The Minister of Budgets
Port of Spain
Dear Fellow Citizens,
If you were one of the lucky ones who were able to see me on TV charm the population with the 2010 budget, you would by now be driving at no more than 80 kmph or resolved to never turn into the Priority Bus Route again. You may even be shopping on Amazon for car seats for your precious but unruly toddlers because it’s cheaper on the Internet. Yes, you would have yielded to commonsense and suddenly understand what is right but mostly you would have realized that your caring Government is serious about your wellbeing and especially your money. And as I said in the Budget:
The Government acknowledges that the current level of lawlessness in our society is unacceptable. We will not waiver from our zero-tolerance posture towards criminal activity: from the traffic violator to the kidnapper, from the white-collar criminal to the drug trafficker, the message to the criminals is simple: you will be found and brought to justice and you will feel the full brunt of the law. The Government will act to eliminate criminal activity at all levels, especially gang related activity and the threat posed by international drug syndicates and their attendants, the money launderers, who threaten not only the physical well being of our citizens but our economic and social fabric.
That was not a joke. I repeat that was not a joke. How many damn times must we say this, eh!
Despite what we have said before and though we say we want to fine you to save you we hope you don’t take us on too seriously this time. Why? Because, little people, we need the fine-money to fix potholes, bridges and CL Financial. So, go ahead and drive on the shoulder like before, speed like Usain Bolt, loosen that seat belt on the sight of an Officer and try not to restrain your children so much. People saying that Police doe catch nobody anyhow, but you must remember we will be redirecting police officers from hiding things in the ceiling, burning evidence and casino vault duty to the more lucrative traffic and insulting-citizens duty. Murder, as you may know by now, can cause grief but we, The Government, don’t find and fine anybody for murder , so why spend money to make none. Besides, if we clamp down on murderers and robbers there will be mass retrenchment in the Security Officers sector and retrenchment can’t win an election especially when people damn fed up with everything.
I hope this little note answers some of the concerns the budget caused. Though we would be running at a big deficit it, as we said before, ain’t our fault. Is de gas and oil price fault.
The Heritage and Stabilization Fund of Trinidad and Tobago, or fondly called the National Piggybank, is like a hundred dollar bill and once you break it, it may disappear in Miami. The fund is fortunately controlled by law and a five member Board with proven competence in the fields of finance, investment, economics, business management or law, including an officer of the Central Bank and the Ministry of Finance. Non-supporters of PM PM or critics of Early CL Financial Withdrawals by those who knew will not normally be considered for membership to this five-member Board regardless of competence in the stated fields. However, an exception will be made for those who have a yacht and high-rise apartment in Miami bought with deadly and sensual money.
The Trinidad and Tobago International Financial Centre
The Trinidad and Tobago International Financial Centre or The Real Central Bank will be launched soon now that the South terminal at Piarco International Airport has been upgraded to the standards demanded by the Important but Greedy People Who Want to Get Their Hands on Our Funds and also now that the top of Number One Woodbrook Place can be seen by all common people even on a cloudy, and floodless day. Big names with private jets and helicopters and who can pass the litmus integrity test set by our President of Integrity and nasal tones are practically banging The Minister of Finance‘s Door to get into the TTIFC. According to a report in the Trinidad Guardian on May 14th 2009, the clientele of the TTIFC will be persons who own private jets, whose currency is time and they have to maximise use of their time. “So private jets are not a luxury but a necessity for people like that.” If they could have a private jet who is he to not.
Budget for 2010
The Budget for 2010 will be unleashed in Parliament tomorrow and in keeping with developed nation wannabe status there will be no excessive spending except for the excessive spending was committed to in back rooms some time ago. Both the rich man and the poor people with Audis and BMWs will be asked to pay more at the pump which will make pumping even more expensive. An Obama-type tax on the rich will be introduced but not to better the lot of the poor. This new Trini-tax will help fund the shortfall in kickbacks due to the recession and also facilitate vital social programs like reelection of the ruling party and helicopters. The Budget 2010 will see words of caution, hope and as usual, will have plenty Hart.