyer of the Cabal. “Don’t they know who is boss.” So, both in fury and desperation, every woman and Jack in the cabal asked all their minions who were given, getting, or about to get party favors, to come out and support the Dictatorship at a free brain-numbing event to show the protesting nation how mindless mass support can make a hugely unforgivable wrong, alright.
After your speech last night, I can say you are now in the same league as Patrick Manning – incompetent beyond words. It is either incompetent or part of the conspiracy plot but believe me, incompetent is the better choice.
It seems you were the last person in Trinidad and Tobago to realize that Mr. Hubert could not be trusted around the laws of the country. What does that say for your other choices of members of your cabinet? Is Mr. Hubert the only one who can not be trusted? Your judgment apparently leaves a lot to be desired and I now truly believe that we will have many more disgraceful and unpatriotic lies and schemes which you and your cabinet are planning to “unintentionally” unleash onto the public.
If there really was a new level of accountability from the Government when the People’s Partnership replaced the PNM you would have also fired Mr. Anand and throw in Jack for good measure simply because they were telling the population “move on, nothing to see here.” Really, nothing to see here! Maybe you should have also resigned in order to show the population what good governance really looks like. Your speech last night does not signal the end but the beginning of the end for your party. It’s so sad it had to come to this.
Within a month or so my fellow citizens of Trinidad and Tobago will learn what economic austerity measures will be in store for them. Measures which may include things such as increases in the price of fuel, VAT, import duties, along with higher taxes on alcohol, cigarettes, iPads and incomes. All these measures will be unleashed onto the public coupled with retrenchment in the public service. Also, within the same time-frame, Parliamentarians will receive, at taxpayers’ expense, the iconic and expensive iPad tablets which can be used for storing Parliamentary documents and playing Angry Birds.
According to the Speaker of the House, The Honorable Wade Mark, he decided to issue the iPads to strengthen the 50-year-old nation’s democracy which has an unlimited supply of taxpayers dollars. I understand that Mr. Mark said the process of acquiring iPads will be as transparent, thus corruption free, as possible. But to start with, Mr. Mark said iPads and not tablets. Does technology-savvy Speaker of The House of Representative even know there are many excellent tablets out there that will serve the 71 Parliamentarians just as well as iPads but are cheaper? Mr. Mark was backed up by the President of the Senate, Mr. Timothy Hamel-Smith, who said that laptops hide the faces of members of Parliament but I fail to see how that is a bad thing. When Parliamentarians were provide with laptops did the powers that be say what brand of laptops they needed? The Speaker needs to come out and tell the public why he has this bias towards Apple Inc. It could well be Mr. Mark used the word iPad to mean a tablet with a Retina display and dual-core A5X processor just as some use the word Colgate to mean toothpaste, Nescafe to mean coffee and Durex to mean condom.
The world has gone global, competition is stiff and Samsung is great. I suggest if this Government and Speaker want to appear to be the pillar of honesty they must go out for an open public tender for tablets with suitable functional specifications and not simply go out to tender for the prestigious iPad. Failing to do so will introduce the smell of bias and favoritism on the doors of Parliament and our Democracy proving once again to citizens that this Government is not as honest as previously advertised.