THIS NEVER HAPPENED
In what can only be described as uncharacteristic brilliance after a national tragedy, our local police made a prompt arrest of a group of suspected hit men, seized their high tech weapons and two bags of doubles within minutes after the group allegedly carried out a daring assassination of an well-known state prosecutor just after 12:00 am last night. The police was able to make this arrest and interception because of the multitude of working and expensive CCTV cameras along the route were actually working and being monitored for a change. These phenomenally expensive high tech cameras were purchased using taxpayer’s money and installed by the usual high-priced government approved contractors, and monitored by an unknown, but strangely intelligent state agency that were not using the cameras to monitor girls with short dresses and low tops on the Avenue.
When the Ag. CoP was asked to comment he repeatedly said in a comforting manner “Not all murders are hits and but all hits are murders.” However, the Minister of National Security was relieved that something finally went right after a murder. When asked to comment on the National Security breakthrough the Minister blushed uncontrollably, yet sadly, and said the Prime Minister was planning to once again have every stone unturned. He said the PM was ready to offer a reward, which was less than the lotto, for vital information on the assassination, to anyone who craved sudden death via bullets from high-power rifles at close range. The Minister admitted, though he was the God of National Security, had no clue if the reward would have been tax exempt, delivered via an anonymous wheelbarrow or could be used in the afterlife.
As for the motive for the gruesome murder, the Minister said they (the hit men) thought we were stupid and wanted to make us look bad internationally. When asked if the hit was an attempt to destabilize the country he said no, as the country was already mentally unstable long before this.
The prayers of the people of Trinidad and Tobago are working and as proof of this the head of the IRO said things could have been worse. What more proof do we need. Because of this revelation I would like support the IRO and Government of this semi-blessed land of Trinidad and Tobago and urge people to pray, not just more, but better. People should now pray 24/7 rather than at bedtime or during a hold up. A newspaper reported the Prime Minister saying “Pray in whatever way you know. When you pray from the heart, God listens.” Which probably explains the high murder rate and confiscated cans of local orange juice.
I am thankful that the error in my praying has been identified and my prayers will now be heartfelt and focused. I will pray that all political parties be exorcised of drug smugglers, money launderers, bribe payers, bribe takers, pimps, wife beaters, child abusers, the power hungry and those dotish people who think fiction is fact. I will pray that no drugs exported from this country ever be be intercepted. I pray that nobody from our land is extradited to the US to face drug smuggling charges but instead be kept in this murderous and treacherous land called Trinidad and Tobago to face the righteous music and curry duck dished out by our AG and friends.I know my prayers will be acted on by the One who normally listens since this time the prayers would be from the heart and not the intestine as in previous cases. My bad.
When someone asked me what I thought about the latest cabinet reshuffle my mind drew a few blanks. That is when I realized that I never posted a blog about our almost-very-own Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj was born Onika Nicki Maraj in the year 1982 in the tiny, bustling town of St. James,Trinidad and Tobago. However she, along with her parents, miraculously escaped alive from Trinidad and Tobago when she was just five years old. After the daring escape she grew up in a safer city in the USA called New York. An obviously talented girl, she changed her name to Nicki Minaj as she entered the world of celebrities who can make money. Currently she is 30 years old and also a very successful ” rapper, singer, songwriter, actress, and television personality.”
In 2012, Nicki flew to Trinidad and shot the music video to her then latest single, Pound the Alarm. In the video some of the exceptional women of Trinidad and Tobago were featured resulting in Trinidad and Tobago being promoted as a must-see tourist destination with women.
In Pound the Alarm Nicki Minaj says:
Yo, what I gotta do to show these girls that I own them
Some call me nicki, and some call me roman
Skeeza, pleez, I’m in Ibiza
Giuseppe Zanotti, my own sneaker
Sexy, sexy that’s all I do
If you need a bad b-tch
Let me call a few
Here are some screen shots that I captured from the Vevo HD video of Pound the Alarm – enjoy.
The contestants for the Miss World 2013 Beauty Pageant, which is to be held in Indonesia on September 28th, can be seen here – contestants. All the contestants are the usual suspects – pretty, hopeful and visibly female. Naturally, some are more likely to win than others but very few can agree on which ones are.
This year Sherrece Villafana will be representing Trinidad and Tobago at the Miss World competition. Apart from being very pretty, Sherrece is a 110-pound, pleasantly small-boned model from South Trinidad who attended Ste Madeleine Secondary School. According to the Trinidad Newsday, Ms Villafana is also a second year student studying for a BSc in Graphic Design at COSTATT.
In preparation for the competition, Sherrece is training in the usual model things like staying slim, walking seductively and also practicing for what some say is the hardest part of the beauty competition, a part that has wrongfully turned several of the most beautiful girls in the world into a total mess – question time. However, I think Sherrece should not be bothered too much with this question segment as it is highly overrated by viewers and is only a feeble attempt by pageant organizers to appease those intellectually stunted feminist who refuse to understand or admit what female beauty really is – power over men.
May the most powerful win!
The Easter Blackout of 2013 will go down in Trinidad and Tobago’s history as the most exciting thing to happen to this country since the attempted coup of 1990. It is rumored that this 8, 10, 12 hour electricity blackout was accidental and in no way the work of a defeated and humiliated but powerful and highly moral union or the disgruntled and eager-for-power opposition.
The massive outage happened some minutes after midnight on the start of the long Easter weekend and seemed more than a coincidence at first. With the aid of cell phones connected to the social media via cell sites running on backup batteries and the mauvais lang nature of Trinis, the extent of the outage was propagated among the population in a short time. Not only was the extent of the outage and what might have caused it known instantly but who meat was spoiling and how much mosquitoes was attacking who and where.
It was during this blackout that people had time to reflect on something other than Jack Warner and realize how dependent on electricity and Protox we have become. It was however very unfortunate that few realized how much nicer the country looked under the moonlight as compared to the pollution of street lights. This incident showed how easy it probably still is to shut the country down and that storming a Parliament full of idiots by another set of idiots will do very little to terrify the nation again. All that is needed is one false alarm from a gas plant and away we go.
I didn’t see the Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe show last Sunday and I do find nearly all the girls attractive and hard to judge from web photos alone. This is only made worse by a frustratingly low-definition broadcast from TV6. What matters in the end though is how contestants are able to sway the minds of judges on the night with a lot of walk and a little talk. In the photo above, photographer Gary Jordan is able to show his amazing ability and beauty of Avionne Mark, the winner of Miss Trinidad & Tobago 2012 Universe. She already has the Cover Girl effect.